My theory on why some women fall for married men

[Woggle]

This is not apply to all women but just the ones that are addicted to married men. I don't think it has much to do at all with love for these men or any actual feelings. I think it is ego on both the MM's part and the OW's part. These married men need the ego boost to show themselves that they still have it and they are still attractive to women. They get a big boost out of getting a woman hooked and leading her around on a string. They are expert players and know exactly the right things to say to a woman but it is just a side thing for them. Most of them never actually plan on leaving their wives. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

 

The other woman hears the man's sweet talk about how he is going to leave his wife for her and how she is so great and it gets her hooked. She gets a big boost out of taking another woman's man away and she feels good because he makes her feel like the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world. He has her on cloud 9. When he never does leave his wife for her she starts going nuts because it crushes her ego and she is addicted. She comes to find out that she is not so special after all but just a toy for a married man and it crushes her. She realizes this is a challenge she can't win. If these married men would actually leave their wives for the OW she would quickly lose interest because would have won the game already. By constantly dangling that carrot in front of her face the MM is screwing the OW's ego in a serious way.

[WonderWater]

This cuts so very close to the truth for me in my situation.

[Meaplus3]

This is not apply to all women but just the ones that are addicted to married men. I don't think it has much to do at all with love for these men or any actual feelings. I think it is ego on both the MM's part and the OW's part. These married men need the ego boost to show themselves that they still have it and they are still attractive to women. They get a big boost out of getting a woman hooked and leading her around on a string. They are expert players and know exactly the right things to say to a woman but it is just a side thing for them. Most of them never actually plan on leaving their wives. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

 

The other woman hears the man's sweet talk about how he is going to leave his wife for her and how she is so great and it gets her hooked. She gets a big boost out of taking another woman's man away and she feels good because he makes her feel like the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world. He has her on cloud 9. When he never does leave his wife for her she starts going nuts because it crushes her ego and she is addicted. She comes to find out that she is not so special after all but just a toy for a married man and it crushes her. She realizes this is a challenge she can't win. If these married men would actually leave their wives for the OW she would quickly lose interest because would have won the game already. By constantly dangling that carrot in front of her face the MM is screwing the OW's ego in a serious way.

 

 

I don't think it has much to do at all with love for these men or any actual feelings. I think it is ego on both the MM's part and the OW's part. These married men need the ego boost to show themselves that they still have it and they are still attractive to women. They get a big boost out of getting a woman hooked and leading her around on a string. They are expert players and know exactly the right things to say to a woman but it is just a side thing for them. Most of them never actually plan on leaving their wives. They want to have their cake

Very Much agree with what you said here!

 

AP:)

[Tomcat33]

This is not apply to all women but just the ones that are addicted to married men. I don't think it has much to do at all with love for these men or any actual feelings. I think it is ego on both the MM's part and the OW's part. These married men need the ego boost to show themselves that they still have it and they are still attractive to women. They get a big boost out of getting a woman hooked and leading her around on a string. They are expert players and know exactly the right things to say to a woman but it is just a side thing for them. Most of them never actually plan on leaving their wives. They want to have their cake and eat it too.

 

I think this may be true in "some" cases, but I disagree that this is what happens in all cases.

 

I think two people find themselves emotionally and hence the attraction develops, even though both parties know they are tredding on thin ice they proceed because it feels good, falling in love feels good who DOESN'T enjoy that feeling? When both parties start to fall in love all else is meaningless, nothing matters, all that matters is the other person who makes them feel so good. But then one day both parties wake up and realise they are in way over their heads and once the pressure starts from the OW to have the MM meet her needs the MM realises that he is in way over his head and things are not going to be as easy as he thought, he has to choose and though he may have convinced himself that the choice was easy, it never is that's when all the guilt and the reality of the situation sets in. Too many emotions get in the way, too many feelings to deal with that he had no idea he would have to deal with, hence all the confusion.

 

You know the psychology behind what happens in affairs is so deep, and so intricate, it cannot be thrown into one basket and pegged as "lying cake eaters, trampy homewreckers" and that's it.

 

If life were that simple if the formula were that simple then why on earth would there be so many hurt people turning to LS for answers?

 

 

It's a good theory, I just don't buy that it's the norm across the board.

 

Sorry

 

And I have a question:

 

Why is it that every time someone makes reference to the love that happens in an affair it is refered to as an "addiction"?

What is the difference between two people falling in love in an affair and to people who are free? The feeling of love is the same, the need and want and yearning to be with that person is the same as how a normal relationship happens, why don't people call a normal relationship an addiction?

[whichwayisup]

What is the difference between two people falling in love in an affair and to people who are free?

 

When two people are single and available, it's only natural to pursue those feelings and let the connection grow. When one or both people are married already, it's wrong to pursue those feelings and let them grow. It's called cheating, and breaking the vows that you said to your spouse.

 

An affair is NOT a normal relationship and anybody who thinks that it is, is nuts.

[Tomcat33]

When two people are single and available, it's only natural to pursue those feelings and let the connection grow. When one or both people are married already, it's wrong to pursue those feelings and let them grow. It's called cheating, and breaking the vows that you said to your spouse.

 

An affair is NOT a normal relationship and anybody who thinks that it is, is nuts.

 

You clearly missed my point or did not understand my question.

I was not asking from a moral stand point, what you pointed out is OBVIOUS.

 

The question is why do people refer to the love that happens in an affair as an "Addiction" why is it that when two people fall in love under normal circumstances, it's called "falling in love" and I see this a lot on LS that people refer to people in affairs as an ADDICTION. I don't see the difference between the yearning one feels to be with a person they are strongly attracted to and falling in love with in a normal relationship, to that of the feeling that develop in an affair? STRICLTY from a feelings stand point. So why refer to it as an addiction? Like the OP stated and to quote

"When he never does leave his wife for her she starts going nuts because it crushes her ego and she is addicted"

 

How is this any different than how a person who is in a normal relationship gets dumped by their partner and then he/she really wants them back because they are still in love with them. Go on the break-up board and see how many cases are like this, yet in that instance it's a matter of a broken heart, love lost. In the instance of the woman/man who is in an affair and gets dumped "it's not love, it's addiction" WHY?

 

I like how everyone is their own little pop-psychiatrist now a days...

[SoxPrincess]

Sometimes it has nothing to do with ego (of the OW), sometimes it has nothing to do with being addicted to the MM, sometimes it has nothing to do with "stealing the W's H".

 

Sometimes it's just a big mistake, the worst mistake and nothing more, nothing less.

[EC]

Well In my friends situation it was a bit different.

 

She was divorced with two kids. One of them being a problem child. So she tends to end up with MM because they offer her what she needs physically and emotionally but it never gets too serious. She lives this fairytale when she's with him and thats enough for her. She's afraid to date single men because she fears they won't take a single mother with a problem child seriously and she doesn't want to get hurt.

 

And now she's all screwed up because since she's been with MMen, she doesn't trust men period.

 

Its really bad I feel for her.

[Tomcat33]

Well In my friends situation it was a bit different.

 

She was divorced with two kids. One of them being a problem child. So she tends to end up with MM because they offer her what she needs physically and emotionally but it never gets too serious. She lives this fairytale when she's with him and thats enough for her. She's afraid to date single men because she fears they won't take a single mother with a problem child seriously and she doesn't want to get hurt.

 

And now she's all screwed up because since she's been with MMen, she doesn't trust men period.

 

 

Ok this example I can see fitting perfectly with what the OP was describing. This is repetitive behaviour, it's a pathalogy within the realm of affairs. A lot of affairs are not repeat offenders, both on the OW/OM side and the MS side or at least on one of the sides.

[Meaplus3]

Sometimes it has nothing to do with ego (of the OW), sometimes it has nothing to do with being addicted to the MM, sometimes it has nothing to do with "stealing the W's H".

 

Sometimes it's just a big mistake, the worst mistake and nothing more, nothing less.

 

Sox, Very True! Big mistake, that's what it was for me and now I am paying for it in so many way's!

 

Tomcat33, I do agree with you that far to many people on this site refer to an "Affair" as an "Addiction", I think that's wrong! Perhap's there were true feeling's of "Beign in Love" in certain situations. IMO all situations are unique to themselves.

[dropdeadlegs]

Woggle I would say that your analysis is accurate for some, and inaccurate for others. Definitely some would see their situation as being just like what you have described, and others would say no way.

 

Tomcat I can't speak for everyone, and I don't refer to extra-marital love as an addiction, but I think that for many people it is impossible to separate the moral issue from the emotional one. Addiction is a term that implies unhealthy obsession with something that overcomes the minds logic knowledge that the subject of the obsession can be toxic. That's my guess. What Woggle described does not imply that the married partner has dumped, nor intends to dump, their spouse, so It's hard to compare what he describes as addiction to the ending of a non-adulterous relationship. I'm reading what Woggle has described as addiction as being the non-married participant continuing in the affair when they are pretty certain they are getting all they are ever going to get of that person's life.

 

It's all just semantics anyway. It doesn't really matter how someone chooses to word it, does it? You don't call it addiction, right? I tend to think of it as something else altogether.

[Tomcat33]

Tomcat

I can't speak for everyone, and I don't refer to extra-marital love as an addiction, but I think that for many people it is impossible to separate the moral issue from the emotional one. Addiction is a term that implies unhealthy obsession with something that overcomes the minds logic knowledge that the subject of the obsession can be toxic. That's my guess. What Woggle described does not imply that the married partner has dumped, nor intends to dump, their spouse, so It's hard to compare what he describes as addiction to the ending of a non-adulterous relationship. I'm reading what Woggle has described as addiction as being the non-married participant continuing in the affair when they are pretty certain they are getting all they are ever going to get of that person's life.

 

Dropdeadlegs: That's an EXCELLENT interpretation of what the OP meant, I would go with that too. I never looked at it like that and can now understand why people would confuse the love that develops with an unavailable person to that of and obsession. Thanks for your explanation.

 

I do agree that at the end of the day it is semantics, only when a person is told that they will never leave their marriage for them (in my books) would it be considered an obsession if the person persisted. Because let me put this out there....

 

For example, you hear all the time of people that are in relationships with a partner that does not want to take the relationship to the next level, for example a couple that has been living together for several years and she wants marriage and he keeps saying he needs more time, he has every excuse in the book for prolonging their time together but she stays around hoping that one day he will pop the question. In many instances he does, it was just a matter of time, in some instances he never will but he always makes it known what he loves her but it's a matter of time. We've all known at least one person who has been in this situation right?

Would we call these women obsessed with their partners, even though at the time the situation could be toxic in that a lot of arguments and a general unhealthy state of the relationship ensues due to her need to marry and his need for more time? or would we call these women loving their partners and waiting for what they feel he will eventually give them?

 

I know the morality of both situations is very different BUT the feelings are the same, they are both holding on for what they feel is owed to them due to love. How is that an obsession?

[dropdeadlegs]

For example, you hear all the time of people that are in relationships with a partner that does not want to take the relationship to the next level, for example a couple that has been living together for several years and she wants marriage and he keeps saying he needs more time, he has every excuse in the book for prolonging their time together but she stays around hoping that one day he will pop the question. In many instances he does, it was just a matter of time, in some instances he never will but he always makes it known what he loves her but it's a matter of time. We've all known at least one person who has been in this situation right?

Would we call these women obsessed with their partners, even though at the time the situation could be toxic in that a lot of arguments and a general unhealthy state of the relationship ensues due to her need to marry and his need for more time? or would we call these women loving their partners and waiting for what they feel he will eventually give them?

 

I know the morality of both situations is very different BUT the feelings are the same, they are both holding on for what they feel is owed to them due to love. How is that an obsession?

Personally, I don't consider either situation as an obsession. Both are more along the lines of "hopeful" in my eyes. The person waiting for "the next level" isn't sharing their partner with another, I assume, while the one in the adulterous relationship can never be sure of how much intimacy is or isn't involved within their partners marriage. I don't condone relationships with the spouse of another. Some get their partner to themselves and some don't, just like the girl waiting for marriage sometimes gets her proposal, while another never does. However the girl waiting for the proposal hasn't been misled about her partners "status" as often as those who suddenly find out they are the OW and continue in that relationship. I think that in either case the woman should at least have a mental time limit as to their partners actions going in the way they desire. That time limit would differ for everyone, surely. When they don't get what they want, give the ultimatum. If the ultimatum doesn't bring the desired affect, I guess they have a new decision to make. Continue to remain hopeful, or cut your losses and move on to the next hopeful situation.

 

I'm so glad my own life is relatively drama free! I'm finding the discussion itself mentally exhausting! I can't imagine living in either situation.

[alphamale]

I think this is pretty much common knowledge...

[Trialbyfire]

This is not apply to all women but just the ones that are addicted to married men.

 

Did everyone miss his first sentence?

 

I agree with you Woggle. What makes the affair an addiction is the adrenaline rush of the forbidden and the challenge of trying to attain the unattainable.

 

Some of these affairs are between older MM and younger OW. No one has ever mentioned the father figure/mid-life crisis complexes, where the glue to these types of relationships are a combination of financial/I still got it/he approves of me, unlike my father.

[dropdeadlegs]

Did everyone miss his first sentence?

He he, actually I did. I guess addicted to married men means the ones who are only attracted to married men?

 

With that in mind, his analogy rings even more true.

[Tomcat33]

Did everyone miss his first sentence?

 

No did not miss the first sentence. But perhaps we should define who those women are that are ADDICTED to married men? Is it the type of women who are serial seductresses of MM or who seek them out or women who won't give up on one particular married man?

[Virgo1982]

I read the first sentence and the title as well. So, I'm having a hard time understanding what Woggle is really trying to say here. His theory on why some women fall for married men could not possibly explain why some women are addicted to married men, or seek them out because most people here were unaware that the man was married. Some of them say they knew and "one thing lead to another..." I can't touch that one, because I can't relate. What I do know is, people who have never been in the situation insist on trying to dissect the psyche of those who have and this is where the debate comes in...

 

Now that we're past that, we can talk about the mm...Countless articles have been written about the reasons men cheat and that's mostly what we have to rely on because I don't see too many mm stomping around here asking questions. We can only speculate. Are there manipulative, selfish pricks out there that are simply cake-eaters? Yes. Are there mm out there that want out of their marriage and would like to find someone new? Yes

 

Here is a list from womansavers.com:

 

Here are the top 10 reasons why men cheat:

1. Because they had the option. The old saying “men are only as faithful as their options” can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.

2. It boosts their ego. Sometimes men don’t feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex any more and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There’s nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.

3. You grow apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.

4. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.

5. He’s fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.

6. Your sex life sucks. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from getting boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.

7. To get revenge. A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old fashioned sex?

8. It’s new, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.

9. To see if they can get away with it. If a man has the attitude of “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,” he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.

10. Because you have allowed it in the past. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.

 

 

Now, on to OW, are there some women who prefer a mm? Yes. Are there some women who do not know the man is m and continue to see them after they find out? Yes. Is it then an addiction? Probably not. Can you love a mm? Yes. Can a mm love an ow? Yes.

 

After sifting through LoveShack, does it seem likely the previous scenarios are unlikely? Yes, but it is possible. Which makes the word "hope" an important one.

 

My point is, we ALL know it's wrong and anyone who says differently doesn't deserve a response. So, to sit here day after day and beat a dead horse doesn't make sense.

 

One thing Woggle did point out is the fact that some mm have a way of making you feel like no one has ever made you feel before. It's hard to walk away from that. And it's hard to fight love when someone makes you feel that way.

 

What TomCat was saying, I think, is that in relationships, where infidelity is not an issue, people find it hard to leave because they also have hope or they are holding onto memories of the person they fell in love with. Everyone will bite back and say, "it's not the same because..." Well, it kinda is. Before I'm called a hypocrite, I mean it's the same on the most basic level. As in, the reason for staying. Nothing more. Nothing less. (Please don't try to include other factors that have nothing to do with what I'm saying.)

[Trialbyfire]

Actually Virgo, it's not the same. You are attempting to normalize a dysfunctional relationship.

 

The majority of relationships where both parties are free don't require the amount of lying that the MM has to do and the hiding that you both have to do.

 

As for "hope", the vast majority of MM do not leave their wives for the OW. I'm not certain how you can factor real love into a relationship where on D-day, one party is usually left high and dry, sometimes left to take the brunt of the BWs anger.

[Tomcat33]

Virgo you were spot on with your post and yes that is EXACTLY what I was refering to. I was refering to the feelin itself, to the love you feel due to the tremendous amount of compatibility that you share and which brouugh a lot of extramarital affairs together to begin with. 99.9% of the affairs that turn into the long drawn out mess of love and indecisivness do start off with mutal commonalities that are all emotionally based. It's no wonder the sex is mind blowing in affairs because there are so many emotional components to the connection that it is very hard to resisit physically. You are convinced on some level that you are meant to be together. Whether that turns out to be an illusion or not is later be determined.

 

Actually Virgo, it's not the same. You are attempting to normalize a dysfunctional relationship.

 

The majority of relationships where both parties are free don't require the amount of lying that the MM has to do and the hiding that you both have to do.

 

I can only speak for myself and I am sure a lot of OW might agree that I am not trying to "normalize" a dysfunctional relationship, I don't deny that it was doomed fromt he get-go, but the feelings are true, the intesity is undeniable and the bond that happens that both parties seem to have a horrible time closing the chapter on can only be explined due to the intense emotions that are felt during these types of relationships. 9 out of 10 times the cheater will try to cut all ties to work on the marriage only to find themselves lying to the BS and returning to seek out the OW/OM. Why would someone risk losing it all again if they

a)respect ther spouce

b) are convinced it was nothing more than a passing crisis

c) it was nothing more than excitement and a boredome killer.

 

Sorry but I just don't buy it. There is real love there is true deepe emotional ties that develop between the cheater and the third party and this is the glue that keeps them comming back for more.

[Tomcat33]

Virgo you were spot on with your post and yes that is EXACTLY what I was refering to. I was refering to the feelin itself, to the love you feel due to the tremendous amount of compatibility that you share and which brouugh a lot of extramarital affairs together to begin with. 99.9% of the affairs that turn into the long drawn out mess of love and indecisivness do start off with mutal commonalities that are all emotionally based. It's no wonder the sex is mind blowing in affairs because there are so many emotional components to the connection that it is very hard to resisit physically. You are convinced on some level that you are meant to be together. Whether that turns out to be an illusion or not is later be determined.

 

Actually Virgo, it's not the same. You are attempting to normalize a dysfunctional relationship.

 

The majority of relationships where both parties are free don't require the amount of lying that the MM has to do and the hiding that you both have to do.

 

I can only speak for myself and I am sure a lot of OW might agree that I am not trying to "normalize" a dysfunctional relationship, I don't deny that it was doomed fromt he get-go, but the feelings are true, the intesity is undeniable and the bond that happens that both parties seem to have a horrible time closing the chapter on can only be explined due to the intense emotions that are felt during these types of relationships. 9 out of 10 times the cheater will try to cut all ties to work on the marriage only to find themselves lying to the BS and returning to seek out the OW/OM. Why would someone risk losing it all again if they

a)respect ther spouce

b) are convinced it was nothing more than a passing crisis

c) it was nothing more than excitement and a boredome killer.

 

Sorry but I just don't buy it. There is real love there are true deep emotional ties that develop between the cheater and the third party and this is the glue that keeps them comming back for more.

[smartgirl]

I think there is a lot of truth to what Woggle and TomCat have said. Based on my Hs affair, those points of view are not altogether exclusive of one another. The feeding of the ego was a big part of it for H and OW, though they did not realize it at the time. It is more complicated than that, but basic meaning is the same.

 

There are also nuances to the addiction discussion. There are volumes written about PEA and the other chemicals released in the infatuation phase of a relationship. A lot of affairs remain locked in this phase because they are not able to move on to a more stable, regular type of relationship. But TomCat's point was well taken - when you are in a relationship that you know isn't good for you and you are unhappy but you feel like you can't get out of it -- isn't that addiction?

[NoIDidn't]

Dysfunctional people create dysfunctional Rs. Dysfunction thrives in addictive personalities. I don't, however, think that a woman is addicted to MM per se. But addicted to the feelings she gets. She could get the same feelings from healthier untakings, but needs the ego stroking of feeling superior to another.

 

In NO WAY is an AR on the same level as a live-in sitch where one wants to M and the other doesn't. First off, its assumed that both in the live in sitch are even AVAILABLE to M in the first place. Secondly, not wanting to GET M'd isn't in the same league as not wanting to get D'd (the MM). And conversely, waiting for your guy to M you when he has no other obligations to anyone else and is already with you, isn't the same as waiting for someone else's guy to D them to come and M you.

 

But back to the addictive personalities thing. People have a tendency of doing the same things over and over and hoping for a different result. Basic insanity.

 

So, on a funnier note, are the women that are "addicted" to MM (as Woggle states) really just insane?

[Trialbyfire]

I can only speak for myself and I am sure a lot of OW might agree that I am not trying to "normalize" a dysfunctional relationship, I don't deny that it was doomed fromt he get-go, but the feelings are true, the intesity is undeniable and the bond that happens that both parties seem to have a horrible time closing the chapter on can only be explined due to the intense emotions that are felt during these types of relationships. 9 out of 10 times the cheater will try to cut all ties to work on the marriage only to find themselves lying to the BS and returning to seek out the OW/OM. Why would someone risk losing it all again if they

a)respect ther spouce

b) are convinced it was nothing more than a passing crisis

c) it was nothing more than excitement and a boredome killer.

 

Sorry but I just don't buy it. There is real love there is true deepe emotional ties that develop between the cheater and the third party and this is the glue that keeps them comming back for more.

 

Why does any drug addict keep going back for more? They know it will eventually kill them, they know how unhealthy it is right now, they don't love it but they've fixated or feel they need it...

[Tomcat33]

I apologize for the typos in my last post I type faster than I think LOL tried to edit it right away but the system told me I was out of time!?!?

 

Smartgirl thank for your comments and give that you were on the other side of the spectrum I appreciate your observations, I can only speculate from my side of things what the other side is like. And can only speak my existential truths given my particular relationship.

 

The feeding of the ego was a big part of it for H and OW, though they did not realize it at the time. It is more complicated than that, but basic meaning is the same

 

This is VERY true to my own experience because when my MM decide he needed to be alone and we discussed the state of our current relationship one of the things that really stood our for me was him saying "it's one thing how things were at the begining but lately I feel like you are love me but your porbably don't like who I am" By this he was refering to the amount of critisim he took from my part for stringing us both along (myself and his W) I resented him for hurting us both. I know it sounds silly to some to think that I could feel bad for the W when I was there playing my part in the situation but I felt like he was not being completely open with me and I assumed not with her either and it hurt me to know he was leading her on. I would say to him just decide, do you want to go back and work on your marriage or do you want to start something with me. And his answer was always I wan to be with you but I just need my time to get the divorce going. That was not good enough for me, hence the put downs on my part and his comment about things being different now. Things were different now because my great admiration for him had turned into constant put down for his decisions, or lack there of.

 

So going back to the ego thing YES absolutely there is a lot of praise and constant expression of mutual admiration that happens in these types of relationships and that can be quite intoxicating that can be very addictive. But isn't that what falling in love is about? isn't that addiction not just a negative ways of describing what the falling in love phase is?

 

And it's no wonder people are so suseptible to fall for someone else when they feel like they are no longer praised at home and there is this new person who thinks you're the cat's meow. On my way out of my 5 yr rel whom I lived with was engaged to but had many problems in this rel and doubted spending the rest of my life with him, I too felt very neglected and I developed a small emotional tie with a co-worker. I started having dreams about this person and looked forward to seeing him and spending time with him at work. As soon as I felt myself get sucked into what I was feeling (which was not right given I was living with someone) I realised I had to get out. I realised my heart was not where it should be and I did just that. The co-worker thing never happened it was just the feeling that was the catalyst for me to know I needed to get out. But I can comprehend the vulnerabilty of someone who feels neglected and has expressed their concerns to their partner many times only to hit their head against a brick wall.