thrillaveza Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 i am new to this forum and to this site to be exact. i'm 19 and i am pretty sure that i have hit that warm wretched feeling called unrequited love, and i still do not know what to do. ok, so i started to like this one girl (whom i've known through highschool and middleschool) over the summer at a party, from being the only sober ones (since we were the designated drivers for our friends that night) i had this small hunch that she was flirting with me. But you see with this girl, she's complicated. just many months before this time, she was in abusive relationship with one dude; so from then on now, she has been more aware on who she likes and whether or not she is going to settle down for someone. k my apologies in backtracking, i just thought it would be important to say that, just to for whoever reads this to know a bit more about this person. but anyways from then on we kept talking and talking more. there were days (which i considered dates) where we hang out, watch films, and i would play her songs on the guitar. I always wrote her songs and notes and did all this cute stuff to her to show how i felt. but really, i never really said how i felt about her to her personally, but if one were to spectate it, they would know. so at the end of our vacation we parted cause of school, and i think cause of that or that distance between us, she would randomly IM me saying how she misses me. that if i ignore her presence she would want me more. So recently (last saturday) she was on her winterbreak, we had a picnic, and i surprised her by giving her a stuffed animal of a cat (her favorite animal) that had a sign quoting her favorite line in the film LOVE ACTUALLY and at the back of the sign i wrote " will you go out with me?" at which she didn't reply, which was kind've like a **** you to my face, but i take it that she didn't read it. oh also, this past tuesday, it was suppose to be just me and her hanging out, but instead she brings my one friends (who also likes her, but got rejected 2 years ago) which made me feel more down cause then this only means that i am buying my ticket to unrequited love. I've been pretty down these past couple of days that i do not hang out with most of my friends (esp. the ones that hang out with that guy who she brought) except for one (which is the girl's best friend) and she basically agrees with me on how her actions are dumb what should i do? is my actions of shutting people out good? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 what should i do? is my actions of shutting people out good? Hey, Well, what can you do. That sucks that she didn't reply to the invitation in the animal thing. See if she is willing to continue to hang out with you, that would be nice, and next time try and touch her somehow. She already knows you want to date her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted January 24, 2009 Author Share Posted January 24, 2009 thanks for the good luck i'm pretty sure that me and her are on good terms, it's just that i've fallen under this situation loads of times and have not found a resolution. i heard from a friend that i should still like her but yet kind've drift apart in that off chance that me being away and kind've ignoring her would have her want to talk to me a lot. but im planning to do something for her on valentines day because i feel that i might be beaten to the punch by someone else (esp. the other guy) in doing so. should i go for it? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 what should i do? is my actions of shutting people out good? Learn how to form nice paragraphs and many more people will love you. You can do that by hitting your ENTER key twice after every third or fourth sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted January 25, 2009 Author Share Posted January 25, 2009 hahaha ouch mann..but yeah i just type as much and carelessly just to try to get my point across, sorry about that Link to post Share on other sites
onefunnybabe Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Maybe she is interested in you and is not sure how to handle the gift you gave her. Just be cool when you see her and don't expect anything from her. If she likes you back, she'll let you know! Or you can do what most guys do and that is pursue her relentlessly! Link to post Share on other sites
stormchaser Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Let me see, if she was abused she may feel the need to keep her distance from all relationships. If you can hear this listen good. I am 36 and I have wasted my entire life on unrequited love. I fell in love with a girl in college and never told her the truth about my feelings. She was the kindest person Ive ever known and I blew my friendship with her because I wanted more and was paralyzed too say anything. That was 15 years ago I am in therapy still. You need to be honest about your feelings and that means speaking to her face to face NO NOTES NO LETTERS NO GIFTS JUST TRUTH. this may very well cost you your friendship but you need to know what her feelings are. Ask her to talk and dont be afraid to ask her what she wants from your relationship. Too many people hide and hiding will always make you wonder what if. That is a terrible thing. I am still single because of my inability to just talk. Just dont overstate your feelings either work your words carefully and most important shut up and listen to her. Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 OP, generally, IME, the key to resolving unrequited love is to act on it, risking all, or, conversely, going NC. Going NC can re-set the emotional clock, allowing a more balanced opportunity. Right now, you're imbalanced. You have all these feelings and have showed numerous romantic actions, but she has not reciprocated nor sent quantifiable signals of her own. Time can erase that imbalance. In the meantime, write music and play that guitar for other women. Trust me, you'll be popular Link to post Share on other sites
stormchaser Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 For me NC is the only answer; and I have made the mistake of trying to contact twice with no results. If you feel to nervous to speak maybe it is for you too so please consider your options carefully. Because no matter what you say it just may never be good enough and you have to accept that. If you care as much as you do you will respect what it right, and keep your head about you. There are millions of women in the world see what they think of an artist, you may just be struck by lightnng twice, or three times for that matter. Who knows, just stay true to you and live with graciousness in your heart that you even got the chance to meet someone so special. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 You'll never hit the ball unless you take the bat off your shoulder and swing. Even if you swing and miss, at least you'll know if you're wasting your time, so you can move on. This girl may well be interested in you other than the friends zone, but like you, afraid of ruining everything if she tells you. Seems you're in the same situation. It's time to step out of your comfort zone and lay it on the line. Make sure when you do, it's the proper time and place. Dinner at a fine resturant, (a quiet one, not Applebees or Ruby's), and make sure it's just the two of you, no other distractive friends. When you ask her out, tell her you want to take her to dinner at (insert resturant here), just you and her. If she has any interest in you she'll say yes. If she balks, or gives the hated, "well who else is going to be there", then you have your answer before you have to lay it on the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 she's kind of complicated though, in that she seems kind of independent/having more focus on school etc. that she does not want to date. a friend of hers (to whom i talk to about) is telling me to still go for it, cause there i still have a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 First off you don't really know this girl, you need to spread your net out and be thinking about lots of girls. You've created a phantasy of who this girl is in your head. I gaurantee she is not this person you think she is could be better could be worse but you don't know her. While your gift had alot of thought in it most girls don't generaly react to stuff like that well if your just a guy who's not in a relationship with them. You can't talk or buy your way into a relationship, you have to show the girl you like her by holding her hand, touching her, flirting and yes kissing her, just go ahead and after you've flirted and touched try to kiss. Be bold and confident and you will see you will have requited love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 so i will update whoever reads this dilemma here. i feel now that i have competition with that guy (that is mentioned in the beginning) at which he is kind've butting me off with my chances with her. i know for a fact and also according to our friends that she would not like him in that way whatsoever, but i know it is me, that makes me feel that i am in a losing battle. i am writing this, to ask whoever reads this that should i pull something off for her on valentines day, like something nice, plain, but definitely cute to woo her in my direction? and if so, do you got any tips? but if it isn't wise, then what should i do, because i feel that if i do not do this, then that guy will try something. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 so i will update whoever reads this dilemma here. i feel now that i have competition with that guy (that is mentioned in the beginning) at which he is kind've butting me off with my chances with her. i know for a fact and also according to our friends that she would not like him in that way whatsoever, but i know it is me, that makes me feel that i am in a losing battle. i am writing this, to ask whoever reads this that should i pull something off for her on valentines day, like something nice, plain, but definitely cute to woo her in my direction? and if so, do you got any tips? but if it isn't wise, then what should i do, because i feel that if i do not do this, then that guy will try something. why don't you do something romantic tommorow like kiss her Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted February 3, 2009 Author Share Posted February 3, 2009 why don't you do something romantic tommorow like kiss her i am afraid if i do that i might ruin things between me and her. that if i do it, she might feel that i am rushing her. but i know i should act on something of that sort soon cause then she'll come to think of me only as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted February 3, 2009 Share Posted February 3, 2009 You'll never hit the ball unless you take the bat off your shoulder and swing. Even if you swing and miss, at least you'll know if you're wasting your time, so you can move on. Like I said before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 tomorrow (valentines day) i am going to surprise her at her apt. and taking my swing at this in long beach, i hope to God that i do not get shot down. Link to post Share on other sites
Dantes Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Best of luck! How'd it go? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Deal with your fear of rejection. You are afraid to ask because you think she will say no and if she says no then you lose her. YOu don't have her now so be the man you want to be and step up to the plate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thrillaveza Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 it went truly well. i surprised her at her apt. with balloons (that i released) and gave her sunflowers and played her couple of songs on the guitar. i didn't really ask her the whole spiel of "you want to be my valentine?" but i kept it smooth, with just wishing her a happy valentines. but i am sure she got the hint of course, i mean i did travel thirty-sum miles for that. but yess thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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