I fell for someone else now I feel its a mistake?

I cheated on my girlfriend with another girl. She never came to know about it and things ended amicably. Now I feel it was a mistake but my ex doesn't want to have anything to do with me for totally different reasons.

I feel guilty everyday and want to be back with her. It's not that the one with whom I cheated is bad but I just don't feel that connect.

I don't have a clue what to do.

Even the one with whom I cheated did not know I was two timing.

I feel guilty about this mess. Should I come clean to both. Should I leave things as they are. Should I go after my ex. What do I do?

Should I come clean to the current one? The one with whom I cheated.

OR should I leave and try to get back with the ex again? (Even though she doesn't want to see me again)

I may end up without either of them I think if I tell the truth to anyone. But guilt haunts me crazy and I miss my ex.

If you want any kind of meaningful relationship with wither of them, then you have to be honest. Otherwise the relationship will be based on lies.

If you end up with neither of them then so be it, move on and find someone new that you can be honest and faithful to.

If you want any kind of meaningful relationship with wither of them, then you have to be honest. Otherwise the relationship will be based on lies.

 

If you end up with neither of them then so be it, move on and find someone new that you can be honest and faithful to.

But what about the thought when people by disclosing to either I will be just washing hands off my shame and guilt and transferring the burden to them. I think I was too selfish in the past.

I don't want to be selfish again and at the same time the foundations on lies can take me nowhere.

I am unhappy without my ex-gf but I don't want to cause either of them more pain.

At the same time I am afraid that my patience may give up and I end up hurting everyone emotionally.

Please help me, I am really confused.

But what about the thought when people by disclosing to either I will be just washing hands off my shame and guilt and transferring the burden to them.

Quit making excuses. You f*cked up. If you don't tell the truth then you won't have a happy relationship with either of them. Imagine in 5 years time they find out the truth from someone else.

Quit making excuses. You f*cked up. If you don't tell the truth then you won't have a happy relationship with either of them. Imagine in 5 years time they find out the truth from someone else.

One last dilemma what do I say to my ex-gf when she asks me, "Why bring it up now? I left you for totally different reasons, why you want to rub this in now. Its more than 6 months." OR

What if she says "how I am supposed to react you selfish F*ck, why do you bother me with all this now. You want to rub this in or you don't want to see me happy"

I know I f*cked up, I am ready to pay the price I just dont't want to come across as more selfish now.

P.S: I know I am little bothersome, so thanks for answering.

Well you see if she's interested in a reconciliation first. Don't just call her up and say hey babe I banged someone else what do you think about that...

If she says she doesn't want a reconciliation then respect that and walk away. If she says she does, then you can say you have to tell her something first. If she still wants a reconciliation then go from there.

I cheated on my girlfriend with another girl. She never came to know about it and things ended amicably. Now I feel it was a mistake but my ex doesn't want to have anything to do with me for totally different reasons.

I feel guilty everyday and want to be back with her. It's not that the one with whom I cheated is bad but I just don't feel that connect.

I don't have a clue what to do.

easy. you leave her alone. she doesn't want to have anything to do with as it is, much less not knowing the REAL reason she shouldn't want you back.

because you are a cheater.

so leave her alone.

Even the one with whom I cheated did not know I was two timing.

I feel guilty about this mess. Should I come clean to both. Should I leave things as they are. Should I go after my ex. What do I do?

no sense in coming clean to the x-gf. she is gone and doesn't want you. telling now will only serve to hurt her, or making her just plain angry.

if you were still with her, I'd say it would be wrong to continue to lie by ommission and not tell her. she deserves to know the kind of guy she is with. but since you are no longer together, leave her alone.

This is all your problem not theirs so why make it into to something that neither one of them needs to deal with. It sounds like you are looking to work out your own issues about your behavior and since they didn't make you behave the way that you did leave them out if it. Your quest to relieve yourself of guilt is just that your quest let them travel on without the stain of your mis-adventures and you deal with it like you need to all by yourself.

Leave both women alone.

Your ex doesn't want you back for reasons aside from cheating. Telling her would cause a mess of agony for her. Leave this woman in peace. If you care as much as you say you do, leave her to heal and move on. Don't create emotional drama for her as she's putting her life back together.

I left my ex husband and then he called me months later and confessed to an affair. He did it to get my attention and it caused me the worst pain in my entire life. Of course, I still didn't want him back. I was literally writhing in pain from his confession and I felt like I was going crazy for awhile.

If you want to confess, go to a minister or a therapist. Do an "action amends," which means you become a better person and not cheat on anyone ever again.

Leave both women alone.

 

Your ex doesn't want you back for reasons aside from cheating. Telling her would cause a mess of agony for her. Leave this woman in peace. If you care as much as you say you do, leave her to heal and move on. Don't create emotional drama for her as she's putting her life back together.

 

I left my ex husband and then he called me months later and confessed to an affair. He did it to get my attention and it caused me the worst pain in my entire life. Of course, I still didn't want him back. I was literally writhing in pain from his confession and I felt like I was going crazy for awhile.

 

If you want to confess, go to a minister or a therapist. Do an "action amends," which means you become a better person and not cheat on anyone ever again.

Agreed.

But do I continue with the present girl I am with, even though I long for someone else? (She never knew I was with someone else when I met her).

Is everything else okay in this new relationship besides they fact it started with lies and you like your old one better?

If it is a good relationship just not up to the glow of the old one, you could work on this one to make it awesome.

You should probably come clean about the ex though.

Agreed.

But do I continue with the present girl I am with, even though I long for someone else? (She never knew I was with someone else when I met her).

Wait, I think my count is off here. Are we talking about two or three girls?

We have at least:

(1) Original GF you started out with,

(2) Girl you cheated on #1 with.

So then, is there a different #3, "girl you are with now...", or are you now still with #2, who you cheated with?

No matter what, if you are with anyone (whether #2 or a putative #3) and you don't want to be with her (reference: your considering "going after" your ex, #1...) you are indeed too confused and ambivalent to be representing to your current GF that you are in a committed relationship with her.

Also, if you are with #2, then you didn't start out your relationship honestly, as she doesn't even know you were cheating on an existing girlfriend when you got with her...

So first, can you clear that up for us? Are you currently with #2, or a new #3?

All I'm reading here is " me, me, me".... How about changing that to " I'm a scumbag and cheater".... It does have a nice ring to it....

Agreed.

But do I continue with the present girl I am with, even though I long for someone else? (She never knew I was with someone else when I met her).

oh jesus, have you ever heard of doing right by anyone??

come clean with the present girl, or let her go. she deserves to know what kind of guy she is with.

@ Trimmer: Its #2 only. The relationship started on lies.

@xpaperxcutx :I know what I did is despicable, that's why I am not going ahead with what I want but I am asking for advice on whats right this time.

What a mess huh? My advice, leave the old girlfriend alone...it's been six months and if she left you for totally different reasons, then you are only looking for closure for yourself and causing her more pain. On the other hand, if she knew about your cheating on her and that was why she left (or you gave her reasons to suspect that you were playing her) then you probably owe her an apology...not to get back with her, but so she can have some closure and love properly again.

As to the new girl, you had a girlfriend at the time you were courting/dating her...you are already starting that relationship out based on lies and half-truths. To make matters even worse, you are still cheating on this new woman emotionally because your thoughts are on your old girlfriend. I have to agree with the fact that this new girl needs to know what kind of guy she is dealing with.

What a mess huh? My advice, leave the old girlfriend alone...it's been six months and if she left you for totally different reasons, then you are only looking for closure for yourself and causing her more pain. On the other hand, if she knew about your cheating on her and that was why she left (or you gave her reasons to suspect that you were playing her) then you probably owe her an apology...not to get back with her, but so she can have some closure and love properly again.

 

As to the new girl, you had a girlfriend at the time you were courting/dating her...you are already starting that relationship out based on lies and half-truths. To make matters even worse, you are still cheating on this new woman emotionally because your thoughts are on your old girlfriend. I have to agree with the fact that this new girl needs to know what kind of guy she is dealing with.

Did both.. Old girl said she's moved on and is happy, so let water under the bridge be., so I did not come clean.. Apologized and left..

The present girl said she is willing to work on the relationship as long as I am.. Will ask her for a break for her sake by the weekend.. Despicable me is trying to reform himself..

Now I am just confused and I think it will be a long time till things actually

become clear..

Did both.. Old girl said she's moved on and is happy, so let water under the bridge be., so I did not come clean.. Apologized and left..

The present girl said she is willing to work on the relationship as long as I am.. Will ask her for a break for her sake by the weekend.. Despicable me is trying to reform himself..

 

Now I am just confused and I think it will be a long time till things actually

become clear..

Confused? No...

By considering asking her for a break without being honest with your present GF you remain selfish. It is not for her sake...you want a break because you don't want to man up and own your actions, and then alleviate your own guilt. do you not respect your present GF enough to be able to tell her the truth and allow her to make her own informed decision as to whether she wants to continue or not...let alone maybe have put her life in danger by perhaps passing her an STD? You lost any right to determine the direction of the relationship once you cheated...

By considering asking her for a break without being honest with your present GF you remain selfish.

All due respect, I'm not sure it's clear that he wasn't honest with the new girlfriend.

In response to this advice:

My advice, leave the old girlfriend alone...

 

As to the new girl ..... I have to agree with the fact that this new girl needs to know what kind of guy she is dealing with.

The OP replied:

Did both..

 

Old girl said [blah blah blah]...

 

The present girl said [blah blah blah]...

Given that he said he "did both", it may be that he did come clean to the new girlfriend; I can't be completely sure one way or the other from his post, but it could read that way.

flume, will you clarify?

Confused? No...

 

By considering asking her for a break without being honest with your present GF you remain selfish. It is not for her sake...you want a break because you don't want to man up and own your actions, and then alleviate your own guilt. do you not respect your present GF enough to be able to tell her the truth and allow her to make her own informed decision as to whether she wants to continue or not...let alone maybe have put her life in danger by perhaps passing her an STD? You lost any right to determine the direction of the relationship once you cheated...

I told her the truth and she said she wants to work on the relationship..

I will (have not asked yet) ask her for a break because I have been selfish long enough and don't want to keep her in any sort of half truths. I f I long for someone else who is happy somewhere else, then do I have the right to keep her engaged in half truths.

I am trying to reform, that's why I seek advice on whats right and wrong.

Regarding STDs I wish to say I have been a selfish cheater and a scoundrel but I am no fool.

@ Trimmer

Yes I told her the entire truth and came clean, even about the having feelings for the ex.

She is willing to work for the relationship but in all my selfishness also I am not sure this is the right move. That's why I said I am gonna ask her for a break the weekend.

So what I am hearing, you told your current GF about the overlap in the relationship. And this girlfriend wants to stay with you anyway.

But now you don't want to be with the new girlfriend and you want to be alone with any girlfriend for awhile. It's going to hurt her a lot because she thought you coming clean was a way of you showing you are committed to the relationship.

I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing, but I hope you can discover what was going on to create such havoc in your love life.

I remember that you said you are still in love with your original girlfriend. I hope you address those feelings on your own and not try to chase the 1st girlfriend.

Perhaps if you are single for a substantial period of time, you can gain clarity about what is going on with you. And then this sort of thing won't happen again.

I know the f**k up I have been and I know how much more pain I am going to cause. But the truth is I am sick and tired of my own bull sh*t. Its time to own up to my actions.

I am really not sure what good will come out of all this. I just hope that some day I am able to put all this back and move ahead.

Right now this is affecting my work, my sleep everything. but I ask for no sympathy I feel I deserve much worse.

I told her the truth and she said she wants to work on the relationship..

I will (have not asked yet) ask her for a break

ask her for a break? thats code for, "I wanna keep you dangling on a string, but want to go mess around with other people"

ask her for a break? thats code for, "I wanna keep you dangling on a string, but want to go mess around with other people"

Then what do I do? I am going crazy right now. So tell me whats the right thing to do.