iamtrying Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 not in a shape to go into long details at the moment but really really bad off basically been together (long distance) for more than 2 years. he had tried to talk to the wife wanting to divorce(i know. she called me many times) she is threatening him with the kids, his reputation etc etc etc i am now seriously ill and asked once again to see him (i am ashame to say i have not seen him for 2 years already) he is not coming over to see me though i am seriously ill. i am not even asking him to divorce now just want to see him for the last time he finally told me today that he wont be coming and he thinks we should end it as he cant deal with the consequences i really need support now Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I'm sorry you're ill and hurting right now. There are nice people here with good words to make you feel better. I hope you will let go of him as he isn't coming back. [[[hugs]]] Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Hi, Iamtrying, it's okay, take a second and just breathe. Tell yourself that you are lovely, say "I love you" to yourself. Tell yourself that you love yourself too much to care any more that this man values his reputation and his wish to avoid hassles with his wife over his children to really make a change in his life to be with you. You can be your own best friend, you can help yourself be strong. This man is not giving you the love you deserve in return for the love you have with him. You can love yourself. We are here to help. Best wishes, Iamtrying, this is hard, but you will get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Know in your heart that you have loved, even if he isn't responding to you..... Receiving love in return is never the prize or guarantee but the knowing of how to love is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 thanks all ...... still trying to breath and recover from it all .... really hurts Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Hi iamtrying -- sorry to hear you're ill. Also, sorry to hear that things aren't going the way you wanted it to. I am very sure there is a few other MM on Loveshack that I have come across from reading some of the threads that could give you insights/views but will give you some of mine. Not sure what it is exactly that you're looking for... Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 God bless, Iamtrying, I hope you're going to be OK. I think it is dispicable that MM was willing to share in all the love you gave him yet he can't even come to your bedside for one last proper goodbye in person. What a coward! Best wishes, hon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 hi Nixon thanks for responding ..... just wanted to try to understand how MM thinks so that i can forgive him hope you can give some MM perspective abt my situation just talked to him today he said he is just afraid of what the wife can do and destroy his career ....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 God bless, Iamtrying, I hope you're going to be OK. I think it is dispicable that MM was willing to share in all the love you gave him yet he can't even come to your bedside for one last proper goodbye in person. What a coward! Best wishes, hon. thanks WHite Flower .... tats what i feel exactly and trying to forgive him Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 God Bless You iamtrying. May you find peace in this time of need. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 God Bless you for trying. Stay positive and try not to think about the pain he is causing you. Try to work on making yourself feel better. I'm sorry for your pain and illness. Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 I believe that every person is different from another. I have gone through a lot in my life and some of my experiences -- as the case of my youngest child -- have taught me that there is more to life than money/career. If my xW had threatened me to destroy my career -- that would be the end of our M. I don't think threatening anyone is anything to be proud of. I'm not saying your MM's W is threatening him but I know it happened to some. There is also some OW that threatens a MM. Again, I don't think it helps to threaten. I'm a risk-taker. I go for what I want. I make sure I get what I want. I'm not so sure if he is like that but it says a lot that he decided to stay in the M. Do you know anything about his M? I left mine because it wasn't the same anymore. I wasn't happy and neither was she. If he lied about his M not being a happy one then I really don't think he would leave. There are MM out there that lie through their teeth just to be with someone else -- even for just a short while but there are also MM who leave to be with the one they love so that they can lead a happier and more meaningful life. Link to post Share on other sites
CallMeCrazy Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Hang in there... he doesn't deserve your love if he doesn't have the decency to spend some time with you after two years of NC! I'm sorry he hurt you and I hope that you can find something or someone else to help ease your pain. I know it sounds silly, but try to get your mind off the serious things if you can. Turn on a funny movie or do something to make you laugh ~ or just have a glass of wine and enjoy your day. ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 I believe that every person is different from another. I have gone through a lot in my life and some of my experiences -- as the case of my youngest child -- have taught me that there is more to life than money/career. If my xW had threatened me to destroy my career -- that would be the end of our M. I don't think threatening anyone is anything to be proud of. I'm not saying your MM's W is threatening him but I know it happened to some. There is also some OW that threatens a MM. Again, I don't think it helps to threaten. I'm a risk-taker. I go for what I want. I make sure I get what I want. I'm not so sure if he is like that but it says a lot that he decided to stay in the M. Do you know anything about his M? I left mine because it wasn't the same anymore. I wasn't happy and neither was she. If he lied about his M not being a happy one then I really don't think he would leave. There are MM out there that lie through their teeth just to be with someone else -- even for just a short while but there are also MM who leave to be with the one they love so that they can lead a happier and more meaningful life. yes she is threatening him and all that tat is why he is so afraid ........ i wont say he is happy but neither will i say he is totally unhappy. BTW he has a history of lying. when i was with him, i didnt know that he was married. he lied and said hes divorce only when he really asked for a divorce from the wife and the wife called then i knew that he is married. things been a mess ever since he is afraid of a lot of things lossing his reputation, lossing his job, his kids etc etc etc (he is from a divorce family and thus afraid of doing to the kids what has happened to him) the wife is definitely not helping she called me and told the kids in front of me that their daddy is leaving them for this woman and she is now talking to the woman i heard the kids crying and screaming all just been all a big mess and thus i do believe him when he says that she is creating hell as i personally seen or rather heard it. its just the hurt that he doesnt care abt me being sick and not seeing me for more than 2 years .... it reallly hurts Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 Hang in there... he doesn't deserve your love if he doesn't have the decency to spend some time with you after two years of NC! I'm sorry he hurt you and I hope that you can find something or someone else to help ease your pain. I know it sounds silly, but try to get your mind off the serious things if you can. Turn on a funny movie or do something to make you laugh ~ or just have a glass of wine and enjoy your day. ((hugs)) we didnt see each other as we are worlds apart literally ...... totally different continents ....... we had kept in contact these 2 years via emails and calls daily ......... and yes i am trying to do all i can to keep myself happy ... been on a buying spreee .... buying loads of DVDs with all the greats deals going on with the Black Friday stuff ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 thanks to the rest who took the time to read and left comments Happy Thanksgiving to all of you Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Some MM chose not to tell women that they are M because women would just dismiss them. Some MM out there, actually go out to look for women to be their 'side dishes' -- as they say it here on Loveshack. Fortunately for some women, there are MM who really want more out of their As and actually go all out to get it, meaning they show it by taking action. Everyone lies. Little white lies, big lies -- people lie but those who lie very frequently are the ones we have to look out for. Some people are so good at lying it's hard to tell. I'm sure you can agree on that. A question -- you mentioned that his W called you when he asked for a D. Did she know about you all along? I can assure you that a lot is at stake for MM/MW. It's up to him to make the right choice. A lot was at stake for me and I chose to go through it all because I want nothing else but to be with my OW. I have mentioned on another thread that my xW and I discussed D a couple of times -- in fact I was always the one that brought it up because we both were very unhappy. She opted for us to work it out because our M was the third one for her so she can't bare what people would say of her but eventually, she saw that it wasn't healthy for our children and either one of us to stay in it. All she wanted was to have children as she didn't have any in her previous M and she was almost 40 when she gave birth to our daughter, I was 30 then. So I was her last option -- every time I say that, she just laughed it off I don't agree with the way your MM's W dealt with his A. She shouldn't have said that to their children. My xW wouldn't use our children that way. I did not expect to fall in love with my OW -- I didn't go looking for that. All I wanted was to have some new friends and she came into the picture. I have never felt so close to anyone -- not even my xW. My GF shared the same passion, same interest; we are different but the same all at once -- if that makes any sense. I know it was hard for her to trust me because she didn't know I was M in the first place. It hurt her tremendously when she found out and I can't afford to hurt her ever again. I worked for her to trust me. That is how much she means to me -- I want her very bad that I am willing to do anything for her. If your MM loved you, he would have taken the time to visit you especially with you being sick. I'm sorry but I would do anything to be with the one I love even for just a few minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamtrying Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 thanks Nixon i wish that my MM is as decent a human being as you are from what i know the wife only know abt me when he told her asked her for a divorce guess what hurt most is that he is not even decent enough to visit me though i am sick Yes, we are continents apart but if he cared, he will just pay a visit i guess i just need to forget him its so hard and i love him so much ........ well nothing is easy and i just have to try Link to post Share on other sites
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