Girlfriend + On-going Divorce

[Saxis]

This is a break-off from my divorce thread.

 

As far as the girlfriend goes... we've been living together for a while now but I honestly don't think it will last much longer. She's a great girl and I couldn't hope for anyone to get along with my daughter better. She's understandably been pushing hard for the divorce to finalize, but it is taking its toll on me. She doesn't get along at all with the X, and has become almost obsessive about making her "opinions" known. There pretty much can't be any discussion about my daughter or divorce without going into some berating or name-calling. I'm just tired of hearing it five times a day. Luckily she doesn't do it much in front of the kid.

 

I always knew she wanted a family of her own, but a while back we were discussing the craziness of our friends on their 5th child at only 24 years old, and she mentioned that she could see 3 or 4, but not more than that. I mentioned I wasn't sure if I wanted more. Her reply was, "You do if you're with me!". It didn't sit well. Since then I've been contemplating my options. My plan after the separation was not to move again unless I was buying a house. Well, that didn't happen which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as I need to get my finances in order post-divorce. I moved outside of town with the girlfriend to save some money. The cost of driving to work everyday is nearly off-setting that. It's just not working out all the way around, so I'd really rather move back into town on my own. It'd be nice to get this all taken care of in one fell swoop (divorce, house, relationship). I've been eye-balling a house I like and the divorce will be final soon. The third item is the bind. I just get the feeling she's pushing for this divorce ASAP, thinking we'll get married and start a family. Not sure if that's what I want at all yet... It's just too much to think about all at one time.

[Gunny376]

Brother you can't get out of this situation fast enough!

 

"Run Forrest run!"

 

Relationships!

 

Easy to get into!

 

Can be difficult to maintain!

 

And as you now know? Even harder to get out of!

 

It is my honest opinion that marriage / relationship are for women and children. Men benefit very little from marriage other than from the obvious and having children.

 

Compaionship?

 

:lmao: :lmao:

 

She's in one room watching Home and Garden talking to her BF, mother, sister, etc.

 

He's either in the other room trying to watch the game, or hiding out in the garage or shop.

 

I remeber sitting at a stoplight on Lejuene Blvd in Jacksonville NC. I looked over and there was another Marine.

 

His wife/gf was yelling and screaming at him, wagging her finger at him. I could read her lips as she said, "And another thing!" Finally in a defeated look he looked at me, I looked at him and he mouthed the words (VERY SLOWLY).............

 

"PLEASE! (With a look on true anguish on his face) "JUST FREAKING KILL ME! I'D DO IT FOR YOU, AND I KNOW YOU WOULD DO IT FOR ME!" :lmao: :lmao:

[Lyssa]

I just get the feeling she's pushing for this divorce ASAP, thinking we'll get married and start a family. Not sure if that's what I want at all yet... It's just too much to think about all at one time.

 

If marriage is the last thing on your mind, then you have to tell her. It looks like she's a bit controlling and that's scary.

 

I can understand what you're going through (the divorce process) - it ain't easy and you gotta take one step at a time. I hope she can see that going through a divorce is not a smooth-sailing ride.

[Trialbyfire]

Does your g/f know where you stand, in reference to marriage? As well, it must be incredibly awkward, to have the ex and your g/f bickering. Is your g/f aware that regardless of divorce, the ex will always be in your life, since she's the mother of your child? It sounds like you're in the middle of a tug-o-war.

 

Saxis, you need to set this right, especially with asserting yourself with the g/f.

[carhill]

Set some boundaries and lose the GF.

[Chrome Barracuda]

What woman who's dating a man would get along with her boyfriends recent Ex-wife! lmao! seriously that was expected.

 

The thing is she sounds like she's ready for the next step, you are not.

 

You and the girlfriend should just cool it down for a moment right now. I dont think she's a bad woman or crazy, just loves you alot right now and is highly impatient.

 

Get your situation handled. as best as you can. If your girlfriend continues to escalate her emotions than you break up with her.

 

You met a good woman but at the wrong time. Sorry my friend.

[Trialbyfire]

What woman who's dating a man would get along with her boyfriends recent Ex-wife! lmao! seriously that was expected.

My ex-H gets along fine with my fiance. I get along fine with my ex's dates du jour. People really can be civil and even friendly, after they've moved on. No big deal.

 

Saxis has been separated for 2 years and two months.

[Chrome Barracuda]

My ex-H gets along fine with my fiance. I get along fine with my ex's dates du jour. People really can be civil and even friendly, after they've moved on. No big deal.

 

Saxis has been separated for 2 years and two months.

 

LOL but that's the point you have come to a point of co-parents and not let your emotions be disturbed by the dating. which sixaxis STBX should have realized what was gonna happen.

 

The ex is probably mad because six ended up with someone she's probably jealous about.

 

It's not his fault, the only thing I see wrong with the picture is he should have finalized the divorce and then started dating. So that way it wouldn't be so messy now.

 

But it's his life he should really get a grip on the situation with his new girl and the ex. make them both realize how this is gonna play out.

 

The ex needs to move on and mind her business and the girlfriend needs to be patient. but the best laid plans...

[Saxis]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

 

I wrote my initial post in haste, so I left out many details. There's so many things playing devil's advocate in this relationship. My hobbies are now apparently an issue with her, which seems funny. She knew about them when we first started dating. Every Sunday night I get together with friends and we do some gaming. A couple times a month we'll stretch it to Wednesdays also. League Bowling is seasonal, starting up at the end of August. Her response: "Great... another night sitting at home by myself!". Well hell, I can't wait to give it up and stay home to listen to that! I can almost GUARANTEE I spend less time with my hobbies than she does playing Facebook games... She used to go out with her friends at least once a week, but ever since she got very sick last year they rarely get together. Doesn't help that she doesn't have reliable transportation, but that's apparently my fault also. Her parents offered her a reliable car, she turned it down because it "smelled moldy" inside.

 

Her parents are a whole other issue. They have horrid credit, and to start a business a few years ago, they used their daughter's credit. Safe to say that things didn't work out, her credit is now destroyed also. Her parents just ignore the problem, won't help pay any of the debt. She won't say anything because "they are family". Not in my book! I don't know what "family" leaves you high and dry, potentially screwing you out of ever buying your own car or house. Her brother also owes her hundreds of dollars. She has at least learned not to lend them more! It's just another reason I'm not set on marriage. I've got my own financial issues with this divorce and trying to buy a house. Don't need someone's debt dragging me down.

 

The last details I'd like to address are the issues with my X. Some good points were already made about that. The X will always be around, as she's a co-parent. I don't think it is just a matter of dislike or "not getting along" anymore. When you come and all you hear is: "Did 'Stupid' send [your daughter's] medication this time?" or "Was the skank too busy with her new boyfriend?" or "Did 'The B!tch' say anything about this weekend?".... you can imagine that getting old quickly. Sometimes my daughter will ask when she's going back to mom's, and she'll reply, "Your mom is too busy with her boyfriend this weekend.". I just don't think crap like needs to be said to a 5-year old. It's hard though, because my daughter really doesn't know what's going on with her mom. She just thinks the instability she provides is just 'normal', and sometimes I really do feel like telling her the truth.

 

The bottom line is: It's not working out. My primary concern right now is what "I" want as a parent. It's hard enough working out a 50/50 parenting plan with 2 schedules. I know she just wants to be included and involved in my life, but working around the 3 of us is a disaster. Chrome got it right. Since it concerns my daughter, I need to tidy up this mess before I start on the next one.

 

 

Sorry, it became more of a rant than detailed info...

[Trialbyfire]

Oh, lord! Tell the two women to grow the eff up and think about your daughter first.

 

As for your g/f, I think it's time to end this. She's got more baggage than a Boeing 747!

[Saxis]

Exactly!

 

"2 years"? of separations and you are still fighting with your current girlfriend about your divorce, no wonder your g/f has turned into a nagging machine. Do you realize the message you are sending her when you drag your feet like that? You don't even know what you want Saxis. I certainly hope this is not the same girlfriend that you speak about in your other thread you linked here, who you were using to get your ex jealous and back with. :rolleyes:

 

Your ex sounds like a mental case monster, no wonder your marriage didn't work out, and you want THAT back? What's wrong with you men? You are with these psycho bitches of women and then when they want to break up with you, you want them back?

 

Look do your current g/f a favor and cut her loose she does not deserve to be left in limbo expecting something out of this relationship that you are CLEARLY never going to give her. You still don't put your foot down with your ex and it's your g/f that is the one who is out of line?

 

If you had another life before now it is YOUR job to neatly separate your past life from your current life. And no I don't agree in keeping ex's around as best friends, only people who are not over their ex's do that, it creates tension for the new people and confusion for you but in reading both your threads it is SO clear you are still not ready to let go emotionally hence your inability to assert yourself.

 

Your relationship with your ex should be a business one of the mother of your children and a distant friend, but with distant friends we can definitely talk to them and tell them when they are stepping out of line and hurting us. Your priority is your current woman. Ok she may not be the one then move on but in future THAT is your priority. Put that to practice and by all means move away, or you will never have any semblance of a decent relationship. Guaranteed your ex will drop you like a hot potato when she becomes preoccupied with someone new, stop catering to what she needs she didn't want you anymore. MOVE ON and stop dragging your current g/f through your emotional roller coaster she does not deserve that. She loves you, you don't love her on the same level so cut her loose.

 

You apparently didn't read the rest of the other thread after that post... on April Fool's Day.

 

As for the divorce dragging out: Yes, it could've been handled much sooner. What happened is that we agreed on an uncontested divorce and get no lawyers involved. She moved away to stay with family for 6 months, came back and the parenting plan was made up. Then revised. Then revised again and the court date set up with a 3 month waiting period. When that date came, she refused to sign. 3 month wait for a contested court hearing. Seems like a month or two would pass between each of these, so there was fault on both ends. The one good thing about lawyers is that they like to move quick. That's where I'm at now.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Oh, lord! Tell the two women to grow the eff up and think about your daughter first.

 

As for your g/f, I think it's time to end this. She's got more baggage than a Boeing 747!

 

LMAO good one!!! jumbo jet is over capacity!

[carhill]

Set some boundaries and lose the GF

[sumdude]

SAX, I remember you during my time on the divorce board, we were going through the separation craziness at the same time .

 

Waddaya doin' living with a woman before your D is even final?! You heard all the great advice there...

 

Sorry gotta bust your ba##s on that. Not good for you and not good for kids. Need to break this thing off and get your head straight being single for a while and getting the divorce finalized.

[SRV]

Sax, yours is a compelling read, with its twists and turns

 

You seem like you know what direction you want to take, you just have to follow through.

 

Lose the gf like yesterday. She has given you a preview of the kind of person that she is and will be if you decide to take it to the next level.

 

Your are doing right, focus on your daughter, stay single for a while as you sort yourself out, good luck!

[in_absentia]

Sax, yours is a compelling read, with its twists and turns

 

Isn't it just. I have to say I've been intruged to go back through the oldddd thread and read up on it, it's like a real-life soap opera.

[Lyssa]

I think you already know what you are going to do about the GF, Saxis. The best is to focus on your daughter and to get the divorce finalised soon. Then work from there.

[sumdude]

You know Sax.. looking at your STBX-wife and your STBX-girlfriend (we all hope) you might want to look at the kind of women you attract/are attracted too.

 

I was recently involved with this woman for a while.. who after some time I realized had a lot of the same traits as my ex - wife.. and not the good ones! Scary thing is they had the same birthday!

 

... even scarier...?

 

 

My ex-wife's new husband has the same b-day as me

[Chrome Barracuda]

You know Sax.. looking at your STBX-wife and your STBX-girlfriend (we all hope) you might want to look at the kind of women you attract/are attracted too.

 

I was recently involved with this woman for a while.. who after some time I realized had a lot of the same traits as my ex - wife.. and not the good ones! Scary thing is they had the same birthday!

 

... even scarier...?

 

 

My ex-wife's new husband has the same b-day as me

 

LMAO Coincidence? or Fate?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Your girlfriend thinks that locking you down with a wedding ring shackle will solve all of her problems, or at the very least allow her to foist them all off onto you. It is clear that she may have gone into this knowing the deal but like a good deal of women out there, she went into it apparently convinced that she could change you to suit her needs.

 

My advice is simple when it comes to the girlfriend. GET OUT NOW.

 

This situation is poison and she is at the core of it. She is not going to do anything except make your kid's (and your) life a living hell with all of the sh*t stirring she is determined to do. She obviously feels that she is in direct competition with your ex, and looks determined to erase her importance by starting her own family. If she had kids, would she still treat your daughter the same? I can see this being very, very ugly if it continues.