monkeymaid Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 i just dont wantto do anything. ...all my smiles seem to be forced, and i cant pull myself up. i dont cry or smile or think much about anything. i want to lay in my bed and dream about my ex all day, and how dumb and ashamed i feel for letting her go. i go out, but i dont add to anyone elsesfun, and feel like im draining them so i just leave. it seems like i make everyones life worse by simply being present. ive never felt this way ever and it is the worse feeling in the world. ..this is not love it is self loathing and as much as i force myself to smile or try to think of anything good, it just gos away and i feel nothing. **** i miss her so much, ah wait,nowm crying yay, more feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
incision Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I understand exactly how you feeling my ex went out with a new guy last night and i feel crushed. I cant really say anything to make you feel better apart from your not alone my friend, Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Feeling pretty useless myself. I do nothing but spend all day thinking about him....to only realize he doesn't think about me. Yep pretty useless... Link to post Share on other sites
lovelinefan Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 The only thing that has helped me with this feeling is going to the gym, and it takes a lot of concentration to actually put my focus on the workout, and not other things. I know you might not be able to motivate yourself to do something like that, but if you can, it might help. Take that overwhelming feeling, and turn it into a physical incarnation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 its good to know im not alone,though i wish this on noone! wow, im so sorry for you guys. i hope you find something to smile about even if it is forced and contrived. ...i had to go to work, and that helped me smile today, even though i work for her parents . as for the gym, i think everyone would benefit from the activity, even if you are happy. ...lovelinefan, i force myself to go, and my activity level is usually so high, that the endorphin release doesnt really affect me anymore so ive stayed out of there for the last 3 days, and only ran once since monday, maybe ill try again tomorrow. ...oh, and its my birthday tomorrow, i have great friends, but none of them are her. ....im still sad right now Link to post Share on other sites
Biker2007 Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 MM, I hate to say it, but it just takes some time. I forced myself to go out w/ friends and even on dates after my X left. And all I did was feel worse. General conversations w/ friends just left me numb. I could have cared less at what they had to say. The dates were even worse. All I knew was that each girl I met was not my X...at the time, this was tearing me up inside, so I just shutdown and isolated myself. Probably not the best course of action either. Now after spending some time on my own and doing activities (cross country skiing, cycling, and running) w/ my friends I can look a little more clearly at how fortunate I was to get away from such a narcissistic X. Feeling pretty useless myself. I do nothing but spend all day thinking about him....to only realize he doesn't think about me. Yep pretty useless.. Pinkribbon nailed it...don't look back in a year or so and see that you pined away for someone that has forgotten you. Keep taking it day by day, and your smile eventually will come back. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Yep, I know how you feel sad depressed, constantly thinking about them not wanting to do anything, but you know what they are doing? Out with friends, laughing, smiling not thinking about you at all. Another Reason why I go NC i don't want my ex to know how depressed of a person i have come, but I will get over this just like last time and feel great again. Link to post Share on other sites
vessv6l Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 MM you said you let her go? I havent read any other posts by you so im not sure of your situation, did you end it with her? I know what your going through, i feel like a shell on the outside that smiles and talks politely and laughs, but inside its like a void that nothing can fill. I was the dumpee and many times through the day i think of the little things that i did that might have caused her to end it. But at the end of the day, those little things were just that, little and she did little things that pissed me off too but i wouldnt have left her over it. So more likely its me trying to allocate all the blame on myself while putting her on a pedestal. And even if things were great it wouldnt have changed her leaving, its who she is. Best thing you can do is make yourself feel good about yourself, dont get angry at yourself or anything like that. If you made a mistake then learn from it and next time hopefully you wont find yourself in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 all my smiles seem to be forced, Oh, how I remember that feeling - it actually hurt my face, and seemed totally unnatural to smile. oh, and its my birthday tomorrow Mine too!...happy b-day to both of us.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeymaid Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 hay thank you guys for all the support. its kinda helping me get myself out of my room righth now. yeah, i did end it, and when im clear headed, i know it wasnt just me being a douche (though itpartly was too), but when im feeling numb or emotional orwhatever, i feel like this is all my fault and like im the lowest dirtiest piece of **** ever and she is perfect and didnt distance herself from me for7 weeks, like she didnt blow me offon xmas eve, and just leave randomly to sandiego without me, and flirt and lock herself in the bathroom with our friend when i was there, and feed him m&ms while she was mad at me and AHGHAGHHHHHHH **** that bitch!!!! ****************!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i still miss her and just want to tell her good morning and howmuch i loveher im 25 (26 today!) and could never say the words i love you till her. ....they just wouldnt come out. ...i hear you vess, i did all the little things cuz i know how relationships go dull and bored and i didnt want that to happen, so i gave her everything i could without compromising myself, but she just flat out refused to do the same. it was all about her. no compromises. then i put my foot down. BAM i ended it after a long hard struggle hay jelly, happy birthday to you! and thanks also. Link to post Share on other sites
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