2nd week of breakup, detailed

[Von]

So im in my second week of breakup. Read all over interent, all the guides, bought magic of breaking up, need more help.

 

So we were together 7 months. Im 32, white, fairly good looking, good job, fam, confident, independant. Shes: 25, hispanic, good looking, good job, fam, confident, independant, busy person.

Beginning was great, we fell in love, did a ton together, then after 5 months I became what all women hate. I got insecure, freaked out, got scared of losing her, became: needy, insecure, untrusting, smothering.. etc. We started fighting alot. Finally Sep 1st, she wanted to "talk". Wanted to break up, said her love was going away. I did all the wrong things, begged, pleaded, etc. She said she was confused and needed time. So I gave her space with no contact, then met her on Sep 10th for her decision. I did everything wrong: bought flowers, wrote her a poem, gave her a rational "speech" as to why we should stay together. She wanted to breakup, cause she no longer loved me, wanted to explore life, meet new people. I kept asking for another chance, said we could be friends or start over. She agreed to start over, but with NO details. As we all know, I was actually pushing her away and didnt realize it, and we had ended, because she lost her attraction for me and may have met someone else.

 

First day after, I called her and she said shed callback, but never did. Next day I called and asked her to dinner, she said shed txt me, and did saying "cant make dinner, reschedule?". Didnt hear back. That night I really broke down, went online for help. that night I initated NO CONTACT. Next day Sun: nothing. Mon: saw her out on a "date" with another man at a restaurant/bar, didnt see any kissing but they left in his car together. I didnt approach them and they didnt see me. Then wed, she called. I didnt answer according to plan, called back 2 hrs later. I had already started to heal and get my confidence back, so conversation was short and light, about 10 min. Then Fri, she txt whats up, had a few light txts back and forth, remained cool. Sat she txt again, light stuff, I asked what she was up to for the evening, she said she was going to a "play". Ya, it was a date, though she said it wasnt. I told her have fun. Next Sun: nothing.

Mon, she txt me good morning/have a good day. I ignore it. Later that night she txt "whats going on?". I ignored it. Next day Tue, she txt:"you've been ignoring my txts, does that mean you dont want to talk anymore or are you just busy?". I replied an hour later "whats up sexy, ya been busy, call me later if you have time". She did, and it was good, I was cool, and I ended it saying I had to meet some people, was good talking, and call later in the week.

Next day wed, she txt "are you working", I replied "sure am", she replied: "Just seeing if you were free, but your working?", couple light txts later I replied something like: "would have been fun, and would have been good to see you". Next day thur, she txt" whats going on?". I replied an hour later "not much, getting ready to take a shower". Few light txts later, I said:" well gotta run, give me a call later or tommorrow". Nothing since.

 

Today is Friday.

 

I have initiated no contact, she has contacted me. Im getting alot better, got my confidence back. But I want her back! Shes the love of my life! And I dont want her to sleep with someone else, it WILL happen sooner than later. I know I may have to move on, and will find someone else someday, but I want to at least try. What have I done wrong? Right? What else can I do to get her to come back to me. I will continue not being the one to contact, but she is prideful and stubborn, and I have only so much time before she gives up.

 

Any ideas?

[jessicasilver]

sounds like your doing well... keep it up women cant stand it when a man has moved on quickly, keep yourself busy!

[Von]

It hit me like freight train today. I haven't heard from her since Thursday. My gut tells me she's preoccupied by another man. I'm sure she misses me, and is trying to hold back her love, and may even be confused what to do. But after reading through everyone's stories, and reflecting back on what happened, I don't think she deserves ME anymore. Other than the way I was for 2 months, I treated her great and was the MAN to her. Everyone can screw up once, And we really tried for a month before the breakup to make it better, just the wrong way. I will always regret my mistakes and losing out on a great girl, but everyone deserves a 2nd chance. But, If she is willing to attempt to move on and date, then the tables have turned and she doesn't necessarily deserve a 2nd chance with me! She obviously met him during or before our relationship, and there is no excuses for that, for dating that fast, even if it's just platonic and just to get her mind off me. True love doesn't do that crap.

 

I realize now it will be her loss. I am going into break contact mode, completely ignore her. It will help me heal, and if her love for me is true, and she realizes she made a mistake leaving me and chases after me to start anew, I'll consider it. But I'm not counting on it. I have alot to offer and I know alot of women would love to find a guy like me. I'm gunna let it go and move on. She snaps back, great, she doesn't, good riddance.

 

My advice for anyone else:

they leave you, go no contact first week or so, only answer back don't initiate communication. always be cool and happy. Then cut them off completely! Show them your moving on, turn the tables, show them what they are losing! If they come back it's true love and meant to be!

[Pink Cupcakes]

You state everyone "deserves" a second chance, but if the person doesn't WANT to give you a second chance, because they have moved on and don't feel "it" for you anymore, then that doesn't apply.

[Von]

What I meant was, I had made honest mistakes, I let my emotions control me. Yes I deserve a second chance. But I know my ex, she wouldn't be ignoring me unless she was afraid I would be that way again or had another man. When the latter happens there really is little hope of reconciling, since that is her way of trying to move on from me. My only hope is she heals, misses me, and comes back around. It's been 4 days no contact, we'll see.

[samspade]

It's not about what you show her. The hell with her. Just cut her off and move on. Her reaction should be the last thing on your mind. You're a man, go out and find some other women. They're out there. Stop taking her bait. But congrats on cutting her off...learn from this. Good luck man.

[Von]

I know I'm a man, I know I can find another woman. That's not the point of this forum, or why I posted here... I needed advice on getting her back and what people thought of my situation.

 

Anyways she txt me today wanting to know what day I'm free to go to dinner or something. I haven't replied yet but I know I need to be hard to get and give her limited options. Also means the other guy isn't her focus, and she's still has me on her mind. If we meet, and I do the things that attracted her in the first place, I may a chance.

[Von]

So we met wednesday for dinner. She txt the night before to confirm, which I took as a good sign it was more then a friends only thing.

We met at a restaurant, ordered food and made small talk. I made sure to be upbeat and show her my regained confidence. Told her a few funny stories from the week, to make her comfortable, but she was nervous and still had her walls up. I also made sure to avoid talking about the breakup or anything serious. She told me that she hadn't been out much cuz she's been busy, but did mention she went to watch Monday night football a few Mondays ago with "people", but the place she said she went was different from where I saw her. Hmmm. After dinner I took the lead and told we should go do something fun, so we left and went to a poolhall. During the game I kept things light and flirted with her, she seemed a little more relaxed but kept her distance. As we were leaving I asked if she wanted to get some drinks, she said "next time we can get drinks". But she never asked or said specifically when we would see each other again. She told me it was great to see me and had a good time. I funnily told her "don't think I'm just gunna give you a kiss, your gunna have to take to dinner in a limo"... She just said "oh really" or something like that. We had a long hug, then said to call her sometime, I told her to call me. Then we left in our cars. 30 min later she txt me "thanks for dinner and pool, had a good time".... I replies agreement and said she looked amazing tonight.

Haven't heard from her since.

So it wasn't bad, but wasn't great. Not sure where we stand. I'm going to maintain no contact, see if she asks me out again, and whether she'll show me with actions she wants to start over.

 

What do you think? Does it sound friends only? Or perhaps she's still unsure and still has walls up and needs more time to heal. I'm going to have to continue moving on till she makes a move.