the other woman manifesto

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]1. Please don't ask me if I know the address of the restaurant where your wife will be so be can stay away from that part of town. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]2. Please don't look at your watch when you're with me. Tell me when you have to leave. [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]3. If you are more than a half hour late, I will consider our date cancelled. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]4. I don’t ever want to know when your wedding anniversary is, or when your wife's birthday is. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]5. I promise I won’t ask a question I don’t want to hear an answer to.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]6. Please don’t lie to me about the future. No cheap promises. No “maybe you’ll meet my folks” someday. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]7. Until you have actually met a lawyer, I assume you are not serious about getting a divorce.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]8. If you involve yourself in my affairs, you’re part of the package, man up and accept it. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]9. Please understand that I can’t always time my crises or emergencies for when your wife is out of town or unavailable. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]10. I am uninterested in hearing details about what's going on in your marriage, what you are doing, etc. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]11. Please don’t expect me to believe you no longer sleep with your wife. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]12. I am turning my phone off at ten p.m. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]13. you have to decide if you want to know if/who I am dating and where I am. No hinting, no indirect questions. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]14. [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Please do not withhold from me any big changes in your situation until the last minute…like if you are taking steps to move to New Orleans, find/buy a place together with your wife, If you/she move in to your/her apartment, you move to New Zealand, have a kid, go public with your marriage. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]15. If you only have an hour to spend with me, it's a social call, not a booty call. [/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]16. When I call you and you pick up on the first ring, you always say you “just got in.” Please. [/FONT][/COLOR]

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[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Did I miss anything? [/FONT][/COLOR]

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sorry, I don't know why it included all the font/space directions and I don't know how to remove them.

I'd love to see OW actually stick to these rules. All too often, these guys are given far too much lee-way to walk all over them.

I suffered from a flash of OCD and decided to tidy it up for you.

 

1. Please don't ask me if I know the address of the restaurant where your wife will be so be can stay away from that part of town.

 

2. Please don't look at your watch when you're with me. Tell me when you have to leave.

 

 

3. If you are more than a half hour late, I will consider our date cancelled.

 

4. I don’t ever want to know when your wedding anniversary is, or when your wife's birthday is.

 

5. I promise I won’t ask a question I don’t want to hear an answer to.

 

6. Please don’t lie to me about the future. No cheap promises. No “maybe you’ll meet my folks” someday.

 

7. Until you have actually met a lawyer, I assume you are not serious about getting a divorce

 

8. If you involve yourself in my affairs, you’re part of the package, man up and accept it.

 

9. Please understand that I can’t always time my crises or emergencies for when your wife is out of town or unavailable.

 

10. I am uninterested in hearing details about what's going on in your marriage, what you are doing, etc.

 

11. Please don’t expect me to believe you no longer sleep with your wife.

 

12. I am turning my phone off at ten p.m.

 

13. you have to decide if you want to know if/who I am dating and where I am. No hinting, no indirect questions.

 

14. Please do not withhold from me any big changes in your situation until the last minute…like if you are taking steps to move to New Orleans, find/buy a place together with your wife, If you/she move in to your/her apartment, you move to New Zealand, have a kid, go public with your marriage.

 

15. If you only have an hour to spend with me, it's a social call, not a booty call.

 

16. When I call you and you pick up on the first ring, you always say you “just got in.” Please.

 

Did I miss anything?

thanks very much lindya. Just looking at this, I'm realizing I need to get my $#!+ together regarding this guy. It started out so great and now it's not.

Well here is a crazy idea. If you don't like all of those things....don't date married men.

Is that a nutty idea or what?...call me crazy...I don't know.

#8 is my personal favorite:

8. If you involve yourself in my affairs, you’re part of the package, man up and accept it.

hmmmm....you involve yourself in an A with a MM...so you should "man up" and accept all the behaviors that are typical of a MM that is messing around with you.

Anyone smell something nasty on this board? Oh. Never mind.

thanks very much lindya. Just looking at this, I'm realizing I need to get my $#!+ together regarding this guy. It started out so great and now it's not.

So what are your plans now?

These are my favorites and I think the whole list is dead on accurate where A's are concerned.

2. Please don't look at your watch when you're with me. Tell me when you have to leave.

I hate it when he looks at his watch. He noticed that I gave him a dirty look once and really haven't seen him do it since.

3. If you are more than a half hour late, I will consider our date cancelled.

Honestly, we don't have this problem. He always shows up on time and very happy to see me.

4. I don’t ever want to know when your wedding anniversary is, or when your wife's birthday is.

He knows this is a given and has never even attempted to bring it up.

5. I promise I won’t ask a question I don’t want to hear an answer to.

In the very beginning, before I was emotionally attached, I would ask questions. Not anymore though and he doesn't volunteer any information either.

6. Please don’t lie to me about the future. No cheap promises. No “maybe you’ll meet my folks” someday.

This one I struggle with a bit. We came to an understanding after one of my meltdowns that he was not to give me false hopes and I would not pin any hopes on the future. That was a while ago and our relationship has really blossomed since then. Lately, he has been talking "future" and I am not quite sure how to take it, so I just let it slide. I just figure if he is serious then one day he will surprise me. I do not have any expectations and just enjoy what we have while we have it. If turns into more, then lucky me, but until then it is just fantasy.

9. Please understand that I can’t always time my crises or emergencies for when your wife is out of town or unavailable.

LOL! This one made me laugh hysterically! Has anyone ever experienced "the look" when your crisis coincides with MM's time? You know the "umm we ain't got a lotta time here can you deal with this later?" HeHe

10. I am uninterested in hearing details about what's going on in your marriage, what you are doing, etc.

This one is a given.

11. Please don’t expect me to believe you no longer sleep with your wife.

He says they don't, but after reading that this is a common MM line, not sure I really believe it anymore.

15. If you only have an hour to spend with me, it's a social call, not a booty call.

He enjoys the times when we just hang out and talk. I have to say he is respectful in this way and loves being in my company either way. I love being in his company as well.

All in all, my MM is really good to me and goes out of his way to spend time with me. He listens and respects my feelings. Yeah, I can say I am a HOW.

Anyone smell something nasty on this board? Oh. Never mind.

LOL - that's a good one, Vivi!!!

I would so send this to MM, he's a flippin rule breaker!!

I would so send this to MM, he's a flippin rule breaker!!

Yep girls, you have to whip their a$$'s into shape. I was tired of having meltdowns, but I really enjoyed being with MM, so I changed the rules. Many of them are on that list. The person I take care of first now is me. I don't jump everytime he wants to get together, if I have something to do my plans don't change. The thing that has helped our R the most is me releasing any expectations of a future. I have adopted an if it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't kind of attitude. It really takes the pressure off and the R has grown substantially since then. I haven't had a meltdown since. One day I might decide I need more than this R can provide and I will just have to deal with it when that time comes. But, for now, I enjoy what we have.

My plans? I'm going to meet him tomorrow and I plan a romantic time together with champagne and strawberries and whipped cream and tell him that our reality begins and ends inside our room. Details about other relationships for both of us are left at the door. So are problems. So are promises. If we can't see each other, all we have to do is say we are otherwise engaged. Seeing each other used to be a vacation for each of us, but somehow it got lost and I want it back.

17. Let me know how you would react to me if your wife were to find out.

18. Dont lead to believe that you love/care about me when those are not true feelings.

19. Do not put the blame of this A on me. It takes two to tango.

Oh... I am a little disappointed now seeing this 'manifesto' because I've never had any issues like any of these.

Although to be honest, I don't understand (8) and (16)... what are they referring to..?

20. Don't tell me you stay in your marriage for "practicle reasons". The Tuxedo you wore on your wedding day defines "practicle"

Anyone smell something nasty on this board? Oh. Never mind.

Oh yeah...we smell something nasty, and it isn't Bish....if you can't deal with any of the things you've listed, go find a single guy, that way you won't have to have so many rules...

Oh yeah...we smell something nasty, and it isn't Bish....if you can't deal with any of the things you've listed, go find a single guy, that way you won't have to have so many rules...

Less rules and agony than when married.

17. Let me know how you would react to me if your wife were to find out.

 

18. Dont lead to believe that you love/care about me when those are not true feelings.

 

19. Do not put the blame of this A on me. It takes two to tango.

20. Don't tell me you stay in your marriage for "practicle reasons". The Tuxedo you wore on your wedding day defines "practicle"

These are good ones, but does anyone REALLY expect the MM to follow them??

Dishonesty is at the root of the A relationship. All bets are off.

You can't believe a WORD coming out of the MM's mouth. He will try to manipulate both the OW and the W so that he can have both in his life.

The A will go well ONLY if the OW doesn't put any demands on the MM, and ONLY if the W isn't made aware of the A.

Smooth sailing for him. But woe to either one of these women if they put ANY expectations on him or assume ANYTHING about him.

It's a bad deal for women, all the way around.

These are good ones, but does anyone REALLY expect the MM to follow them??

 

Dishonesty is at the root of the A relationship. All bets are off.

 

You can't believe a WORD coming out of the MM's mouth. He will try to manipulate both the OW and the W so that he can have both in his life.

 

The A will go well ONLY if the OW doesn't put any demands on the MM, and ONLY if the W isn't made aware of the A.

 

Smooth sailing for him. But woe to either one of these women if they put ANY expectations on him or assume ANYTHING about him.

 

It's a bad deal for women, all the way around.

Completly agree.

These are good ones, but does anyone REALLY expect the MM to follow them??

 

Dishonesty is at the root of the A relationship. All bets are off.

 

You can't believe a WORD coming out of the MM's mouth. He will try to manipulate both the OW and the W so that he can have both in his life.

 

The A will go well ONLY if the OW doesn't put any demands on the MM, and ONLY if the W isn't made aware of the A.

 

Smooth sailing for him. But woe to either one of these women if they put ANY expectations on him or assume ANYTHING about him.

 

It's a bad deal for women, all the way around.

I think you can expect a MM to treat you with respect. Expecting them to leave, making demands of that sort I agree... complete waste of time.

I also think you can believe what he's saying. You just have to listen properly and really hear the meaning.

MM says: "I love you and I want to be with you"

OW hears: "I'm ready to leave my marriage" ~ NOPE

What comes out of MM's mouth is not a statement of intent, but what he'd like, what he'd want. Wanting and doing are two completely different things.

I don't think that 10 and 14 make much sense as they contradict each other.

In one you say don't tell me about your marriage, in the other you demand to be told the big things in the marriage. Either you want to hear about it all, or you don't. Talking about the big things leads to talk about the small things too.

Doesn't sound like much of a manifesto. Sounds more like a list of grievances made humorous.

You know, i reread them and realized it's a woman's manifesto, not an "other woman's" manifesto, in many ways. It's not like all single guys are saints, either.

Frannie, you made a very wise comment, for which I thank you.

It's a bad deal for women, all the way around.

Yeah, only difference is, one knows is has chosen to allow it and the other is kept in the dark, not knowing her H is sleeping with someone else, having his cake and eating it too.