ex is on sex dating site !

Hi all, I just found out that my ex of a week has gone on this sex dating service. It's a service where one can find sex partners threesomes etc online. While we were dating I knew that he was looking on these sites but he said he did it out of curiosity. I know he's more of a perve than your average guy but I was willing to put up with it. While we were dating, I don't think he actually e-mailed anyone but I am not sure. Well I had gone on the site and looged in making a fake name about 34 months ago with keywords I know he would go for and he had ended up e-mailing me throuhg the service just 2 days ago! We have e-mailed back and forth and he says let's meet up! I can't believe that I dated a man who is so non selective he would go on such a service where people have random sex. I feel horrible but in my mind I keep on wondering of he was faithful and that because I accused him of cheating and being a bad person he has become this bad person. I know that men after a break up try to replace and I guess he's working hard at it. I want to date him and see if I can make him loyal as he once was and am doing the no contact thing just to make sure. Anyways someone knock some sense into me. I guess I keep on making excuses thinking if I gave it my all he would have stayed loyal and he was willing to commit to me I just pushed him away so much. anyways please do help. I am so at a lost.I will do the no contatc thing to see if he reallyloves me but if a man is so into sex that he would resort to this ( he's very good looking by the way) then he would never change his pervy ways right?

No, he'll never change his pervy ways.

Ewww!!!

One of my 'dates' posted his pic on one after we didn't hit it off so well (he called my cell and asked for another girl). I knew at that point that there was noooo way that he was an option.

Why were you on there looking though? Just to find him?

Look at it this way, he validated your concerns.

Ha thats funny so your flirting and stuff with him and he has no Idea that it's you! lmao I would have so much fun with that and get him back...

But I mean thats nasty of him.. I don't think he will change and he doesn't sound as if he's too hurt about the break up, hooking up with online people a week later. Or he's desperate for sex and even still

I say stay away from him..he sound sliek a huge perv.

how horrible for you, but you are exposing yourself to it, dont email him anymore

he may have gone on a site for random stranger sex, but its exactly what men & women do the world over every weekend in bars, none of it is very savory and the difference is that you are seeing in black and white what hes up to.

if you have been on the site for 34 months without him contacting you then you will just have to think that he didnt do it while you were together and now he's single, he can do what he wants

I want to date him and see if I can make him loyal as he once

its over so leave him to do searches on those keywords.

I just pushed him away so much

you concentrate on yourself now and look inside to work out how you when wrong and if you can stop the same happening again in the future

BB

brokenhearted,

Of all people I truly understand what you're feeling right now. You have lost control of his "loyalty" to you (if it was ever truly there) and the way you're trying to regain some semblance of control is by blaming yourself. But it won't work. He's not doing it because of you. He's doing it because he's probably a sex addict of some sort and is clearly not very picky about who he has sex with. In time you're going to be grateful as hell that he's not your boyfriend anymore because this kind of guy cheats like you wouldn't believe. Then you'd feel crazy on top of it faced with someone who lies to you and tries to make you think it's in your head.

Do yourself a HUGE A$$ favor and find a good guy who doesn't frequent this type of site, isn't addicted to porn and actually respects himself and women. Don't settle for a pretty face that treats you like crap. Shoot. All of the pretty boys I've dated I rarely ever slept with because I could never trust them to begin with. Most rely heavily on their looks and never really develop a strong character because they can get a lot of what they want in other ways.

Chin up. Don't value a guy's looks so much. Value how he treats you and makes you feel about yourself.

The guy is a pig. He's so hard up for sex that he's willing to look for it randomly on the internet......potentially hooking up with whatever woman who could have whatever disease. You want to get back with someone who might have diseases? (some are fatal you know, like Hepatitis C and HIV).

If he was checking out this site while you were together, there's a good chance he was trying to find someone to hook-up with then, but youll never know for sure now.

Why did you break up? Whose idea was it?

You obviously broke up for a reason - let it go. He's obviously not losing any time in finding someone to hook up with. You want to get back with a guy who very possibly was cheating on you during your relationship? Who's so UNdiscerning that he's looking for random sex with total strangers on the internet? Yuck. You deserve better than that, and want better for yourself ,don't you?

Daphne hit the nail on the head. Follow her advice. Don't judge a person on thier looks. It is silly because the person didn't choose their looks nor does the appearance of a person have anything to do with their personality. Well, it seems usually very attractive people act selfish and stuck-up because they know society has an obsession with looks and they somehow are valued/desired more than avg looking people but not every very attractive person is like that.

You know, you should agree to meet him and then take a pic of the look on his face when he sees the person he has been emailing si you. hahaha, it'd be funny but in all seriousness I say you stop emailing him.

Hey now (weird),

I didn't say attractive people, I said MEN. lol. I've been told I'm beautiful and I think I'm one of the most down to earth people I know. I think it's because I was pretty geeky looking as a kid so I figured out early on that looks weren't everything.

'Sides, I know plenty of beautiful women who have their heads on straight. I can't really say the same for men. I think I know one. But he has no idea and I'm not planning on telling him!

Originally posted by daphne

Hey now (weird),

 

I didn't say attractive people, I said MEN. lol. I've been told I'm beautiful and I think I'm one of the most down to earth people I know. I think it's because I was pretty geeky looking as a kid so I figured out early on that looks weren't everything.

 

'Sides, I know plenty of beautiful women who have their heads on straight. I can't really say the same for men. I think I know one. But he has no idea and I'm not planning on telling him!

I have encountered very few "hot" women who didn't have serious ego issues and thought they were God's gift to the human race. I'm pleasantly surprised when I see one who actually has a personality and isn't a huge egomaniac.

Oh and tell the guy!

hmm. well maybe you were intimidated and didn't really know the real girl. I know that I'm told that I come off as fairly stuck up when honestly I'm just shy and take my time getting to know people. When you get hit on a lot by some guys who won't take no for an answer because they see you as an object and others that are insincere (objectification again), you learn not to trust men so much. Once people do get to know me they realize I have a fairly naive and caring side but they wouldn't know it unless I let them in. So you can never really judge a book by its cover. Now that I think about it, I think that's one aspect of forum anonymity that I enjoy. People either like what I have to say or they don't. But they're not trying to sleep with me.

hmm. well maybe you were intimidated and didn't really know the real girl.

isn't about girls I have met but girls I have seen. Also, I wouldnt be intimated by a girl because she may look good, which BTW is usually aided by makeup. I think makeup is the creation of statan. HATE IT.

It is easy for me to tell if people have an ego or not and based on what I have seen, the stereotype that very attractive women (and guys...but this seemed to turn into a woman issue) have egos and think they are so great because a bunch of guys want to hump them. I give respect to the very attractive females who actually have a personality to match the looks but they are few and far between.

I should also mention I have very high standards for feeling someone is very attractive. To me, 90% of the population falls into the average looks category (I'd like to think I fall into this majority) with other 5% fugly and 5% hot. Many women who think they are all attractive because guys hit on them are just merely average to me. What many women need to realize is some guys will say a skunk in a dress is attractive if they think they can get a pice of ass from it. In a way I feel bad that women are that naiive to think just because some guys hit on them and say they look good that they are truly good looking but hey, if it makes them feel better then I am happy for them.

Feel free to send me your pic and I'll tell you my honest opinion.

BTW I like what you say and you could be a total sea donkey for all i care.

Hi im new here, as i was reading your post about you finding your ex-boyfriend on a sex site.

I myself just got out of a simular situation like you. I found my ex on a sex site and many other dating sites for that matter.

I dated mine for a year before i broke it off with him.

It turned out that he was doing the sites the whole time he was with me.

Not to mention he was the one who asked me to be in an exclusive relationship with him.

Do your self a favor move on dont waste your time with someone who is a perve.

He is a man who cant commit to only one woman.

And dont be suprised if he has been doing it all the while he was with you.

Mostly because he was so quick to post an add.

And im sure if you look you will find him on other adds as well.

I know it hurts but look at it this way.

Do you really want to be with someone who is heartless

Some one who is shallow and is only thinking of him self

I also found out that my ex has been doing the dating sites for at least 5-6 years while he lead women to believe that they were the only ones he was dating.

And mine lies about his age who he really is and how much money he makes and

what he truly does for a living etc on his add.

Im still broken hearted but glad i dont have to put up with his games anymore.

I just wished i would of found out sooner than later.

My ex MM is now on a sex dating service too. How sad is that??? He broke it off with me (well, actually just stopped all contact all of a sudden) after a year of being together cause his wife was getting suspicious. Guess she doesn't mind if he has random sex instead??? Maybe he figures since those encounters aren't serious that they don't affect his marriage.....

I guess it just shows me how little I really meant to him. Guess I was a convenient mart (we work in the same place and live a block away from each other).

And here I was thinking that it was at least admirable that he chose to not contact me to work on fixing his marriage........

I hate him for what he has put me through, but sadly I would take him back in a second because I love him. I am just sick over the whole thing.......

I understand how you feel about him.

And as much as I would love to be back with mine.

I know I would be wasting my time.

These types of me are emotionally Unavailable to us and only wants us for their own needs.

So i chose to have no contact with him.

All though I did hear from him two months after the breakup asking how my thanksgiving was. I just responded back to him to leave me alone.

We dont need the false hope they give us when they try to come back when they cant find

someone else to take care of those needs.

I also found out that mine was seeing his ex while seeing me besided doing the dating sites.

Weather its true or not about the ex i have no clue.

I just happen to find an email he sent a friend of his in our hot mail account

We had together while we were in business together. He told his friend he was seeing her again.

And once again he lied to me about it when confronted.

I do have her email address and had the thought of confronting her, but i just cant stoop to that level of games.

The best thing for us to do is to move on and be with someone who wants us for us

I'm confused patiently waiting,

The guy is married and you didn't know before that you didn't mean that much to him? If he was cheating on his wife with you, neither she or you meant much to him. Married men aren't looking for love when they step out. They're looking for a good time. If you're looking for something real and honest I would suggest you date single guys.