Really why is cheating treated like it was a crime??

[samsungxoxo]

I mean aren't we kinda overreacting, treating it like it was a criminal offence when it's not?? Cheating just means you wanted to see what else was there and took another path, went outside your intended relationship but it's no where near the level of a criminal offense where in that case you get to serve jail time....

 

Basis there is really no rule stating that we are obligated to staying loyal to them. Unlike there are rules and punishments if you commit a robbery or other felonies...

[carhill]

Imagine having something of value to you stolen. Put it into terms which evoke an emotional response.

 

For example, you might not remember when cassette players for cars were new, but I had one in high school. Someone broke the window of my car and stole it. I worked a lot of hours to save the money to buy it. I trusted that my car was safe from thieves while at school. I felt violated. It was a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. It affected me for a long time (obviously, I was young and hadn't experienced such things).

 

Now, stealing my cassette player was a crime, mainly because it's property and is something qualifiable and quantifiable. One's trust, love and commitment are a lot harder to attach concrete value to. We know they are valuable, but how can society attach a value, and criminal penalty, to betrayal of trust? Who decides?

 

So, instead, society generally has decided to treat cheating as a crime without criminal recourse, although it can affect property settlements and custody in some jurisdictions. It has become a civil and moral matter. Society exerts such pressures on its members who can choose to opt out of society if they don't like the 'rules'. Many do. We don't have any control over people 'liking' us. If I do something that people generally don't 'like', I can ignore their opinion and judgment, but it still remains and I have no control over that. I can only control how much their dislike of me matters to me.

 

Simple rule: The person (or group of people, as applicable) who cares the least has the most control and power.

[Woggle]

Cheating should not be considered a crime but in a marriage it should be considered a breach of contract. I think any betrayed spouse should be allowed an anullment if they wish since the terms of the contract were broken.

[samsungxoxo]

I think any betrayed spouse should be allowed an anullment if they wish since the terms of the contract were broken.

True indeed however I seen many post here where the cheater is asking for help and these people reply to them like they were criminals. They don't tell them what to do but label them names and stuff so why waste time if you're not gonna offer them helpful advice....

[carhill]

That's society exerting their power and control. Criticism and shunning are powerful tools with social beings

[samsungxoxo]

That's society exerting their power and control. Criticism and shunning are powerful tools with social beings

Which is a good way to drive the members away from this forum. My guess is they would still looked for help elsewhere.

[Woggle]

Many people on this forum have been cheated on so those threads bring up some raw feelings.

[samsungxoxo]

Many people on this forum have been cheated on so those threads bring up some raw feelings.

Very true and I'm aware of that but so are those that cheated and want help. Shouldn't they write base on who's posting. If it's the one that got cheated on then ok bash the cheater all you want to since it's the other person's post. However if it's the cheater's post, write to them differently, instead of writing like if the cheetee were to post. Afterall there's always two side of the story.

[Dmoney28]

well, as someone who was a cheater, i came here looking for genuine help to change...to become a better person. Obviously if i didnt care, i would have said "screw her, i got what i wanted..time to move on to the next victim". But i was actually sorry and remorseful for what i did. I had sex outside my relationship. I didnt kill anyone, i didnt rape anyone, i did'nt scam people out of millions in life savings. What i did in "terms" of a relationship was the ultimate act of betrayal. But i was told "you're a scum bag"..."you'll never change"...."you will always cheat".

 

Now i realize alot of people here have been cheated on...so i understand to a certain point. But when people like me who see they had a problem...took pro-active extensive efforts like psychologist sessions, religeon and a self improvment reading, i get lumped in with the people who were proud of there actions and continue doing it. I spentt 5 months re-assuring her it wasnt her fault but mine. I apologize deeply to not only her but her family as well. I took full responsibilty for my actions. I didnt want her thinking it was something on her end that caused me to stray.

 

all i want to say is yes people do horrible things....but some of us are deeply sorry for the aftermath that our selfishness brought about, and we do want to be good partners to our future mates. Please dont continue to judge us on past action that we cannot take back, and past actions that we are trying our hardest to improve and not repeat

[Gamine]

well, as someone who was a cheater, i came here looking for genuine help to change...to become a better person. Obviously if i didnt care, i would have said "screw her, i got what i wanted..time to move on to the next victim". But i was actually sorry and remorseful for what i did. I had sex outside my relationship. I didnt kill anyone, i didnt rape anyone, i did'nt scam people out of millions in life savings. What i did in "terms" of a relationship was the ultimate act of betrayal. But i was told "you're a scum bag"..."you'll never change"...."you will always cheat".

 

Now i realize alot of people here have been cheated on...so i understand to a certain point. But when people like me who see they had a problem...took pro-active extensive efforts like psychologist sessions, religeon and a self improvment reading, i get lumped in with the people who were proud of there actions and continue doing it. I spentt 5 months re-assuring her it wasnt her fault but mine. I apologize deeply to not only her but her family as well. I took full responsibilty for my actions. I didnt want her thinking it was something on her end that caused me to stray.

 

all i want to say is yes people do horrible things....but some of us are deeply sorry for the aftermath that our selfishness brought about, and we do want to be good partners to our future mates. Please dont continue to judge us on past action that we cannot take back, and past actions that we are trying our hardest to improve and not repeat

 

I understand where you are coming from. However your past became your spouse's present. It altered what you brought and what you can bring to the relationship. Are you the one your spouse turns to for genuine nurturing? Are you friend? Are you trusted companion?

 

When someone cheats, they are effectively removing a significant portion of the 'benefits' of marriage and intimacy. The BS is basically with someone with whom they cannot exchange a great many things... including trust and intimacy. So, their present represents deprivation. The WS did it and is now ready to move on. Generally with the feeling of.. hey the past is the past... I'm ready to do right by us now. But that is just simply not the way human nature works.

 

It's like someone goes out to your car in the middle of the night and removes everything internally from the vehicle. The radio, engine, fuel pumps are all removed. The body of the car is left in tact and outwardly it still looks like car. But it no longer drives and while you have a car in your driveway it doesn't go anywhere. One can sit in the driver's seat all day long, turn the key, pump the gas. But that thing won't run because the engine was taken out.

 

There's more to making things right than apologizing and putting it behind you. You've gutted a car. It requires serious mechanical help.

[lkjh]

That's society exerting their power and control. Criticism and shunning are powerful tools with social beings

 

The old society argument. Cheating is shunned not because society says its bad, cheating is shunned because it is harmful, disrespectful, and most of shameful.

 

If the negative aspects of cheating were society made it would differ by great lengths going from society to society. But, the truth is most societies treat cheating like it is a crime and some actually consider it a crime. So the need to punish cheaters must go deeper than our society. It has to be placed somewhere in our genome.

[MrFun]

Cheating can cause substantial emotional pain in the person that was cheated on. So much so, that movies and films often revolve around infidelity in relationships.

 

Just do a search on the Internet "infidelity" + "murder". There's enough stories out there.

 

A cheating girlfriend turned my friend's brother into a maniac. Some might say he was a maniac before that, but if you ask me he was so hurt that he didn't see anything but revenge.

 

I've been cheated on a few times, but I've never cheated, so I can't say for sure and therefore cannot make any sweeping generalisations. But I do remember being more hurt after my ex cheated on me than when my loved Marshall Plexi guitar amp was stolen. And that thing was worth big $$$

[MichiganMan222]

Really why is cheating treated like it was a crime??

 

I totally agree. Cheating is much worse. I rather have my truck stolen than my heartbroken.

[AlektraClementine]

While I think that there are some posters around here who could stand to tone down the harshness and rhetoric a bit, I also think that there's no need to baby anyone. If you come here, and you've done something ugly or mean, you're going to get some lashing out. It's the OPs CHOICE to allow that to drive them away from loveshack. And you are being facetious when you say that cheating is being treated like a criminal offense, right?

[freestyle]

What if someone cheats and gives their significant other AIDS?

 

IMO, that IS criminal. You`ve essentially killed someone, albeit slowly.

 

I realize the diagnosis is no longer an automatic death sentence, with the medical advances that have been made, nonetheless, that selfish action

will affect the innocent party for the remainder of their life.

 

I keep hearing people refer to cheating a a "mistake". Two plus two equals five is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake.

 

Screwing another person when you`re in a mutually agreed upon monogamous relationship, is not a mistake, it`s a selfish breach of trust.

It is a choice. I`ve read so many excuses and justifications here, and

it boggles my mind.

[LucreziaBorgia]

A good deal of people see anything that causes that much pain to another person as a crime. It hurts worse and for much longer than getting a severe beatdown that leaves you in the hospital. Assault and battery are crimes. Infidelity, by most is seen as emotional assault and battery. Equally painful, and with far more fallout.

[Taramere]

I think that sometimes cheating can be a hostile act towards the SO. A passive aggressive form of getting back at them for some perceived misdemeanour or past grudge that the cheater doesn't feel able to confront in a head-on manner. Possibly many other times it's just purely a case of opportunity plus (perceived) low risk of being found-out. Having your cake and eating it.

 

When I got cheated on, I didn't want to kill him...although at one point I wanted to slap him when he was trying to put it all on me. I wanted to stand in the shower scrubbing for hours. I felt peculiarly dirty about having trusted and loved someone who was cheating on me when I was in the midst of fighting an unfair dismissal. I'd been fired by a man who was a marital cheat and a compulsive liar. He and the cheating boyfriend seemed to merge into the same despicable and narcissistic individual in my mind. I also felt deeply foolish about having loved someone who clearly didn't love me back.

 

I didn't feel as though the cheat deserved to be hung drawn and quartered for his actions, though. I mainly just felt hostile towards and disconnected from him in a way that was impossible to repair.

[missdependant]

Cheating is wrong, I don't care what anyone else says about it. It is one of the ultimate betrayals, and extremely hurtful. It bends your mind and breaks your heart. So yes, if you have any consideration for other people's feelings, cheating is very wrong and SHOULD be treated that way.. especially when someone's feelings and state of mind are crushed.

 

What I wonder is WHY people feel the need to cheat. Wouldn't it be easier to have just looked for an open/swinger style relationship in the first place, where both people can sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want? There's porn. There are also FWB relationships. There's an option of living SINGLE and sleeping around. Why would you commit to a monogamous relationship when there are so many other options that don't involve wrecking people's emotional state?

[Taramere]

Why would you commit to a monogamous relationship when there are so many other options that don't involve wrecking people's emotional state?

 

I think that sometimes cheating is part of leaving a relationship. They've checked out already, but they're delegating responsibility for formally ending the relationship to the other person.

[TaraMaiden]

What if someone cheats and gives their significant other AIDS?

 

IMO, that IS criminal. You`ve essentially killed someone, albeit slowly

 

I realize the diagnosis is no longer an automatic death sentence, with the medical advances that have been made, nonetheless, that selfish action

will affect the innocent party for the remainder of their life..

 

Actually, if you deliberately have sex with someone knowing you are infected, and knowing you may, or will pass it on - that IS a criminal offence, at least it is, in the UK.

 

I keep hearing people refer to cheating a a "mistake". Two plus two equals five is a mistake. Forgetting to pay the electric bill is a mistake.

Screwing another person when you`re in a mutually agreed upon monogamous relationship, is not a mistake, it`s a selfish breach of trust.

It is a choice. I`ve read so many excuses and justifications here, and

it boggles my mind.

 

Cheating IS a choice, and it can be cited at divorce, as a justifyable cause for divorce, and as a court of Law deals with divorce, it is, in a way, a breach of Law.

[freestyle]

Actually it depends on what state you live in. Just today I read a post where someone stated that infidelity is not legally viewed as grounds for divorce in the state they live in.

 

That`s so messed up.....................

[samsungxoxo]

What if someone cheats and gives their significant other AIDS?IMO, that IS criminal. You`ve essentially killed someone, albeit slowly.

That would suck big time and in that case then they should let you sue them. That is scary because when I was with my boyfriend way back 2 years ago there were several occassions in which he wasn't wearing a condom neither was I on pills but since he would nothing would happen to reassure so ok I went by his word....

I'm damn lucky.. never I'm I taking that risk again in trusting them fully. Now he never cheated, not that I know but still I took a risk there and got lucky.....

[samsungxoxo]

What I wonder is WHY people feel the need to cheat. Wouldn't it be easier to have just looked for an open/swinger style relationship in the first place, where both people can sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want?There are also FWB relationships. There's an option of living SINGLE and sleeping around. Why would you commit to a monogamous relationship when there are so many other options that don't involve wrecking people's emotional state

Yes I guess one may never understand that part. My only conclusion is that many of those that cheated maybe do it for the thrill of it or they are curiously about what it's like having two seperate lifes at once and off course not getting caught. Or they go with the ''grass is greener'' syndrome.....

[sally4sara]

That would suck big time and in that case then they should let you sue them. That is scary because when I was with my boyfriend way back 2 years ago there were several occassions in which he wasn't wearing a condom neither was I on pills but since he would nothing would happen to reassure so ok I went by his word....

I'm damn lucky.. never I'm I taking that risk again in trusting them fully. Now he never cheated, not that I know but still I took a risk there and got lucky.....

 

Ever sued someone who had nothing?

Guess what you get when you win that lawsuit........

 

For giving someone AIDs, sometimes jail should be involved.

[missdependant]

 

Cheating IS a choice, and it can be cited at divorce, as a justifyable cause for divorce, and as a court of Law deals with divorce, it is, in a way, a breach of Law.

 

 

Not in Colorado. Cheating has absolutely NO effect on a divorce.