Post here instead of contacting your ex!

1st day of NC and after the break up last night... It just hit me... I hate you! I miss you... I hate how you made me not feel important, but miss the way you smiled. I hate the thought that you'll be going out with a bunch of girls and messing around with them.

I really truly do hate you, I wish i never got with you, because you're a freaking ass!!

It has been 3 weeks since the break up. You were my first love, it would of been our 3 year anniversary this year and I would have proposed to you. There is so much I am going to miss, we have had such good times and it hurts we wont be making any new ones. I guess I was naive to think we were going to be together forever. I tried to make it work and you didnt seem too bothered and were not commiting to me 100%. I wished you the best for the future and you didnt say anything back.

I am coping.

Cindy, Josie, Daniel, Remider and Melody, i miss you all so much. You guys were family to me and still are. I have a special place in my heart for all of you guys.

Leonila, i tried my best to take care of her but she threw me away. Please watch us from above and give us the strength to do the right things in life to be happy.

You have broken me. But i will show strength.

I'm sick of dreaming of you.

There are so many things we did together. Even eating your favourite dish alone breaks me down.

I so desperately want to call your friend to find out if you're still pining for me. You're so stubborn its ridiculous. You told all your friend you're still in love with me yet your actions show otherwise. I will not cave in to calling your friend and finding out about you. I just won't.

Get out of my head!!!

Dear Crazy Person --

It takes a special kind of arrogance to publicly moan about forgiveness, when there is no accountability or remorse.

Like anything in life, people will get there A LOT faster if you meet them halfway.

Love,

You're Kind Of Dumb Sometimes.

Wow, you have a lot of feelings today! Thank goodness I received the texts as I was waiting for my counseling appointment. She and I had a lot to talk about.

"It's been a while."

 

I'm trying very hard - very hard - to not just fling that right back at you and your circle of friends.

 

No amount of understanding will make things feel right again. You were gone at the darkest hours and perhaps that's for the best, because I learned how to keep quiet, keep my mouth shut, and keep my business and my pain to myself.

 

All of you - every single one of you - will never see me miserable or hear me sad anymore. You can go back to mothering him, as you always have. It's true that it's just human nature to support the one whose emotional burden seems lightest and it's so obvious that you chose him.

 

Text message? You got it! Text message right back at you.

 

Good luck with everything. I mean it. Good luck with everything to all of you. You guys have no idea... in getting over my break up with him, I also needed to get over losing all of you.

 

And now you're back. Right when I'm okay again. No! Not okay!

But you will never know all of this. You won't.

I remember this post and while I'm not as angry, I'm still as hurt and pained by things. People don't really miss what/who they have until they're gone, huh? So sad that it takes time until they realize that.

I wish all of you possessed the self-awareness and self-clarity I gained these past few weeks. I would've never abandoned you if you were going through the same thing as I was. I know this because right before That Married Couple (TMC) got married, they separately approached me for support and I was able to support them independently, as best as I could, without bias or favor for one over the other.

SO now that it's summer or whatever, now it's convenient to get in touch with me? I went through my crazy and you guys weren't there for the ugly parts. My friends from other states were able to make time for me, so why haven't you? Because "you're busy?" We're ALL busy!!! Why is it that, when I'm okay now, now you want to know what I've been up to? Damn...

I have to remember. Equivalent exchange - exactly what I'm given. Send text, I'll reply with text. A phone call, I will take phone call. I will never pursue you guys.

Best to leave me alone. And what's sad is, self-realizations are more powerful than when things are pointed out to us. That's what I'm hoping for: that you will realize what the h*ll you all did. I don't want to point it out because you will disagree and I will understand why you disagree.

But when you realize how much of jerks you were... you're in for it. I'm telling you, you two will regret losing me as a friend. The fact that y'all are still coming after me, even though you were absent during the uncomfortable parts, just speaks for itself.

Good luck to all of you.

Remy and family, i miss you guys. I desperately want to talk to you to find out what's up with her but i must be strong. I'm still not stable enough.

When i'm much better, i will talk to you again.

I desperately want to know what's going on your life now.

You stole my passion.

You knew how much family crap i was going thru. u knew u were the only one that made me smile thru out all of that. i made u smile thru all ur problems. u knew what the last 2 girls did to me. and u still left me mercilessly like that. without a proper explanation. u've cut me so deep. really so deep.

i so badly want to express my feelings to you tonite. tell u how much i love and miss you. but what's the point? what's the ****ing point.

J-

I have nothing to say to you. Oh wait, you're a dope!

Hi hon,

you would not believe how you can lose yourself, bending over backwards trying to support you for a year and a half, while you are off in la-la land and what it seems to my friends as using me while you try and get your business up and running, while the family suffers. Remember me? I sure don't! I have no idea who i am anymore after trying to give up everything to prove that i love you - in turn becoming something unloveable.

either way, if you meant to or not - you sure did take advantage of me for way to long there.

my piece of advice for your next relationship? Listen to what the other person needs.

hi its me.

so you lied to me for 4 months, and yet you still had the cheek to get engaged to me?

honestly, be serious, was it all a game to you?? see how long it would take before i noticed that you were lying? Im not playing that game anymore. sorry.

I want to send you an email or text so bad. I don't know I would say though. The tears are falling now. I've been so good not calling and not crying. I miss you terribly. I want to know how B is doing. Is she OK? I can't even write you to ask because I am trying to heal. I hope you are missing me too but who knows if you are. I don't think you have any good feelings towards me anymore. Maybe someday we will talk but it won't be for a long time. You hurt me bad. I shouldn't even care about you anymore but I do. I always will.

He didn't have a choice. When you've been run over by a bus, it's difficult to chase after the driver...

Is this the place where you go OFF on the maggot who dumped me without a freaking explanation? What a fat and stupid coward that didn't deserve me to begin with. I hope your next victim does the same thing that you did to me, You both suck and blow as a human being. You're nothing but a user piece of ejecta and I hope you get flushed. I'm such a stupid a$$ for getting involved with your low-life crap-eating ugly a$$. I effin' hate you to the point of spontaneous combustion! No wonder your ex-wife left your dumba$$. And you called her psycho-babe. You run your mouth like a flippin' woman on nitrous oxide and bitch you ain't no race car. I can't wait until it's your turn you b@$!@&d! Screw you and everyone you effin' love...........Man, that really felt good. I actually feel better. This was a stroke of pure genius. Thanks Dude!!!!!!!:mad:

Today, I'm deciding to adopt an attitude of "F*ck it." And I will do my best to mean it.

i hate you with all my heart. You are a dirty rotten piece of **** to me that I never should have given my love too. I hate you over and over and over again. I hope nothing in your life turns out good. I wish I could **** you up!!!!

Hi Sho.

Thanks for the text this morning, but I didnt watch Eurovision. I started too, since its usually a family thing. But... well what kind of theme is "feel your heart beat" forgodsake?! (my mum said its a very good theme unless youre heartbroken, which i suppose is true.) Congrats on beating us, though that probably wasnt very hard to do considering i think we only got about 4 points or something last year lol. I did hear that Azerbaijan won though, it was on the news. Not sure how well Blue did, but they were one of my favourite boybands when i was like 7/10-ish XD but we didnt really decide to send them, it was decided for us. Usaully we have like a pre-euro ttalent show to decide, and we vote for them. but not this year. this year Blue were just chosen.

Hope youre okay. As for the take care thing, well... Im trying to accept us as just friends... but i cant. I'm sorry, but i simply dont believe you. You can tell yourself that you dont love me anymore, and you havent felt the same for about four months now, but im not having it. I wont believe you, because it doesnt make sense. Sure we had a few communication problems, our ups and downs, but no relationship is perfect! We had our reasons, our own issues, but i never for a second stopped loving you through all of that, and i dont think that you did either.

I dont believe you, because i doubt that you could really keep up a lie for that long. Especially not if, as you told me, youre a "naturally honest person." And even if you could, then you did it so bloody well. Too well. You say 4 months ish? But you loved me back then, and it wasnt just acting or whatever.

You were there for me when i was afraid i was failing my course, that i didnt fit in, that i couldnt cope with it. You listened to me when the rest of the world had shut me out. You bought me Love Never Dies for valentines. Ironic much? You even said that you thought LND was fitting. Now why would you do that if you were doubting your feelings for me? Then our anniversary came around, and you bought me yet more gifts. Now im not materialistic, im not saying that gifts are everything. But the cards that came with them, or more specifically what you wrote in them, does mean something.

Cant remember what you wrote on the anniversary card? Let me enlighten you:

"My dear love! Today we've been together for many years now, and **I cant imagine life without you anymore**. Youre mine, and im yours. **I want to stay with you forever**. Even if i cant be there today, i want you to be happy. This is our day! **I love you**"

Note the parts in stars. I highly doubt that you would say that, being the "naturally honest person" that you are, if you didnt mean it and didnt love me.

Then you came to see me about 4/5 weeks ago. Sure you were irritable because you'd worked your butt off with school stuff the previous week, but you otherwise werent any different. You still loved me. You even told me so, showed me so. You shared your faviourite films with me, read to me, sang to me when i was upset. You comforted me at L's birthday, made me feel comfortable, and helped me to have fun at a party for the first time in my life. Deny it all you want, but you loved me even then, and i know it.

Even my mum told me that she could see it in your eyes when you were here, how much you loved me. How much you cared for me, and adored me. So if even she could see that, then it was quite obviously there.

Then you went home. And you know that i didnt take the departure so well this time. But again you comforted me. And then when i had doubts about staying in college, you helped me see how stupid i was being. Then saturday I had a childish outburst about how i felt like you didnt love me anymore, and that hurt you. It upset you, and offended you. Now if you hadnt really loved me for 4 months, then why would that have hurt so much? It wouldnt. But it did, because you do still love me. I know that, and i made a mistake.

I only said that i felt like you didnt love me anymore, because you fell asleep, and you had been away a lot the previous weeks. But that was selfish of me, and it was wrong. Just because you had other things you wanted and needed to do, didnt mean that you didnt love me. It just meant that you had a life, hobbies, and interests, outside and away from me. I see that, and I understand that now. Im so sorry i didnt respect that before.

So there you have it. What more proof do you need?! You do still love me. Even if youve made yourself believe otherwise, I know that you do. Youve convinced yourself that you dont love me, because its easier to do so than to keep fighting against me. But you dont have to fight anymore! I'm sorry i made it so difficult for your to have your own life, and your own freedom.

I know youve made your mind up. ouve decided that you dont love me the same anymore. You're stubborn, and i know that the more i cling to you, the further you'll push me away. So I wont cling. I'll sit idly by on the sidelines and be your 'friend'. And ill continue to do so until you wake up, if you ever do.

You dont have to reply to this. Dont comment on it. You can even forget it, and ignore it. But it will always be there now, in the back of your head at least. The written proof that the feelings are still there. And you cant ignore it forever, you cant erase the memories.

For as long as you need to get yourself back on track, I'll keep waiting.

Hana x

this is so unfair. and don't sit there and quote your mom on "who ever said life was fair?" I don't wanna hear it!

You blame me over and over again. Yes I messed up and took my anger out on your. I fixed by **** and you still walked away. We were going to be married...doesn't that mean anything to you? You say you were true when you gave me that ring, but if you were why did you take it back?! you make me feel so unloved and unworthy. How dare you take that from me. I've bettered myself so much in the past 5 months and all you can do is tell me I'm ****. big boys don't talk **** on facebook, just fyi. You could at least remove my mother from your friends list so she didn't have to see what you've been writing about me.

i'm angry. I'm angry because I miss you. I'm angry because I love you and you get to hate me. I'm angry becasue I was devoted to you and to us. You say you were too, but how devoted could you be if you left?

Go **** youself, you're worthless even if I don't think I can ever heal from losing you

God I miss having you here so much. Every time the dog jumps up and goes to the door my mind thinks it's you. The house is so empty and cold without you, so empty and cold. I pull up to the house anticipating seeing your car and my heart drops when I remember what's happened.

I was super angry with you yesterday. The way you treated me and the kids. How you snuck out of bed like a thief on our vacation to have a one night stand with a ****ing stranger. While my 10 year old and I slept. Who are you? That’s not the woman I loved and married. Then to tell me it was the best vacation we've had afterwards? You cold emotionless bitch. I can't believe you said that. It hurts so deep.

You were my best friend and that's what really hurts the most, your cheating betrayal and the lies for the month you kept them. You ****ed someone else, went looking for other men for a month online while you lied to me and now you're moved out and you're dating... like our 9 years together meant nothing. You are so emotionally immature and naive, you're going to be used and abused by those men -- and the worst part is I actually still care about what happens to you.

Are you really so insecure that you need all that male attention to be secure enough to move on from our marriage? Who are you? I never ever thought you could do something like this. I thought you loved and at the very least respected me. You couldn't have hurt me more with a real knife in my back. Who are you?

Part of me loves and misses you, part of me utterly hates you and part of me is scared for you.

Why?

So it's Sunday night and this was "our night". For the last year and a half I could count on seeing you every Sunday night. I looked forward to these nights and days. Now I'm home alone. Kids are at their Dad's now and your kids are probably at their Mom's. I miss you. I want to call and ask you to come over but you probably won't even answer the phone. I sent an email this am about the dog. I haven't heard back from you but that's OK. I was friendly and kept it strictly about when I would be getting her back. I wonder if you are going to respond. I know you have to at some point unless you intend on never returning her. I don't see that happening but then again, I never saw you breaking up with me either. We had plans. You and me. Big plans. Now everything is gone. Shattered. How could you walk away from me and just blow me off like that? I know I screwed up with my anger and temper. I just thought you and I would be able to work it out. You never were very emotional OR very supportive when I was emotional. In fact, I had to keep a stiff upper lip most of the time. Although, I called you freaking out about a lot of ****. I probably shouldn't have done that and laid all that on you. You have your own problems and issues to deal with. You never really shared them though. You tried to act like everything was just fine.

I'm going to be OK. Not that you care but I care. I thought I would fall apart when you left and I did for about 2 weeks. It's been 4 weeks now and I'm doing much better. I don't cry all the time. I don't have the urge to run over there all the time to try to talk to you. I don't have the urge to call and text you all the time like before. I wish we had ended this on a better note. I don't want to be bitter and mean. I don't think you want that either. It is so much easier if I don't have to talk to you or see you though. I do want to know how you are doing but I am afraid to ask. Anyway, I just wanted to write these things here instead of sending them to you. That way I won't be rejected again when you don't respond.

Goodbye C.