My Gf has to choose over me and her ex

[WiseOne]

This isnt my first post on this sistuation i had a recent post on the thread (Not Sure Of My Gf) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t124593/ << thats the direct link to it.

 

My gf is getting on my neves all of a sudden her ex from 8 months ago just came out ot the damn blue and started tlking about them getting backtogether, im highly upset becuz like i said in my first post i been there thru everything over the last 8 months and he all of a sudden trys to come in and just take his place back, talking about he was having problems with his family, trying to get sympathy for it.

 

Im im mad becuz i feel that she shouldnt have gotten into a committed relationship if she knew she wasnt over him, but she says she thought she didnt have any feelings for him. So me and her have been dating for 8 months and are very very much in love.

 

But all of a sudden he comes out of the blue and wants his spot back, and now shes talking about she cant deal with this and that she is depressed over this sistuation its not my fault if its anyones fault its hers and her ex. I made sure i was over my ex before i got into a committed relationship with someone else. Because i dont feel like a innocent person should get hurt becuz of my stupidty and all that.

 

So i threw the bait out there and i was like screw her becuz i've went thru all of this once before and i told her forget her and i said u can go back to your ex and get the hell out my life becuz im innocent i dont deserve any of this. And she was like no that she didnt want him back and she wanted to be with me, now shes all concerned. Can anyone give me any kinda advice what so ever?

[norajane]

You did the right thing in telling her to go back to her ex and that you don't deserve this. You took control by taking the choice away from her, and you looked out for what is best for you since she wasn't.

 

If she really has no interest in her ex, then why is she talking with him? Why did she allow this 'choice' to even become an issue? Why was she considering whether she should go back to him?

 

If you really believe she is over him, then ask her to cut off all contact with her ex and focus on you. If she's not willing to do that, then she's not over him and she's not all about you.

[Tormented]

My gf is getting on my neves all of a sudden her ex from 8 months ago just came out ot the damn blue and started tlking about them getting backtogether,

Im im mad becuz i feel that she shouldnt have gotten into a committed relationship if she knew she wasnt over him, but she says she thought she didnt have any feelings for him. So me and her have been dating for 8 months and are very very much in love.

But all of a sudden he comes out of the blue and wants his spot back, I made sure i was over my ex before i got into a committed relationship with someone else. Because i dont feel like a innocent person should get hurt becuz of my stupidty and all that.

 

Been there, done that, Wise. I was with my ex for about the same amount of time as yours. Met him 4 months after he split with the ex...a breakup that came around after she cheated on him, lied to him, stole from him when she packed up and left, and married the guy she cheated with one week after leaving my ex. He told me over and over again how much he despised her, would NEVER take her back, was completely over her and that he was in love with me. Told me on numerous occasions that he wanted to spend his life with me, wanted to marry me down the road, made future plans with me...the whole nine yards.

 

Then...SHE showed up at his door one day, apologizing to him for what she had done, telling him she was off of her meds at the time (she's a diagnosed Borderline Personality and ADD), and would have never done to him what she did if she had been on her meds.

 

The result? I was promptly tossed aside like yesterday's trash and he immediately moved her in with him. She left her husband...breaking his heart in a million pieces. However, the entire time she lived there with him, (a whole 3 months), he continued to attempt contacting me...calling me, driving by my house, etc. What he did devastated me and I wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with him after that. But he continued to pursue me relentlessly, even though she was living with him. Mean while, SHE was chasing her husband around town, leaving notes on his truck and calling him several times a day. Finally, my ex threw her out after 3 months of this.

 

I refused to see him for MONTHS after what he did, but finally agreed to meet up with him in May. Told me he didn't know why he did what he did, that perhaps he wanted to seek revenge on her for what she did to him the first time. Said he knew within the 2nd day she moved in that he had made a horrible mistake, that he knew he no longer loved her because he loved me. He asked me to give us a second chance, attempting to convince me that the trust could be rebuilt in time...that I could "learn" to trust him again. I told him that my trust for him has been permanently destroyed and I could NEVER return to him again. With that, I walked away.

 

You're absolutly right...we DON'T deserve to be shoved on the back burner for an ex that didn't treat them right, nor should we become an "object" to boost their sagging ego after being dumped by an ex. Like you, I worked through my hurt and issues from past relationships before I committed to my ex BECAUSE I didn't want to hurt an innocent party.

 

My advice? Tread VERY carefully here. Ex's who "pop up" periodically is annoying enough...but if it causes your SO emotional distress... WATCH OUT! It's a flaming red flag that there are some unresolved feelings/issues with the ex and you just may get burned in the end.

 

Believe me...I learned this lesson the hard way!

 

~T~

[Krytellan]

I just wish you had strength to make the decision for her. Why let her make the decision?

[WiseOne]

Yes thats what im saying becuz she knew about my past ex and i always knew about hers and i swore i was over mines and she swore she was over hers. When my past ex came back i turned her down because i just didnt have feelings for her anymore.

She use to always say promise me you wont hurt me becuz shes been thru enuff and i was like ok i promise.

Me and her was friends for about 4 years and she kinda use to cheat on her ex with me becuz we had feelings for eachother, it would be like i love you nd i love u too.

 

Me and her both cheated on our exs with eachother and we both did it for the same reason and its becuz we didnt think we was gettin treated fairly by them. Im really trynna be nice here, i mean me and her was best best best friends before we hooked up we was always there foreachother no matter what happened.

Im not new to this becuz i went thru thsi exact same thing with my ex, its just that i really dont know what i should do, i feel like i should just chill and let this play out.

 

I asked her over and over did she wanna break up with me and she said no, and i was like well how in the hell should he become a issue in our relationship, i mean he left u for 8 ****ing months and all of a sudden comes back like I LOVE U, 8 months 8 months, if thats the case my ex loved me more than her ex, becuz my ex came back every 3 months.

 

And i get tired of all dat crying she does, she cries when shes on the phone with me the entire while. And then she said she crys when they are talking. And she says stuff like (WHY ME) (WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THRU THIS).

 

AT FIRST I TOLD HER EVEN U STOP TALKING TO YOUR EX OR WERE DONE AND SHE CRIED CRIED CRIED AND SHE WAS LIKE OK, AND THEN SHE GOES BACK AND SAYS SHE DOESNT KNOW IF SHE CAN DO THAT. I WANT SO BAD SO BADLY TO BE LIKE SCREW YOU AND JUST THROW HER AT HER EX AND JUST TURN MY BACK AND WALKAWAY. BUT SHE TELLS ME I DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AND I TOLD HER TO GET IT ****ING OVER WITH BECUZ ITS NOT NICE TO LEAVE ME STRUNG ALONG.

 

SO ME AND HER STILL ARE TOGETHER BUT IM STARTING TO WANNA DO HER LIKE I DID MY EX, AND I WANNA JUST CUT HER OFF AND MOVE ONE, BUT ME AND HER HAVE SOMETHING SO SO SO SPECIAL AND SHE SAID HIM AND HER ALSO HAD SOMETHIN SPECIAL SO IM REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

[WiseOne]

Now i know why im letting this drag on so long, its becuz a couple of months ago i went thru the same thing she went thru, and i was wondering should i choose my ex over her when my ex came back. And i turned my ex down and stayed with my current gf.

 

So shes bassically feeling the same way i felt, she didnt know i was feeling that way becuz i keep most of my problems hidden, but she does know i turned down my ex.

 

So what im saying people is that theres a chance she might just stay with me, becuz i really cnat blame her wen it comes to this becuz hell i did the same thing, only diffrence is it took me 20 minutes to choose who i wanna be with.

 

GUYS TELL ME WHAT DO U THINK OF THIS, TEH FIRST QUESTION HE ASKED HER BEFORE HE SAID HE WANTED TO GET BACKTOGETHER WITH HER WAS (ARE U STILL A VIRGIN) <<<<<< DONT U GUYS THINK THATS A RED FLAG FOR HER???

[WiseOne]

Well yesterday i told my ex that maybe me and her should break up until things cool off, becuz its kinda like a warzone.

 

So were not together, but she still tlks to me all day on the phone just the same, and she still tells me she loves me, but she doesnt tell him that she loves him. And when i call and shes on the phone with him she gets off the phone with him to talk to me.

 

I think its much better that me and her are friends becuz it doesnt hurt me as much, and for some strange strange reason i can be her friend, when i couldnt be my ex's friend? so does anyone have nay advice for me?