BoredPerson Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Not only in terms of trying to find a partner but life in general. Especially livining in a world where looks and image is so important yet where it is important for people to deny that your appearance has an impact. In many parts of life being ugly has a big impact at work I find it difficult to have confidence because most other people there are much better looking than myself. I am very big and ugly. How do you deal with getting to know a member of the opposite sex, finding them to be wonderful then realising that nothing can ever happen because of the way you look. How do you deal with the vain people who like to tell you that looks don't matter ? I need help dealing with all of these issues. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Self confidence... You need to work on you..Find things that you love about 'you'! Write a list of all your wonderful qualities. Involve your close friends and family, ask them to write a list of the things they love about you..Doing this will help you gain confidence and make you feel good. *Just ignore Nana Yaw, he's a troll here so don't listen to a word he says. Link to post Share on other sites
IcemanJB Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Exactly...what CAN you do? NOTHING! So stop making a big deal out of it and do what you can with the cards you've been dealt. What good does making a big stink about it do? Stop whining about it. I see guys that have taken a nose dive off of the ugly tree, yet they have a very attractive woman at their side. Take it from me, looks don't matter as much as you think. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Your attitude can counter what you look like. Your attitude is ugly, however, so it doesn't matter what you look like. Pessimism, negativity, and self-pity are incredibly unattractive. But if you really think that looking better would dramatically shift your life (in spite of your ****ty attitude), then go get some freaking plastic surgery. Have you ever heard of Dorian Grey? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredPerson Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 Can we give up on the absolutism that my 'attitude' that is disagreeing with you is what causes all of my problems? It is part of the problem that I described for myself where people say that image does not matter, neither do looks, but then when it comes to real decision making and the actions that they take; their decisions and actions indicate that looks and image where a big part of why they did what they did. So a good looking guy that talks about how he banged this girl, and that girl, and how the girl cries over him when he acts like a total jerk then deciding that all men are *******s must have a really good attitdue because he gets women and I don't? Link to post Share on other sites
chrislovestosurf Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Your attitude can counter what you look like. Your attitude is ugly, however, so it doesn't matter what you look like. Pessimism, negativity, and self-pity are incredibly unattractive. But if you really think that looking better would dramatically shift your life (in spite of your ****ty attitude), then go get some freaking plastic surgery. Have you ever heard of Dorian Grey? A little harsh choice of words wouldnt you say? have a little compassion for someone who doesnt have a super high opinion of themselves. You have to understand that people who have gotten treated differently in life because of their looks are going to be a little pessimistic and unhappy. You're actually wrong. People who are good looking DO get treated better in life. Its sad but true. You really dont know this person so going as far as to say that they have a ****ty attitude is pushing it a bit. Based on what the OP said, I definately didnt feel that he has a ****ty attitude, just down in the dumps. For someone who has the amount of posts you have on here, you should really be able to respond with more constructive criticism. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 image where a big part of why they did what they did. Is this what you think, or is it fact? Do you know 100% for sure image WAS a big part of whatever they did? Link to post Share on other sites
EllieBean Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 A little harsh choice of words wouldnt you say? have a little compassion for someone who doesnt have a super high opinion of themselves. You have to understand that people who have gotten treated differently in life because of their looks are going to be a little pessimistic and unhappy. Um... considering that on a previous thread the OP referred to all women as "harpies", and said that he's proud of the fact that he wants to "root and control girls", and that women who are raped deserve it for having led the guy on... that constitutes a bad attitude in my book too. I fully agree with SoulSearch - if someone has such a bad attitude towards women then what he looks like is irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Stop with this I'm ugly crap. Trust me define ugly?, there are over 6 billion people in this world, and each and everyone has a different taste in what they consider good looking and what not. Heck, i;m only 23, I'm skinny, I have a weird shape nose but I've still been with chicks who look like models. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 If you're big, lose weight. If you're ugly, get a new haircut, get some skin products (men do it now) and work on your muscle definition. Men can get away with ugly, as long as it's manly. Get a full length mirror and work on your posture. Don't slouch, stand tall and proud. Next, inner beauty. Learn to care for others and help out in a welfare organisation or animal shelter. It will give you an edge in the dating world and make you more agreeable than you are now. Or, continue to do what you are doing: pity yourself and change nothing. Good luck with it. In this case: get lots and lots of alcohol and pot. After a while of being high and drunk all the time, you won't worry about looks or beauty anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredPerson Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 Stop with this I'm ugly crap. Trust me define ugly?, there are over 6 billion people in this world, and each and everyone has a different taste in what they consider good looking and what not. Heck, i;m only 23, I'm skinny, I have a weird shape nose but I've still been with chicks who look like models. Oh well then that proves it, you do have a funny shaped nose. You just said you've been with girls that look like models. You must be ugly because you think you have a weird shaped nose. Therefore an ugly guy has been with models ! My problems are all solved ! Yay ! All of these girls always rejecting me must have been imagined ! There is no possibility that you are a great looking guy - with a funny shaped nose, that isn't even funny shaped or looks good on you. Yes the models are much more likely to get with the ugly guys. Because you said you have a funny shaped nose.... Link to post Share on other sites
collegekid491 Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 A little harsh choice of words wouldnt you say? have a little compassion for someone who doesnt have a super high opinion of themselves. You have to understand that people who have gotten treated differently in life because of their looks are going to be a little pessimistic and unhappy. You're actually wrong. People who are good looking DO get treated better in life. Its sad but true. You really dont know this person so going as far as to say that they have a ****ty attitude is pushing it a bit. Based on what the OP said, I definately didnt feel that he has a ****ty attitude, just down in the dumps. For someone who has the amount of posts you have on here, you should really be able to respond with more constructive criticism. Well this is just full of assumptions, cause literally, even beautiful people have numerous things they would change about themselves. My gf is gorgeous, but she has a few things she constantly complains about. Not to mention, to say life is easier for someone based on their looks (while i can see what you mean), is grossly inaccurate. Its different, while 'ugly' people worry about attracting the opposite sex, on the other end of the scale you have 'good looking' people worried about being used merely for their body (which often ends up in getting treated like ****). Attitude is the one thing you can change, thats why so many people (including myself) first recommend you look at it. So often we focus primarily on our downfalls or a few features we have been bugged about in the past. If you want something other then that, change your clothing style. There are so many ways to highlight features you like and fade ones you don't. But to think you will get much pity on these forums... isn't gonna happen. To focus on a single aspect of yourself and base your success in finding love on it.. its unfortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Guys, before defending the OP or even replying, you might want to check out his previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=184301 He posted that thread some time ago, everyone tried to talk him into changing his attitude in one way or another. His replies were... well, it's best if you read it for yourself. The women on this thread aren't being harsh for no good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 BP, let's be honest, yes, society will instantly judge ugly people, and if you REALLY are ugly then this will apply to you. Two strands of advice seem to be being presented to you and you seem to have the same sort of response to both. First strand is around 'What' defines ugly. This is a valid point, but lets assume for the moment that you are REALLY ugly. Second strand is around your attitude 'to' the ugliness and society's judgement of you on this basis. Your response is in both cases, negative, sarcasm and loathing. You may be the ugliest person in the world but IMO your attitude IS going to hold you back more. You have a pop at people who try to tell you this in a roundabout way by citing examples of ugly people doing ok, so I will try to say the same thing in a slightly more direct way. Yes you may be ugly, your attitude certainly sounds ugly. Yes, society will judge you in the short term on your ugliness, but more daming they will judge you long term on your attitude. If you are physically ugly and your attitude is crap people WILL avoid you. If you are Physically ugly but you are the life and soul, always happy and smiling,and interesting to talk to, people WILL want to be around you, and you MAY get laid. (exampes Gerard Depardiou, Woody Allen, John Prescott, Steven Hawkins, Bernie Eccleston, and Barrack Obama ) Attitude trumps all, And please look in the mirror, are you really that ugly ?? Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 stay at your own level, you don't have to do anything for this Eg: if you are a fat girl, you can't complain about why a guy with banging body wouldn't wanna go out with you. meet a fat guy, problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
yongyong Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Look, just by reading your replies, I can see you are ugly& fat (you said it) with depression& anxiety problem. I am not gonna say go work out cuz I know you won't I am sure you saw two types of fat women at clubs. one is the one who doesn't give a fxxk about crowd and have good time on dance floor. I wouldn't fxxk this type of girl but at least I would talk to her the other is depressed one. just by looking at her mad eyes, it makes you feel bad. they give you the look 'I am fat, I know you wouldn't like me' you can see the anger trapped in their eyes and it makes you feel bad, you might want to say 'WTF?, it's not my fault cuz you are ugly& fat' (I see that kind of eyes from mexican workers, just because I am dressed nice and driving a good car) why do you want to get to know that opposite sex? oh because she has those wonderful fxxin inner beauty? you liked her APPEARANCE. why don't you try to get a date with a fat girl whom even fat guys make fun of? you can't? why? cuz you look at their look first? you think you deserve women with better physical appearance? (got some serious $$$?) you see what I am talking about here? Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I do remember this guy from the other thread where he said women shouldn't complain about being raped if they drink too much. Ugh! However, for those who might be reading this, struggling with issues about their appearance and really need some positive input, let me mention a couple of things. I met a guy who, at first, I thought, wow, he is really ugly. But within about five minutes I changed my opinion. He is one of the most soulful, kind, romantic men. I really fell for him! Now, if I look at a picture of him I see the soulfulness and kindness. (It didn't work out between us but he ended up marrying someone else.) That guy was in his 30s. A relative of mine is in his 20s. Very, very bright guy. Passionate and opinionated. He always has the cutest girlfriends! Another guy I know. Really tall and quite heavy. Married. So, yeah, sure looks do matter in our society. But I will tell you that I see more guys checking me out on days I feel good than on days I don't. There really is a quality that can shine from within. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Not only in terms of trying to find a partner but life in general. Especially livining in a world where looks and image is so important yet where it is important for people to deny that your appearance has an impact. In many parts of life being ugly has a big impact at work I find it difficult to have confidence because most other people there are much better looking than myself. I am very big and ugly. How do you deal with getting to know a member of the opposite sex, finding them to be wonderful then realising that nothing can ever happen because of the way you look. How do you deal with the vain people who like to tell you that looks don't matter ? I need help dealing with all of these issues. OK bored this is like your 3rd ugly/unattractive thread Ive seen I'm callin you out boy!..lol post a pic and see what people have to say? you may be surprised.. who knows.. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 OK bored this is like your 3rd ugly/unattractive thread Ive seen I'm callin you out boy!..lol post a pic and see what people have to say? you may be surprised.. who knows.. I didn't think I had any sympathy left in me after reading his 'she deserves to be raped' comments, but frankly I don't think it'd be a good idea. So many people now are so utterly disgusted with his attitude in that last thread that even if he DID look okay, I don't think his picture would receive very welcome comments, thereby pulling his self-esteem and insecurity even further into the pit. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Look, just by reading your replies, I can see you are ugly& fat (you said it) with depression& anxiety problem. I am not gonna say go work out cuz I know you won't I am sure you saw two types of fat women at clubs. one is the one who doesn't give a fxxk about crowd and have good time on dance floor. I wouldn't fxxk this type of girl but at least I would talk to her the other is depressed one. just by looking at her mad eyes, it makes you feel bad. they give you the look 'I am fat, I know you wouldn't like me' you can see the anger trapped in their eyes and it makes you feel bad, you might want to say 'WTF?, it's not my fault cuz you are ugly& fat' (I see that kind of eyes from mexican workers, just because I am dressed nice and driving a good car) why do you want to get to know that opposite sex? oh because she has those wonderful fxxin inner beauty? you liked her APPEARANCE. why don't you try to get a date with a fat girl whom even fat guys make fun of? you can't? why? cuz you look at their look first? you think you deserve women with better physical appearance? (got some serious $$$?) you see what I am talking about here? Oh brother.. more fat bashing courtesy of my friend yongyong lol... Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I didn't think I had any sympathy left in me after reading his 'she deserves to be raped' comments, but frankly I don't think it'd be a good idea. So many people now are so utterly disgusted with his attitude in that last thread that even if he DID look okay, I don't think his picture would receive very welcome comments, thereby pulling his self-esteem and insecurity even further into the pit. Oh my I must have missed something then I wont judge before I read it myself but I don't dig rape comments on any level thats just not cool... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 OP, try replying to 10 threads with empathy and support before starting another one about yourself. Just try it. I have nearly 8000 posts and have yet to start a thread. Check it out I dealt with my perceived unattractiveness by being a caring and loving person. Didn't work too well in my 20's and 30's but 40's and beyond will be my time. Life isn't fulfilling without a few challenges... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredPerson Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 Ah another rejection. I tried working out and all that stuff it didn't help all that much even when super fit. girls still don't want me. That is my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Humm... no idea.. I've never had any problem in that area.. Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Ah another rejection. I tried working out and all that stuff it didn't help all that much even when super fit. girls still don't want me. That is my life. What is it that you're hoping to find from people responding to your posts? Is there anything any of us could say that would help? People are trying to help. What do you need? Link to post Share on other sites
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