New to all this -- glad I'm not alone

[WantingLove2]

It's been a lonely week. I wanted to introduce myself so I can be a member here.

 

My story only recently started.

 

I have been working at a company, which is a small sized company where you basically know the people you work with. There is a MM who I work very closely with. He supervises his department which works closely with what I do. He has flirted a lot but never really acted on it because I knew he is married. I won't lie and say I wasn't attracted to him because I had interest. But having been cheated on by my ex husband I always felt strongly that I'd never be the OW. Now that's changed.

 

Last week I was doing a different job, working in an office away from most people. He had to see me for a few job related questions. The one time he came in I was sitting down in and he rubbed his **** to me. I didn't think about it and figured he didn't mean to do it until he came back several more times. To make a long story short, he was playing around and sat pretended to sit down on my chair with me sitting in it. He looked down at me and we kissed. Wow... all I can say is the chemistry was a lot stronger than I ever would have imagined. I can't say I've felt that for a long time. I haven't been in any serious relationship for over 2 years. Most men I dated just didn't do it for me and I always found something uncompatible. I figured it'd be easier to be alone and happy then with the wrong man.

 

So getting back to my story... from that first kiss, we started meeting in a file room and making out like school kids. This happened for a few days last week until it lead further to point of no return. It was only a tease of what could be, but we both really wanted it. I went home from work and felt horrible. I decided I needed to end it before it got serious. I could tell my feelings were growing stronger than I wanted and because he is married I couldn't possibly be the OW. So I met him on Saturday when I knew he'd be working some overtime to talk. We initally kissed and went to a private place. I suddenly stopped and he sensed my uncomfortability of the situation. I told him that it was wrong on so many levels... being married and also working together. I tried to find out from him what his intentions had been because we haven't had any alone time to discuss anything. He told me his first wife passed away and then he got involved with a new women who he is now married 10 years to. He said that happened far too fast and he isn't happy. He stays for the kids. I told him that it's not fair to do that for the kids because i have kids and never stayed in my marriage for them. My ex left me when my youngest was only 3 months old. MM said he really doesn't know what he wants even if he was single. So I felt crushed because perhaps deeply inside I wanted him to tell me he really cared for me more than just for the physical relationship we started. But he really is a sweet guy and told me he has never done anything like this before and I believe him.

 

So I left Saturday morning knowing I ended things before they had a chance to develope and get really akward. I was so sad all weekend and dreaded seeing him today. I figured I would avoid him and let things cool off. But this week I'm back in my normal cubicle where we work practically beside each other. It was hard because the minute I got into work, he was at his desk. I didn't say a word until he said good morning. On saturday he told me we'd still be friends and carry on as it was before anything started. I was fine with that.

 

But today things happened and words were said. We ended up back to where we started last week. We have this really dark room where we spent a few stolen moments in this afternoon. It was uncontrollable. I can't explain the attraction.. he's 10 years older than me and is married. I'm just not that type of person. I hate being the other woman but I really really like him, feel like I'm falling in love with him.

 

Do I sound crazy or just caught up in the moment.

Has anyone else been unable to control the attraction even though you really wanted to dismiss it and cut it off? I know there isn't any immediate future but I can't help myself.

 

That's my story and I'd appreciate anybody who can relate and tell me I'm not nuts.

 

Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

You need to stop messing around at work, you two WILL get busted and ruin your reputations! Not only that, but you know you don't want to be the OW, so don't let yourself.

 

Yes, you two have a connection that is strong, please, take a step back and think about the full picture, do some reading in this section and also in the infidelity section too.

 

He told me his first wife passed away and then he got involved with a new women who he is now married 10 years to. He said that happened far too fast and he isn't happy. He stays for the kids.

 

Many OW have been told this exact same thing by their MM, and you must keep in mind that he is lying to his wife, so chances are, he's gonna pour it on for you and lie, or at best, exaggerate how things really are at home...

 

Think of his children. Do you want to help him ruin and betray his whole family?

 

You have alot of good insight into your own situation and you've got a good strong head on your shoulders...Do the right thing, not only for yourself, but for him and his family...Don't have that affair. Stop the flirting, kissing, groping...He is in NO position to be allowing this to happen, let alone let it happen at work. You two not only could have the reputations ruined, but both of you could be fired, depending on office rules and policies!

 

The one time he came in I was sitting down in and he rubbed his **** to me. I didn't think about it and figured he didn't mean to do it until he came back several more times

 

That's just gross and wrong. Which makes me think you're not the first he's done this to, because it's just SO SEXUAL.

 

Don't be the OW, his side dish! You deserve more, and better!

 

I figured it'd be easier to be alone and happy then with the wrong man.

 

Stay along and happy. You're better off in the long run. He IS the wrong man, BECAUSE he is married, has a wife and has children. He isn't yours, so even though he's offering himself up to be, don't fall into it.

 

Hope this helps and I hope you do some thinking before letting your emotions get carried away.

[patientguy]

I'm was the older (31...almost 10 years older) married man when me and my OW started our thing. We also work together. For us, it started out on the emotional level and has since pushed the limits of the physical. Well, I guess its gone past the line a few times. The attraction is very strong for both of us on ever level. Ok, enought of that. Your situation seems different because it seems more physical than anything else. At least that's obviously were it started. The fact that he would initiate things by rubbing his **** (?) against you seems like a good indication of my theory. I mean, common, a guy that is sincerely interested in you as a person would not start out like that. Making out in the closet. Exciting, but if you can step back and see the situation it certainly doesn't appear to be much more than a guy looking for some excitement. Are you ok with that? Will you be ok with that after you take things further? Will he? Speaking from the male population it takes a lot more than just some excitement for a guy to leave his wife and kids. That being said, my guess is you'll find out, because it doesn't sound like you've got it in you, or want to, back away. I wish you the best of luck down the road.

[WantingLove2]

I apprecaite the response and it's advice I'll take to heart.

Since I can't discuss the situation with anyone, it's hard to get good advice.

 

I certianly don't want to be the 'shark' lurking after some guy who is settled in a marriage.. I deserve more than that.

 

I never really thought about it like that... about him not being emotional with me, just sexual. It's so hard when that chemistry is that strong but from what I've been reading there are reasons for that. I have been used by single men for just sex and there wasn't anything else besides that. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex, but I want the whole package and that makes me know that I can't possible get that from my MM. Perhaps in time things might change, but I should get a grip on reality and do the right thing.

 

I don't want to lose my job or my heart over this.

 

Easier to break it off before it gets more physical. I think I'll start looking for a new job. Not sure how him and I could remain strictly work friends after this. We've been working together and have developed a great relationship as coworkers for almost a year now.

 

Can people remain friends after something like this? How can you make that animal attraction go away fast?

[KATANYA]

I agree with whichwayisup's point - the rubbing his ****thing is just wrong - He's not new to this game! My other thought is that this is all going on at work and, if how I'm seeing this is true, working in cubicles means everyone else can see you just as easily as you can see him. Chances are people are already wise to the two of you disappearing together each afternoon - why risk your reputation and possibly job???If you are going to venture into OW territory, you should really think about doing it on your own time. As "sneaky" as you two may think you are, there is always an office busybody who sees everything! Maybe even one who feels compelled to spread the word????

 

If you want to stay away from him and really want this to stop be honest about it and tell him that straight up! If you want to pursue it, make sure you know this will not be a relationship that will go any further than the bedroom (in most cases anyway!) and when its over (regardless what the outcome) its going to be even harder to see him across the desk everyday!

 

Since you've only seen each other in a "work" setting (from what I can read), why do you think you are "in love" with him - do you really even know him at all? And more still, any man that initiates his relationship with you by rubbing up against you doesn't sound like the kind of guy looking to impress you with his gentlemanly ways or his intellect........

 

I'm hardly one to tell you whether to or not to pursue this relationship but I do know that you can have no expectations or demands on him as the OW and you are the one who will get hurt if you let yourself get too wrapped up in the "in love" notions you are having. Look at this relationship with your eyes wide open and decide if this is the kind of relationship you want - you are very early on in the game and can end it much easier now than after things go even further.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide - just make your decisions with your head and not your heart!

[WantingLove2]

Thanks... my eyes are opening.

I deserve so much more.

 

Guess I'm just niave and need to get some more self esteem.

 

I've always dreamed about love at first site and thought I might be falling but it must be the attraction to the excitement of it all.

 

Thanks for not flaming me... I'm just a normal lady who lost touch of the right thing to do. I've never done that before.

[patientguy]

Of course the people in the office know. They may not know everything, but they will because their interest is up for all the curious things going on. Stop this at work at least. You are jeopardizing your job and future career. If you want to continue this at least take it outside of work. Getting a new job may be the ultimate answer unless you stop now.

 

I do think you're probably just an ego boost for this guy. Don't let him destroy your ego...I mean pride. I sense you are a great gall that just needs to find some inner strength. Remember you are the one in charge. No passion is more important that yourself...remember that the next time he lays his charm on. I know guys that do the same thing, they're very crafty and manipulation.

[whichwayisup]

Can people remain friends after something like this? How can you make that animal attraction go away fast?

 

No. You gotta not talk to him, or be in his life at all except on a business level.

[WantingLove2]

I pretty much ignored him today except for work related stuff.

As hard as it was, I got busy in my work and tried to forget about him.

He gave me the cold shoulder all day too... which is fine.. maybe he see's it's as wrong as I do and will leave me alone.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He gave me the cold shoulder all day too... which is fine.. maybe he see's it's as wrong as I do and will leave me alone.

 

Haha... that's hilarious. Um. No. He isn't doing it because of a sudden attack of conscience. He's giving you the cold shoulder to 'punish' you - just like a toddler gets angry with his mother when she takes his toys away at bedtime. It has nothing to do with wanting to do right. It has everything with being angry that you aren't continuing to do wrong.

 

One of two things will happen. He will either give you the cold shoulder, only to come on stronger or he will simply move on to a more compliant OW. Given his behavior you are kidding yourself if you think he hasn't done this before. You are also kidding yourself if you think he won't do it after you are out of the picture as well.

 

Seriously. You didn't think this guy had any real emotional intentions did you? A guy who really wanted to be with you would get to know you, ask for your number, take you out on a date, and THEN attempt to score after a few dates. This guy just skipped all the stuff that a guy does when he is really interested and went right to rubbing his c*ck at you as if you were some common whore, and on top of that treats you even more like one by feeding you the same old tired MM lines, and sneaking you away behind everyone else's back for some hooking up. Hell, he actually treated you less than a whore - you didn't even get paid for your trouble. He showed you from the beginning what you are really worth to him. Why is he worth so much to you?

[PoshPrincess]

First of all, WL2, good to meet you and thanks for sharing your story with us all.

 

This story is pretty familiar in that many women on here have met their MM through work and I am sure most of them can tell you that this is a pretty dangerous sitch to be in. I have a friend who started of in pretty much the same way. He even left for her (they had arranged a mortgage together, that's how far it got) but when his SO found out a couple of days later he went home with his tail between his legs and then had to leave the company, leaving my friend and her rep in tatters. In fact, I have another friend who went through pretty much the same thing. These guys love it all the time they're getting away with it and will carry on until they get caught.

 

I am sorry to say this, and I am sure you are realising it by now. This man is just a player!

 

The one time he came in I was sitting down in and he rubbed his **** to me. I didn't think about it and figured he didn't mean to do it until he came back several more times. To make a long story short, he was playing around and sat pretended to sit down on my chair with me sitting in it. He looked down at me and we kissed.

 

Any man who was interested in you on any level other than a sexual one would NOT behave like this. It is just wrong, pure and simple. If he is like this with you then he really has no respect for you as a person. AND you know you deserve so much more. He is looking for a bit of sex on the side, simple as. If he had serious feelings for you in any other way he would have got to know you first, in somewhere other than the working environment, and would have hopefully seen how his feelings developed.

 

Please give yourself more credit. All the 'my wife doesn't understand me' type lines that he has been giving you are more than likely BS. And he has told you that he wouldn't even know what he wanted if he were single which says it all. Maybe he isn't happily married - he would be unlikely to be playing away if he were - but it doesn't mean to say he wants to leave the comfort of the marital home and everything that goes with it. He just wants to have his cake and eat it.

 

Best of luck, WL2, you know you deserve better than this!

 

Take care.