"I can't at the moment"...what does this mean?

[alasia]

Hi, I posted my story a couple of weeks ago, but very briefly for anyone who didn't read my last post; I'm 23, had been with my boyfriend (aged 44) for 5 months when we went on a break (his decision, my fault) on the 30th December.

 

It was quite a rocky relationship (we both have very similar personalities; both quite insecure and would throw insults around to hurt each other during an argument, then take the insults to heart and feel awful) but we both agree we had some great times, and managed to overcome most of the problems without splitting up, or even thinking about ending the relationship.

 

The problems in the relationship were mostly down to either his jealousy (he was convinced I'd find someone younger, and there were a lot of times when he accused me of cheating, which is something I'd never even considered doing) or my habit (which I'm not proud of, for obvious reasons) of sometimes getting frustrated during arguments and lashing out. Usually hitting him on the arm, but occasionally while drunk I'd caused more damage - slapping him around the face, pulling his hair, and once even kicking him on the thigh (I was sitting on the sofa at the time, he was standing up in front of me) with high-heeled boots on. It marked him and he had a bruise for a few weeks. I hated myself for it, and vowed to stay away from him when I'd been drinking, not because I thought I couldn't control myself, but 'just in case'.

He wanted to go on the break because he couldn't take it anymore, and I completely understand his reasons. I turned into a complete bitch in the space of a month (I'd never shown any signs of violence before then), which could be down to the fact it turns out I was pregnant with his baby, but I don't think hormones can be to blame. I think it just became my way of feeling in control (due to various circumstances, I felt completely lost and like the fate of our relationship was down to him, and I had no control over it).

 

I tried to keep to the LC/NC he asked for but it was hard, then about a week into the break, after 3 straight days of NC I went to meet him (he'd asked me to, as I had to give him something for our pet rats, which are kept at his place). He's a bus driver so I met him on the bus and ended up staying to talk to him. We got on really well, the relationship wasn't mentioned at all and when I was about to leave, he kissed me and asked me to stay over at his house that night. I did, and he was going to sleep on the sofa at first but ended up sharing the bed with me. We cuddled up and it felt like old times, it was lovely. We ended up having sex and afterwards I asked what it meant. He said it was how it used to be, and said he thought we might be able to get back together. I stayed at his house for 2 more nights and during that time we got on so well, acting just like a couple again. It was like we were in our own little bubble.

 

I didnt hear from him for a few days after I left, then on sunday we somehow got into an argument through text-message, ending in me going over there that night, to pick up my stuff. His friend was there when I arrived and persauded me to go out for a drink with him, to leave my boyfriend to calm down.

I ended up getting fairly drunk and the friend started coming on to me. I told him I loved my boyfriend too much and he apologised, so I thought that was it. He said I could sleep on his sofa, and, stupidly, I believed him so went back there. He kissed me and I responded for a few seconds, then realised what I was doing. If I'm honest, a part of me did consider sleeping with the friend, because my boyfriend that night had said he hated me, we weren't together at the time and I thought it would be the easiest way to get over him. But when we got to the bedroom I panicked and realised I really did love my boyfriend too much, and could never have sex with anyone else - so I left and ran back to my boyfriend's house.

 

He let me in, and I closed the door on his friend (who'd followed me, asking me to go back with him and saying he was sorry) then admitted to my boyfriend what had happened. We argued, then ended up lying on the sofa together, cuddling and falling asleep. The next morning I was being violently sick (unusual for me after I've been drinking) and my boyfriend was being so attentive, lying next to me all morning and cuddling up, stroking my hair and saying he did still have feelings for me (when I'd asked him if he still cared). He focused all his anger on the friend, saying he'd taken advantage of me etc and over the next couple of days, I stayed at his house and we got on just like a couple again. Everytime I said I knew we wouldnt ever get back together, he'd say something like "don't say that", "I might have more feelings for you than you know" or "I do still have feelings", so I thought that maybe we'd be ok.

On Tuesday he even said he didn't care what his family thought (understandably, they hate me - even more so now he's told them about what happened with his friend!) and that "if and when" we got back together, they'd just have to accept it.

 

I went home on wednesday afternoon thinking we were ok and on the road to giving things another go, then on thursday I sent him a message asking if he'd heard from his friend. He said yes, and that his story matched up to mine but when I asked if that meant we night be able to work things out, he said he never wanted to see me again and that he'd bring my stuff over to my house on saturday.

I spoke to him a few times and one minute he'd say he didnt have feelings and couldnt be with me, and the next second he'd say whenever he sees me he gets feelings and he doesn't want to have them anymore - and saying his family would disown him if he ever got back together with me.

 

He brought my belongings over yesterday morning and also brought his sister in law, who made it clear she hates me. He wouldn't speak to me.

 

I went over to see him yesterday evening, really just to say goodbye and tell him I wouldn't contact him again if it was what he wanted. He was surprised to see me and said I shouldn't be there, and at first he wouldn't answer my questions (I'd asked if he meant it when he said he had feelings at the start of the week, and why the sudden change of heart). Then he mellowed a bit, and I thought I saw it in his eyes that he still had feelings for me, but maybe that was just sadness, because he told me I'd really gotten to him and ground him down...I never realised how much it affected him because he never shows his feelings.

I said I wished he'd give me another chance to prove that it wouldn't happen again - the past 3 weeks have really given me a wakeup call - and he said the family would disown him and it just wouldn't work.

 

I sent him a text message this morning, explaining that I hadn't really kissed my ex a week ago (I told him that I had), and I onyl said it to make him think I was over him. I just felt he needed to know that. He replied straight away (unusual for him recently) saying "I actually believe you. Then again you did always love to make me jealous".

 

I phoned him to tell him I never tried to make him unhappy, I was just so insecure that I sometimes went into a panic and unconsiously tried to push him away, which is why I acted the way I did. Ironically now, I realise how much he means to me.

He listened, didn't say much apart from answering my questions (he admitted that there were a lot of good times over the past 5 months; I was worried he'd secretly been depressed the whole time) and when I asked if he'd ever thought about giving me another chance, he said no. I asked why and he said he wouldn't trust me (not to hit him again). I asked him to give me a chance with whatever rules and boundaries he wanted, and that I'd do anything to prove to him and his family that people can and do change if they want something enough. And I really want him. He said "I can't at the moment!" so I left it at that.

 

What confuses me is the last part of my message - "I can't at the moment". Do you think this means there's a tiny chance in future, or am I readiong too much into it and was he just being polite?

 

I'm not going to contact him now, see what happens and maybe in a few days give him a call to check he's ok. Then leave it up to him.

 

Am I wasting my time hoping for another chance?

 

Sory for the looong post.

[alasia]

Whoops...somehow managed to double post - if the Mods want to delete this, feel free :-)

[justagirliegirl]

sigh...as long as there are humans there's going to be a big mess.

 

Here are the problems I see from reading this post and your others.

 

1. You moved way too fast with this guy. Living with him after a week?

 

2. He's way too old. Old enough to be your Dad. 5 months and things are fizzling out because frankly it is a big stroke to the old guy's ego to have some young thing like you but at the end of the day you are both on very different stages of life.

 

3. Failure to protect you body from unwanted pregnancy.

 

4. Violence and alcohol. Seek out some counseling for this so you can get this under control before the baby comes.

 

What to do? Leave this guy alone for now. When the baby comes get him to pay child support. Do you have a good education and a career that pays well? If not, I would focus on getting that done. Focus on preparing for the child coming into your life. Take some parenting classes, child development and nutrition classes to make sure it has a good start in life. Get on some reliable form of birth control. Good Luck!

[alasia]

Thanks for the advice, I can see why you'd think he was too old - and at first, that was one of the reasons I decided against being with him, initially.

 

But he's not an 'old' 44 year old - in fact, I'd say he's more immature than me, as he's very dependent/close to his family, particularly his mother.

 

The violence and anger issues I am having counselling for, and I'm making sure I'm eating properly and doing everything I should be to look after the baby (I actually phoned my doctor on monday, to ask whether drinking could have caused a problem and she said no, as long as it was a one-off - so I DEFINITELY won't be doing that again!)

 

We did move too quickly, but at the time it seemed to work. And it did, for 5 months. The problems were caused by issues not related to us living together.

 

We had actually talked about having a baby, and agreed that it was what we both wanted - although it seems like it was too soon, we did plan on being together *forever* (not that anything is guaranteed, obviously), he'd even proposed. He still wants to be as involved as possible with the baby.

 

I am going to leave him alone and concentrate on myself, but I suppose what I'm asking is, is he just being polite by talking to me/saying "I can't be with you at the moment", or could there be a chance of working things out?

[letter-to-elise]

I don't know him and I can only guess at what he meant, when he said "not at the moment".

 

My guess is that he still loves you and still wants to be with you, but there are just too many things that do not speak in favour of your relationship and he has realized that. Maybe it is time that you realize it as well? If he provokes such an anger in you that you hit and kick him, that you tell him you kissed your ex to hurt him and that you even for a moment consider sleeping with his friend are just bad bad signs.

 

Your post clearly shows that he is a very immature 40-year-old. He is too indecisive and too unsure of himself. However, that is not a good thing! Your relationship might have a chance if he was a mature man, but if he is not strong enough to make a decision about your relationship, he is not strong enough to be in that relationship either.

 

I am sorry for you and your baby and I know that you are going through a hard time. Breaking up is hard, but sometimes it is for the best. Along with the others I would also suggest you take anger-management classes. Men shouldn't hit and neither should women!

 

I suggest YOU decide that you do not want to be in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship!

 

Love, etc...

Elise

[al8765]

Since you're having a child together, the father of the child is going to be in your life forever. Have the two of you discussed how you want that to work if you aren't together?

[alasia]

Thanks Elise. I am going to take anger management classes, but the thing is it wasn't about anger at the time, as such. It was more that I became convinced he didn't want to be with me (at the time he'd got into the habit of not answering questions, just staring into space and ignoring me when I ask important questions and it was sooo frustrating) that hitting oout was kind of my way of pushing him away, giving him a reason to end things, so to speak. I know it sounds stupid now and everyone says they're 'not a violent person', but I just don't have that 'desire' in me to hit out anymore. We spent time together (ok so it was only 2-3 days at a time!) this week and last, and we argued a little, but I never wanted to hit him.

 

al8765 - I'm only 7 weeks pregnant, so I haven't really discussed anything with him yet. I wouldn't have told him so soon, but we were 3 days into a break when I discovered I was pregnant. We had been trying for a baby before the break, so I felt like I should tell him - I thought that if I didn't and he decided he wanted to be with me after all and then I told him, he might think I'd kept it quiet just to get him back. That make any sense?

Anyway all I know is over the past couple of weeks he's been saying he was getting excited about the idea, wanted to go to scans with me, asked if he'd still be involved even if we didn't get back together...but since Thursday (when he had the sudden change of heart), he hasn't mentioned the pregnancy. Neither have I.

[alasia]

Anymore advice? I could really do with some.

 

I was in tears earlier because my ex (hate that word...) brought my pet rats over to me yesterday. They'd been at his house but he brought them when he brought the rest of my belongings over...a few days ago (thursday) he said he 'd bring them back, so I wouldn't have an excuse to go over there

 

Anyway the tears were caused by the rats reminding me of him. I'd been fine until I let them out for a run in the living room today. They were climbing all over my dad and he was laughing, and it reminded me of the way they became very attached to my ex. He'd spend ages witht he rats climbing all over him, laughing at them tickling his ears as they sniffed him, and I just burst into tears and cried for about an hour!

 

I left a tearful message on my ex's answerphone, asking him to take the rats back as I couldn't cope having a reminder of him in the house. If he doesn't have feelings for me, it should be easier for him to have them - and I know he loves them and takes care of them well.

 

He hasn't replied, but he's been out today drinking, so may have fallen asleep. Should I call him to check he got the message?

[al8765]

I wouldn't just yet. If he's been out drinking, then he might be asleep. My ex and I have a dog together and we've been discussing how to make it easy on her because we don't want her to get stressed and/or ill from the change in environment. How does your ex feel about the rats? If he took them, would that mean you would never see the rats again? If you wouldn't see them again, I would suggest keeping them. It will be difficult at first, but at least you walk away with something from the relationship that has the potential to make you happy.

[alasia]

Well they were my rats to begin with, but he got very attached to them.

 

He used to tell everyone how great they were, he was the one who'd let them out for runs most days and he'd sit laughing as they climbed all over him. He loved them. Last Sunday he was in the pub and they had a buffet - Phil (my ex) went straight over and started filling a plate full of chicken wings, cheese etc and then came back to his friends saying "that's for the rats!"

 

He even named one of them and used to call them "our rats" - it's stupid, but those are the things I keep thinking about whenever I see the rats, and it hurts like hell. I love them and would love to keep them, but I kind of feel like I can't keep them with me because they're reminding me of him too much. And if he doesn't have any feelings for me, I need as few reminders of him as possible so I can get over him.

 

I feel bad for even considering 'getting rid' of them, but I know he'd look after them well.

 

I don't think I could go and visit them at the moment, what with my ex saying yesterday that he wanted complete NC (although we have spoken on the phone today and it was amicable), but maybe when things are a bit less raw, I could visit or even take them back.

[spinback]

I have a very good idea of how you feel at the moment; I split up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago having been with her for 26 months.

 

I realise how difficult it is, but I've learnt in the past few weeks that any form of contact only takes you back a stage. Every time I spoke to my girlfriend it gave me false hope that we'd eventually get back together, so I've resolved not to talk to her until I'm certain I have no feelings for her. I realise the rats, and more importantly the baby will make this impossible for any long period of time, but by the sound of it you have both been back and forth far too much already; you need to let things settle and acknowledge that you can't chase him forever.

[alasia]

I know...it's because at the moment, I don't want to get over him - I want to be back with him.

 

The more I think about his behaviour over the last week, the more I realise he probably hasn't wanted to get back with me for a while - last Sunday when I went to collect my stuff, he said something like "Lee (his friend, who was there at the time) has been through break ups like this before...and he'd been with them for 8 years", on Tuesday I said I needed to know his feelings so that I could get over him properly and he said "I want you to get over me" when I asked why, he said "because I'm an idiot". Then again, Tuesday night he brought me back to his place and we slept on the sofa, cuddling up. Then he said he had feelings for me. Ok so he might have been talking bull to get laid, but he doesn't seem the type to do that.

 

It's just been so confusing, part of me thinks/hopes that he still has feelings but circumstances mean it's impossible (he thinks) for us to get back together, but then he could just be being polite, and I could be taking it all the wrong way.

 

What do you think?

[spinback]

It all sounds so complicated that as a complete bystander I can't even begin to know what to think.

 

But... it's fairly clear that he's under a lot of pressure from his family (and perhaps friends?) to call things a day and whether he still has feelings for you or not, I know how it feels to have that sort of pressure placed on you... sounds like he might have just succumbed to it. You can speculate endlessly but by the sound of it you're not going to get a conclusive answer from him -- there'll always be something he does/says that will keep that little bit of hope going.

[alasia]

The thing is, he's one of those people who finds it hard to make a decision - he's very non-confrontational and apparently even got engaged to his last girlfriend, just because her mum suggested it! That was after 3 months and they were together for 3 years so he ovbiously loved her, but that's weird, right? Unless there's more to it that he hasn't told me

 

If he does still have feelings and has just bowed to the pressure by his family, and possibly also realised that a relationship with me would be too difficult, then it might be easier for me to accept.

 

The thing that's getting to me is the thought that maybe he didn't have feelings all this time and was just saying those things to let me down gently, or because I "don't take no for an answer" (as he said during one argument recently). But the reason I find it hard to believe it when he says he doesn't have feelings, is because two minutes later he'll be saying he does have feelings, but can't act on them because of (insert reason)

If he'd stick to one answer it'd be a hell of a lot easier, but it's that part that he doesn't seem to understand.

 

I think even now if he said he did have feelings, or wanted to get back together I'd always have doubts in the back of my mind; is he going to change his mind again, is he only doing it because I'm pregnant/he feels sorry for me...so I think either way the chances of us being together in the future are slim-none.

 

He's my first 'serious' boyfriend and because we moved far too quickly, I fell for him more deeply than I probably would have normally (whereas he's used to the 'moving fast' thing), so it's like we've been together far longer than we actually have.

I'm unusual for my age, in the sense that I'm not the type to 'want' a relationship, or even feel attracted to people. I fall for people only very rarely and I really wasn't expecting to meet Phil.

He's the same - he was single for 2 years before he met me, and says he's not interested in meeting anyone else - the difference is, he's quite happy to carry on with his single life, he's happy with his own company whereas now I've got the 'taste' for a relationship, I don't want to be single.

 

Saying that though, I don't think I'll meet anyone else. I just don't want any relationship, and understandably at the moment, the thought of being with someone else, kissing them or even going on casual dates feels really weird. I can't imagine doing it.

 

I might change my mind, but I really can see us both being single in 2 years' time! Hehe.

 

I'll miss holding him the most, maybe if we become friends in the future we can meet up for a quickie (cuddle, that is!) once in a while!

[alasia]

Hmm. Got a text from my ex last night saying "you know I can't keep the rats. As much as I miss them".

 

Phoned him this morning and asked if the reason he wouldn't take them was because he thought I'd have a reason to visit them. He said "might be". He was very monosyllabic (he was at work, but he's like that with me lately anyway!) he said he's sick of answering to me - but he never answers my questions! Grr.

Anyway got him talking a bit, and I asked if he'd been lying on Sunday when he said he hated me (which was the whole reason I went out with his friend!), and on tuesday when during an argument, he said "I'll never get rid of you, will I?". He took both of those comments back straight after he'd said them and I asked why, if they were the truth? He didn't really answer so I asked if he's hated me for the whole three weeks, or was he just unsure of his feelings. He said he didn't hate me, and he hadn't been sure how he felt.

 

I asked roughly how long he's known he didn't have feelings and he said "since you went out and got drunk (with his friend)". He said it was partly becauise I'd got drunk and partly because of who I went out with, but then said "it's what you almost did with him". Apparently he's spoken to his friend and his story matched mine. My boyfriend told him that I'd stuck up for him (whereas the friend was caling me all sorts of names) and the friend said I didn't stop talking about my boyfriend all night. Don't think it's made any difference to him, though.

 

He had to go as he was about to start work, but said "phone me later, or I'll ring you". I asked him to phone me for a change and he said he would, after work when he's bought some more credit for his phone. Whether he does actually phone or not remains to be seen - I'm not holding my breath!

 

What I don't get, is how feelings can just 'disappear' because I *almost* slept with his friend (although there was never any real chance of us having sex; I couldn't have done it to my boyfriend). I think either he still has some feelings but is just hiding them because he can't/doesn't want to be with me anymore, or he was telling the truth on Sunday when he said he hated me and didn't have feelings.

 

Just wish I could work out which one it was!

[spinback]

Surely the overall outcome will be the same, regardless of which it is? Do you believe the situation you're in now is recoverable? Is it the relationship element you miss more than your ex himself?

 

In the end, if he's telling you to move on, then you should. Apart from anything else, I know that if it were me I wouldn't want to be with someone who's family hated me to the point where they threatened to disown my partner if they continued seeing me.

 

Because I'm a guy, I'll always tend to look at it from his point of view (not that I'm unsympathetic to yours). BUT... you can't escape the fact that you hit/kicked him on several occasions, deliberately made him jealous and was on the verge of sleeping with his friend. I would say, then, that if he's still inviting you over for 'cuddles' and such after that, he still has feelings for you. Feelings don't just disappear like that at all. I still love my ex very much, even though she treated me badly. But it doesn't change the fact that it's over and I have to move on.

[alasia]

You know what? I believe the situation could be resolved and we could get back together, if he was willing to.

 

It would take a lot of work, because there's been trust lost on both sides - but at the moment all I want to work out is whether he had feelings for me on those nights I stayed over (and he said he still had feelings), because if he was lying and still had sex with me, then I got him all wrong and he's not the type of guy I'd be interested in anyway. His personality seems to have changed dramatically over the past few days, although maybe he'd say the same about me. He's just acting completely the opposite to how I know/think he is and that's what's affecting me the most.

It's important to me to know that when he said he had feelings, he did.

 

It's kind of a trust thing. If he lied about this, when else has he been lying, you know?

[alasia]

Forgot to add; he's still agreeing to things he doesn't really want to do...caught his bus into town earlier (I was actually trying to avoid him, but miscalculated my times!) but didn't really speak to him, apart from arguing that I wanted to pay when he tried to let me on for free, and when I got off I totally ignored him (mainly because he said "thanks Karen!" in a really over-the-top way, and it annoyed me.

 

I felt bad for not speaking, so as that run was the end of his shift, I gave him a call and asked if he wanted to meet me for a drink. He said he wouldn't drink and drive, and I said that we could meet in what used to be his old local pub - it's close enough to his house that he could catch a bus or taxi home quite cheaply, but far enough away from his town that we wouldn't risk seeing any of his family or anyone that hates me! Plus my bus home goes right past there. He thought about it for a bit, at first said dhe wanted to get home but then told me to get the 4.05pm bus over to the pub - he'd go home, take care of some things he had to get sorted (paying bills, etc) then come and meet me. I agreed and he said he'd phone me.

 

I was expecting him to cancel, to be honest, and just before 4pm he called and asked if I'd meet him friday instead. I asked why, and he said his friend had just phoned asking him to go out for a drink.

I was upset that he'd agreed to go out with his friend when he'd already arranged to meet me, but to be honest I just thought he'd had a change of heart, and meeting his friend was just a cover.

I asked why he wanted to meet on friday and he ssaid he was off work that day, and he'd come to my place. I asked if that meant we were just going to sit in the car and he just said "meet me friday". I asked again why he had to come to me, instead of me going over to where he lived, and he said "you'll end up staying over..." (like he'd have no say in it!) and wouldn't believe me when I tried to reassure him that I wasn't interested in staying over, I just wanted to meet him as friends.

 

The thing is, he was already on his way home when he phoned me, so he'd already made up his mind that he didn't want to meet me. So why agree in the first place?!

 

I spoke to him a little later, and asked why he'd agreed to meet me when he obviously didn't want to - I said was it because you think I won't take no for an answer?! and he said "you don't". But the thing is he's never actually said "no" to me! He always agrees to stuff then changes his mind, or keeps quiet. I don't understand that.

[alasia]

*sigh* he's doing it again...

 

I spoek to him on the phone this morning, said something about feelings and him hating me, and he said he doesn't hate me - but "I don't know what to do with you and I need to sort my own head out first". He also said we both need to work out where we want to go from here.

 

I said his feelings wouldn't just re-appear even if we did both have space, and he said "I don't know...I just need time"

 

I understand that he's asking for space, but why's he saying things that sound like he might consider giving us another go in future? Why not just stick to what he was saying before...that he can't/doesn't want to be with me?

 

Now I'm so confused and wondering whether he's trying to play games.

[CaliGuy]

Thanks for the advice, I can see why you'd think he was too old - and at first, that was one of the reasons I decided against being with him, initially.

 

But he's not an 'old' 44 year old - in fact, I'd say he's more immature than me, as he's very dependent/close to his family, particularly his mother.

 

His age/your age doesn't bother me nearly as much as you saying he is very dependent on his family. You are both over the age of 18 so what you do with yourselves is clearly up to you and never let someone tell you someone is too old or young. Age is a state of mind.

 

Having said that, the word "dependent" is a very, very powerful word which conjures images in my mind of a 44 year old man that is still not independent.

 

The violence and anger issues I am having counselling for, and I'm making sure I'm eating properly and doing everything I should be to look after the baby (I actually phoned my doctor on monday, to ask whether drinking could have caused a problem and she said no, as long as it was a one-off - so I DEFINITELY won't be doing that again!)

 

I'd start with curbing the alcohol or in fact, removing it from your daily life completely.

 

We did move too quickly, but at the time it seemed to work. And it did, for 5 months. The problems were caused by issues not related to us living together.

 

True, but relationships that take off like a rocket tend to come down just as quickly.

 

We had actually talked about having a baby, and agreed that it was what we both wanted - although it seems like it was too soon, we did plan on being together *forever* (not that anything is guaranteed, obviously), he'd even proposed. He still wants to be as involved as possible with the baby.

 

Shouldn't you get married first?

 

I am going to leave him alone and concentrate on myself, but I suppose what I'm asking is, is he just being polite by talking to me/saying "I can't be with you at the moment", or could there be a chance of working things out?

 

Your first statement in this paragraph answers that question. You shouldn't care if he is being polite or not. Put the focus on you and getting your life together first and foremost. Whatever happens after that, once you have your life in order, you'll be able to handle. Either getting back together or breaking apart for good.

[2sunny]

Ideally - marriage should come before conceiving children. That way they have an intack family.

 

DO NOT drink alcohol while you are pregnant... this is dangerous to the fetus! You will live with those consequences forever if the baby is deformed in one way or another.

 

Take care of yourself - you have two lives to think about being healthy for now.

 

Good luck and best wishes for a good outcome.

[alasia]

Oh don't worry guys - the alcohol is out. I didn't drink much before (I'm not really a 'going out' type of person, which is unusual for my age) and that incident was a one-off.

Me and my ex are talking, and I know he wants to be involved with the baby so we're getting there.

For now though, me and baby are number one priority.