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Hurtful behavior


TheAngelicArtist

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TheAngelicArtist

I am confused about something that has been going on where I work. I am not even sure if this is the right forum for this post.

 

I work in a large company but very closely with a MM. But the things that he does are confusing me and very hurtful.

 

For example, one day he made a comment that came across as though he was making a pass at me. I laughed it off and then politely avoided him for a few days (after all, he is married!). The third day of avoiding him we walked past one another in the hall and I did not even look at him or say hello (I did not mean it to be rude but I was busy looking at some paperwork as I was walking and did not realize until after I had passed him). Right after that he completely left work and did not come back the rest of the day. Our coworkers were confused as this is not his normal behavior and they all commented that he had seemed fine all day but he had told someone he needed to get out of there. The next day he came into work and we had a meeting to attend together. He had to talk to me about a proposal we were making and he finished up his talk with the comment, "I hope you are still talking to me."

 

Time passed and things were rocky. Sometimes we would get along and laugh and joke together, and others I was not sure what his intentions were and so I would try to politely keep my distance. He never came out and made any other direct comments like the first one he made, but there were subtle things that occurred that made me rather nervous.

 

The other day I came into work at 7:30 to help him with a project that we had to get done which we were behind on. I was in his office going through some papers when he came in at about 7:50. He said hello to me but my back was to him and I just mumbled hi and did not turn to look at him. He left his office. I was waiting for him to come back because we had to get this important presentation ready for the next day but he did not return!

 

About ten minutes later he called me and told me that he had left work and was not coming back for the rest of the day. He then mentioned how he had said hi to me and I had not said much back. I did not know what to say to this, so I said nothing. He said that he had had some kind of revelation and could not be at work.

 

Our coworkers were again confused by his behavior. This was not normal for him to just run off from work like that.

 

The next day he came in to work and I expressed my concern but he just shrugged it off. Later, after giving the presentation, I was putting the items away with him and we were alone in the board room and he was standing next to me and he reached across me for something but as he reached across me he very FIRMLY brushed his hand against my hand. I immediately backed away and walked over to another part of the room to do something else. I did not know if he had done this on purpose or not and waited to see if he would say "excuse me" or "sorry" but he never said anything like that. I tried to tell myself it was just an accident that he had brushed my hand in that way but it was confusing.

 

Everyone was supposed to go to a company event that evening, and he was going to go, as he is often in charge of helping plan the events, but he backed out after this and did not go. He did not say much to me the rest of the day.

 

At the company party that evening I had a few glasses of wine and got to talking about him with one of his friends. They brought him up, not me. I mentioned what a great person I thought he was and how much respect I have for him. The next day at work, he was all happy to see me and said he had heard what I had said the night before.

 

But I was rather stressed out later that day and was somewhat cranky at work, (not mean just not in the mood to socialize and joke around) and then the balance went back to strange again where we really do not speak to one another.

 

Yesterday he came over and sat with me in the company cafeteria but hardly said anything, ate his food rather fast, and then got up and left as soon as he was done. (Everyone else lingers and talks for some time after they are done eating.) Every time I tried to be friendly with him he seemed to sort of talk but was not himself.

 

Last night I ran into him in the underground as I was heading to the pub. I was talking to some people and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he looked at me a few times. He never came over to say anything though.

 

I just feel very hurt by this man and I do not know what is going on. Everyone else in the office I feel ok with. But with him it seems that things swing every which way. I would like to be able to get along with him and it is upsetting me that he seems to not like me at all. I feel as though he just wants to avoid me. He gets along fine with everyone else. He used to come over to my office to see what was up, but he has even stopped doing that. I do think he is a great person and I have so much respect for him. But I am hurt by everything that his happening. I just want to get along with him normally. I know that no one can tell me what is going on, but I just wanted some opinions and some advice. Thanks!

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GreenEyedLady

I think that you should keep ignoring him and relate to him on a professional level only...you're reading too much into this, there could be a million other reasons he has left work abruptly...don't feed his ego and eventually he'll leave you alone...

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Kwo-ne'-she

Possibly he is attracted to you, and since he is married, it is making him nervous. Torn between wanting to be friendly, and wanting to avoid you. I think if he is trying to avoid you, (which you seem to believe) that's a good thing, as he IS married. Let it go, and don't encourage him.

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whichwayisup

The guy is married and it seems you're worrying way too much about him, being hurt by his actions and his words. You're too emotionally attached and involved. For your own sanity, distance yourself and detach.

 

Obviously you have feelings for him, but they are inappropriate. Take control of the situation and decide for yourself that you are going to be professional and that's it. Don't analyze why he said hello or didn't say hello. Just tell him the friendship is inappropriate seeing as he's a married man.

 

Are you married too?

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whichwayisup

Then focus on your husband and forget the friendship and what you feel for this MM that you work with.

 

People get attractions and crushes sometimes, but it's best not to react or think about it, wonder why he does this and that...Leave it alone, otherwise you MIGHT find yourself in a situation with the MM that you'll regret. I mean, what if one day he pours his heart out to you, telling you how hot you are, how much he wants to kiss or make love to you. What then? This is why it's best to back off and keep things PROFESSIONAL and not personal.

 

Let me ask you this. Do you react this way with others in your office? With other men or women? Do you take it personally with everyone in your office if they're abit 'off' and 'distant'?

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TheAngelicArtist

I am pretty sensitive to things, I will admit that. Sometimes if someone ignores me I will get a little hurt and wonder why they are doing this or that if they are acting strange. I do have a nature which is a bit too sensitive to things.

 

I suppose because I have to work so close with him that it has me confused. I often have to go places with him around town and there is even talk that I will have to travel with him next month for work. I do not want my job to be in trouble if he decides that he does not want to be around me anymore and I worry about that a lot. Sometimes I worry that he will just decide he wants me gone and will find some excuse to complain and have me leave, expecially as he is so distant.

 

He called me this morning about something regarding another event tonight for some clients who are in town and was so cold on the phone. It frightens me I could loose my job.

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whichwayisup
I am pretty sensitive to things, I will admit that. Sometimes if someone ignores me I will get a little hurt and wonder why they are doing this or that if they are acting strange. I do have a nature which is a bit too sensitive to things.

 

Don't assume because someone isn't too friendly and chatty with you all the time, that they're upset or mad at you. People have their own lives, their own problems, and sometimes don't feel up to always being social, especially at work. Sounds like abit of overthinking/over reacting in your mind.

 

Look, be professional and stop personalizing him and his choices. Do your job and try not to get sucked into what he thinks and feels.

 

You might want to go check out this thread ... Let's hope this isn't the guy you're talking about. If it is, you two MUST stay away from eachother on a personal level.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114130/

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If You're not reading too much into it (you didn't give me that impression) it seems like he is attempting to manipulate you. And he has a screw loose. Just keep doing what you're doing. He sounds like he may be the kind of MM who gets off on the challenge - then once he has your interest, he'll feel like he "won." If you point it out to him, chances are he'll play dumb and act like you're making something out of nothing. He may switch tactics to try to draw you in. If you keep it professional he'll give up sooner or later.

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