To, fro, and back again.

[birdmadgirl]

This has been an interesting weekend, to say the least.

 

As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I decided to give up on Shy Guy altogether after not having heard from him for several days following our coffee date.

 

Yesterday, as my daughter and I left the apartment to meet my mother and brother for lunch, Shy Guy was standing at the mailbox talking to the maintenance guy. He looked over at me and grinned this really huge grin and said, "Hey, [birdmadgirl]!" My legs turned to jelly. I didn't feel I could carry on a conversation at that point, so as I continued walking in the opposite direction, I turned, waved, and said, "Hey,[shy Guy]! I'm finished with your CD. I can run upstairs and get it, if you need it." He laughed and said, "I'm in no hurry. Just take your time with it." I smiled and nodded and continued to the car.

 

After lunch, I took my daughter to my ex-husband's house and came home. As I walked through the courtyard to the mailbox to check my own mail, Shy Guy came outside to greet me. We made a bit of small talk, and then, without my having asked for the information, he told me about his plans for the evening ("Um, yeah... so, like, I have to go get new pants today, and then, um, I have this banquet I have to attend..."). I followed suit and told him that I was about to head upstairs to start getting ready for a dinner party thrown by some friends of mine. He paused for a moment and said, "Oh, okay. Cool." Then, I decided to volunteer the fact that I'd be around the apartment all day today. He smiled and said, "Me, too." We stood there for another moment staring holes through each other but not saying a word. Finally, I said, "Okay, then! Well, I guess I'll see you around!" He laughed nervously and said, "Oh, yeah! Definitely." I walked upstairs confused by his behavior and decided once again that it's probably for the best that I let it go.

 

My pager went off this morning at 9, so I had to come to work for a bit. I got ready very quickly and ran downstairs to get in the car. A vehicle I didn't recognize pulled in next to me and a man got out and walked toward the building. I began pulling out of my parking space when Shy Guy came around the corner in his vehicle. I pulled back into my space in order to let him pass. I watched in my rearview mirror as he pulled into his space, got out of his car and talked to the guy from the other car before waving me down. He held up his index finger to the guy as he ran around to greet me. I rolled down my window and said, "Good morning!" He said, "Hey! Are you on your way to the hospital?" I told him that I was. He said, "Oh, um... okay. Well, can I phone you later?" I tried very hard to be nonchalant about it, but I think I may have smiled so hard my face cracked when I told him that he could definitely call me later. He smiled back and said, "Okay, good. Have a good day." I wished him the same and drove away.

 

I called my mother as soon as I could and told her what had just happened. She began laughing and said, "You know what he was doing, right?" I told her that I did not, and she said, "He was showing off for the guy who met him there. He didn't have anything else to say to you or any real reason for flagging you down." I said, "Well, perhaps he just wanted to know when he'd get his CD back." She said, "Didn't he tell you yesterday to take your time with it? Why would he need it back suddenly?" She makes a good point, I guess.

 

Your thoughts?

[underpants]

:lmao:

 

I have no idea.

[Leoni]

Flirt with him or something, already?

 

You two are too cute for words.

[underpants]

Can you make a path of bread crumbs that led from his apartment up the stairs to your apartment?

[Storyrider]

I think he wanted to show *you* off to his friend. And that impulse gave him some courage. Yes, he definitely likes you.

[Leoni]

We stood there for another moment staring holes through each other but not saying a word.

This was the best part. You can feel this moment.

 

When he calls you, make some small talk until he relaxes a bit, then slide in some flirting.

[birdmadgirl]

Ha! Those were some great responses. I especially like the bread crumb idea. ;-)

 

Leoni, I think I will up the ante a bit by being more flirtatious. Ordinarily, I might have done that already, but since this guy is a neighbor and the son of a former professor to whom I still have professional ties, I've been exercising extreme caution. Of course, I've already told him that I'd like to see him again. I suppose I could tell him that I've been fantasizing about him for months and see where that gets me.

 

When I put all of this together, he does seem to be interested. It's just been my experience that a guy who has interest in me would have made his move by now. So, we'll see what happens. When he calls later, I'm going to ask if he'd like to go do something.

 

Thanks for your replies!

 

p.s. - In a year and a half of living in the same building, I saw the guy exactly twice before this all got started. Since he came back from his vacation over Christmas/New Year's, I've seen him roughly a dozen times. Perhaps it's just wishful thinking on my part, but I don't think that's a coincidence.

[phoensam]

When I put all of this together, he does seem to be interested. It's just been my experience that a guy who has interest in me would have made his move by now. So, we'll see what happens. When he calls later, I'm going to ask if he'd like to go do something.

 

Thanks for your replies!

 

p.s. - In a year and a half of living in the same building, I saw the guy exactly twice before this all got started. Since he came back from his vacation over Christmas/New Year's, I've seen him roughly a dozen times. Perhaps it's just wishful thinking on my part, but I don't think that's a coincidence.

 

I'd say he definitely is interested and agree it's no coincidence you are seeing him all the time now! Good luck with it.

[Stockalone]

You said he is a journalist and he obviously had no problems talking to strangers at the event hosted by your company. You also said that he teaches a class. That doesn't necessarily sound like something a typical shy guy does with ease.

 

On the other hand, he seems to be outright clueless at times and unable to recognize the signs you are giving him.

 

After having read your other threads, your shy guy's behaviour reminds me a lot of myself just a few years ago. Shy, even clueless around women (at least the ones I liked), yet in other parts of my life not having a problem to socialise or step up if needed.

 

Have you considered the possibility that your shy guy might still be a virgin? It would explain why he acts so shy around you and at the same time shows no signs of shyness in other areas of his life. I usually try to stay away from such assumptions but his behaviour is just too familiar.

[birdmadgirl]

You said he is a journalist and he obviously had no problems talking to strangers at the event hosted by your company. You also said that he teaches a class. That doesn't necessarily sound like something a typical shy guy does with ease.

 

On the other hand, he seems to be outright clueless at times and unable to recognize the signs you are giving him.

 

After having read your other threads, your shy guy's behaviour reminds me a lot of myself just a few years ago. Shy, even clueless around women (at least the ones I liked), yet in other parts of my life not having a problem to socialise or step up if needed.

 

Have you considered the possibility that your shy guy might still be a virgin? It would explain why he acts so shy around you and at the same time shows no signs of shyness in other areas of his life. I usually try to stay away from such assumptions but his behaviour is just too familiar.

 

This is precisely what I've been thinking. Judging by the accomplishments he's made in his professional life, he's probably actually quite confident in every other facet of his existence.

 

And not only have I considered the possibility you mentioned, Stockalone... I'd be downright surprised at this point if he told me he had ever so much as been alone with a girl before.

 

The odd thing about all this is that I find it's making me nervous. Socially, I'm no more or less extroverted than the average woman, but I find that I feed off the energy of the person I'm with to a great degree. If he were extremely outgoing and talkative, I would be, too.

[birdmadgirl]

Übrigens, Stockalone...

 

Ich habe bemerkt, daß du Deutscher bist. Wo genau in Deutschland wohnst du denn?

[StartingOver07]

Ok, it's later... Did he call?

[birdmadgirl]

Yes, StartingOver. He called. Here's a transcript:

 

[phone rings]

 

Me: Hello?

Shy Guy: [birdmadgirl?]

Me: Yeah!

SG: Hey! It's [shy Guy].

Me: Hey there! How are you?

SG: Oh, I'm fine, thanks. I, uh... well, I'm sorry it's, uh, late. I... well, I went to dinner with my boss, and so...

Me: That's fine! It's only 8:30. I'm usually up until 11 or so. *giggles*

SG: *nervous laughter* Oh, okay.

Me: *giggle*

SG: *nervous laughter*

Me: *clears throat*

SG: So, uh... how was work?

Me: It was fairly busy, but nothing catastrophic happened, which is always a good thing.

SG: *nervous laughter*

Me: *giggle*

SG: *sigh* Well, um... I just wanted to call you because, well... because I said I would, and I wanted to see how your day was.

Me: Well, thanks!

*awkward silence*

SG: Okay, well, um... I'll talk to you later, then!

Me: Okay!

SG: Goodnight!

Me: Goodnight!

 

[call ends]

 

That was a forehead-slapping moment if I've ever had one. The timer on my phone says we talked for a minute and 23 seconds. Normally, I'd have taken charge of the conversation, but I swear to you that his anxiety rubs off on me in the worst way!

 

Because I'm wondering now if I really *have* been all that clear, I've composed an email message to him that I will send at some point today:

 

[shy Guy],

 

First of all, I wanted to thank you for calling me. Perhaps I am mistaken, but I sense that it took a great deal of courage for you to do that. In fact, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about this.

 

It could be simply that your professional pursuits leave you with very little time for personal matters, or it could be that I do not stir enough interest for inclusion in them, platonically or otherwise. If that is the case, then I will not take up any more of your time and apologize for having done so thus far. If, however, you’ve wondered if I might be interested in getting to know you, I assure you that I am. Both of our schedules seem to be fairly hectic, but maybe at some point in the not-too-distant future, we could find time to have another actual conversation.

 

Again, I cannot apologize enough if I’ve misinterpreted mere geniality as anything more, and I won’t bring it up again. I would just hate for an opportunity to become more acquainted with someone I find deeply fascinating to slip away unexplored, provided there’s mutual interest. Typically, I don’t intellectualize such things, but I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time wondering if I should just say something, already. Your phone call inspired me to do just that.

 

Bis gleich!

[Birdmadgirl]

So there it is. Did I say too much? Not enough? Advice?

[Leoni]

TMI!

 

Why not call him back tonight and take charge of the conversation, since it's now on your time? I noticed you didn't ask him how dinner was with the boss, things at work, how he enjoys his job, pros/cons, etc.

 

While you don't want this to be twenty questions, a few questions in something he's comfortable talking about, might help him relax a little.

 

If he shows blatant signs of discomfort, when talking about himself, talk about yourself. The more you find out about each other, the more you have to talk about.

[birdmadgirl]

I noticed you didn't ask him how dinner was with the boss, things at work, how he enjoys his job, pros/cons, etc.

 

Right. And I didn't do that because it took less than ten seconds for his anxiety to creep through the phone, work its way through my ear canal, and infect my brain. By that point, I was doing well to form sentences.

 

So it's TMI? How about this:

 

[shy Guy],

 

I like you. A lot.

 

[birdmadgirl]

[Leoni]

Right. And I didn't do that because it took less than ten seconds for his anxiety to creep through the phone, work its way through my ear canal, and infect my brain. By that point, I was doing well to form sentences.

 

So it's TMI? How about this:

 

[shy Guy],

 

I like you. A lot.

 

[birdmadgirl]

Anything but the creeping anxiety...

 

How about this? Call him and see if he wants to go for coffee or a drink?

[birdmadgirl]

Anything but the creeping anxiety...

 

How about this? Call him and see if he wants to go for coffee or a drink?

 

I would love to do that, Leoni, and in other circumstances, I would. I'm afraid that if I put myself in his face for an immediate response, either via phone or in person, it's going to scare the poor boy away. That's why I'm taking the email route. It makes me just as much of a chicken as he is, I know, but when in Rome...

[StartingOver07]

[shy Guy],

 

First of all, I wanted to thank you for calling me. Perhaps I am mistaken, but I sense that it took a great deal of courage for you to do that. In fact, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about this.

 

It could be simply that your professional pursuits leave you with very little time for personal matters, or it could be that I do not stir enough interest for inclusion in them, platonically or otherwise. If that is the case, then I will not take up any more of your time and apologize for having done so thus far. If, however, you’ve wondered if I might be interested in getting to know you, I assure you that I am. Both of our schedules seem to be fairly hectic, but maybe at some point in the not-too-distant future, we could find time to have another actual conversation.

 

Again, I cannot apologize enough if I’ve misinterpreted mere geniality as anything more, and I won’t bring it up again. I would just hate for an opportunity to become more acquainted with someone I find deeply fascinating to slip away unexplored, provided there’s mutual interest. Typically, I don’t intellectualize such things, but I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time wondering if I should just say something, already. Your phone call inspired me to do just that.

 

Bis gleich!

[Birdmadgirl]

 

Actually, I kind of like this. I think it might be too much for a "normal" (terrible word, please excuse) guy, but it might be just the ticket for this guy. Assuming he is as gawky and shy as you've indicated, I think the "I like you. A lot." could be intimidating to him.

 

Maybe drop the last paragraph but otherwise, I think it is ok based on what yo've said about him.

[birdmadgirl]

Okay, sent.

 

Wow. I need a drink, and it's not even noon.

[birdmadgirl]

Oh - I felt the original sounded a bit stuffy, so there was a rewrite:

 

[shy Guy],

 

First of all, I wanted to thank you for calling me last night. As always, it was nice talking to you. I have to admit that I've been a bit more nervous than usual where you're concerned, and I'm sorry for not saying more to you.

 

I am aware that your professional pursuits leave you with very little time for exploring personal matters, and it's possible that I do not stir enough interest for inclusion in them, platonically or otherwise. If that is the case, I will not take up any more of your time and apologize for having done so thus far. Regardless, I feel compelled to tell you that I am interested in getting to know you. Our schedules seem to be fairly hectic, but perhaps at some point in the not-too-distant future, we could find time to have another actual conversation.

 

- [birdmadgirl]

 

Better? Worse?

[Stockalone]

Übrigens, Stockalone...

 

Ich habe bemerkt, daß du Deutscher bist. Wo genau in Deutschland wohnst du denn?

 

Erkennt man das schon an meinem Englisch?

 

Ich wohne in Baden-Württemberg, den genauen Wohnort möchte ich im Internet aber nicht nennen.

 

 

[[shy Guy],

 

First of all, I wanted to thank you for calling me. Perhaps I am mistaken, but I sense that it took a great deal of courage for you to do that. In fact, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about this.

 

It could be simply that your professional pursuits leave you with very little time for personal matters, or it could be that I do not stir enough interest for inclusion in them, platonically or otherwise. If that is the case, then I will not take up any more of your time and apologize for having done so thus far. If, however, you’ve wondered if I might be interested in getting to know you, I assure you that I am. Both of our schedules seem to be fairly hectic, but maybe at some point in the not-too-distant future, we could find time to have another actual conversation.

 

Again, I cannot apologize enough if I’ve misinterpreted mere geniality as anything more, and I won’t bring it up again. I would just hate for an opportunity to become more acquainted with someone I find deeply fascinating to slip away unexplored, provided there’s mutual interest. Typically, I don’t intellectualize such things, but I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time wondering if I should just say something, already. Your phone call inspired me to do just that.

 

Bis gleich!

[birdmadgirl]

 

 

I take it that he speaks german too. He is becoming more likeable every minute.

 

I'd say this e-mail is the equivalent of hitting him over the head with a two-by-four but given the way he is behaving around you, that just might do the trick.

 

Edit: Just saw that you rewrote it. I like the new version better.

 

 

Regarding the phone conversation. This guy is one tough nut to crack and, quite frankly, if your e-mail doesn't do the trick I don't know what will. Except for actually hitting him over the head with a two-by-four and dragging him into your bedroom.

 

You have been exceptionally patient with him and there is only so much you can do to show him you are interested. It's now his turn to come out of his shell once he understands you really like him.

[EYECANDY000]

Someone needs to make a move! and since he is sooo shy, please be the one:rolleyes:

[birdmadgirl]

Erkennt man das schon an meinem Englisch?

 

Natürlich nicht! Dein English ist besser als mein Deutsch! Du hast in einem Kommentar etwas über deutsche BH gesagt.

 

Ich wohne in Baden-Württemberg, den genauen Wohnort möchte ich im Internet aber nicht nennen.

 

Ich verstehe.

 

*ahem*

 

As for my situation, I agree with you completely. This will be the end of my efforts until I see more from him. I got the impression while on the phone with him that it was exceedingly difficult for him to talk. Still... I think I'll go buy a two-by-four, just in case.

 

Oh - his father is a German professor, Stockalone, and he used to live in Erfurt as an exchange student. I was in Halle (Saale) around the same time.

[birdmadgirl]

Someone needs to make a move! and since he is sooo shy, please be the one:rolleyes:

 

Agreed. I sent the email, and that's about as much as I can do.

 

Stay tuned!

[birdmadgirl]

Allow me to paraphrase Shy Guy's response:

 

I'm flattered that you want to get to know me. Don't be nervous. Unfortunately, we can't be more than friends because I might be moving away. Oh - and because I don't date single moms. Sorry. Please don't hate me. Let's be friends.

 

-Shy Guy

 

So, there's that.