Pregnant by married man twice my age

[bellababygirl]

I fell deeply in love for a man twice my age. He is articulate, intelligent, cultured, beautiful, the most magnificant lover I have ever known and if he were not married he would be nothing short of perfection.

 

He has made references that he could never divorce his wife, but it is not a request I made, nor even entertained. I am divorced and have no desire to remarry.

 

I did not discover his age until after the pregnancy, nor his true identity. My situation is one that I am in love with a very powerful and well known man. He is very important in the community, government, large charity organizations, on and on. His wealth makes him a target, I am sure, for a variety of self-serving individuals. I beleive that is why he kept his true age and name from me initially.

 

He has children, most of which have already graduated from college. Here I am pregnant and I will admit, even though it goes against both (his and mine) beliefs I went to a clinic to try for an abortion. I convinced myself that since I was on birth control when I convceived there might be something wrong with the baby so it is the right thing to do. I got to the clinic and could not quit crying hystarically. I could not go through with it. Now we are 4 months pregnant and I am beginning to show.

 

I love him...I just want time together. He works so much and has so many responsibilities I only see him about once a week. I can not put his name on the birth certificate, I can't tell anyone who he is. It would cause to much turmoil in so many people's lives. I am just not like that. I dont want to hurt anyone. I just do not know what to do. I love him so very much...he makes me feel extraordinary. When we are together I have never experienced greater happiness. I'm confused. Help?

[MoonGirl]

Oh, you must be so distraught right now, I can hear it in your post. I am not sure if you have any children, but if you don't, let me tell you that your world will change drastically when this baby is born. If you are like most mothers, your child will become #1. In time, when/if your relationship with the child's father is over, you may regret that you did nothing to protect the future of your child. Can you afford to raise this child alone? Even if your MM promises monetary support, how do you know he will really pay it? It takes 2 people to make a baby, and your MM is 50% responsible for this new life. I understand that you don't want to upset people, but what about your well-being and the well-being of your new baby? This MM obviously doesn't love his wife enough to be faithful to her, his kids are mostly grown, etc. Why are you protecting him? Because you love him and don't want to loose him? I understand this is your motivation right now, but think into the future for your baby. Your baby certainly deserves to know who his/her father is, doesn't she/he? How would you feel if your true identity were hidden from the world, you had no idea where/who you came from, and were not offered the material ($) support you needed as a child from your father who was very capable of providing for your needs? For me, the baby's rights FAR outweigh the father's rights to remain anonymous to the child. If I were you, I would talk to an attorney, one that specializes in child support. Once/if your MM leaves you, you want to be sure you and your baby get the support you need. Please think about your baby's future and not your current situation.

[MoonGirl]

Why is it important to establish paternity?Both parents and the child have the right to a full parent/child relationship. Everyone deserves an opportunity to develop, enjoy and grow in the relationship. The father has the right to contribute to the success of his child's future. By establishing paternity, the father is providing his child with certain rights and privileges, which may include:

• The emotional benefits of knowing who both parents are
  
• Emotional and financial support from both parents
  
• Access to family medical records
  
• Inheritance protections
  
• Veterans' and Social Security benefits
  
• Medical and life insurance
  
• Legal documentation of who his parents are

Not sure where you live, but here are the Texas laws. Please look up your local laws regarding child support:

 

If you have a child, but are not married, how is paternity established?

Paternity is established through the court system by one of several methods when a child is born and the parents are not married. If a man is identifed on the birth certificate, this creates only a presumption that the man named is the father of the child. Paternity testing (genetic testing), welcoming the child into the father's home, or providing gifts to the child are other pieces of evidence the court would use in favor of establishing paternity.

 

What are the fathers obligations once paternity has been established?

Under Texas law, the father, once identified by the State, is responsible for contributing to the welfare and upbringing of the child. This includes such things as child support, health insurance for the child, and the future education of the child. Again, the court system will determine these issues and to what extent the father and mother are obligated in terms of money.

[norajane]

So, you got involved with a man who lied to you about his identity, name, and age. Did he lie to you about being married, or was that the one thing he didn't lie about?

 

You've got such big blinders on about this man's supposed wonderfulness that you are completely disregarding your baby's welfare. Yes, you put his name on the birth certificate and who cares if the whole world finds out he's the baby's daddy - it's the truth, isn't it? Then you need to file for child support, because your child is going to need it. Even if you can support this one by yourself, what about college? This kid is going to need all the help s/he can get to make it in this world.

 

And somehow, you need to make sure this man is involved as a father, since he created this child, too. He doesn't get a pass on his responsibilities just because he is a pillar of the community.

[NoIDidn't]

I tried to post a reply to this earlier but it went away somehow. This sitch is close to my heart as both of my parents are the results of affairs.

 

You owe your child the scknowledgement of his father, regardless of who his father thinks he is. At the end of the day, he is no more important than how the people that love him feel about him.

 

Establish paternity, there are several ways to do this without involving a formal court. You just need two lawyers and some legally binding agreements to be made. Michael Jordan has had many a child outside of his M, and managed to keep most of them covered up in this way.

 

Stop looking to protect this man. Work to protect your child. You might be accused to getting pregnant on purpose, and whether you did or not won't matter as you are pregnant already.

 

Enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can. The drama behind Mr. Important is going to weigh on you and as a result on your baby. Protect your baby. It might not seem important right now, but whatever decisions to make today will affect your child for his life.

[bellababygirl]

I discovered his true identity by backtracing one of the phone numbers he called me on which gave me the website. The website showed his photo and true name. Once I searched his name article after article came up about him. I called him on it. He said I did not understand why he lied, but he has to be careful, a man in his position, because people have self-serving motives. What most hurt me at that moment was the fact he told me he was forty years old. I believed him. He looks forty, has an amazing body. It made me feel as if he thought I was the type of person that age would have made a difference. I dont care if he is sixty. Age has never mattered to me.

 

Just fyi...this is my third child. My oldest is nine.

[oyster]

Just fyi...this is my third child. My oldest is nine.

 

just curious here, how are you going to explain who the dad is to your other 2 children?

[burning 4 revenge]

I sometimes wonder if I can still get a woman pregnant.

[Guest]

just curious here, how are you going to explain who the dad is to your other 2 children?

 

I don't know. I am so confused right now. i am going to have to figure it out soon though, I am beginning to show.

[Guest]

I sometimes wonder if I can still get a woman pregnant.

 

Why? You are very young?

[MoonGirl]

Bella,

 

Do what is best for your baby. Like I said before, this baby certainly deserves to know who his/her father is. Your MM made the choice to create this baby, not just you. Why should you carry all the burden? Sure, you might be heckled for a bit by the media, but in a few months or less, everyone will have forgotten the story. Otherwise, you will be left to providde for this child (along with your other 2 kids) all alone.

Think about this too...if you never tell anyone who the father is, your baby will never know his/her father's family, siblings, etc. He/she will also not be entitled to inheritance.

[NoIDidn't]

Bella

 

Not trying to get too into your business, but this would help posters wanting to help you better. Feel free to not answer it, I will understand.

 

Were you already pregnant when you found out he lied about his name and community status?

[Craig]

Were you already pregnant when you found out he lied about his name and community status?

 

Does this answer your question?

 

I did not discover his age until after the pregnancy, nor his true identity.

[NoIDidn't]

Thanks for pointing that out. I completely missed it.

[puddleofmud]

So sorry to hear what has happened to you and that you are feeling very isolated about this.

Please remember that you as a Mother, have the perfect right to protect yourself and most importantly, your children. Having two children, you may realize that this may also affect them--as this may be a financial not to mention emotional/ physical strain on you!

You and your three babies are a family! Protect your family.

Find legal council before you make decisions. You may or may not love this man "forever" and perhaps some time in the future you may regret that you did not "explore all your options" as to parental responsiblities.

I BEG you to do prior to Mr. Man's legal eagles start throwing papers at you which you may sign in your delicate state of mind and regret later!

It is entirely possible that your partner must pay for any legal council--so get out there and interview attorneys!

Please, please don't let this man OWN the rest of your life and pass that burden to your unborn baby to have to live with!

This is not about you; it is about what HIS child deserves as to inheritance, etc.

And it IS about you, as no woman should fear the parentage of their child--nor carry that entire burden...

[RecordProducer]

I will assume that you intend to keep the baby. Although clinics perform the procedure up to 24 weeks, depending on the clinic, I understand that with time it gets harder and harder as the baby grows. Besides, you have already canceled the abortion.

 

You should absolutely put his name on the birth certificate if that's what you wish. You shouldn't pay attention to what he wants. He doesn't have any credits after all he's done and you have no obligation whatsoever to protect his luxurious lifestyle and make things easy for him at your own expense.

 

I don't know where you got this idea that he is a perfect man; he is a cheater and a liar. He lied to you, too about his age and identity. He didn't even tell you his real name. If he had a reason to hide his identity, what was the reason to hide his age? To get into your pants, right? Hiding his identity implies that he didn't trust you and didn't feel the necessity of revealing anything about himself until it became relevant, because now he has to get rid of the consequences in the easiest way.

 

Any woman would be immensely disappointed upon such a discovery, while you are turning your other cheek. His life seems to have a lot of importance when it comes to his career, but when it comes to women, he cheats on his wife, lies to his mistress, hides his age and identity, and gives a lot of significance to his whims. Oh, how that sounds like a typical politician! A bright career is ahead of him.

 

I am sad for you, because you didn't really need this child. Now you love him, but in a year or two you'll forget about him. Sure the child will be precious to you, but take yourself in your hands and start being practical. You need to make sure that you and your child have all you need and he better pays for his "oops."

 

I have a few questions. Do you have enough money to support the two of you? How old are you? How long have you been dating him? I am guessing that he insisted on abortion and you didn't want to do it. Am I right?

[Guest]

I spoke my tearful concerns to him. He said he can be there financially and occassionally physically as his work permits, but he can not be a full time father. He said I knew this when I did not go thru with termination of the preganancy - although he is morally against abortion he feels it was the best choice in this case. He will be gone for the long weekend then overseas for work the beginning of next week...then he will come by to see me. Between now and then I want to write out a list of my concerns on what the baby deserves and why I feel the baby deserves the requests on the list. I am hoping that between us both we can come to an understanding for the sake of our child that is best for the child while still respecting the privacy of our relationship, his family, his identity and my identity as well. I dont want to be on the cover of a grocery stand magazine. Honestly, I want him to want to do for our child, want to spend time with us, not need to because of an ultimatium...

 

Any suggestions of requests on behalf of our child to discuss next week would be much appreciated as my mind is a little overwhelmed at the moment.

 

Thank you all for your comments and support...

[Guest]

I will assume that you intend to keep the baby. Although clinics perform the procedure up to 24 weeks, depending on the clinic, I understand that with time it gets harder and harder as the baby grows. Besides, you have already canceled the abortion.

 

You should absolutely put his name on the birth certificate if that's what you wish. You shouldn't pay attention to what he wants. He doesn't have any credits after all he's done and you have no obligation whatsoever to protect his luxurious lifestyle and make things easy for him at your own expense.

 

I don't know where you got this idea that he is a perfect man; he is a cheater and a liar. He lied to you, too about his age and identity. He didn't even tell you his real name. If he had a reason to hide his identity, what was the reason to hide his age? To get into your pants, right? Hiding his identity implies that he didn't trust you and didn't feel the necessity of revealing anything about himself until it became relevant, because now he has to get rid of the consequences in the easiest way.

 

Any woman would be immensely disappointed upon such a discovery, while you are turning your other cheek. His life seems to have a lot of importance when it comes to his career, but when it comes to women, he cheats on his wife, lies to his mistress, hides his age and identity, and gives a lot of significance to his whims. Oh, how that sounds like a typical politician! A bright career is ahead of him.

 

I am sad for you, because you didn't really need this child. Now you love him, but in a year or two you'll forget about him. Sure the child will be precious to you, but take yourself in your hands and start being practical. You need to make sure that you and your child have all you need and he better pays for his "oops."

 

I have a few questions. Do you have enough money to support the two of you? How old are you? How long have you been dating him? I am guessing that he insisted on abortion and you didn't want to do it. Am I right?

I have a good job and he supplements anything I need and has pledge financial support. I am 32 years old. Dating him close to a year...he didnt insist on the abortion...he just spoke in a manner that made abortion the best choice and of course paid for the procedure...

 

After speaking with him my concerns I did not call or text him all day. He called me this evening and was very sweet and told me to rest and remember the most important thing is to be healthy. I am very overwhelmed right now...the rainy day weather has not helped my mood...I love him...but I dont understand his world, he says I am an Idealist. yes, he is very political...how did you know?

[RecordProducer]

II dont understand his world, he says I am an Idealist. yes, he is very political...how did you know?

You an idealist? You're the most (if not the only) understanding and non-demanding person I've seen on this board!

 

It's just that he is the type of profile that uses lies and all kinds of excuses and crap to get what he wants. If he is 60, his career is at the end, not at the beginning. Unless he is on TV, nobody knows and cares about him. If you don't believe me, make an anonymous call from a public phone to a weekly newspapaer or a gossip magazine and tell them that a man working for the government on a fairly important position, but not popular for the audience, is having an affair. Then ask them if they want to interview you? I bet you they will say "No, thanks."

 

What I am saying is that he is bullsh*tting you about the whole pumped-up significance of his political position. To the hell with his position! Who cares? This is about your child, not his dirty affairs at work and home and outside. He lied to you about everything! I don't understand how you can love him after that. But that's fine, just don't be naive about your baby.

[bellababygirl]

You an idealist? You're the most (if not the only) understanding and non-demanding person I've seen on this board!

 

It's just that he is the type of profile that uses lies and all kinds of excuses and crap to get what he wants. If he is 60, his career is at the end, not at the beginning. Unless he is on TV, nobody knows and cares about him. If you don't believe me, make an anonymous call from a public phone to a weekly newspapaer or a gossip magazine and tell them that a man working for the government on a fairly important position, but not popular for the audience, is having an affair. Then ask them if they want to interview you? I bet you they will say "No, thanks."

 

What I am saying is that he is bullsh*tting you about the whole pumped-up significance of his political position. To the hell with his position! Who cares? This is about your child, not his dirty affairs at work and home and outside. He lied to you about everything! I don't understand how you can love him after that. But that's fine, just don't be naive about your baby.

 

 

 

He is in a variety of magaizines...on FORBES, etc. He is all over the internet...dines with Vice President of US, Gover. of CA and has highest of security clear. He is very important to foriegn affairs with other countries and the economy...not just from his own mouth, but after he lied to me about his age/name/etc. I googled his name and it all was true...

 

He (and his family) really do give so much to charity and good causes...he really has a good heart. I guess I figured his marriage remained because they have one child (middle school age still at home) with all the others graduated from college already...that and I am sure after 30-something years of marriage he must love her...

 

I dont want to hurt anyone. I dont want to hurt myself or our baby either. I do love him...There has to be a way to work though this...I just cant see it right now... Since I dont know the right way to do it just yet, I am kind of just waiting...I would rather take my time then to make a rash decision that I will regret. Our baby will be here this summer...nothing will change that...if how we met ever got out it would be a public humiliation...we met on an internet dating website...his profile said he was single, forty, and had no children...if that got out it would make Charlie Sheen's online dating look like a cakewalk....I cant do that to him or his family...or to mine...

[whichwayisup]

he really has a good heart

 

DOES HE REALLY? WTF IS THIS THEN???

 

we met on an internet dating website...his profile said he was single, forty, and had no children

 

The guy is a selfish a-hole scumbag!! A liar, a user and a pig!

 

Please STOP thinking of him like a KING cuz he ain't one at all.

 

This guy has pulled the wool over your eyes and is manipulating you in SO many ways. You're fooling yourself into thinking that he 'cares' for you...IF and WHEN it gets out, he'll drop you like a hot potatoe and turn it ALL on you.

 

Get a lawyer!!!

[RecordProducer]

...if how we met ever got out it would be a public humiliation...we met on an internet dating website...his profile said he was single, forty, and had no children...I cant do that to him or his family...or to mine...

It's not YOU who did it to him and his family. You thought he was single, 40, no kids - perfect match!

 

But he chose to engage in first-degree infidelity. He planned it, put a profile foll of lies on the net, met a woman to whom he lied, cheated on his wife, got his 30-year younger mistress pregnant, and now when he needs to show responsibility for his sins and bear the consequences, his life, career, social status, and family suddenly have immense significance!

 

I don't want to guess anything that's politically incorrect... but I can't help but notice that you feel inferior and act with self-awareness which is typical for certain groups that are being discriminated against. What's the reason for you to feel so lower than him? He chose you and lied to you. You didn't choose this situation. As far as you're concerned, you had a single boyfriend who was 8 years older than you and loved you and told you the whole truth about himself. Alsa, that wasn't the case. He is an old man and should have known that every action is followed by certain consequences.

[bellababygirl]

It's not YOU who did it to him and his family. You thought he was single, 40, no kids - perfect match!

 

But he chose to engage in first-degree infidelity. He planned it, put a profile foll of lies on the net, met a woman to whom he lied, cheated on his wife, got his 30-year younger mistress pregnant, and now when he needs to show responsibility for his sins and bear the consequences, his life, career, social status, and family suddenly have immense significance!

 

I don't want to guess anything that's politically incorrect... but I can't help but notice that you feel inferior and act with self-awareness which is typical for certain groups that are being discriminated against. What's the reason for you to feel so lower than him? He chose you and lied to you. You didn't choose this situation. As far as you're concerned, you had a single boyfriend who was 8 years older than you and loved you and told you the whole truth about himself. Alsa, that wasn't the case. He is an old man and should have known that every action is followed by certain consequences.

 

 

 

 

It is hard for me to fault him when I am the one pregnant by a MM. What type of woman does that make me to love a MM? I feel terrible. But, I love all my children. I don't know why he was on a dating site. I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old. I was taking birth control pills when I became pregnant. I just relocated back to CA, began a new job, and moved closer to him. He helped me move. I know it takes two to make a child, but now that I know he is married I cant stop loving him and it makes me feel like a low life...

[lovelorcet]

It still amazes me sometimes how blind a woman can be.

 

Miss Bella...

 

You are nothing more than a F*ck buddy to this man. He is only continuing to be nice to you as damage control.

[Reckless]

Hi Bella,

 

You sound quite young and/or inexperienced but you have to be responsible for yourself and your baby's future now. Time to grow up and look at the facts as they stand. Everybody is saying it but I'm not sure you can hear them given your present emotional state...

 

why not print this thread out and carry it with you until you're ready to take needed action.

 

 

 

1. Don't sign anything he or his lawyers give you without your own lawyer by your side (just say you don't feel ready to deal with legal matters yet)

 

2. Put the name of the baby's father on his birth certificate when the time comes.

 

3. Legally establish paternity .

 

You cannot stop things from changing or protect your lover or yourself from the consequences of what has happened. Everything else will work out - just take baby steps and don't do anything drastic. Take good council, find a legal advisor, speak to a trusted friend and try not to panic.

 

As for your lover's 'reputation' - the 'piper is demanding payment' he'll have to cash up.