Does she want to date? So confused...

Okay, I have a long story, and I would really appreciate some feedback on this.

I am a 23 year old male, I just recently (May) graduated from college with a BS, and I just recently (3 weeks ago) finished writing my second book. Unfortunately, I'm a very socially awkward person; in fact I've never had what one would consider a "date" with a female. Due to the fact that I've been writing like crazy while going to school at the same time, I've also become quite a big (fat) person over the past few years.

I have a part-time job at a retail store as a sales clerk, I've had it for 5 years now and I feel that it's greatly increased my social abilities compared to what they were when I was in highschool. Two months ago, at this job, a woman comes up to me and gives me her phone number. Naturally, I'm completely confused; why would anyone do that? As far as I can tell there's nothing physically attractive about myself, and no one knows I'm an author, etc, so this just blew my mind.

Anyway, I end up calling her, and we talk about four times (20-30 minutes each time), but I can never quite get a conversation past a superficial level (as in, asking why she gave me her number), so we end up talking about things like cars, sports (I'm not into that stuff that much, but she is), religion, politics, and so on. Unfortunately, the timing wasn't great for me; I was already a month behind the deadlines for the book, and honestly had no time to engage in a social relationship with anyone (there were periods where I was awake for 3 days straight), so I left a message on her voicemail and said I'd call her back in a week.

I'm very bad at gaging these things, however, and I completely lost track of time (my writing fell behind), and it was a whole month until I ended up calling her again, and even then I *still* wasn't done writing. She gave me every indication that she understood, and I ended up waiting another week to finish up the writing and called her again.

Now this is about 3 weeks ago, she says she'd love to get lunch with me sometime. Ever since then, we've been talking almost every day, but there's a huge snag. Every single time she sets up a time and place to call or meet for lunch, she disappears, for at least two days at a time; even once as long as 5 days. I leave messages on her voicemail, send text messages, etc, and then she'll just randomly call me out of nowhere, offer an excuse like "I was sleeping", and then just move on like it never happened, setting up another time to arrange a lunch meeting.

The last time embarassed me quite badly; we had arranged to meet at my workplace and grab a lunch on my lunchbreak, but she never showed up. I was really looking forward to this, and I can't tell you how disappointed I was. She didn't even call me to say she wasn't coming. Now, maybe I'm being a bit tough on her about this, because I never actually gave her my work number, but it takes about 5 seconds to find it in the phone book, and she had told me the previous night that "there's a 100% chance I'll be there".

I'm so confused!!

Every time she does this, I am always incredibly nice to her, and say "that's okay, I don't mind", but the thing is that I *do* mind, I just can't show anger to people.

So what the heck is going on here? I've always been a very paranoid person (from my parents), but I've been trying so hard to not be paranoid anymore. I really want to believe her when she says that she overslept, but there's a little voice in my head that keeps saying that she's lying to me.

Other notes:

* She's never told me her age, but has hinted that she's older than me (perhaps as high as 28, I'm 23), so maybe this has something to do with it? I can never ask her though, I just can't work up the courage to ask personal questions like this.

* I make sure to never brag about the books I've written, so I don't seem ego-driven; truth to tell I hate talking about the damned things anyway, it drives me nuts.

* I've lost like 15 pounds since I've met her, but I've still got a long way to go. My self esteem is very low because of my weight, and this is one of the main reasons that I have trouble relating to people on a personal level.

I've gotten to the point where I'm about to just tell her everything I feel, but I can't muster up enough courage to do so. I'm afraid it will make me look like I'm insane; truth is I haven't gotten her out of my head for a single minute since she gave me her number.

Am I doing something wrong? Am I misinterpretting something? What the heck should I do?!

She doesn't sound like the best deal. This business about disappearing is a tad odd. Certainly, if she's eager to meet you, she would have made sure not to miss the first date, much less any of the others. I suspect she's dating someone else and thought you might be a good 'backup plan' guy.

I've gotten to the point where I'm about to just tell her everything I feel, but I can't muster up enough courage to do so. I'm afraid it will make me look like I'm insane; truth is I haven't gotten her out of my head for a single minute since she gave me her number.

It is natural to be interested in someone who is interested in you. However, that she is interested in you doesn't mean that she'd be a good partner or that you have much in common at all. We are drawn to people who like us; don't let that masquerade as anything other than that natural tendency. It sounds as though you are constructing a fantasy around this person that you scarcely know, which is never a good idea.

She may eventually turn up, but I wouldn't put all my hopes on her. Best to look around for more prospects. Whether or not you have too much weight on, you are sufficiently engaging that one woman gave you her number so it is likely more will follow. You sound like an interesting individual. To have two published books already is a pretty decent accomplishment for somebody who's 23. I expect that you will do just fine if you don't put all your hopes in this one woman and hold back on getting to know more people because of that.

One thing concerns me; you said

Every time she does this, I am always incredibly nice to her, and say "that's okay, I don't mind", but the thing is that I *do* mind, I just can't show anger to people.

* She's never told me her age, but has hinted that she's older than me (perhaps as high as 28, I'm 23), so maybe this has something to do with it? I can never ask her though, I just can't work up the courage to ask personal questions like this.

You have to be honest and you have to communicate your true feelings. This does not mean clubbing people over the head with brutal 'honesty', however you owe it to people to be truthful to them and you should expect the same in return. People who fear and avoid truthful communication do not fare well in relationships; they tend to let petty problems turn into festering resentments. By all means, work on these avoidant tendencies for your own sake and for the sake of any relationship you ever have.

I think you're right that I'm just latching on because she showed some interest in me, but I honestly can't help it.

2 months ago, I didn't think anyone would ever be interested in me, and this just completely threw me off track. I still can't figure out why she would be interested in me.

Anyhow, she has weird work hours; up until last week she was working ~48-50 hours, 6 days a week; she works 3-11 daily at a bank, and then goes out every night until 4am. I am extremely hesitant to join in this club hopping behaviour, because it invariably involves drinking alcohol, which I'm deathly afraid of. My family has a history of acoholism (it is a genetic trait, after all), and I have a history of occasional binging on food or soda.

Since I'm determined to lose all my extra baggage by my next birthday, going out drinking every night will put me back months and just add empty calories that I just don't need.

Well I got ahold of her again; she's apparently sick with a cold.

But the ****ed up thing is that she still goes out with her friends every night, but cancels with me...

gah, I don't know what to do.