what is this line of thinking?

ive learned a harsh lesson this past week... people with gigs are dam cruel mofos...

In the past week i have been realed back in for security, used up for bank and then cast aside for adolescent fun and ignored for a holiday that is spose to mean something... I am pretty pissed at this as once we had the utmost respect for each other

what does this mean when you receive this kinda mail then are totally ignored...

her:

hey. ive been doing much thinking since u left. . . i need to know that ur in this for good. i am so ready ..... . i want to spend the rest of my life with u. im not afraid any more. i want to give u my all. and i cant promise thatit will always b perfect and peachy. but i know u love me. and i love you. please dont leave me ever again ..... i am not the same without you. i dont ever want to b without u again. . , baby. please come here 2nite. dont go to ...... come and share ur love with me. i am utterly aching for u. . . i dont want to go another nite without our desires being fulfilled. . .xox

I just dont get why this is happening gang...

facepalm...

what dont you get? that you are an idiot?

"HOW DARE MY EX TELL ME SHE IS READY AND WANTS TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH ME AND SHES NOT AFRAID ANYMORE"

ok thanks for that Will?

Forgive me for trying to work out what the hell has happened... i feel so much better

So her better life didn't work out and she wants what was comfortable again.

If you'd like to have something with her in the future then you start very slow, painfully slow. You make her prove that she is emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship and do nothing until you feel totally secure that this will not happen again.

This "gigs" is nothing but a mask people place on immaturity and the lack of knowing one's self or what they truly want out of life. That message in itself shows a lot of immaturity and a lack of self realization.

If I wanted something with this person I would want a mature conversation where I could ask the questions that I need to ask. How have you changed? What brought about this change? When did you feel these changes?

Odds are life crashed. The message screams desperation and "in the moment" thinking. Without being able to prove this maturity this is bound to happen again.

how does it scream immaturity and lack of self realization...

It screams just the opposite... GIGS people do not talk like the message, they constantly push away.

thanks man... I am not real clear in my own thinking ATM and kinda looking for reasons... i spose i took a bait and now I am paying the price for it...

what gets me is how stupidly i fell for it...

Why do this to someone... ? surely she has to know that its rather damaging and cold...

Oh its constant in the pushing away Willsox... that mail was after i ran to save her ass... i got excited and now i cant even get a reply...

I just dont get why i would recieve such a deep email and then be invisible

be patient with the response, it could be a test.

to see if you are needy

That message says maturity to you?

I could see being hopeful of a message such as:

"I've spent a lot of time thinking and I realize that I have made a lot of mistakes in the past. I can see that when I did xyz it caused you to feel such and such way. I am very sorry about that and I'd really like to have an opportunity to make it up to you. I'd like an opportunity to sit down with you and talk about the issues we had before and see if it could be possible to give us another try."

I feel like an loveshack hipster because I was here before Wilson went insane.

lol its to late to be patient... I replied to it with some enthusiasm and stated stupidly that i couldn't wait...

your both right... yes she is immature and yes Im an idiot for getting my hopes up...

That message says maturity to you?

 

I could see being hopeful of a message such as:

"I've spent a lot of time thinking and I realize that I have made a lot of mistakes in the past. I can see that when I did xyz it caused you to feel such and such way. I am very sorry about that and I'd really like to have an opportunity to make it up to you. I'd like an opportunity to sit down with you and talk about the issues we had before and see if it could be possible to give us another try."

 

 

I feel like an loveshack hipster because I was here before Wilson went insane.

haha it comes and goes. Its also called emotional intelligence. I did not read his entire story. At the same time. I was a one sided assclown when I first posted here. Like you are now. Everything is black and white.

Our ex's arent monsters. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will grow up.

Just because you do not agree with my views and see that people that are GIGS dumpers are just going through a phase in their life, thats your problem to own. We can toss it up to you being younger then I am as well.

You can be this resentful person for the rest of your life, how long has it been 6 months now? or you can just chalk your relationship ending up to your and your ex's timings were just off. I prefer to do the latter

oren, i gave you bad advice, I did not realize she was a GIGSer, stick to NC, lock it down, shes not trying to hurt you on purpose, this is all that I ask you to understand. She doesnt realize shes hurting you

Was that response all to me?

I'm not mad at my ex whatsoever. I personally hope she finds her happiness in the world. I even left her a Christmas present at the house as I have no hard feelings. I let go of being upset awhile back when I examined myself and forgave myself for my issues in the relationship and her for her issues.

Why spend time mad? I'm never going to get time back so there is no need to waste it. Instead I am making my dreams come true and living my own adventure.

GIGS... immaturity... what is the difference? The person lacks enough self knowledge and maturity to make a decision and stick to it. Why be someone's backup plan? Even if you wait around and accept them back chances are they will do it again if they can not prove to you that they have grown to become more mature and have confidence in their sense of self. And sometimes the grass is actually greener...

She's stage 3 gigs, she knows what she wants, she just doesnt have the actions yet to back up up.

She'll come and go for the next 6 months, my only advice is to carry on your life as if she's not there, if you want to be with her then continue to see her etc but she will bounce back and forth for atleast at good 4 months, after which her actions will start to match her words.

Ive been here, done it, seen it.

Most people on here recommend to go nc when they are stage 3 and wait another 6 months or so till they reach stage 5 before giving them another chance, i disagree

and im the only one who disagree's with this.

Its your choice go nc and wait some more months or get a grip of your emotions and actions and stick it out.I believe what you do while she's stage 3,4 can increase the speed she goes through the next 2 stages.

Its up to you

haha it comes and goes. Its also called emotional intelligence. I did not read his entire story. At the same time. I was a one sided assclown when I first posted here. Like you are now. Everything is black and white.

 

Our ex's arent monsters. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will grow up.

 

Just because you do not agree with my views and see that people that are GIGS dumpers are just going through a phase in their life, thats your problem to own. We can toss it up to you being younger then I am as well.

 

You can be this resentful person for the rest of your life, how long has it been 6 months now? or you can just chalk your relationship ending up to your and your ex's timings were just off. I prefer to do the latter

 

oren, i gave you bad advice, I did not realize she was a GIGSer, stick to NC, lock it down, shes not trying to hurt you on purpose, this is all that I ask you to understand. She doesnt realize shes hurting you

Wilson can you explain to me what emotional intelligence is?

Most people on here recommend to go nc when they are stage 3 and wait another 6 months or so till they reach stage 5 before giving them another chance, i disagree

I have never said NC with GIGS people. My recommendation is to go NC until you have healed and in control of your emotions and actions.

Assuming you are healed and in control, I recommend going NIC (no initiated contact). GIGS people will reach out, touch base, want to catch up, brag (stage 3), etc. You should talk, have fun, laugh, talk about happy things. Do not beg, get angry, get sad, read into what they say, listen to them, believe them, get jealous, etc. Keep it positive. They will probably even mention getting back together. Dismiss that, tell them you are enjoying be single, having to much fun, etc. because they will disappear again, no matter what you say or do.

Best way I can describe contact and communication with a GIGS person through stages 3 - 5... It's a dance, so dance!

Its your choice go nc and wait some more months or get a grip of your emotions and actions and stick it out

If you aren't in control of your emotions and actions, go NC and you should never stick it out if you were dumped. Assume the worse, continue to heal and move on.

I believe what you do while she's stage 3,4 can increase the speed she goes through the next 2 stages.

I disagree. Your Ex's choices, actions and threshold for "pain" determine how quickly they go through the next 2 stages.

I dont agree with your theory Gibson but i have never once voiced that opinion, this will be the only time.

Thanks for your reply and just to note you contradict yourself, you tell everyone to go nc and reject until they are stage 5.

I by no means mean this in a nasty way im simply just pointing out what ive read from your posts over the months.

Hence why i dont agree with your theory, that post above, dance with them through stage 345 is the first time i have ever heard you say anything like that, re read your posts its always reject till stage 5.

I very rarely advice on here, i ask questions and post what ive learned or found, please dont undermine my advice when i do give it.

Again i do not mean this in any bad sort of way.

Thanks for your reply and just to note you contradict yourself, you tell everyone to go nc and reject until they are stage 5.

 

I clearly state within the following thread to go LC after a year or so (look at the bottom where it says if your Ex contacts you):

 

Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!

 

Considering the age group of most GIGS dumpees (18 - 30) and the length of their relationship (many years)... Anything less than a year, they do not have time to heal, have the maturity or the confidence to "handle" talking or dealing with a GIGS Ex through Phases 1 - 3. You know damn well about the GIGS "High Horse" attitude in Phases 1 - 3. You see many posters on here that can handle their Ex bragging about partying, hear about the idiots they are dating / sleeping with, how everybody wants them, how glad they are to be single and free and not a prisoner in the relationship anymore and how much fun they are having? They would be crushed and sent into a tailspin!

 

I by no means mean this in a nasty way im simply just pointing out what ive read from your posts over the months.

 

I have used myself as an example and have documented my journey along the way here on LS. I went NC for 8 months or so after my break up to heal. Since then, I have been NIC ever since. I have responded and "danced" with my Ex many, many times over the last two years. Heck, I even dated her again briefly back last Feb.

 

If I told someone to go NC, it's because THEY need to go NC. They are not YOU or ME. We had GIGS, we know it, understand it and know how it ends. So for us, it's easy.

 

NOTE: What you do through stages 1 - 3 doesn't hurt or help you anyway, so it's a mute point. They will come back regardless.

 

Hence why i dont agree with your theory, that post above, dance with them through stage 345 is the first time i have ever heard you say anything like that, re read your posts its always reject till stage 5.

 

And look how many people followed / wanted to follow wilsonx and chase after their Ex after what he posted in his thread.

 

Truth is, 95% of the dumpees on here will just screw it up, get hurt and ruin any future reconciliation if they follow your advice. Not because your advice isn't correct, it's because they are in no position mentally or emotionally to actually do what you suggest.

 

I'm not disagreeing with you on anything other than the fact the dumpee can't speed up an Ex's GIGS process. Until they realize it themselves, you have NO effect on them. Otherwise, you would showed them and convinced them not to dump and leave you in the first place. They have to figure "it" out in their own way and in their own time... and there is not stopping that.

Thanks for the comments and input everyone... I got a lot from it all...

Fact is i gotta wake up to this bad treatment and move on... a blanket block is coming as i dont really think i will get over this last stint... not as a broken heart but more of a betrayal...

your all right in the sense that i just have to move on and improve my self... I dont want to ever feel like this again...

Its very Ironic that a subconscious control's most of what will happen in there life and a controlling of a subconscious will help an individual get past this mess...

I think wilson read it the same way I did at first. I thought she wrote that after she ignored you not before. Ok well maybe you are reading into somehting. what happened exactly since that message that she sent you?

a bit actually... She has broken down with shes not good enough and ranting about how she loves me etc etc but needs to fix her self but cant promise anything...

i simply said sorry i cant do it anymore and please dont contact me until you are mature enuff to open up and work things out....

actually

you are the immature one.... She told you everything that is wrong, read her words... shes broken let her fix herself

your the immature ego kicked selfish numbnutts that wont give her her space and realize that shes hurting and needs to find herself

All you had to do is respond, I understand.

And done your own thing

actually

 

you are the immature one.... She told you everything that is wrong, read her words... shes broken let her fix herself

 

your the immature ego kicked selfish numbnutts that wont give her her space and realize that shes hurting and needs to find herself

 

All you had to do is respond, I understand.

 

And done your own thing

umM i value your comments wison and a lot of your cryptic backhanders make sense but actually your'e just flat out wrong in this case... shes had her space and lots of it... I am not the one to initially break the contact with emotional rants...

Anyway i came here to try and gather what she may be actually thinking and why its happening which i think i did which would give me a clue... yep Im hurt but to be honest she does not really know this because of No contact...

Here's the thing,

You sir are absolutely wrong, you are so self absorbed that you dont see that you are wrong.

Wilson's ultimate truth - write this down

"You are your own worst enemy"

There are 3 GIGS experts in this thread calling you out on being an idiot and all 3 of us are right, you are an idiot

what...? go take your meds man... i didnt come here to be insulted and you know what, i am open to criticism but your just out of line... for some reason you classing me as an idiot who has an ego and all i did was look for some answers to what is going on in her head because i dont know what to do... sure be blunt , sure be direct but dont be a dic...no wonder you got left!!!

I am one of the most respected posters on this forum

your posts and your hurt is your pain. You are in self defense mode not to be hurt again. Your attacks and defense against my criticism are the harsh truth that I am right.

My ex sure enough left me due to gigs. I know what I am talking about. I am a ****ing GIGS Jedi Knight. I am trying to teach you to not be a retard like I was 7 months ago.

You can fix all this right now by sending her a text saying "Im sorry about that last text, I understand what you are going through and I support you" and then shut your mouth and go heal and fix your bruised ego.