Today's challenge

So, on Wednesday, at 12:14 p.m. I sent an email...it was a LOOOONG email...to my ex. And I wasn't mean. I wasn't lashing out...but I was letting it all out. Letting out how I'm tired of hurting and tired of not valuing myself...and tired of blaming myself for his leaving. I know I loved him with all I had, and he lied and cheated and thought he needed to be free to experience other women. I deserve better. I will get the love I deserve because that is what I give. And I told him I'm thankful that he finally stopped lying and hurting me and let me go so that I could find someone to appreciate all I have to offer. I did tell him that he would get the "hot piece of ass" he so badly wanted...and she would always be looking for the "next best thing" like he was...and he will end up in the same position I am. But, If that's what he thinks he needs, then good luck with it. And, I received no response. i didn't expect one. Did I hope for one...I don't know. Because, I guess part of me wanted him to realize I was right and acknowledge it...but, let's face it...I knew it wouldnt' happen. So....I'm at 45 hours and 45 minutes of NC. Sad I count the hours. And part of me wants to say "really????No response???" But seriously....what would be the point? there is none. I would look pathetic and like I was grasping at some little dribble of attention. Well...I wouldn't "look" that way...I would actually BE pathetic. So I'm not going to. I'm going to take this one day, one hour, one minute at a time and get through this. My goal is to make it to Saturday with NC....and on Saturday I'll start my new Goal to get to Sunday...I know I can...I know I will....and I know I will be a better, stronger and more independent person because of it. I will be the woman i was before he crushed my soul and my self esteem with lies, manipulation and other women. what's that Donna Summer's song? I Will Survive. I'll be humming that all day today

Just needed to verbalize my challenge for the day....maybe if I put it in writing I'll feel more challenged not to fail and "lose face"

you are beyond broken

LOL I see a response from you and I actually open it and read from behind my hand like a horror movie...interested, but afraid of what I'll see.

You've lasted longer than I have at NC. I'm proud of you. And jealous.

And you are not beyond broken. We are just escaping the land of broken girlfriends and it is full of danger and hardships. Self esteem busters, staring at our phones for some stupid text/email, hoping they will change, trying not fall into self destructive habits.

We are getting out, though!

LOL I see a response from you and I actually open it and read from behind my hand like a horror movie...interested, but afraid of what I'll see.

you know im just pullin your leg, your doing a good job! dont disappoint everybody in here, most important dont disappoint yourself - please! ha

Antz...I know you are...and I actually appreciate your rather harsh sense of humor. You aren't actually too far off base...but I bought super glue and duct tape...and am trying to put all the pieces back together. I won't be broken long. I'm too damn awesome to be broken.

Antz...I know you are...and I actually appreciate your rather harsh sense of humor. You aren't actually too far off base...but I bought super glue and duct tape...and am trying to put all the pieces back together. I won't be broken long. I'm too damn awesome to be broken.

i really am not trying to be funny.. sometimes people need to hear the harsh truth to really snap out of the hole their in. it just what im used to and it what always works for me. i do understand though that what works for me might not work for some people but hey i do the best i can lol . trust me i hate it how pathetic everybody sounds in here thats why i try to help my way because ive been in that pathetic state of mind and its pretty pathetic lol

i really am not trying to be funny.. sometimes people need to hear the harsh truth to really snap out of the hole their in. it just what im used to and it what always works for me. i do understand though that what works for me might not work for some people but hey i do the best i can lol . trust me i hate it how pathetic everybody sounds in here thats why i try to help my way because ive been in that pathetic state of mind and its pretty pathetic lol

Well, tough love and harsh won't work for everyone...but it does for me. I don't take it personally I take it as a reality check...may take me a while to eventually turn this pathetic train around...but I'm putting the brakes on. It was just traveling so fast it will take a while to slow up. Feel free to point out when I look pathetic....it helps (and I still find it kinda funny how "in your face you are" because I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, so it makes me laugh when I read it...to me or others. And the fact that you are a good enough person to keep trying to help those that are going through this is pretty cool. Keep it up

Well, tough love and harsh won't work for everyone...but it does for me. I don't take it personally I take it as a reality check...may take me a while to eventually turn this pathetic train around...but I'm putting the brakes on. It was just traveling so fast it will take a while to slow up. Feel free to point out when I look pathetic....it helps (and I still find it kinda funny how "in your face you are" because I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, so it makes me laugh when I read it...to me or others. And the fact that you are a good enough person to keep trying to help those that are going through this is pretty cool. Keep it up

hey, any kind of support is always good! i know i would love it if crap ever happens to me again. we're all human we all need it from time to time.

bnb,

ok, you sent it. now don't do it again. no more communication. and you know why don't you? so if you have to count the hours do. the next time you feel like doing something like that, post here. so you got it? want to hear you say yes:)

bnb,

 

want to hear you say yes:)

Yes...I got it.

Two weeks ago my ex and I talked on the phone for an hour and he told me that although he loves me he can't come back after all thats happened and what everyone knows. So I told him that I could let go of my hope and for him not to text me anymore.i was doing good til 11 days ago I forwarded him some of his own text messages he sent me of his undying love and how I was his everything! I regretted it immediately after sending them and couldnt sleep the whole night knowing he would see them in the morning.Sure enough the next morning he text me, (why are you doing this to me?) Ireplied back that I was sorry and how I immediately regrette Ttd it. Itold him it wouldn't happen again and he responded....whatever ****! So then I replied that he had every right to be upset and that I know it does neither one of us any good and only stops my progress. No response...its now been 11 days nc and it kills me that he hasn't even tried to reach out.

OP, i am in the same situation, my ex wants nothing to do with me and thinks I am the worse thing ever, after 5 years of me loving her. Everyday is a struggle and I always seem to break NC. But no more, I have the same small goals as you, make it thru today, and then take it day by day. So stick in there and know you are not alone. I am in the same boat! Good luck!

We delude ourselves with hope sometimes, it's part of the process of letting go. My new goal is always to apply the grizzly bear test on relationships, if they have my back I have theirs. If they are not willing to take on a grizzly for me if need be, it's not going to happen. If they truly love you they'd be there for you regardless of the difficulties, most excuses I see listed on these forums for the breakup are just rationalizations by Ex's that have already been cheating to deal with what little guilt they may have. If you want a real eye opener about this have a look at the LS forum for OM and OW's

I have given up hope for him to come back at this point. This journey has been a rough one and some days are better than others. I have never felt so weak in my life when it comes to a man. Maybe because I am the one who was left and normally I am the one to end things and move on.

We delude ourselves with hope sometimes, it's part of the process of letting go. My new goal is always to apply the grizzly bear test on relationships, if they have my back I have theirs. If they are not willing to take on a grizzly for me if need be, it's not going to happen. If they truly love you they'd be there for you regardless of the difficulties, most excuses I see listed on these forums for the breakup are just rationalizations by Ex's that have already been cheating to deal with what little guilt they may have. If you want a real eye opener about this have a look at the LS forum for OM and OW's

HA A grizzly Bear? I don't think my ex would have taken on a mosquito or an angry fly for me. I would have taken on a pack of Grizzlies and Wild Dogs and Lions all at the same time.