Do you have to have a NC letter?

[jonybgood007]

well I posted my whole story on the wrong thread. If you want background go here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167724/. Bottom line though is this:

 

We talked for two and a half hours last night and I tried to keep it lite and short in the begining, but she turned the converstion to us. I listened to her and she finally opened up to me about he problems with how I handled us. She had some very valid points. Things that I am willing to work on for the good of the relationship. She told me that she doesn't know if I am boyfriend material or just best friend material. I told he that I cannot be her best friend without being her boyfriend. After a long time I just left it at I'm moving on and will call every once in a while, and if you ever decide you want more then let me know and if I am available we can go from there. I want to start NC, but is a NC letter needed or will it be understood If I just dont contact her?

 

I really like this girl, but I am not going to sacrifice my own dignity to chase someone around who doesn't even know if she can be with me.

Any ideas?

[SushiX]

After a long time I just left it at I'm moving on and will call every once in a while, and if you ever decide you want more then let me know and if I am available we can go from there.

 

I think you made it clear to her. No need for a letter. Seems like she doesn't know what she wants. What can you do? Absolutely nothing but wait for her. Don't do that. Go do your thang. If she comes around then she does, but you might be with someone else by then. life goes on..

[BCCA]

You know, the more stories I read, the more I suspect that every girl in the world is somehow born with the same excuses and ways of handling things. She doesnt know if you are boyfriend material or best friend material? Seriously? Dude, thats the biggest load of crap I've heard in a long while. If there is one thing I can promise you, its that she KNOWS full well what she sees you as. If she wanted to be your girlfriend, guess what - she would be. Even if she was 50/50 she would probably stick it out just to make sure she doesnt let anyone else steal you away. ALL she is unsure of now is whether or not she wants to lose her backup plan and whatever attention she can get from you. By not giving you a straight answer, she's giving you a glimmer of hope that she hopes will be strong enough to keep you on the hook if she ever needs you for anything. But know this - if she had any idea she wanted you back, there would be no vague answers and 'I dont knows'.

 

Go NC with the intent of getting over this and moving on. I doubt you'll hear from her again about your relationship. If anything, she might try and start some mindless conversation about something random, but as soon as you shift the conversation to you two, she'll bail or try and change the subject. You dont need that crap. Just pull the knife out of your heart quickly, let it heal, and move on. Youll thank yourself later.

[jonybgood007]

I don’t necessarily agree that she has mad up her mind as she’s very confused as to what she wants. I do believe that of her. If you read the 1st post I titled what she is thinking, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167724/, in the divorce section (wrong area for that post), you would remember that we went into this way too quick.

 

I do know that whatever the reason she is not with me and I cannot sit around and wait for someone who might come back to me. I have no control over her, only control over me. If she lets me know then I may be open for it. Right now I would say that I would obviously.

 

The reason for her confusion is that she is looking for something that is not out there. For some reason she thought it was me. She is looking for a guy who can know her every need and desire without being communicated to (she thinks that if it is real then a guy will just know). I told her – its just not going to happen. Whether it’s me or someone else you are going to have to communicate your needs and desires - Whatever they are. She just needs to figure that out and also that she can make decisions on her own. So in any case you are right, its time to move on and see where it goes. But I must do NC until I am ready

[BCCA]

The reason for her confusion is that she is looking for something that is not out there. For some reason she thought it was me. She is looking for a guy who can know her every need and desire without being communicated to (she thinks that if it is real then a guy will just know). I told her – its just not going to happen. Whether it’s me or someone else you are going to have to communicate your needs and desires - Whatever they are. She just needs to figure that out and also that she can make decisions on her own. So in any case you are right, its time to move on and see where it goes. But I must do NC until I am ready

 

 

Man, no lie, thats the exact same crap that my ex told me, and the exact same attitude she had. The 'right one' would just know, she wouldnt have to make any effort to improve her communication.

 

Know what that really means? It means she doesnt want to make an effort for ME, someone else is a different story. She'll probably find someone who communicates even less and doesnt care about what she has to say, and then shell want to be Ms. Super Communicator.

 

Point is always going to be the same: if it was worth her making the effort to communicate better, she would. Obviously, to her, its not. If youre in love and want to keep that person in your life, there is no limit to what you would do. When you start seeing limits and roadblocks, thats generally a good sign that this other person doesnt feel the same way.

 

Im not trying to be a kill-joy, I just feel obligated to give it to you straight.

[jonybgood007]

bcca - I 100% agree. That is why I am doing NC. I feel that if WE or even I am not woth the effort then she is not worth the effort. Maybe she wakes up and maybe she doesnt, but either way I dont have to be waiting around to find out. thanks, Man