Alpha Female Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I got involved with a married guy at work. I know. Not smart. We started with an emotional affair for two months. Admittedly, I just ended a long-term relationship, so I enjoyed the attention with no real responsibility. We moved into a physical affair about six weeks ago. I ended it last night. Many things through this affair were interesting to me, and maybe other "Other Women" can respond if they can relate, or if this is all typical. 1: I began to feel after a while that his proclaimed love for me wasn't so much about me, but more about him needing to feel that for someone. 2: He had an affair with someone else at work that ended a year ago. He said they had an emotional affair for 9 months, and only had sex one time, because they were both married, so it happened on a business trip. 3: He would tell me constantly how happy I made him and how I made him feel passion again. 4: He would waffle all the time about leaving his marriage. Tell me he didn't want to hurt his son, tell me he didn't think he could make it alone either emotionally or financially. Then he would turn around and play fantasy with me about what a life with me would be like and how good we would be together. 5: I think if I hadn't have ended it, which did take a few tries, as each time I broke it off, he'd have a big meltdown over it or didnt believe me, that he would have continued on forever like this. Im pretty convinced he'll be in an affair with someone new within 3 months. 6: He told me he cheated on wife number one, with wife number two, and here he was doing it again, or trying to. I had to chuckle at the irony of his current wife who probably felt victorious that she stole him from his first wife, and here he is cheating on her. Proves the theory. Is this all very typical of an affair? It was my first, and will be my last. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpha Female Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 It sounds to me as if no woman can satisfy this man. You are dead on when you stated that it was all about how he was feeling. This guy is chasing a 'state of being' within himself and uses women and relationships as the stimulus that gets him there. You are also correct that he'll keep on doing it. Remarrying. Cheating. Because in time all of the women 'loose' their ability to evoke this response in him. And, after all.. that is what he's chasing IMO. He was married to his first wife for three years (he told me my personality was very much like her) and the current one for seventeen. Yes that is what I suspected. That his love for me wasnt real, but was just him needing to feel for someone. He would tell me his marriage was one where they didnt have much in common anymore and dont do much together. He told me the first marriage ended because she didnt support his goals. Whatever. I think your right that he will continue this pattern for the rest of his life. Im just glad I figured it out before I got sucked in. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Good for you for getting out so soon. I think lovely said it all. This guy is chasing himself and hurting many women in the process. Be glad you are out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 He sounds like a serial cheater to me. Good for you for ending it. I hope you find peace. Link to post Share on other sites
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