How would read this text!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[urdone]

My wife and I have had a rocky relationship we had been married 10 years last week, the last few months have been very rocky.

 

Over the course of the last 6 weeks previous to Xmas day she had gone out every Saturday night to pumping night clubs with a few friends, this is only something she had done very rarely, but really seemed to gotten into over the 6 week period. There are usually 3 other girls and 1 guy that hang together. ThIs guy is like the "nice guy" (no he's not he's tried it on with all of them). My wife would always comment about what a good guy he is and how he respects women (yeah right).

 

Over those 6 weeks things became very hostile, she would go nuts about anything and everything. On Dec 24th she was ready to thRow in the towel and threatened divorce. I had this gut feeling and found this message saved to the drafts on her cell phone (she did make an usually large number of texts on the 24th and all the sent messages were deleted?.

 

This is what it said-

 

Hi Joe ot's Betty,

 

Whats with the confession LOL, Holley is giving me the low down.

 

For the record it was you that backed away 3 times (you Italian tease) not me.

 

I regret nothing and neither should you.

 

Like I said at the club "you take the lead"

 

Betty xx.

 

Of course I hit the roof, first she denied it was her and said she was borrowing someone elses sim card (Which she had) BUT, this message was dated the 24th and we were on holiday, absolutely no one else touched that phone. The story then changed to "nothing happened".

 

She said that he was drunk and tried to kiss her 3 times.....and she told him she was married so he backed off each time......he also claimed the "you take the lead line" was a reference to dancing?.

 

The most disturbing points are these-

Blatant denial, followed by nothing happened,

Where she says you backed away NO ME!!!! (does this read like an open invitation!!!)

Signed off with kisses!!!!.

 

I of course got angry and she then instead of even telling him he was jerk, claimed he felt really bad and she was brushing it off THEN got angry at me say "you have done things in the past" NO I HAVE F**KEN NOT, not once in 10 years. SHE ACTUALLY DEFENDED HIM?

 

The very next day (YES XMAS DAY!!!) she pulled the plug on the marriage saying she wanted a divorce and moved out, she has not made contact since.

 

A friend of hers, went around to her place a week ago to visit and said when she knocked on the door there was a mad panic off the couch and saw this guy dart into the back bedroom.

 

I have always trusted her, but this message with this particular guy..instant warning bells

 

In honesty I believed the end was coming sooner or later but I would never have done this. Do you think she was prepping herself for the single life or someone else.

 

By the way I absolutely loved her and treated her very well, it's killing me but I absolutely will not chase after her, and I'm not sure I would take her back. I won't degrade myself.

 

Your thoughts.

[luverly]

It hurts....but you are farrrrrrrrrr better off without her. She'll just hurt you again and again.

 

You deserve better.

 

And what's with going out without you all the time?

[Island Girl]

You were dead on that the text message was what you thought it was. The "take the lead comment" had to do with sexual contact - not dancing! How stupid does she think you are? And certainly she gave up stupid explanations that don't make sense.

 

She is wrapped up in never never land with this guy. Thinking how wonderful it will be to be together with him. Reality will come crashing down on her head soon enough and she will live with what she has done. Throwing away ten years of marriage to someone absolutely dedicated for a pipe dream.

 

 

By the way I absolutey loved her and treated her very well, it's killing me but I absolutely will not chase after her, and I'm not sure I would take her back. I won't degrad myself.

 

I am glad you are not chasing after her. I am glad you won't degrade yourself.

 

If in fact she does decide she has made a mistake and you are entertaining the idea of working it out at that point make sure she earns back the relationship and your trust. She has to start from scratch.

But cross that bridge if it comes.

 

Right now just realize you are a loyal and loving man that any woman would be lucky to have AND you have the ability to hold true to your word. A trait (among others) that she is very much lacking.

[urdone]

For the fast replies,

At least from the start I know others see the text for what it is and I'm not just reading into it....She claimed it was nothing......how would she feel if our 9 year old son found it!.

 

BTW Island Girl, the phrase "you take the lead" is one that she has only ever used with me in a sexual capacity also. You are absolutely right.

[mark982]

if she comes crawling back, and you take her back, she'll lose all respect for you.will i feel for you, hang tough.

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

Be glad she's gone. Now you have an example of the kind of woman you don't want. Did you close any joint bank accounts and cancel any cards? Don't let her screw you financially.

[wuggle]

Obviously you were right in your suspicions over the text, you caught her at the beginning of an affair, when challenged she chose to move out and is now with the other man. IMO not too much you can do at this stage apart from look after yourself and keep coping. Had she argued and stayed when you challenged her the situation may have been different and you might have been able to repair your marriage through counselling.

 

Sadly there is a chance that she may at some point in the near future start to see that the other man is not as wonderful as she thought (affair relationships often do that), and might break it off, and may try to reconcile with you.

 

Sadly there is a chance she wont.

 

All I can advise until that time comes or not is to look after yourself. Either way things will ultimately get better. Either you will reconcile (and you need to put a lot of effort into figuringout what went wrong) or you won't and you WILL get over the pain.

 

good luck, take care.

[edgeof27]

My wife and I have had a rocky relationship we had been married 10 years last week, the last few months have been very rocky.

 

Over the course of the last 6 weeks previous to Xmas day she had gone out every Saturday night to pumping night clubs with a few friends, this is only something she had done very rarely, but really seemed to gotten into over the 6 week period. There are usually 3 other girls and 1 guy that hang together. ThIs guy is like the "nice guy" (no he's not he's tried it on with all of them). My wife would always comment about what a good guy he is and how he respects women (yeah right).

 

Over those 6 weeks things became very hostile, she would go nuts about anything and everything. On Dec 24th she was ready to thRow in the towel and threatened divorce. I had this gut feeling and found this message saved to the drafts on her cell phone (she did make an usually large number of texts on the 24th and all the sent messages were deleted?.

 

This is what it said-

 

Hi Joe ot's Betty,

 

Whats with the confession LOL, Holley is giving me the low down.

 

For the record it was you that backed away 3 times (you Italian tease) not me.

 

I regret nothing and neither should you.

 

Like I said at the club "you take the lead"

 

Betty xx.

 

Of course I hit the roof, first she denied it was her and said she was borrowing someone elses sim card (Which she had) BUT, this message was dated the 24th and we were on holiday, absolutely no one else touched that phone. The story then changed to "nothing happened".

 

She said that he was drunk and tried to kiss her 3 times.....and she told him she was married so he backed off each time......he also claimed the "you take the lead line" was a reference to dancing?.

 

The most disturbing points are these-

Blatant denial, followed by nothing happened,

Where she says you backed away NO ME!!!! (does this read like an open invitation!!!)

Signed off with kisses!!!!.

 

I of course got angry and she then instead of even telling him he was jerk, claimed he felt really bad and she was brushing it off THEN got angry at me say "you have done things in the past" NO I HAVE F**KEN NOT, not once in 10 years. SHE ACTUALLY DEFENDED HIM?

 

The very next day (YES XMAS DAY!!!) she pulled the plug on the marriage saying she wanted a divorce and moved out, she has not made contact since.

 

A friend of hers, went around to her place a week ago to visit and said when she knocked on the door there was a mad panic off the couch and saw this guy dart into the back bedroom.

 

I have always trusted her, but this message with this particular guy..instant warning bells

 

In honesty I believed the end was coming sooner or later but I would never have done this. Do you think she was prepping herself for the single life or someone else.

 

By the way I absolutely loved her and treated her very well, it's killing me but I absolutely will not chase after her, and I'm not sure I would take her back. I won't degrade myself.

 

Your thoughts.[/quote

 

 

U R Done,

 

Found your thread, just wondering how you are doing,

 

hope you are well,

 

any update on your situation,

 

g....

[voldigicam]

Cancel all CC, good mean divorce lawyer immediately, don't go no fault, fight for every cent.

 

Snakes in your head for a year, sow wild oats, then find a real keeper.

[urdone]

Very, very angry.....

[urdone]

3 months tomorrow, and it has been nothing but hell, I had pretty much maintained no contact on any emotional front simply dealing via email to her over any issues with our son.

 

Last week it all blew up, my son has really taken it hard and I finally had to ring her and tell her that she had to start answering some of his questions...does she have a boyfriend etc etc, things I can't tell him.

 

So I finally got the answer I didn't want to hear but knew was coming, 2 weeks after we split she admitted that she got it on with a guy at a party!. I am absolutely certain that it was the same guy in the txt, she said it was some random guy that she didn't know (like this is supposed to make it any better)...claiming the "I'm single" line...that may have been true but morally she is guilty as sin and she knows it....the conversation just turned to custard from there with her hanging up....she got more and more angry the more I pointed out the truth to her.

 

Bottom line is she is never coming back, blames all this on me?, apparently I am a real piece of work...and she decided not to come back because I found the txt and my reaction to it?????. Totally insane, honestly the way she thinks she is diabolical.

 

Anyway, I feel now that I can start to put it to rest since this is the first real evidence I have and I was right all along...she simply does not and did not care.

 

There was a faint glimer of hope with some comments she made to my son that seemed like she missed me and I lost my job last week (ontop of everything else!!) and she rang to see if I was OK, Luckily I was smart enough to write both these off as her own personal guilt catching up with her...and these things are designed to make her feel better, not me.

 

I sent her a txt that night saying that I was obviously disgusted and we should only make contact via txt and there would be no other reason to contact each other, making it very clear that if I lost my job, my dog died or she had invented the longer lasting light bulb she was not to contact me since she has lost the right to care about me or be cared about in return by me, she and I should be nothing more then a means to an end in raising our son.

 

I still love her deeply, but not enough to throw away my dignity...she treated me like sh*t and I didn't deserve it. She will never have the satisfaction of seeing me suffer.

[Island Girl]

I think you are very astute when it comes to her thought processes and the relationship.

 

You are brilliant. <not just an ego stroke either although use it that way if you like as it IS something to be proud of>

 

I know you are hurting but you have kept your dignity and your SPINE throughout all of this.

 

I am glad you can now begin to move on.

 

You deserve better for the rest of your life.

 

I wish you well in your new life. The jobless thing sucks (I am right there with you) but it is always darkest before the dawn.

[urdone]

Yes,

Thank you and I do remember your comments from the start of this nightmare.

 

Sadly I have been right all along...just like seeing a car drive off a cliff you know it's going to happen, you can see it comming but there is still the shock of removing the bodies afterwards. It's been played out, lied about, justified away and yet there it is.

 

It's still very very shocking to see this person you once loved so passionately turn into someone completely different. I see her as being a fallen woman who has so grossly lost her way, sold out herself and the ones she loves all for some unobtainable ideal, the happiness she's looking for is an illusion if this is the way shes trying to get there....and all for what?..we're all losers in this game.

 

I hope something turns up for you on the job front soon, down here in New Zealand there are alot of us in this boat...I got axed last week, I'll start looking next week, all this sitting around is not doing anything for my mind thats for sure.

 

Take care.

[Island Girl]

Hey Again.

 

I just want to make sure you know to come here to post or vent.

 

It does help and there are people who have been in your shoes too.

 

It will also help some if you use some of your wisdom to help others.

 

She left yes but you did not crawl after her, degrade yourself, or lose yourself in trying to do something that you have no control over or say in.

 

It is admirable they way that you have handled yourself and there are many out there who have this happening yet can't see the forest for the trees.

 

I for one am glad to see another sound mind pop in here and would love to see you stick around.

[imagine]

Never preach to a WW. Either you fix it or let go.

 

Check out the free articles at marriagebuilders.com. This will give you a proper evaluation of the marriage.

[urdone]

Never preach to a WW. Either you fix it or let go.

 

Check out the free articles at marriagebuilders.com. This will give you a proper evaluation of the marriage.

 

But opening her legs for another guy has already evaluated the marriage, it's over and there's no going back.

[imagine]

If this is your evaluation of the marriage. Fine. It has the least long term consequences.

 

If you feel that you had any part in the marriage that would cause it to stray. Fix that. eg Neglect.

[urdone]

But the reality is I have done everything I can, I am a very decent down to earth caring guy with high moral fibre and personal integrity, I'm not a snag or sap in any sense of the word, I have a very earthy sense of humour. I could not have loved her anymore then I did and for all of this I became nothing more then an emotional punchbag with which she would project her own fears and insecurities, I became her everyday excuse for everything wrong in the world and her own life. Shes loved me one day and hated me the next it was a constant state of anxiety.

 

I can't fix her and the reality now is that the damage of being apart is far less then the damage of being together. Letting it go is the only option since she had no intention of trying to fix it or sort anything out because nothing was or could ever be good enough for her!.

[Island Girl]

She made this mess, slept with another, and announced she wanted a divorce.

 

You don't have any reason to defend yourself.

[urdone]

I only hope that next time round I can meet someone as genuine & morally adjusted as you....Reading between the lines I take it you have been down this road and know the misery and carnage it leaves behind.

 

Your right I don't need to defend myself I was there and I know what is and what isn't, and I won't spend another day trying to make that emotional vampire happy.

 

Now where in the Pacific are you cause I think I'd paddle to any island to meet you LOL LOL!!!.

[Island Girl]

I only hope that next time round I can meet someone as genuine & morally adjusted as you....Reading between the lines I take it you have been down this road and know the misery and carnage it leaves behind.

 

Thank you so much for the compliment. I have not been on that particular road. But I can empathize.

 

Your right I don't need to defend myself I was there and I know what is and what isn't, and I won't spend another day trying to make that emotional vampire happy.

 

Life is too short to throw effort into a black hole.

 

There are too many available and deserving women out there who are looking for someone who can be loyal and loving as they can.

 

Now where in the Pacific are you cause I think I'd paddle to any island to meet you LOL LOL!!!.

 

LOL I myself am in the U.S. My heart and soul are in the Pacific. (My husband is there now.)

 

And now you have shown yourself to have a sense of humor even about this.

You are going to have no problem finding options when you are ready!

[Untouchable_Fire]

I still love her deeply, but not enough to throw away my dignity...she treated me like sh*t and I didn't deserve it. She will never have the satisfaction of seeing me suffer.

 

I'm very glad you have a clear head and perspective on this. It will serve you well in the future.

 

Don't worry you will find someone much better!

[urdone]

I certainly hope so.....I couldn't survive this again!!!!!.

 

To be honest it is probably a good thing (self defense mechanism) to believe in fasle hope even if you know you are fooling yourself, simply to survive in the short to mid term. However after the admission of guilt I got 5 days ago that scab has been ripped clean off and that wound is deeper and more painful as the comfort of false hope is removed.

 

The last few days have been SHOCKING emotionally and I am on complete lockdown....I'll have to ride this out best as I can for the next couple of weeks..and since I need to look for a job also....well it really has all just turned to sh*t for me.

 

I have not seen a plague of locusts yet but I'm sure they're on their way LOL!!!.

[mr.dream merchant]

Wait, did ya kick the ho to the curb?

[urdone]

She was out the door so fast my size 11's were nowhere close to her ass.