What Have I Done?

OMG Loveshack peoples - what have I done.

I haven't heard from the ex in 45 days. Tonight I logged in on MSN and cruised other sites, forgetting I was signed in.

Some young man I haven't heard from in over a year started to message me - we were doing the flirting on line back and forth.

And as I am online with him, who should message me - but the ex.

I thought I was going to pass out from not being able to breathe.

I deleted the ex as a contact, but did not block him. Which means, he can see when I am online - but I can't see when he is. Deleting him as a contact was a coping strategy that I used in trying to get over him. Not blocking him was allowing him a pathway/ way of contact.

After preliminary how are yous, I asked him how come he stopped calling me. He didn't reply. He asked me how come I stopped calling him. I said I was waiting for him to call me first. Intelligent stimulating conversation between two mature adults??? Not.

End result. I think he is coming over tonight. How did that happen??

I need some serious help here. This man is like I would imagine being on cocaine would be. He is still in my veins. Someone is offering me a little hit and I go hell yeah.

And... I am telling myself, that if he pulls the not calling me stint again after this, I am really going to quit this time.

All I can say is total relapse.

Does Love Shack have a rehab program? Please come and take me away and put me in there for my own good.

I think you should...

oh, who am I kidding? I have no advice. Sorry. I suck.

hmmm, well, if you're regretting agreeing to meet him tonight... then I suppose my rehab-advice would be to cancel the meeting. But I don't think that would really happen. So, I too, am at loss for words here. Good Luck...

OMG Loveshack peoples - what have I done.....

 

End result. I think he is coming over tonight. How did that happen??

 

I need some serious help here. This man is like I would imagine being on cocaine would be. He is still in my veins. Someone is offering me a little hit and I go hell yeah.

 

And... I am telling myself, that if he pulls the not calling me stint again after this, I am really going to quit this time.

 

All I can say is total relapse.

 

Does Love Shack have a rehab program? Please come and take me away and put me in there for my own good.

It's a great start that you've admitted that the ex is like a drug but unfortunately you took the hit. Don't beat yourself but as you can see by breaking NC and engaging in meaningless contact NOW look at the position you are in...ANXIOUS and WORRIED about how's he is going to treat you down the line..

Your ex played you. What do I mean?..He pulled a word game, he threw words at you, playing innocent about who called who first, that was good enough for you to buy and NOW he's got the upper hand. Believe me, you don't have the upper hand here. If he were hurting he would have called you. If he were missing you he would have called you. If he were writhing in pain he would have called you. But he saw you cruising on-line, tested the waters, so he threw his game at you..and you thought I'll respond. BIG MISTAKE. You say he didn't reply to your question about why he didn't call..he didn't care. Yeah he's going to come over because he's going to see what he can get (maybe a booty call or ego boost) and all he had to do was toss some good game ..aka words. You really think he's not going to call you again after this...sure he'll be nice, but why should he. As long as he knows you are available and you did not even put up ANY resistance to his first effort of contacting you, even after 45 days!!..you've already indicated that you still care (BIG BIG MISTAKE) and he can disappear and come back into your life as he likes at his will...as long as he talks good game.

You want to regain your control in this THEN practice and stick to NC...Don't complicate things and blame some out of control MSN setup...Your healing and recovery is in your hands, not your ex bf.

Lawgirl,

Second chances are like carrying a tube of nitro to the other side, over rocky terrain.

You want to just be over the rocky part and safe on the other side, but it's the in-between walk that's so tricky.

What do you say? Where do you begin? What do you do with yourself?

-when all you want is to have all the questions answered that have been going around in your mind, and to know that everything is going to be OK.

It's going to be difficult not to rush things. There is certainly going to be a peculiar awkwardness, and a 'desperado' kind of feeling that you will have to fight hard to keep hidden.

There's this point where you will feel like you're enjoying 'old times', but that's the kind of confidence that can lie to you and deceive you into thinking 'Maybe we can do this again'.

When the meeting is over and you review all your contact and all the things that you both said, -and did- you will have more information, but you will also have to put it all into perspective again.

For a moment, though, -maybe a few hours- you will have, again, experienced some of the 'up' feeling of hope and fantasize about all the possibilities.

When you begin piecing together, with a more intellectual frame of mind, the reality of how it would actually work between the two of you again, the bigger picture will be more obvious than ever.

If you find that it could actually work once more, -Congratulations!- give it everything in you this time- but if you see that those stubborn old obstacles are still there, -the ones that destroyed it to begin with- take a deep breath and realize that you are back to 'Square One'.

It takes two to make it work.

And 'one' is truly the loneliest number.

Take care, -and Good Luck!

(Smile)

-Rio

Thanks all.

As for last night. Didn't happen. He apprently lost track of all time checking his messages (read MSN chatting w. other peoples).

He wants to call me tonight and see what I am up to.

If he doesn't call me I am cool with that. As a matter of fact I think I would prefer starting over fresh with someone new. And I have been living relatively fine without him for 45 days.

I am tempted not to answer if he does call. But I do miss him, so we shall see. I guess it will all depend on the timing of things.

I am afraid of the whole analysis process - it is too much of a roller coaster ride.

Are all relationships like this in the beginning?

Well guess what. Is anyone surprised?

He didn't call last night.

And I AM okay with it. I didn't sit home, waiting and longing for him.

I went out with friends and had a very good time.

(It also helped the ole ego that some guy 1/2 my age was dancing with me and then practically begging me to take him home - I declined btw).

Soo - should he contact me again I think the answer should be FU.

It also helped the ole ego that some guy 1/2 my age was dancing with me and then practically begging me to take him home - I declined btw

Boooo hisssss booooo! You could've made some poor sap very happy and totally turned him into a hero with his friends.

Boooo hisssss booooo! You could've made some poor sap very happy and totally turned him into a hero with his friends.

He has my number and claims he will call me tonight......

Boooo hisssss booooo! You could've made some poor sap very happy and totally turned him into a hero with his friends.

I replied - as guest. Damn - my puter used to log me in automatically. Guess doesn't work that way any more.

The poor lad was waaay to drunk for me to shag him. Impairs the performance - if you know what I mean;) .

But, after he repeatedly asked, (and as I said under guest) I did give him my cell digits. He made sure to call me right then and there in the bar to make sure it wasn't a false number - crafty fellow wasn't that intoxicated I guess. And yes - I gave him my number....

He said for sure he would call me tonight and we would go for supper. Time will tell. Either way - it was flattering.

Congratulations on handling the x's coming back into your life relatively free from pain.

YOU decided you didn't want him. Yeah!

And yeah, we probably do need a rehab program. Good idea!