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A break...

xtranz

By xtranz,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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xtranz

xtranz

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Hello.

 

So me and my gf have been dating for almost 4 months now. Things have been awesome. She tells me everyday how much I make her happy and how much she loves me, even gets clingy at times but I don't mind. Well... just a couple of weeks ago she said she wanted to take a break. Reason being is because she has been thinking of her ex.

 

Now her ex used to treat her like crap... she hated him. While me and her were together he kept on calling her every now and then. He went as far as telling her he was planning on marrying her in October. Me and her were actually planning on moving in together that same month. We had looked at apartments and were good to go pretty much.

 

They other day we talked a little and said she still likes him and they have been talking, he said he has changed and what not. She also said she isn't officially with him yet and is planning on staying single for a bit.

 

Our relationship was something I've never experienced... I've been in love before, but not like this. She was actually someone I really cared about. I mean, we went as far as talking about kids. She seemed so happy to be with me, now all of a sudden its like I don't exist.

 

Her and her ex were together for about a year and lived together. I know this guy isn't right for her... he will go back being the way he was. I just don't know what to do. We also work together so...

 

Should I just do the no contact thing for a bit? Then maybe ask her out for a drink or something a few weeks from now?

 

Thanx in advance.

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WiseOne

WiseOne

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Ya know thats exactly what my gf old bf said, he said that he had changed, and my gf use to claim that she hated her ex to.

 

I know how you feel because females fall for some of the most stupidest stuff, i mean why in the hell would u even consider leaving a guy that treat you good for someone who treated you bad. And i don't know why the hell a female would get into a committed relationship just knowing that if the ex comes back that they'll end up hurting the new guy.

 

What i did do was test the water, i would always try to do NC but she wouldn't let me, she would cry and she even had a panic attack, yes a real panic attack.

 

You should ask her out for a drink, and see how she responds to u, basically you need to let her know that your confident and you can always find someone better or other than her. This may force her to make a decision, i had my ex thinking this WHAT IF MY EX IS ONLY PLAYING GAMES AND HE REALLY HASN'T CHANGED? WHAT IF MY NEW BF HAS MOVED ON?

 

Basically you need to get her to thinking if she wants to drop a guaranteed thing, for something that is a possibility. Does she even want a 100% or 50%

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WiseOne

WiseOne

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Yes Yes, but she will get very very angry, she will try to defend him and say he has changed and that hes not a bad person, and she will say she thinks he needs a 2nd chance, but what about you? i mean dont you deserve a chance? atlest he was together with her longer than you guys were and he dropped the ball, he had his chance, i know all of this because my ex would hang up the phone on me when i would try to tell her about her ex.

 

This is where u might get pissed off and do NC because no matter what u say shes gonna defend him, nd take his side.

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xtranz

xtranz

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Gotcha.

 

I'll see if she wants to hang out tonite after work for a bit. Then I'll just straight up tell her what I feel. I want to tell her that this guy will end up going back the way he was... and that I don't want to see her in the same situation again a year from now. To really sit down and think things over. That I could just go off and find somebody else like I normally would, but I can't because she's different... she's someone I really care about. I just doesn't make sense why she would leave me, someone that treated her right and was happy with.

 

If things don't work out... f- it.

 

Thanx for your help.

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WiseOne

WiseOne

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Partly you cant make her see by telling her how her ex is, itll take her sometime and she'll start seeing stuff for herself. See i let my gfs ex make his own mistakes, he started saying stuff to her, and started returning to his old self everytime she would upset him.

 

If this guy really hasnt changed he'll start making mistakes sooner or later.

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Lyssa

Lyssa

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Ya know thats exactly what my gf old bf said, he said that he had changed, and my gf use to claim that she hated her ex to.

 

I know how you feel because females fall for some of the most stupidest stuff, i mean why in the hell would u even consider leaving a guy that treat you good for someone who treated you bad. And i don't know why the hell a female would get into a committed relationship just knowing that if the ex comes back that they'll end up hurting the new guy.

 

What i did do was test the water, i would always try to do NC but she wouldn't let me, she would cry and she even had a panic attack, yes a real panic attack.

 

You should ask her out for a drink, and see how she responds to u, basically you need to let her know that your confident and you can always find someone better or other than her. This may force her to make a decision, i had my ex thinking this WHAT IF MY EX IS ONLY PLAYING GAMES AND HE REALLY HASN'T CHANGED? WHAT IF MY NEW BF HAS MOVED ON?

 

Basically you need to get her to thinking if she wants to drop a guaranteed thing, for something that is a possibility. Does she even want a 100% or 50%

 

I know what you mean! I do not understand girls like that. I've dated a few seriously - okay more like 3 r/ships only - but after each guy, I always want a better man... and I do not go back to my ex - no matter how good he was/is.

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Lyssa

Lyssa

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That's what I figured.

 

I should just keep it kool then and just talk to her as calm as possible.

 

Yes, you should and WiseOne has pretty wise advice there...

 

Good luck!

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xtranz

xtranz

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What's your opinion Lyssa?

 

Should I just leave her alone? She told me awhile back that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop thinking about her ex. She feels quilty for leaving him. But says she loves the way I treat her and enjoys being with me...

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xtranz

xtranz

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Yes, you should and WiseOne has pretty wise advice there...

 

Good luck!

 

Got it. There's just so much I want to tell her. But I know if I do, I'll look clingy and needy. The more time she spends with him... the less of a chance I might have to win her back.

 

I hope she realizes he's not right for her soon.

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Lyssa

Lyssa

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You love her and you want her to be happy, right? I know you know that you can make her happy but if she chose her ex over you... then I say, let her be and let her learn by herself that it was a bad decision!

 

I have known a few girlfriends who went back to their ex-es (back and forth too!) but rarely do these ex-es change. They say they've changed to the girls - only to get them back and treat them bad again - it's just this sick games guys like that play which I really do not get!

 

Do what you feel most comfortable with. If you think you can have a decent conversation over her and ex, then do it. If you feel like she's going to throw some sort of tantrum then.. do the NC thing. See how she respond to that.

 

I hope this helps. :) I don't go back to ex-es so I might not be much of a help..

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