ARDriver01 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Men, you all know what I'm about to divulge in. Your good wifes dude homies. You know, the ones that you meet at the party or bar and It's like "Hey baby? You've met Guy before right" Awkward handshake and death eye contact as you say "Yeah, whats up bro..." This is the bane of my existence. Especially when you know they got jiggy once or 10 times a few years back. And now your expected to smile and behave yourself. Me, personally, my wife has a Sh*t ton of guy friends, and she's been with almost all of them at some point in the past. We're seperated now but I thought this could start a good conversation, Ladies please input I need to know why some of you think this is okay. Or how about the new friend that she's getting buddy with who gives her advise and wants to go hiking or invites her to do stuff without you knowing about it until she tells you, "Hey, I'm going hiking tomorrow" and you're like no you're not, you're not going hiking with dude over there. And now you're the iron fisted control freak husband that she "had no idea was like that before we got married" kinda guy. So yeah, lets talk about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Here is my question. Why do you marry the girl every else humps and dumps? Treat Women like Women and hookers like hookers. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 whoa! This is a HUGE no-no for me. I definitely have guy friends my husband knows about; in particular, two who have been near and dear buddies since my college days 20 years ago, and I make every effort to include my husband in their lives and them in his. When I go home, I'll run down to the city where one lives with his wife and I stay with them so we can hang out. All with DH's blessing because he knows that I could never be anything more than friends with them because they're better than brothers to me and I am not interested in screwing up any of these relationships over mere sex. your wife, on the other hand, seems to enjoy seeing how far she can go while pulling your strings, and then making herself look the victim when you have an honest response. She knows which buttons to push when it comes to you, and you respond every time. it would play with her mind if you non-chalantly told her, "yeah, fine, have a good time, I'll see you whenever," because *then* you're not following the script she's come to depend on when it comes to f--king your mind. And that's all she really cares about. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I think, when you're in a relationship, and you already have male friends, then it's different than... oops, all of a sudden, you add one more male friend... I have male friends (platonic) from many many years, would I give up on them if I become involved with someone... NO.... New male friends are different... though. Same thing with a woman... if her bf or H has long-time female friends, that you know, and there is nothing hidden about them... then I wouldn't feel insecure... but if, one day, out of the blue, he comes home and tell me he's got a 'new female friend' then... no way... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I've been beyond cool when it comes to this. I have said "yeah, go have fun, I'll see you whenever" it always proves me right when they fall for her. It's happened five seperate times and only one time that I know of she caved also. Her good ol buddy from years back that I let her go hiking with and bar hopping with sent her a text at 3am one night she was out. It said: "You don't know how much I've wanted you. I've always wanted you etc...." And I had told her that night that I was not cool with her going out with dudes without me. I've made every effort to incorporate her friends as MY friends and I'm telling you dude... All those guys would if they could. They don't care about her marriage. And, it's the really close friend that she's known for years that is the most patient. I'm a guy, I know. I let her go camping for a weekend with her years long pals. Trust me, I know. And hey, I guess if you're an honest, stand-up, adult woman you should have all your privilages in spades but some girls.... eehhhhh Iduno. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 What's to talk about? Those are the kinds of issues that should be ironed out before marriage, not during it. Did the two of you ever talk and get to know one another before you took the plunge? Link to post Share on other sites
supertouch Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 some people change drastically during marriage. she very well may have sought out all these new male acquaintances after they got married. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Hiking Yeah , girls just love hiking Is that what they're calling it these days :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Ard your wife is not the typical woman. I think you should know this. And what scares me is her abuse over the years to you is really affecting your mental health. Think way back before you met her and look at yourself now. See the difference? Honestly you need counseling yourself to get through the abuse she has put you through. I've seen enough posts of yours that gets me worried about what is going through your head. She has manipulated you in so many ways. Majority of the women in this world take their marriages and resposibility seriously. This forum is for the cases that don't. However among all the cases on here that I've read over the years I would put yours in the top 3 of bad situations. She has very serious mental problems that you can't rationalize or even attempt to explain why she has done the things she has. It's time to do the hardest part and just let her go. Life is short and it's pointless to waste your time on this anymore. She can only fix herself and it's apparent she isn't even close to this stage. You need to start dealing with all the hurt she's given you so that you can move on. At some point in time you need to stop revolving yourself around her and start facing your own problems/hurt now and get through that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 Hiking Yeah , girls just love hiking Is that what they're calling it these days :laugh: Is there anything else? Link to post Share on other sites
Hyperpen12000 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Men, you all know what I'm about to divulge in. Your good wifes dude homies. You know, the ones that you meet at the party or bar and It's like "Hey baby? You've met Guy before right" Awkward handshake and death eye contact as you say "Yeah, whats up bro..." This is the bane of my existence. Especially when you know they got jiggy once or 10 times a few years back. And now your expected to smile and behave yourself. Me, personally, my wife has a Sh*t ton of guy friends, and she's been with almost all of them at some point in the past. We're seperated now but I thought this could start a good conversation, Ladies please input I need to know why some of you think this is okay. Or how about the new friend that she's getting buddy with who gives her advise and wants to go hiking or invites her to do stuff without you knowing about it until she tells you, "Hey, I'm going hiking tomorrow" and you're like no you're not, you're not going hiking with dude over there. And now you're the iron fisted control freak husband that she "had no idea was like that before we got married" kinda guy. So yeah, lets talk about this. Hell no, that's not okay!! Especially if she's slept with them at one point!!! When you're in a relationship, you should have little to no contact with friends of the opposite sex (in this situation). This would be unacceptable the other way around. All types of insecurities and negative intuitions will surface in her! You would look like that bad guy and be put under suspicion 24/7. When you're in a relationship, the only close guy friend you should have is your mate. You did a good job leaving her alone. It's not a control issue but have respect for your partner. Just like if you had friends over you and your S/O's home at all times of the night. You'd have to respect her privacy and comfortability right? RESPECT! What she showed was disrespect to the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Ladies please input I need to know why some of you think this is okay. I don’t. At least not for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’d feel real uncomfortable if the majority of my partner’s social circle already sampled what his “jiggy” was like and had that public window into our sex life. They may be too polite to say it out loud, but you KNOW they’re thinking it while they’re smiling and shaking your hand. It’s that mental group sex visual I couldn’t get past while they’re all gathering around to get a good look at the latest conquest. I might be forcing a smile, but on the inside I’d be thinking: “Nice to meet ya, number Four, Five and Six. I’m shag buddy number forty-four. And thanks to the gallon of whiskey I’m about to drink, that aftertaste y’all left behind should be gone in no time at all ...” Nope. I couldn’t digest it myself, so I’d never put my partner through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I don’t. At least not for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’d feel real uncomfortable if the majority of my partner’s social circle already sampled what his “jiggy” was like and had that public window into our sex life. They may be too polite to say it out loud, but you KNOW they’re thinking it while they’re smiling and shaking your hand. It’s that mental group sex visual I couldn’t get past while they’re all gathering around to get a good look at the latest conquest. I might be forcing a smile, but on the inside I’d be thinking: “Nice to meet ya, number Four, Five and Six. I’m shag buddy number forty-four. And thanks to the gallon of whiskey I’m about to drink, that aftertaste y’all left behind should be gone in no time at all ...” Nope. I couldn’t digest it myself, so I’d never put my partner through it. You rock. I've never layed a bunny down. Link to post Share on other sites
KindBlindConflicted Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 I've been beyond cool when it comes to this. I have said "yeah, go have fun, I'll see you whenever" it always proves me right when they fall for her. It's happened five seperate times and only one time that I know of she caved also. On a second read through this jumped out at me. Are you saying that one of the five times that she boinked one of the male "friends" since you have been married to her? If so, that puts a different perspective on things. The leash is certainly a lot longer when a person behaves themselves. If she cheated once, even if emotionally and not physically, that is a whole 'nother set of circumstances. Please elaborate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I don't want to elaborate. I apologize, really. Just click on my profile and read my other sh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
KindBlindConflicted Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 AR, no need to apologize. Fairly new to this board, so was unfamiliar with your previous threads. I did not read everything, but enough to get the gist of your situation. Man, I feel for you. Sounds like you have bent over backwards and every which way possible. Tough deal. You lasted longer than most could. One thing I would like to share is that the majority of women are not like her. It will be tough moving forward, but try your best to not evaluate other women through your soon to be ex-wife. Otherwise, you will never get back up to the plate. Certainly, as in all things in life, learn from your experiences but don't let them rule your choices down the road. You sound like a good guy. You are young. You have a lot of good life ahead of you. Good luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts