PuertoRican Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Alright. I dated this guy for 8 months and eveverything was peachy keen; i loved his parents n family and we never fought and got along quite well. I was so suprised at how much i cared about him because i never thought i could care about someone so much and for him to return the favor was amazing. Then out of no where he started acting distant (which we all know is a bad sign).. and broke up with me on our 8 months and the day after my graduation. The problem here is he got a new GF the same week and told me its b/c he doesnt like being single....wow talk about being insecure right? I never thought he was like that....so we've had NUMEROUS talks about what happened btwn us and i wanted to give things a second chance. I was willing to work things out from what happend btwn us and him all of a sudden dating a new girl. The problem is that they've been dating since June and he tells me that he wants to be with me but not now.....basically he wants me to be his safety net and that really hurts. This has been hard on me because I dont give up on things i really care about or believe in but I have tried NC but havent lasted long b/c he always messages me or calls n leaves voicemails but i try my hardest not to respond. He keeps telling me he loves me n wants to be with me but NOT NOW!! The other day he randomly showed up when i was babysitting and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left n told me he loves me... i told him its not fair for him to do this to me and i already told him im ready to let him go... What do you guys think about all this and should i try to be friends with him n case things do go sour with this new girl? I mean..if he really loved me like he claimed then he wouldnt put anyone else in front of me but he keeps sayin he cant tell me why he wont break up with her....seems very odd =/ please give me your advice on my situation and weather i should be his friend or keep with NC..thanks p.s I've tried everything to move on..stay busy, meet new ppl, yadda yadda but i still feel trapped by him =( Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 The problem is that they've been dating since June and he tells me that he wants to be with me but not now.....basically he wants me to be his safety net and that really hurts. This has been hard on me because I dont give up on things i really care about or believe in but I have tried NC but havent lasted long b/c he always messages me or calls n leaves voicemails but i try my hardest not to respond. He keeps telling me he loves me n wants to be with me but NOT NOW!! The other day he randomly showed up when i was babysitting and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left n told me he loves me... i told him its not fair for him to do this to me and i already told him im ready to let him go... He is seeing someone now, don't be his safety or even his friend. What do you guys think about all this and should i try to be friends with him n case things do go sour with this new girl? I mean..if he really loved me like he claimed then he wouldnt put anyone else in front of me but he keeps sayin he cant tell me why he wont break up with her....seems very odd =/ please give me your advice on my situation and weather i should be his friend or keep with NC..thanks p.s I've tried everything to move on..stay busy, meet new ppl, yadda yadda but i still feel trapped by him =( Don't be his friend till you can keep it platonic AND you do not feel trapped by him. Don't be his safety net or even someones #2. He has to learn the consequences and to sink or swim. You'll have to let him go and let that relationship play out. Don't keep tabs on him either. This to shall pass. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuertoRican Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 thank you so much for the advice...i already told him its me or nothing and aparently he thinks its worth it to lose me so that should be enough to slap me in the face but aparently its not...i am trying my hardest to be strong about it so i appreciate the support =) Link to post Share on other sites
Angelo_28 Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Hello PuertoRican, First, let me say this...you have to be strong for yourself. What you need to do, and this is just my opinion, is to tell him "Look, you tell me you love me, you tell me that you want me...but not now!?! Personnally, I don't believe you. If that where true, then you wouldn't be with another women...you'd be with ME. I deserve to be treated with respect, and asking me to wait while you're fooling around with another women shows me you don't love nor respect me. I know your insecure, I know you probably have doubts about me...but I know what I feel inside and it hurts to know you're doing this to me...I deserve better. I deserve to be someone's number one...not someone's number two. So until you've taken the time to evaluate what you want in your life, please stay out of mine. I know what I'm worth, and if you don't, then that's just to bad for you...but I'm sorry, I cannot wait around for you...I have to move on." Aftewards, say good-bye, wish him luck and then ignore him. Sweetie, you better than this and you deserve better that to be treated like a pillow. Until he rid himself of confusion and his insecurities...you have to try and move forward with your life, and don't wait on him. If and when he realizes his mistake, and decides to return to you, you'll be better able to judge what you want in your life being the fact that you've ignored him and healed from him. And, if your still available and actually believe in him when he comes back (everyone can change) then the choice is up to you. Right now, you have to put him in the past and ignore is attepmts at keeping you held down. good luck sweetie! Angelo Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I would have to agree with the above post. You don't deserve to be someones second priority, when their first priority is another female. I know exactly what you are going through. I went through it before also. The calls, the e-mails... as much as you want to be believe that he is sending you those things because he wants to be with you again, that's not the case. He wants to string you along in case this new relationship doesn't work out. I mean, seriously, he has the option to be with you. He doesn't want to for whatever reason. It's not your job to find out what that reason is, he's already made it clear. He has decided to move on to another girl. I know that this is tough, but just as I said in my other post... I truly believe that focusing on yourself right now is the best course of action to take. Let him know, preferrably through e-mail because he doesn't deserve the time of day, that you will not be a pawn in this game any longer. If, and when, he decides to smarten up, to let you know, but until then... it's over. No contact. You need to focus on yourself right now. Focus on what makes you happy, outside of him. You have much more self respect for yourself than to sit around waiting for this man that is giving you empty promises. This is a sad attempt on his part to try and keep you around. Don't fall into it. You deserve someone that gives you their FULL and undivided attention. And, if you aren't going to get that from someone, then you are much better off alone. Making yourself happy. This isn't going to be easy, but I promise you, after all is said and done, you will feel much better about yourself. You will prove to yourself that you have much more respect for yourself. You are the only one that can make yourself truly happy. No other man or woman will be there for you when you are completely alone, except for yourself. And to be honest, I don't think you should stick around waiting for a guy who has nooo idea what he wants. And if he does know what he wants, he's playing you for a fool. Which you are not. And you will not sit around and be treated like one. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Don't show your Ex that you're weak, do the opposite way... That will make your EX start to beg for you back ________________ "Discover How I Get My EX BACK IN 24-HOURS" b25ce51--pgz4-1gh4kbwhyw01.hop.clickbank.net With all do respect, I do not agree with you. Some people are much much better off without their ex's. This being the most perfect example. I don't agree with pushing everyone that's in pain into thinking that getting their ex's back is what is going to make them happy again. Finding yourself is what's going to make you happy, and that's a lifelong happiness. Not a temporary happiness caused by another person. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Mmm, sorry to hear you've been dropped by this guy. He says he loves you? Well he's certainly not showing he loves you. If he really is interested in you, he would be with you already. Puerto, from reading your post, you sound like a smart girl and i think, deep down, you know the answers yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuertoRican Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Thanks Odessey, Frans, and Erica...i just read something he posted on facebook because he started a fight with one of my best friends and he told my friend ..."N if rose is so good y wouldn't I jus break up w jenna n go out w her? Exactly. I got wat I want"...im rose obviously n his new girl is jenna..i cant even believe he just ****in said that when hes the one stringing me along....wow! letting this sh** go has been wayyy over due.... Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 What do you guys think about all this and should i try to be friends with him n case things do go sour with this new girl? I mean..if he really loved me like he claimed then he wouldnt put anyone else in front of me but he keeps sayin he cant tell me why he wont break up with her....seems very odd =/ please give me your advice on my situation and weather i should be his friend or keep with NC..thanks p.s I've tried everything to move on..stay busy, meet new ppl, yadda yadda but i still feel trapped by him =( I truly believe you already know the answer...you have already gave the opposite of your argument. You have already admitted that it is not fair, you don't want to be a safety net etc so why would you go right ahead and be just that? Don't do it. You should not have to TRY to be anyone's friend. Friendships occur naturally. If you have to try to be his friend and are doing it to achieve some end result...don't. Tell him you can't be his friend and keep him at a distance. Live your life and allow him to live his. He made that decision, he ha a new woman and keeps saying "not now"... allow him the space to live out his decision. You want certainty and a solid choice not someone who is wishy-washy....leave him alone.Give him his space and MOST IMPORTANTLY allow yourself that space to gain perspective. Trust me...NC does wonders in giving you insight and most often you come away from it thinking differently than before. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 With all do respect, I do not agree with you. Some people are much much better off without their ex's. This being the most perfect example. I don't agree with pushing everyone that's in pain into thinking that getting their ex's back is what is going to make them happy again. Finding yourself is what's going to make you happy, and that's a lifelong happiness. Not a temporary happiness caused by another person. I very much agree Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuertoRican Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Well I meant TRY to be friends with him because I could never see him as just a friend...but I get what you mean..I just can't believe he said that crap on facebook ^^^ about how he has what he wants when he still tells me he wants me later.....wow Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Well I meant TRY to be friends with him because I could never see him as just a friend...but I get what you mean..I just can't believe he said that crap on facebook ^^^ about how he has what he wants when he still tells me he wants me later.....wow It's totally unfair and rediculous! You do not deserve to be put through that at all!! You are a much much better person than that!!! That's a disgusting thing what he did, and I fully believe in the saying 'you reap what you sew'. I understand the pain you are going through. I feel it with you. This is not an easy thing to go through, nor is it an easy thing to accept. There's only one thing left to do now. Time to move on. Time to realize what a horrible person he is for doing this to you. It hurts. You don't deserve it. It'll take time to grieve the person you thought he was, and the relationship you thought you had. Don't let it take over your life though. Grieve and move on. Cry really really hard, then wipe your tears, and realize that you are a beautiful person. One day, someone really lucky will notice that, and they won't take advantage of that at all! Until then, search deep within yourself. Pull out the very tiny small hope of happiness, grip onto it tightly, and run with it!! After all of this, you will walk away a much wiser, stronger woman. I know you can get through this. I have no doubt in my mind!! Stay positive!! Remember all the great qualities you have, and try to add to that!! Link to post Share on other sites
wannie9 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Finding yourself is what's going to make you happy, and that's a lifelong happiness. Not a temporary happiness caused by another person. I couldn't agree more. Link to post Share on other sites
ace2666 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I couldn't agree more. Same here, that's what I just did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuertoRican Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Erica, you have the best advice ever. I feel better already just by readint that lol! I promise i will read that over n over again when i feel weak becasue i am goin to go to NC and do it for GOOD THIS TIME until he decides to "come around or change"...thanks to all! Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 You are so welcome!! I'm glad I could help you!! I'm going through NC now myself, and at times it is very very hard. But I noticed that coming on here makes things a lot easier. Just *always* remember, that you did everything you possibly could. This is not your fault. He is the one that has something wrong with him. You do not deserve to be treated like that, at all! You deserve much better! Stay in touch! I'd like to know how you are doing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuertoRican Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 Alright! I will keep you up to date...not a problem. Lol you are my first "friend" on here....I was wondering, how do you know when i reply to you? I'm obviously new to this site and I'm wondering for my benefit to see if people "reply" to what i say on their blogs but i don't know how to track all that stuff....And just wondering, whats "your situation" about this break up stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Alright! I will keep you up to date...not a problem. Lol you are my first "friend" on here....I was wondering, how do you know when i reply to you? I'm obviously new to this site and I'm wondering for my benefit to see if people "reply" to what i say on their blogs but i don't know how to track all that stuff....And just wondering, whats "your situation" about this break up stuff? Aw thanks!! There are a couple of ways that you can check to see if someone has replied to your posts. If you look in the upper right hand corner of the website, it'll say "Welcome..." then your name. Click on your name. There should be 3 tabs that come up, the second being 'statistics'. Click on that. Then view all posts by (your name). All of the posts you ever made should come up. As far as my situation goes, i've written a few threads about it if you'd like to read them. All you do is click on my name, view profile, statistics, view all threads started by EricaH329. Basically, my fiance treated me with complete disrespect. I wasn't being treated the way that I felt I deserved to be treated. It's hard! It's really really hard! I do know how you feel and what you are going through. But... no matter how much we love them, we love ourselves more. It takes a lot of strength to be able to walk away, and stay away. We have that strength. Some days will be better than others, and there will be tons of times you want to give in and reach out to them... but we will feel so much better about ourselves the next day if we do not contact them. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to send them an e-mail or call them and we don't recieve anything back, or what we get back is something nasty or mean. Makes us regret it. It's just best not to at all. We need to heal anyway! We gotta get over their sorry a$$'s!! Haha!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PuertoRican Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 LOL!! I totally agree with the breaking NC and not getting the type of conversation you wanted//were hoping for...it just makes everything 10x worse! I learned that the hard way! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts