Did they over-read it, or am I really that naïve?

[JohnnyBlaze]

Two disclaimers:

 

1. It's a little long. Sorry! I just want to make sure you have anything that is possibly relevant.
   
2. Yes, when it comes to things like this, I'm dense, oblivious, blind, and every other adjective you can think of. Even for a guy.
   

==================================

 

 

A little background: there was a girl I worked with (for ease of reference, let's call her Jane). We weren't in the same department, but there are only 200 people in the office, and in my job, I get around. I asked her out about 2 years ago and she said no; she didn't date people she worked with. A few months later, she wound up dating another guy in the company. He is far from the company favourite, but technically he is higher up on the corporate ladder than I am. So that was that. She left the company for a better job and has been out for about a year now. Last I knew, she was still dating him.

 

...

 

Fast forward to now. Jane found out that my boss was leaving the company and asked what happened. I assumed she found out from her boyfriend, so I just gave her the standard "my boss is leaving as of this [past] Friday. You're welcome to stop by and say bye to her". She had been with the company for some time, so I wasn't overly surprised when she took me up on my offer.

 

The lunch was over, but a few of the bosses (all women) stayed at the restaurant to support the local vineyard industry, one bottle at a time. Since I told Jane that my boss would be back at the office by the time she got there (I knew she'd be by late), I went back to the office and waited for her. We met up and walked over to the restaurant, where the girls were still partying.

 

So everyone chatted for a while, and during the conversation, one of the others managed to pry loose from Jane the fact that she was single again (she told me when I first invited her and asked that I not say anything, so I kept quiet). After about an hour, Jane had to leave to get back to work. We all said our goodbyes, got our hugs and she went on her merry way. Five seconds after she left, the women all started giggling like little schoolgirls. Me, being the guy, wasn't quite sure what they were giggling about, but as the only guy, was sure it had something to do with me (simple axiom: he who laughs last didn't get it). When I asked what was so funny, all four of them replied "she came for YOU." I didn't see anything that would have indicated that, but they sure as heck did.

 

When I got home (as we stayed there all afternoon ), I emailed Jane. I told her that I was glad she came out, and it had been too long and we should go out and grab a drink some time. She replied, offering definite days. Over the weekend we set a definite date later this week. She wanted Tuesday, but it didn't work for me - I told her anything Thursday or later (which included all of next week). She countered with Friday, but upon discovering she was double-booked, asked if we could move it up to Thursday instead.

 

Now, my questions to you (particularly the women) are:

 

1. in light of the fact that she shot me down once before, do you think the gang o' gals were correct? Was she there for more than to just say goodbye to my boss?
   
2. how do you think she's seeing this drink night? Is this just two ex co-workers, or is she exploring possibilities? After all, she and I never went out drinking when she did work here.
   

I'm not sure if the girls were reading too much into it, or if there really might be something there that I'm not seeing (I'm hoping it's the latter). I'll admit, it may well be the latter, as I'm not the greatest at reading signals from women, but I'd just feel better knowing how disinterested parties would perceive this.

 

 

 

Thanks in advance, either for your advice, or at least from restraining yourself from posting any "are you really that naive?" comments. I'll answer those questions right now. When it comes to women? Yes. Yes I am.

[WTRanger]

Well, you're not alone in being lost when it comes to woman's signals. Myself? I could come home and a girl could be naked, spread eagle on my couch and very sexily utter, "Take me." I would respond, "Where? You know you should put some clothes on before we go out." Total doofus.

 

Anyways, how did this girl act around you while you were out? Was she flirty, standing close to you, looking at you, etc? Maybe some more details on what you might have noticed in her body language.

 

Listening to the pack of girls sometimes works, sometimes they are just interfering and trying to force the two of you together. I'd just take things as they come. You should know more about it when just the two of you are out. Just go with your gut and stop listening to your head. Generally speaking, your gut will usually be right.

 

The good signs are that she is willing to do things with you.

[Jack of Hearts]

I agree with WT. I would just see how it goes and try to have a great time with her. I wouldn't worry too much about the other ladies and their giggling. However, I would point out that unlike us men, women can read women like a book. You know how when you see a total douche bag trying to run his game on a girl and you're thinking "Dude, I can't believe she's falling for his crap, he's a total assh*le!". It's because us men can usually read other men better than women. Incidentally, have you ever been out with a female friend, or a sister and she'll say "That girl over there is checking you out, you should go talk to her." And you're like "How can you tell that? I don't think she's checking me out." It's because women know these kinds of things.

 

Just try to have a great time and see where it goes.

[Trialbyfire]

JB, she told you upfront that she was single again. 'Nuff said!

 

Treat it like a date unless she acts otherwise.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Thanks, everyone. Since she's just out of the relationship (not sure quite how long, but it is pretty recent), I'm going to try to be cool and take things easy with her at first. It will be a little tricky, though, since I really like this chick. I'll keep you updated!

[JohnnyBlaze]

Well, so much for updates. It was over before it started. She caved and gave the guy another chance. Knowing why they broke up, I don't see that they'll last, but that's that. I guess that'll teach me not to stick my head out of the hole.

[purgatori]

You probably weren't enough of a jerk for her anyway.

[Trialbyfire]

Well that sucks JB. On the otherhand, if she's willing to give the guy a second chance, she's not over him, thus not ready for anything serious. Imagine being the rebound guy. Not a good place to be.