Why Men in authoritative positions are just so darn SEXY: Transference?

[always_searching]

I easily fall for men who have some kind of authoritative position over me--boss, professor, etc. Now, I'm not fond of people who abuse that power, and I'm not interested in being submissive in a sadomasochistic sense, but to be submissive to someone's authority in a professional sense of the term is a real turn on for me.

 

So, I'm wondering how many women this applies to--men, you're welcome to participate in this discussion as well. I mean, I can't be the only one who likes it when my intellect, social position, experiential knowledge, etc. is overwhelmed by and submissive to someone else’s?

 

Of course, problems can arise as someone could easily take advantage of this situation, or just be an arrogant jerk who doesn't find any value in anything that I, the underling, has to offer intellectually, experientially, etc..

 

Also, I mention transference in the title, because if I'm honest with myself--which is something I always try to be--then I have to admit that I am most likely transferring my feelings for my father onto these men in authoritative positions. Of course, the fact that I no longer have a relationship with my father most likely plays an even larger role in my fetish for authoritative men.

 

On to the question: Of those of you who feel the same way about men in authoritative positions as I do, how many of you feel that you are merely transferring feelings for a parental figure?

[OpenBook]

My belief: Your parents make you USED to that behavior (somebody telling you what to do). But the attraction to those authoritative figures is much like male attraction to females who "do their own thing" passionately, regardless of who's around.

 

Anyone who is in "The Zone" - doing something they love and believe in - is attractive.

 

I'm one of those who believes that love and attraction have EVERYTHING to do with admiration. Your professor is up there doing something he is very good at. It's easy to admire him. And the attraction builds from there. It could easily turn into love.

[Thaddeus]

Power is sexy. Always has been.

[always_searching]

Your professor is up there doing something he is very good at. It's easy to admire him. And the attraction builds from there. It could easily turn into love.

 

Umm...mmm...indeed it could.

[carhill]

Yep, those corporate CEO ballbuster types always have blown my skirt up

 

OP, think about it....the first man, for most women, that they fall in love with has all the power over them...

 

Daddy

[always_searching]

Yep, those corporate CEO ballbuster types always have blown my skirt up

 

OP, think about it....the first man, for most women, that they fall in love with has all the power over them...

 

Daddy

 

I know! It's a problem...

 

As much as I dislike much of Freud's theories, he was really on to something with the repressed sexuality that occurs within the parent/child relationship.

 

It's a little sick, when you think about it--though, generally true.

[always_searching]

Power is sexy. Always has been.

 

So, as a man, you find powerful women attractive too?

 

Or, do you like to be the powerful one?

[Thaddeus]

So, as a man, you find powerful women attractive too?

 

Or, do you like to be the powerful one?

Yes and yes. The answers aren't mutually exclusive.

 

Just to be clear about something though: Power does tend to have a corrupting influence and that's not gender-specific. Powerful people often have hugely inflated egos. In men it's often manifested by a severe impatience, butting in on conversations and demanding that everyone drop whatever they are doing to serve him (see Conrad Black). With women it's often manifested by a tendency towards bitchiness and tremendous narcissism ("I succeeded in a man's world, therefore I'm better and deserve more" kind of stuff - see Carla Fiorina).

 

But those who wield their power with grace and humility are a relatively rare breed.

[Trialbyfire]

I like the confidence and decisiveness, attached to some men in power. That doesn't make me the submissive type by a long shot since I don't subscribe to either a traditional style relationship or a paternalistic relationship.

 

But yes, I do love my Daddy A LOT and make no bones about being Daddy's little girl. He's always been my hero and I his little princess.

 

But I also love my Mommy A LOT and make no bones about being similar to her personality type, which is pragmatic. If anyone can dominate me, it's my Mom, and only because I let her, since many of her suggestions make logical sense to me and I always know she's got my best interests in mind.

 

So, you can associate it to transference or whatever you want. One thing's for certain. I adore confidence and decisiveness in men.

[shadowplay]

This is something I fall for. When a man whom I respect holds an authoritative position over me he shoots way up in hotness. Boss, professor, instructor. If he's smart and knows his ****, that's sexy.

 

I agree with TBF that it has to do with the confidence that a man in power exudes.

 

Once I met with an old crush years later when he was no longer my boss. The dynamic between us was totally different and the chemistry was gone. He somehow seemed much "smaller" to me.

 

I absolutely believe it's transference for most people. For me it wasn't my father but an uncle whom I adored and looked after me when my parents were separated.

[Trialbyfire]

Is it transference or is it natural selection, at play? Dominant males throughout the animal kingdom and the history of human-kind, have always trumped other males, for drawing females.

[always_searching]

Is it transference or is it natural selection, at play? Dominant males throughout the animal kingdom and the history of human-kind, have always trumped other males, for drawing females.

 

If it's merely confidence and social status that's drawing us to the person: then, I would agree that it's more natural selection of sorts. Though, not entirely.

 

However, the authoritative aspect, I find, draws directly on our experience(s) as children usually relating to our parents.

[carhill]

The person in the authoritative position would, necessarily be someone you would have some attraction to anyway, and that is variable and subjective. The mere holding of power and display of confidence does not immediately confer attraction, but rather serves to enhance existing attraction.

 

In your sample, Shadow, much time had passed and your and his life circumstances had changed markedly. A better question to ask would be, at the time, if he hadn't been your boss, would you still have had some attraction? My bet is yes.

 

OK, moving on....

 

I offer up the humble and sometimes wacky Steve Ballmer, billionaire and boss to some 60,000+ hard working minions.....

 

Now tell me, where is the breeze in the room? I'm not seeing skirts ruffling

[always_searching]

OK, moving on....

 

I offer up the humble and sometimes wacky Steve Ballmer, billionaire and boss to some 60,000+ hard working minions.....

 

Now tell me, where is the breeze in the room? I'm not seeing skirts ruffling

 

Hmmm...well, I'm personally more interested in intellectual superiority.

 

Stephen Hawking, anyone?:laugh:

[Trialbyfire]

If it's merely confidence and social status that's drawing us to the person: then, I would agree that it's more natural selection of sorts. Though, not entirely.

 

However, the authoritative aspect, I find, draws directly on our experience(s) as children usually relating to our parents.

Okay, as examples of this, myself. I get along well with my father and have always done so, whereby my mother is more dominant, although my two parents used the united front method. Being that my mother is more dominant with me, how does that impact on my interest with men in power?

 

Now take shadow. She has a distant father, one who was highly critical, and a loving mother. And yet, she also finds men in power attractive.

 

Now take yourself. How were your foundational years patterned? Did it differ from myself and shadow? If so, why do you find men in power attractive?

[always_searching]

Okay, as examples of this, myself. I get along well with my father and have always done so, whereby my mother is more dominant, although my two parents used the united front method. Being that my mother is more dominant with me, how does that impact on my interest with men in power?

 

Now take shadow. She has a distant father, one who was highly critical, and a loving mother. And yet, she also finds men in power attractive.

 

Now take yourself. How were your foundational years patterned? Did it differ from myself and shadow? If so, why do you find men in power attractive?

 

Hmmm, well, as far as your situation is concerned, I would say transference isn't related to your mother and father's relationship, but your father's relationship with you, and I'm going to assume that he had an authoritative position in his relationship with you, yes?

 

My situation is probably more like Shadow's: my father walked out of my life at 14. Before that, he was an alcoholic (somewhat) misogynist who was emotionally, mentally, and (occasionally) physically abusive. So, maybe we want the fathers we didn't have? Still, most men I like turn out to be alcoholics, jerks, etc., which is just as Thaddeus mentioned viz. that men who are authoritative tend toward arrogance and narcissism.

 

Though, I should clarify that transference doesn't necessarily refer to our relationship with our fathers--it could be you're transferring feelings for your mother onto men and that Shadow is transferring feelings for her uncle (as she's mentioned) onto men. It's a broad concept. It really only needs to be someone who made a great (as in large) impact upon your life i.e. friends, family, first loves, etc. For me--and for most women, I find--it tends to be our father.

[Trialbyfire]

Hmmm, well, as far as your situation is concerned, I would say transference isn't related to your mother and father's relationship, but your father's relationship with you, and I'm going to assume that he had an authoritative position in your relationship with you, yes?

 

My situation is probably more like Shadow's: my father walked out of my life at 14. Before that, he was an alcoholic (somewhat) misogynist who was emotionally, mentally, and (occasionally) physically abusive. So, maybe we want the fathers we didn't have? Still, most men I like turn out to be alcoholics, jerks, etc., which is just as Thaddeus mentioned viz. that men who are authoritative tend toward arrogance and narcissism.

Yes, he did have an authoritative position in our relationship but his way was far more subtle. He used charm and positive energy, if solely being the parent in charge. No hammer hand or attempts to subdue, although there was a limit to his patience and when you hit that point, haha...look out!

 

Most often, as previously mentioned, decisions were as a parental unit and enforced as such.

 

With such dramatic differences in foundational years, it's difficult to say that the vast majority of women are drawn to men in power, due to foundational years. I honestly don't see it.

[shadowplay]

Hmmm, well, as far as your situation is concerned, I would say transference isn't related to your mother and father's relationship, but your father's relationship with you, and I'm going to assume that he had an authoritative position in his relationship with you, yes?

 

My situation is probably more like Shadow's: my father walked out of my life at 14. Before that, he was an alcoholic (somewhat) misogynist who was emotionally, mentally, and (occasionally) physically abusive. So, maybe we want the fathers we didn't have? Still, most men I like turn out to be alcoholics, jerks, etc., which is just as Thaddeus mentioned viz. that men who are authoritative tend toward arrogance and narcissism.

 

Though, I should clarify that transference doesn't necessarily refer to our relationship with our fathers--it could be you're transferring feelings for your mother onto men and that Shadow is transferring feelings for her uncle (as she's mentioned) onto men. It's a broad concept. It really only needs to be someone who made a great (as in large) impact upon your life i.e. friends, family, first loves, etc. For me--and for most women, I find--it tends to be our father.

 

I agree with your last paragraph. It doesn't need to be your father, but somebody who served as a father figure. Because my uncle had such a huge impact on my life but then moved away to attend medical school, it's plausible that I might desire a similar relationship with a romantic partner so that relationship was completely "fulfilled."

[always_searching]

Yes, he did have an authoritative position in our relationship but his way was far more subtle. He used charm and positive energy, if solely being the parent in charge. No hammer hand or attempts to subdue, although there was a limit to his patience and when you hit that point, haha...look out!

 

Most often, as previously mentioned, decisions were as a parental unit and enforced as such.

 

With such dramatic differences in foundational years, it's difficult to say that the vast majority of women are drawn to men in power, due to foundational years. I honestly don't see it.

 

LOL, my mom was like that. She was just wonderful, but had a limit, and boy when she reached it: look out, indeed! :eek:

 

Well, I'm going to refer to carhill's post in response:

 

OP, think about it....the first man, for most women, that they fall in love with has all the power over them...

 

Daddy

[Trialbyfire]

Previous to meeting my fiance, I always said that if I could find a man just like my Daddy, I'd marry him in a heartbeat! And in certain ways, S. does have some similar characteristics.

 

But I don't think that it relates to men in power, in general. I've met men in power who didn't display my father's characteristics, who I did find attractive.

[Woggle]

Many women deep down want to be led by a man and have him take charge. That doesn't mean they want to be abused or oppressed but they want a man that can let her feel like a woman.

[shadowplay]

Many women deep down want to be led by a man and have him take charge. That doesn't mean they want to be abused or oppressed but they want a man that can let her feel like a woman.

 

That's true. I'm attracted to men who are kind but powerful. Although I desire to have equal footing in a relationship, I like the man to occasionally take the lead and make me feel small and protected. There's something so sexy about that on a primal level!

[anne1707]

Many women deep down want to be led by a man and have him take charge. That doesn't mean they want to be abused or oppressed but they want a man that can let her feel like a woman.

 

I want a strong man and I have a strong man. I am also proud to say that he is not a substitute father figure or anything else along those lines. The only rules he follows are his

[always_searching]

Many women deep down want to be led by a man and have him take charge. That doesn't mean they want to be abused or oppressed but they want a man that can let her feel like a woman.

 

I agree.

 

I hope it didn't seem that I wasn't trying to suggest otherwise. However, there is some aspect of submissiveness that naturally occurs with "feeling like a woman," is there not?

[always_searching]

I like the man to occasionally take the lead and make me feel small and protected. There's something so sexy about that on a primal level!

 

Oh, yes there is.