In need of

[SpartanX]

Well this is my first time posting here. I'm at an impass so I thought I'd look for some advice here. Here is my situation I'll try to make it as short as possible:

 

I recently got a divorce. I had been married for 4 years and have one child. From the beginning our marriage was not great. Shortly after my son turned one my wife became distant. I knew she had a hard time accepting her new role as a mother but her distance became untolerable. She had a new job that kept her working seven days a week and I was left to raise our son alone. We constantly argued about money and how she worked all the time. Then she stopped coming home and when she did have free time she spent it out with her new friends from work. Which were mostly guys. The years passed and I just let em slide by. I love my son and took all the bad in stride for his sake even though I was miserable. Then one year ago I had a brush with death. I was admitted to the hospital for a blood clot that was mere inches from my heart. My wife showed up 5 hours after I was admitted. Just in time to see me have a seizure and have to be brought back with a defibulator. I spend the next four days touch and go in IC unit. My wife came once for about an hour. I came away with this experience with a determind mind to change things and make my life better. However my wife was more distant than ever and the rumors of her cheating grew worse and worse. She denied it ferverntly but they continued. Finally in march of this year we agreed to go to counseling but she merely went and did not listen. She had walked out two times by this time and I kept taking her back. Then in May I had enough of the rumors and kicked her out. She then decided she wanted to be alone and "find herself". Then in June she decided she wanted a divorce and had a boyfriend. So I agreed and decided to let her go. Around August I met someone, a wonderful woman. But I didn't let it go anywhere because I was hurt. Then around September my wife decided she wanted to fix things but wouldn't give up her boyfriend. She said she didnt want to hurt him. I told her it was over. I then began to pursue the woman I had met before. I was happy with her. The divorce was final in September and I was happy. A little sad but I moved on. A week ago my exwife decided she wanted another chance.

 

I know that was long. My question is this: Should I even consider giving her another chance. At this point I told her I don't want to be with anyone and that I cannot forgive her. Hell she still hasn't even broke up with her boyfriend. For my son's sake should I give her another chance?

 

 

 

Thanks

SpartanX

[Lor]

Only you can answer whether to give your relationship with her another chance or not. It sounds like you still have quite a bit of anger over the whole thing.......has she given up the OM for good this time?

[SpartanX]

When I last asked about her OM. She told me that she hated to hurt him so she has not officially broke it off with him. She has quit seeing him or so she says. I couldn't believe it was easier for her to hurt me than this new guy she claimed she no longer cared about.

[Gunny376]

In actions, words and deeds she's told you all that you need to know.

 

She's got FBS, (Flakey Broad Syndrone) and is too emotinally imature to be in a marriage with you or anyone else at this time. She lacks the capacstity and the level of commitment to make a marriage work. She can't handle being a wife, she can't handle being a mother.

 

Do you really want to spend your life with someoe such as you've described. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

 

Look at the dynamics. She's not changed, she's just as flakey, and flip-floppy as she's ever been. She doesn't have any problem ending your marriage, breaking up your family, ripping your world apart, breaking your heart ~ but she doesn't want to hurt her BF's feeling? WTF ~ Over!

 

No my friend the one and only thing that has changed in all of this is that you've gone out and found yourself another woman that can appreciate what you've got to offer. What one woman will abuse ~ another could certainly use!

 

The amount of time, energy, effort and money that you'd expend getting back with this one ~ would ~ could net you ten other women. Anything that the XW has got to offer ~ you can find just as good as, if not better, just as much if not more ~ than what she's got to offer. You've got to ask yourself, what has the XW got to offer that the other 3.6 billion other women on the planet don't have. I tell you what. A bunch of headache and heartache.

 

I presume that you're in your twenties or thirties. I can tell you thing for damn sure and certain. Life is short. Before you know it ~ BAM! you 40, 50, 60. Once you get pass 40 the years fly by. These are the best years of your life. Don't throw them away.

 

I'm 49, and I will tell you this. Eight almost nine years ago, after I broke up with my last LTR GF, I told myself that I was going to take a sabbatical from dating, mating, and relationships. After a 12 year marriage, and six and a half year shack up deal ~ I could look back and see all the missed opportunties, if only I had being thinking with the right head. I made my mind up that I was going to learn how to be comfortable being single and alone if it was the last thing I did ~ and that I was going to get me, myself, and I, and my life to where I wanted and needed it to be, and that I was no longer going to be a slave.

 

I owe 500 on one credit card, and 85 on the other. I've got one years worth of income sitting in the bank ~ that is to say I could go a solid year without any money coming in. All the appliances and furniture in my house is new, and I paid cash for all of it. Right now I'm planning and laying out the home that I'm going to live in for the rest of my life. When I build it, and move into it I'll have 50% equity in it. I still owe on my 03 Mazda Tribute (its only got 16,000 miles on it. I will be completely debt free within the next year. (Maybe two). I've got enough money set aside in the bank, (aside from the one-year's income equivalent) to cover auto registration, pay my auto insurance once a year (much cheaper rate) to cover schedule auto mainteance (oil changes, tune up, tire replacement) the maxium amount for medical and dental co-pays, and deducatables. (My car insurance deducatable is $5000 ~ because I've got that sitting in the bank, which makes my car insurance ridciously low)

 

Goggle Dave Ramsey and "Complete Money Makeover" and Mary Hunt's "Debt Proof Living"

 

Like I said it took me eight almost nine years to get to where I'm at ~ now and I'm still working on it! Live life like no other, and you can live like no others and others don't for the rest of your life! I couldn't have done what I've done in a relationship ~ because I went to work and came home, went to work and came home, went to work and came home. I didn't eat out, I took my lunch to work with me everyday, many days I ate the same thing over and over for a week. ($2.98 dinner in a box casserole)

 

Take her back? Hell no!