I'm being unfaithful

Without writing a novel i need some advice, actually i need someone to tell me to smarten up.

I've been dating a woman(I'll call her sarah) for about 2 years, She has a 4 year old child and ive grown to love both of them so much. Everything is great except from day 1 i've felt like number 2. I understand she has a kid and the child was there before me but i never felt like i got enough time or attention. This feeling of lack of attention drove me into the arms of another woman(call her nicole) about 1 year into the relationship.

So for a year i've been dating two girls and i love them both. They both make me happy in their own different ways. Sarah can only give me so much attention due to her child. We do alot of things that involve the 3 of us but i still crave 1 on 1 time. which has become very limited.

Nicole and i don't have sex. Nicole knows i have a girlfriend and i didn't even have to tell her, because nicole is sarahs best friend. nicole and i are basically best friends that kiss, perform oral on one another and spend alot of time together. The story gets even more odd, Nicole is engaged.

You see both nicole and i love our partners but feel like there is a big piece missing and when we are together we finally feel whole. Sarah can't give me enough alone time and nicoles fiance works overseas for a oil and gas company.

I ask myself everyday "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" but honestly i'm happy. Sarah and her child are alot more happy, nicoles fiance is alot mroe happy because she doesn't cry on the phone all the time and beg him to come back home.

Like i think to myself, if this situation is so wrong WHY is everyone more happy this way lol.

You are be deceitful to both girls really. And this Nicole girl is being deceitful to her friend Sarah. You don't have sex with nicole? But yet you have oral with her? Right ok then, its bascially the same thing, you are are performing sexual acts on one another.

Of course Sarah might not give you as much attention as she does her child. You're right he was there before you, and a child is work. Sounds like you're being selfish all the way around here. Might be best to let them both go. Start with a clean slate. Find someone who doesn't have a child, if you feel you are second best. Don't marry anyone either, right now till you get that straight, because if you marry and have kids then you will feel second to the child once again. Find someone that can devote their time and attention to you, so you wont feel the need have another "friend".

Partners being wives, husbands, bf's, or gf's do not make a person feel whole no matter what. Only you can make yourself feel whole.

BTW oral sex is sex.......

I can not understand how a person can spout off that they LOVE their partner but seem to find the need to lie and decieve them. Face it you do not love your partner this Nicole does not love her partner. Nor do you even love each other.

And if she is decieving her partner like you are yours...... well you deserve each other and eventually you will decieve each other. Do you think she tells you everything? Maybe you are just one of a many she is doing oral with?

Come clean and let your gf have a whole partner that she deserves to have.

You are also decieving the child.......oh yes you are actions certainly are. You act like you are part of their life the whole time just filling their life with lies.

The only thing missing from either relationship is honesty and integrity on your part and this nicole persons. Neither of you value your partners and lie to them so how can you think you are really valued.

Like i think to myself, if this situation is so wrong WHY is everyone more happy this way lol.

You're the one who is happy, nicole is happy too because BOTH of you have two going on.

Sarah and her poor innocent child will be deeply hurt and I'm sure Nicole's fiancee will be as well.

What you two are doing is completely selfish and cruel. You're not thinking of the conquences in the future nor the damage it will do to so many others. Sooner or later Sarah will realize something is going on between you and Nicole and when that happens, be prepared to lose alot.

You're making a fool of Sarah. Both you and Nicole.

If your needs are not all being met by Sarah, end the relationship. It isn't right or fair for her to be with a man who is secretly having an emotional and oral sex-filled 'relationship' with her good friend!

You need to find a woman obviously who will alway put YOU first, and give you lots of attention.

I feel so sorry for Sarah because of the monumental double betrayal she is receiving from her boyfriend and so called "best friend".

Tell Sarah what's really going on. She deserves to know the truth. And you are f***ing moron to believe everyone is happy with this arrangement. If the arrangement was known by all parties, you'd sing a different tune.

Without writing a novel i need some advice, actually i need someone to tell me to smarten up.

 

I've been dating a woman(I'll call her sarah) for about 2 years, She has a 4 year old child and ive grown to love both of them so much. Everything is great except from day 1 i've felt like number 2. I understand she has a kid and the child was there before me but i never felt like i got enough time or attention. This feeling of lack of attention drove me into the arms of another woman(call her nicole) about 1 year into the relationship.

 

So for a year i've been dating two girls and i love them both. They both make me happy in their own different ways. Sarah can only give me so much attention due to her child. We do alot of things that involve the 3 of us but i still crave 1 on 1 time. which has become very limited.

 

Nicole and i don't have sex. Nicole knows i have a girlfriend and i didn't even have to tell her, because nicole is sarahs best friend. nicole and i are basically best friends that kiss, perform oral on one another and spend alot of time together. The story gets even more odd, Nicole is engaged.

 

You see both nicole and i love our partners but feel like there is a big piece missing and when we are together we finally feel whole. Sarah can't give me enough alone time and nicoles fiance works overseas for a oil and gas company.

 

I ask myself everyday "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" but honestly i'm happy. Sarah and her child are alot more happy, nicoles fiance is alot mroe happy because she doesn't cry on the phone all the time and beg him to come back home.

 

Like i think to myself, if this situation is so wrong WHY is everyone more happy this way lol.

first of all, giving and receiving oral is sex. second you're both sick. if you know you're doing wrong why do you need someone else to tell you? no one can make you do the right thing that's totally in your control. we all have a moral compass...be a human being and end the illicit relationship.

you guys are right, you see i needed someone to tell me straight out what i was doing was wrong. All my friends you encouraging me saying i got a good thing going on. I knew deep down what i was going was wrong but my ignorance was bliss.

The problem sarah and i had was we never really got ot know each other or had that crucial alone time because of her child.

I think i need to call it off with sarah and move on.

I thank you guys for being blunt, honest and very clear.

Without writing a novel i need some advice, actually i need someone to tell me to smarten up.

 

I've been dating a woman(I'll call her sarah) for about 2 years, She has a 4 year old child and ive grown to love both of them so much. Everything is great except from day 1 i've felt like number 2. I understand she has a kid and the child was there before me but i never felt like i got enough time or attention. This feeling of lack of attention drove me into the arms of another woman(call her nicole) about 1 year into the relationship.

 

So for a year i've been dating two girls and i love them both. They both make me happy in their own different ways. Sarah can only give me so much attention due to her child. We do alot of things that involve the 3 of us but i still crave 1 on 1 time. which has become very limited.

 

Nicole and i don't have sex. Nicole knows i have a girlfriend and i didn't even have to tell her, because nicole is sarahs best friend. nicole and i are basically best friends that kiss, perform oral on one another and spend alot of time together. The story gets even more odd, Nicole is engaged.

 

You see both nicole and i love our partners but feel like there is a big piece missing and when we are together we finally feel whole. Sarah can't give me enough alone time and nicoles fiance works overseas for a oil and gas company.

 

I ask myself everyday "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" but honestly i'm happy. Sarah and her child are alot more happy, nicoles fiance is alot mroe happy because she doesn't cry on the phone all the time and beg him to come back home.

 

Like i think to myself, if this situation is so wrong WHY is everyone more happy this way lol.

You and this "Nicole" are a couple of sick puppies buddy. The fact that you even posted this means you have at least a small amount of comprehension that what you are doing is wrong and incredibly hurtful to a lot of people. God have mercy on you.

I won't pistol-whip you - I'll leave it to you to do that to yourself, as it sounds like you are starting to see the implications of what you are doing. People follow their feelings and get themselves into wierd situations (which doesn't excuse their behavioral choices...), and they often don't give a damn about the consequences (which sucks.) At least I respect you for questioning yourself and your situation; now, my measure of what kind of person you really are is: what choices will you make next?

And just as an additional comment, before you assert that the people involved are 'more happy this way', to be fair, I think you first have to normalize the playing field by asking "If everyone knew the truth, would everyone be 'more happy this way'?" I think you know the answer to that one.

And just as an additional comment, before you assert that the people involved are 'more happy this way', to be fair, I think you first have to normalize the playing field by asking "If everyone knew the truth, would everyone be 'more happy this way'?" I think you know the answer to that one.

Great post.

Yes, I think breaking up with Sarah is a good thing...You're not ready for a relationship of that type, with someone who has a child that needs to come first.

I just hope you break things off with Nicole too...But something tells me you're not going to.

I'm glad that a part of you realizes that a relationship is not just all about you and your feelings.

Raising a child is very demanding and takes an incredible amount of time and energy.

Obviously, you are not ready to be step-parent. Please, let this woman (the one with the child) down gently so she can move on to someone else. She does not exist to make you happy. She is not here on this planet for the sole purpose of feeding some need you have. She has her own needs.

I'm sure she is looking for someone who can accept that she is a parent with a young child who depends on her for EVERYTHING. Let her find a partner who can be a willing participant in the raising of her daughter.

As for the other woman, she is a liar and a fake. She is duping her fiancee, her family and anyone else who does not have knowledge of your relationship with her. How sad. How can anyone who lives a lie feel that they are living a genuine and productive life?

Please try to end this now.

you are one hell of a disgusting pig. not only do you cheat on your gf, but you do it with her best f***ing friend! their relationship will one day be tarnished forever and unreparable because of your selfishness. if you dont want to be with sarah, break it off, you dont go and stick your dick in her best friends mouth! how dare you even pretend to care about her son or do anything with him.

your friends are stupid immature losers and you are equally as dumb and weak for listening to them like a teenager who is being exposed to peer pressure. get some new friends who have an ounce of class and respect for another being!

I don't understand why all these personal insults are arising.

it's very easy for a person outside of the situation to take a quick look and get mad and call me names.

When i first met Nicole she never told me she had a kid. She later revealed to me that it was because people always get scared off. We dated for a week before she revealed she had a child. At first i was just shocked but the week we had together was amazing! soon as the child was thrown in to the relationship. It changed dramatically. Instead of getting a baby sitter or having her parents watch the child. our dates would consist of me,her and the baby. This is fine but when two people are trying to get to known one another this makes it very difficult. The first year we went out alone 2 times that obviously does not include the week of dating her that i did not know she had a child. I grew attached to the kid! But i felt like nicole was into me simply because i was a good father figure, why else? we had not ad the time to get to know one another as well as we should. I don't expect anyone who has not been in a similar situation to sympathize.

Her friend came into the picture roughly a year after, she stayed at nicoles house for a summer because she was going to university here and her boyfriend (now fiance) still lived with his parents(they were moving into their own place end of august). Sarah and I talked alot and her compassion really comforted me. she said she too felt like her partner wasn't totally there. Sarah and i kept our relationship very friendly for the first month, we were brought together by the same kind of pain. When nicole went to work one day sarahs car had a flat tire and i had to drive over and change the tire, well her car didn't have a spare so i drove her to work. We talked alot in my truck and she asked if i could pick her up from work. So i pick her up at the end of the day and one thing led to a hug, then it felt so goody, kissed her neck once and we ended up making out

Decided it was a mistake and we were just both confused. two days later she showed up at my condo downtown and ended up performing oral. It was so nice, i felt like i finally connected to a person. so for the next year and a bit we continued this love affair.

When people get sad they find things to make them happy. I found happiness in the wrong place. Wrong or right it happens.

I'm not a bad person i really am not! I feel horrible.

I posted this on this forum last night because sarah and I are in love and we were debating whether or not we should let the cat out of the bag before we get up and leave, I've asked her to marry me and she said yes, i've found my soul mate.We Are moving to San antonio to take over my fathers contracting business. Thank you all , from the darkness came the light. i'm truly happy but at the expense of two broken hearts

You switched the roles of Sarah and Nicole in your last post, which made it somewhat confusing.

Getting married seems like a drastic decision, especially considering your first post. I hope that you take the time to really really think this through.

This whole thread is a fake I bet. How can you forget the "love" of your life's name? You switched names in your second post.

posted this on this forum last night because sarah and I are in love and we were debating whether or not we should let the cat out of the bag before we get up and leave, I've asked her to marry me and she said yes, i've found my soul mate.We Are moving to San antonio to take over my fathers contracting business. Thank you all , from the darkness came the light. i'm truly happy but at the expense of two broken hearts

Sorry, I'm confused as well. It doesn't make sense.