cheater wants ex back.

[Hurtin..]

hey all.. this is a long story, but I'm going to make it as short as I can.. After 2 1/2 years with my girlfriend, I cheated on her..and she found out.. She was devestated as anyone would be and she dumped me.. I know I made a terrible mistake, and I know I'd never cheat again, cause I dont want to see her, or anyone else hurt like that ever again. It was my first and last time cheating. We have had contact almost every day after that happend, but 3 weeks after the breakup, she started dating another guy.. obviously a rebound.. but at the same time, it's killing me.. She still knows that I love her to death, and I know she loves me too. She calls often to talk to me, and constantly asks if I'm seeing anyone.. which im not, cause I want her back. When we see each other, she smiles with me.. takes fuzz out of my hair, interlocks arms with me.. kinda acts like we're together, minus the kissing. She's officially with the guy now, but I know she's not over me, or the situation.. I want her back so bad.. what should I do? Do u guys feel that I can win her back so I can earn her trust again? Regards.

[Krytellan]

The main problem here is that there's nothing "you" can do. You already did it when you cheated on her. I would suggest moving on and putting yourself back on the market. That's as likely to get her attention as anything else if that matters to you. But don't do it expecting her back. Believe it or not, cheating is something some of us never forgive.

[Davis]

No offense, but if she's smart and respects herself, she will never take you back. Your fault, bro. She really should tell you to go get fcked and not have any contact with you. Why did you cheat? Did you think of the consequences? You were thinking with your d*ck? Thought you were too smart to get caught?

 

Maybe you weren't that in love with her. Remember "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". You've shown her you are a cheater. IMO, it would be almost impossible for her to learn to trust you again. If you got back together, she would always wonder about you and what you're doing. It would drive her crazy just like it did when I took my cheating ex back. Move on. Learn your lesson. Leave her alone. Don't cheat on the next gf.

[Guest]

Original poster here.. Thanks for your responses.. but for the second response..I see why you're a little firm on me, cause I am what your girl did to you.. but the thing is.. I know in my heart, that I wouldnt cheat on her again, and I know that she would be questioning my every move, and whatnot. I am willing to earn her trust back, no matter how hard it may be to do so.. I even want her to move in with me. I hear people saying that once a cheater, always a cheater.. and I disagree.

 

People can change.. maybe a small amount, but people do change. After seeing her hurt, and crying, I would NEVER want to put her through that again.. and I know right now, she's thinkin about what it would be like to be with me, cause she still calls me, and doesnt want me to go away. She even said she would come back to me, if she knew that I wouldnt do it again.. so how should I play this out? Especially when she's seeing her rebound guy right now??

[Rooster_DAR]

I agree with the other posters, you made a big mistake and only she has power to decide if she want you back or not. I would not count on it, just live and learn to make better decisions with the next person your with.

 

P.S. Nearly everyone makes this mistake in life, and many of us learn the hard way from this mistake.

 

Good luck!

[samsungxoxo]

Well you gotta understand that's one thing many people can't deal with. I wouldn't deal with it, to me being replaced would mean b/f doesn't acre about me whatsoever. As to what can you do, try not to call her so much, it's really up to her to choose whether to take your back or not.

 

If she doesn't take you back and is still with her new b/f, let this serve a lesson to you on how hurting others lead to consequences.

 

[Madeamistake]

Hey bro!

 

Live with it, learn from it and never repeat it. I know that it hurts but in time that hurt will go away.

 

Love yourself, love others and respect all no matter what. At least you know what the consequences of cheating are now - and how you lost everything that you had worked so hard for. Take time away from her, dont contact her and make new friends - leading to meeting other people.

 

Sorry bro, but its just the way of the world.

 

Good luck and smile.

[Javelin]

You cheat, you lose. It's like driving drunk; JUST DONT DO IT!

 

Anyway, learn and move on!

[stace79]

I'd say if she is telling you she is with someone else and happy, then back off and leave her alone. Not only did YOU do the screwing up (no pun intended), but you are being very selfish and inconsiderate by trying to "win" her back if she is happily moving on with someone else.

 

IF she were not dating anyone else, I'd say do whatever you had to to try and heal the damage to your relationship. Two and a half years is a lengthy investment in someone...

 

Have you seen the movie "The Last Kiss?" Go rent it, asap.

[guest]

Original poster here.. My ex tells me almost every single day that if she knew that I wouldnt cheat again, she would drop this guy quicker than a pound of canadian bacon. So thats what gives me hope.. I realize that 95% of women who are victims of cheating, would tell the guy to go get stuffed, and leave her alone.. but mine, she still wants to talk to me.. still wants to see me on the occasion.. even wanted to come over and hang out for a while.

 

She loves me and I love her..and even tho she is in a "relationship" that doesnt seem to deter me from wanting my ex back.. she's rebounding.. the admitted that he's a rebound, but is "willing to stick around to see what happens".. You guys on here are harsh on cheaters, but I do love the feedback.. IT's sinking in, as to how serious this is, and how much I hurt her.. but Im not a bad guy.. I just screwed up, and I love her to death.. when she contacts me, how do I handle her?

 

She messeges me on msn everyday... she calls.. what should I do? I just want to prove to her that I do still love her, and that I'd do anything to earn her trust back.. even move her in here with me.. any more thoughts? Thanks for your responses guys.. harsh or not

[stace79]

If she loves you, she would drop the other guy. It's completely selfish and unfair what she is doing to him. Send her my response if you wish...She has GOT to decide whether she wants to work things out with you, or if she wants to move on with him. But she MUST NOT try to have both. It's unfair to everyone involved and will only get to be a murkier situation the longer it goes on.

 

That said, if she stays with the other guy, I would take some space. Tell her you don't want to be disrespectful of her new man's feelings, because that's what you are both doing. He doesn't know he's the rebound, or if he does, probably doesn't want to accept it. Tell her you still love her and want to be there for her, but after that, stop talking unless she breaks it off with new guy.

 

If she does break it off with new guy, do whatever you have to to prove you mean what you say. Go rent "The Last Kiss." Should give you some tips. And don't ever cheat on anyone again.

 

Original poster here.. My ex tells me almost every single day that if she knew that I wouldnt cheat again, she would drop this guy quicker than a pound of canadian bacon. So thats what gives me hope.. I realize that 95% of women who are victims of cheating, would tell the guy to go get stuffed, and leave her alone.. but mine, she still wants to talk to me.. still wants to see me on the occasion.. even wanted to come over and hang out for a while.

 

She loves me and I love her..and even tho she is in a "relationship" that doesnt seem to deter me from wanting my ex back.. she's rebounding.. the admitted that he's a rebound, but is "willing to stick around to see what happens".. You guys on here are harsh on cheaters, but I do love the feedback.. IT's sinking in, as to how serious this is, and how much I hurt her.. but Im not a bad guy.. I just screwed up, and I love her to death.. when she contacts me, how do I handle her?

 

She messeges me on msn everyday... she calls.. what should I do? I just want to prove to her that I do still love her, and that I'd do anything to earn her trust back.. even move her in here with me.. any more thoughts? Thanks for your responses guys.. harsh or not

[serial muse]

you haven't said anything about why you did it in the first place. hard to know what the risk factor is for doing it again when it isn't clear why you strayed to begin with.

[Salicious Crumb]

I have to laugh everytime I hear some cheater say they love the person they betrayed....ya...tell us another good one.

[DREAMZ]

hey all.. this is a long story, but I'm going to make it as short as I can.. After 2 1/2 years with my girlfriend, I cheated on her..and she found out.. She was devestated as anyone would be and she dumped me.. I know I made a terrible mistake, and I know I'd never cheat again, cause I dont want to see her, or anyone else hurt like that ever again. It was my first and last time cheating. We have had contact almost every day after that happend, but 3 weeks after the breakup, she started dating another guy.. obviously a rebound.. but at the same time, it's killing me.. She still knows that I love her to death, and I know she loves me too. She calls often to talk to me, and constantly asks if I'm seeing anyone.. which im not, cause I want her back. When we see each other, she smiles with me.. takes fuzz out of my hair, interlocks arms with me.. kinda acts like we're together, minus the kissing. She's officially with the guy now, but I know she's not over me, or the situation.. I want her back so bad.. what should I do? Do u guys feel that I can win her back so I can earn her trust again? Regards.

 

 

Hey man I have been reading your posts and I just have to say that I agree and its because of this thread you started that I decided to register here. I was in search of some answers as well before I came across your thread. I dont know why people just dont understand and have to bust your balls so hard over it. My story is very simular to yours and it just happened to me this past sunday. **** sucks and you ****ed up. You now realize that and you have learned from it.

 

Here's the question though, why are we allowed to make mistakes in other areas of our lives, have second chances, be granted forgiveness, and given the opportunity to fix/correct these mistakes but when it comes to something like this which I understand is a very serious issue we are not allowed that second chance? Sure we have the chance to never make this mistake again with a new life partner but never again with our old one who can very well be our real true love.

 

Look bro I still dont know why you fell off the wagon but its very clear to me that you do indeed regret what you have done. Even though you are not on the receiving end of the impacting blow that damaged your relationship with your soul mate, you are still suffering from it and probably just as much if not more because you are the one that ****ed it up. I also know that if given the chance to repair this you would and you would never screw up again.

 

How do I know this? Simple, because I committed the same stupid mistake in my 6 year relationship with an awesome girl. Why did I **** up? Her life got to busy when she went back to school to try and get a degree as well as working a fulltime job and being a fulltime single mom. She raises 2 kids by herself which she had in a failed marriage that her former husband ruined. She is truly awesome and I tried my best to deal with the loneliness and did so for a very long, long time but it just took going out one time with a buddy to screw me up. I was always able to go out and not **** up but this time I did and I know that loneliness is not an excuse but its the true reason. It doesn't justify my **** up but its still the reason.

 

I am making myself to look like a real bad guy right now as well because I am not going into full detail but thats because I dont wanna take away from this awesome girls credibility. My original intent was just to have someone to talk to and that turned into the worst hell of my life. I can relate to you but dont listen to anyone here telling you that there is no hope. One thing my awesome girl taught me is that where there is a will there is a way so dont give up and keep fighting. There must be a way and you just have to find it. If your ment to be then dont let her go or that will be the worst mistake in your life not the cheating part.

 

I wouldn't listen to anyone here who is telling you to give it up cause they dont understand what its like to be in your shoes.

[vivrantflo]

Got quite an update on my situation.. it's been a few months since I last posted.. well, she is still with her boyfriend now. Thing is, in the last two months, she has been coming over here and hanging out with me. We have slept together on more than one occasion.. probably around 4 or 5 times behind her boyfriend's back.

 

She does stand firm that she wants to be with him, but always gets excited when she gets to hang out with me.. ie. walks in the mall, shopping for my pets, hanging out.. As for me, I still want her back desperately, but she's still with that guy. Last week, the two of them broke up.. HE ended it, cause she apparently had trust issues with him.. obviously my fault.. see, her and I live in the same city, but her current boyfriend lives 30mins away. When she got dumped, I was the first person she called to let me know what happend... crying to me over another man.. it hurt to hear her hurting, but at the same time, relieved that that relationship was over.. or so I thought..

 

After she got dumped, the next day, she apologized for her outburst.. and she said she would love for us to hang out, see movies, go out to eat, and spend time together.. take things VERY slowly, and not mention relationship issues so often.. I agreed.. so we made plans on the upcoming Sunday to catch a movie.. All day Sunday I waited, and never heard from her until she popped online at 11pm.. she then proceeded to tell me that her ex claimed to have made a mistake, and wanted her back, and she's gonna go for him again.. wow did that hurt..

 

Now my issue is this.. Yes, I cheated on her, but I have grown since then, cause the incident was a year ago. I would never cheat on her, or anyone else ever again.. But I do love this woman to death. I'm hanging on, cause they've only been officially together 2 months, and already broke up once.. And her and I have 3 years of history together..so I dont know what to do.. She says that I'm her best friend, and that she loves me.. and hasnt closed the door on being with me again.. So what do I do? I think it speaks volumes that she still considers me her best friend, after I ripped her heart out by cheating.. and the fact that she still gave her body to me afterwards..I've established NC since then, and it's been a week.. do I stick with NC, or do I still talk to her? I want her back, so I'd love the correct advice on how to handle this situation. I look forward to your responses..

[In_thespurofthe_mome]

Hmm, I'm sorry about your situation..

But maybe you should move on. She seems happy now, you have a 'good' friend-relationship with her, atleast it's not like she never wants to speak to you again and is trying her hardest to make you jealous. So I say, stand up, turn back around and keep moving. You should be happy to know she is happy too. :]

 

If you want to see it from her perspective though, think of it like.. someone ripping a gaping hole in your heart, having to suffer and go through the pain of being lied to, your trust completely obliterated. Would you want to risk going through the same pain all over again? And now this time around, you will know the consequences! No one can predict your actions. You might do it again-- or you might not.

I hope all goes well.

[shellys-trying]

hey all.. this is a long story, but I'm going to make it as short as I can.. After 2 1/2 years with my girlfriend, I cheated on her..and she found out.. She was devestated as anyone would be and she dumped me.. I know I made a terrible mistake, and I know I'd never cheat again, cause I dont want to see her, or anyone else hurt like that ever again. It was my first and last time cheating. QUOTE]

 

I think that even if you don't get back with this girl, you might just be ok for the next one.

You may think for now there won't be another, but you never know.

If you've tried or are still trying with the girl you cheated on, then take it slow, she might come around, if/when she sees how genuine you are.

That's the art of showing the person you love how remorseful you are, proving it everyday/everytime you see them.

[Trialbyfire]

I think you should move on. She's now happy with another guy. Don't pull her two ways, regardless of how passive your pulling is. If you honestly cared about her, think about what's good for her, not what's good for you.

[Davis]

Of course we're harsh on cheaters on here. I guess I'm going to be harsh in this reply also. A few of the guys that have cheated on here obviously have not been in love with a woman and had her cheat on them or would probably understand. Oh, after the fact, when it effects you and you don't have your relationship anymore, then you're very sorry and swear it will never happen again. And if you hadn't gotten caught you would probably have some other "reason" to cheat.

 

'Why aren't we allowed to make mistakes by cheating and have a second chance if we're sorry' another poster asked? You can if the other person is dumb enough to take you back. Why else? Because it's a basic cardinal sin that deserves no second chance. Oh. Isn't adultery discussed in the 10 commandments? Oh, that's right, you weren't married so it doesn't really matter. The consequence of your decision to cheat is that you lose your lover. That's the way it goes and should go.

 

I think if you're truely in love with someone, your eyes and your d**ck don't wander. "I love her to death". Clearly you showed that by your actions. No, you were more in love with yourself and your own selfish desires. I understand you have "learned your lesson", you're sorry and you vow to change. Now maybe you understand with how you crushed your ex that you "loved" so much and broke her heart. I have to agree with the other posters: now you will know how to act in your next relationship.

 

Well, she is now cheating on her boyfriend with you. Nice. The two of you should make a good match because you're equally low in character and morals. Why don't you both get fixed so you don't have any children that will have to suffer through your dysfunctions and divorce. Like you said, you fckd up. Do both of you a favor and walk. I get tired of reading this cr*p about how a cheater wants his ex back. What a joke. Yes, this was harsh and probably well deserved.

[norajane]

Got quite an update on my situation.. it's been a few months since I last posted.. well, she is still with her boyfriend now. Thing is, in the last two months, she has been coming over here and hanging out with me. We have slept together on more than one occasion.. probably around 4 or 5 times behind her boyfriend's back.

 

...

 

Now my issue is this.. Yes, I cheated on her, but I have grown since then, cause the incident was a year ago. I would never cheat on her, or anyone else ever again.. But I do love this woman to death. I'm hanging on, cause they've only been officially together 2 months, and already broke up once.. And her and I have 3 years of history together..so I dont know what to do.. She says that I'm her best friend, and that she loves me.. and hasnt closed the door on being with me again.. So what do I do? I think it speaks volumes that she still considers me her best friend, after I ripped her heart out by cheating.. and the fact that she still gave her body to me afterwards..I've established NC since then, and it's been a week.. do I stick with NC, or do I still talk to her? I want her back, so I'd love the correct advice on how to handle this situation. I look forward to your responses..

 

Have you really grown? Because I'm not seeing it. You cheated on her, and now you're having sex with her while she's cheating on anther guy.

 

You are still part of a cheating situation. You are going behind her boyfriend's back to hang out and have sex with her. You said you didn't want to hurt her or anyone else ever again through cheating...how do you think her bf is going to feel when he finds out she's been cheating on him with you, her ex? Hurt, maybe? You are responsible for that as much as she is.

 

And now SHE is a cheater. How in the world do you know that if she really breaks up with this other guy and gets back with you, that she won't end up cheating on YOU? How could you trust that they really aren't seeing each other? How do you know she won't be calling him and hanging out with him when he is her ex, and maybe one night, or two, or three they have sex again behind your back?

 

Neither of you are winning any prizes in the integrity and honor department.

 

NC until, IF, she breaks up with him, though I'd advise both of you to move on and forget each other.

[vivrantflo]

In her defense, she has never been a cheater, and she didn't ask to be in this situation.. Our relationship ended prematurely cause I made a huge mistake.. she never wanted the relationship to end.. We were with each other for 3 years, so if she offered to come and see, and im dying to see her, it's hard to turn her down.. She felt awful when we did it, but kept coming back cause she missed me so much.. and I missed her too. And to be very honest, I dont feel sorry for the new boyfriend.. he picked her up knowing that she had just come out of a 3 year relationship 2 weeks prior, so he chose to date a woman on the rebound.. so really, his feelings are not my concern at all.. as a$$holish that comment may be.

 

By the way, we dont have sex anymore.. I felt bad that I was causing her to cheat, and I much as I care less for the dude she's with now, it's not fair to him.

 

To Davis, I appreciate the tough love.. I Really do.. but you, nor anyone else can tell me, that I never really loved my woman. I always did, and I still do.. I made one mistake that hurt her, and I know I would never do it again. And I dont think she is low on morals and character.. She hopped into a rebound relationship to get over the pain of what I did.. not because this dude is Prince Charming. She's in love with me, not him. Maybe he should have seen that she's still hurting, and not over me..instead of taking advantage of a vulnerable heart, and rushing her into a relationship.

 

To Norajane, I agree with the trust issue I would then have with her, after that relationship hopefully will be said and done. I wouldnt plan to jump into a relationship with her right away.. I would still step back put some time between us, and then hang out again, once the soreness of everything goes away. And thank you for the NC advise, that's what im doing right now..

 

To Shellys-trying, thank you for the positive feedback.. I made a horrible mistake, and I have learned from it..If I was lucky enough to have this lady back in my life again, I wouldnt break her heart, and disrespect her ever again. I just pray everyday that one day she'll believe that im serious, and that I can be the one to make her happy again.

[LucreziaBorgia]

It sounds like she has become the type of woman who needs insurance. By that, I mean - she needs to always have a default safety net guy in case the other one doesn't work out. If it isn't him, it will be someone else. She'll no doubt continue to see you, and knows how much you care for her and love her, but since she can't really trust you she will keep the other guy in a relationship so that she won't have to worry so much about being left alone and hurting. She will likely not see you exclusively again until she is 100% certain you won't cheat on her again. The odds of a betrayed person trusting a cheater 100% are pretty damned near zero, btw so don't get your hopes up too much. There is nothing you can say or do to 'speed up' the process of her learning to trust you again. That is something she has to do entirely on her own. Can she do it? Maybe, but it doesn't look like she is too interested in investing a lot of time into working on your relationship. Sort of hard to do that when you are in a relationship with someone else. She had a decision to make: stay with a known cheater she loves, or stay with a safe guy she doesn't. She chose safety and stability.

 

Your best bet may be to simply take this as a lesson learned, and close the book on this chapter and move on.

[lorr]

Well if you really want her back, I hope you realise that the relationship will never be the same again.Its all good you saying that you won't cheat on her ever again, but thats something she will never truly know.

 

IF she did want you back, you need to be prepared that she would be checking your every move everytime you decided to go anywhere.Don't for a second believe that she will be dropping her guard, as you will be on a very tight leash. If your prepared to handle that all in the name of love then good luck to you.

[shellys-trying]

It can be done, tho', and not to get your hopes up either.

 

My H cheated on me, some yrs ago. He came back, splitting with the OW for good, and has thus learned his lesson, so far.

Now, I'm not saying I trust him 100% now, 6 yrs later, there is still a % of it he doesn't get and never will. I will be on my guard, but not to the point where I take every situation and analyze it, making myself miserable. That time is over.

He is definitely a better guy now than he was the first yrs of our M and during the A.

When a cheating spouse/person realizes what they've done and they face it, like talking with the betrayed when they need to talk and they listen and try to understand, then the relationship has a better chance of working out.

It's hard, really hard, especially for the betrayed, no doubt, but it is possible to work out.

I'm living proof of that. Six yrs and running.

[stace79]

If you really loved her...if you even really knew what love was...there would be NO ROOM in your brain or your heart for another woman. You cheated. Once or ten times has ZERO relevance. That means you do not love her, you don't know her value, and you didn't appreciate having her in your life, or you would have never done something so stupid. I have absolutely zero pity for anyone who cheats and then cries about wanting someone back. You have no right to have her in your life. If you had any honor at all, you would walk away and leave her alone. You made your bed, now freaking sleep in it.

 

but you, nor anyone else can tell me, that I never really loved my woman. I always did, and I still do.. I made one mistake that hurt her, and I know I would never do it again.