Girl I'm kind of with is going to become a bartender :(

[cognac]

A girl who I will soon be entering a relationship with will be starting a new job...as a bartender.

 

When she told me about this I was furious, texted some nasty things to her, and feel really hurt. She thinks I'm being irrational, but am I?

 

I trust this girl, I really do. but come on, the amount of attention she's going to be receiving, the sheer amount of guys she's going to be meeting every day who are going to be taller, better looking , more charming, more rich, she will eventually buckle under all that attention.

 

Now before you all say how insecure I am, I am not. I'm just being realistic. She needs this job to pay the bills (which i can't), so it's not like I can tell her to quit.

 

I'm thinking about pulling out and forgetting about her. She is really one of a kind, and i am deeply in love with her (she says she is with me as well), so if she ever betrayed me I would probably lose my mind and do something irrational. I've just got a really bad feeling about this whole thing and am incredibly furious that the first time I meet an amazing and perfect girl who likes me, fate throws me an ugly curveball to screw it all up.

 

What do you think?

[Ruby Slippers]

the sheer amount of guys she's going to be meeting every day who are going to be taller, better looking , more charming, more rich, she will eventually buckle under all that attention.

 

Now before you all say how insecure I am, I am not. I'm just being realistic.

You assume all these guys are "better" than you, and you assume she doesn't have the power to resist their attention.

 

If she is going to "buckle", wouldn't you rather find out sooner than later?

 

If she really loves you, an army of men couldn't tempt her.

[Jerry18]

A girl who I will soon be entering a relationship with will be starting a new job...as a bartender.

 

When she told me about this I was furious, texted some nasty things to her, and feel really hurt. She thinks I'm being irrational, but am I?

 

I trust this girl, I really do. but come on, the amount of attention she's going to be receiving, the sheer amount of guys she's going to be meeting every day who are going to be taller, better looking , more charming, more rich, she will eventually buckle under all that attention.

 

Now before you all say how insecure I am, I am not. I'm just being realistic. She needs this job to pay the bills (which i can't), so it's not like I can tell her to quit.

 

I'm thinking about pulling out and forgetting about her. She is really one of a kind, and i am deeply in love with her (she says she is with me as well), so if she ever betrayed me I would probably lose my mind and do something irrational. I've just got a really bad feeling about this whole thing and am incredibly furious that the first time I meet an amazing and perfect girl who likes me, fate throws me an ugly curveball to screw it all up.

 

What do you think?

 

Ask her to marry you and move to a new city.

[cognac]

You assume all these guys are "better" than you, and you assume she doesn't have the power to resist their attention.[/Quote]

 

From a realistic point of view, yes, these guys are "better" than me. She didn't go out much before this and had a boyfriend when I met her and she took a liking to me.

 

I'm about 5'7, 140 lbs, have a minimum wage job, i'm younger by 3 years, and I don't even a car. To this day I don't know what she sees in me, and I'm deadly afraid of the type of guys women universally like (rich "hot" guys) hitting on her all the time. Sure, the first 100 times she'll resist, but are you telling me the laws of probability are on my side? Out of all the guys that hit on her, not even 1 will peak her interest?

 

 

If she is going to "buckle", wouldn't you rather find out sooner than later? [/Quote]

 

I think it would happen to any man or woman in such a situation. I have yet to meet a bartender who didn't change boyfriends/girlfriends not once, but many times throughout their career.

 

 

If she really loves you, an army of men couldn't tempt her.

 

My positive side wants to say that , but logically I can't convince myself to really believe that.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm about 5'7, 140 lbs, have a minimum wage job, i'm younger by 3 years, and I don't even a car. To this day I don't know what she sees in me, and I'm deadly afraid of the type of guys women universally like (rich "hot" guys) hitting on her all the time. Sure, the first 100 times she'll resist, but are you telling me the laws of probability are on my side? Out of all the guys that hit on her, not even 1 will peak her interest?

Bartender or not, women get hit on all the time.

 

If she's going to leave you, she's going to leave you, and there's not much you can do about that. And hey, if she makes it through her bartending years and never strays, that's a pretty good indicator she never will.

 

I worked for a short stint as a bartender in my early 20s and got hit on constantly, but I was in a relationship at the time and never crossed a line at all. The most I did was smile and make conversation with the customers.

 

The ONLY thing you can do to improve your odds is not freak out about this, let her make her own decisions, and trust her not to lie and cheat.

[Clep]

I trust this girl, I really do.

 

she will eventually buckle under all that attention.

 

She is really one of a kind, and i am deeply in love with her

 

Well this is what pops out at me. What I am hearing is that you do trust her, but don't trust that she will not eventually love the attention so much that it will seem more appealing than you. I am hearing that you don't think she will cheat, but will probably leave you.

 

She is one of a kind and you are willing to leave her because of what MIGHT happen?

 

I say treat her well, trust her, show her all the good things you are made of and leave it be. If it ends up not working out so be it. If it does work out in the end, you would have left her for nothing.

 

Fear is a emotion that drives people to do all sorts of things and make irrational decisions. Sounds like fear is ruling you.

[Enema]

Now before you all say how insecure I am, I am not.

 

What do you think?

 

I think this sentence is akin to someone saying, "No offence - but you're stupid"

 

Just because you prequalify a sentence, doesn't make it true.

 

IOW - Yes, you're a crazy, jealous, insecure maniac and I feel sorry for her.

[Johnny M]

I'm about 5'7, 140 lbs, have a minimum wage job, i'm younger by 3 years, and I don't even a car. To this day I don't know what she sees in me, and I'm deadly afraid of the type of guys women universally like (rich "hot" guys) hitting on her all the time. Sure, the first 100 times she'll resist, but are you telling me the laws of probability are on my side?

The laws of probability are not on your side in any event. Her becoming a bartender will only expedite the inevitable. Your only chance is to get her pregnant ASAP

[JL911]

Insecure and yes irrational....I am friends with a lot of ladies who wait tables, tend bars, work in sales, among a few other things...All of which have had fairly successful non jealous long term relationships. A bar tender actually gets a lower amount of attention and really most of the time guys are more worried about getting their beers, acting like dumb drunks, and hitting on the girls at the bar, not the bartender shes kinda off limits..

 

Your gf would have a better chance of meeting a successful businessman if she were starting a professional career in sales or advertising than tending bar. If she meets some drunk guy at a bar chances are he might be a real drunk, so if thats what she leaves you for so be it...

 

Sounds to me like you have a few things in your life you would like to change about yourself....Maybe you should work on those things...Being controlling trying to tell your gf how to pay the bills is fairly ridiculous. Good luck with that, you keep that attitude she'll be tending bar and be sending you packing all in the same breath. Keep in mind strippers can be married and have kids and just want to put food on the table...

[boogieboy]

I'm about 5'7, 140 lbs, have a minimum wage job, i'm younger by 3 years, and I don't even a car. To this day I don't know what she sees in me, and I'm deadly afraid of the type of guys women universally like (rich "hot" guys) hitting on her all the time. Sure, the first 100 times she'll resist, but are you telling me the laws of probability are on my side? Out of all the guys that hit on her, not even 1 will peak her interest?

 

 

First of all Cognac, you blew it with her by handing your insecurity to her on a golden plate. NOW she will bail on you.

 

Not only are you insecure, but you are needy.

 

As soon as you come to terms with your insecurity - because you dont think your personality could keep her - the sooner you will start to learn how to start being secure in yourself, and KNOW what she likes about you, and know why shes with you, then you dont have to worry about herlooking at other guys.

[cognac]

Well this is what pops out at me. What I am hearing is that you do trust her, but don't trust that she will not eventually love the attention so much that it will seem more appealing than you. I am hearing that you don't think she will cheat, but will probably leave you.[/Quote]

 

Yes. Before this she had a job as a secretary for some old dirty lawyer, I slept much sounder at night

 

Do you think it's that irrational to be freaked out about a woman working in a social setting where she sees 100's of attractive, rich, charming, etc guys hitting on her all the time?

 

I think I speak for all guys when I say it's a tough pill to swallow.

 

 

She is one of a kind and you are willing to leave her because of what MIGHT happen?[/Quote]

 

I think if she left me this soon after all the work I've done to be with her I would be very pained.

 

I say treat her well, trust her, show her all the good things you are made of and leave it be. If it ends up not working out so be it. If it does work out in the end, you would have left her for nothing.[/Quote]

 

I guess this is my only choice. OR organize all the soccer moms in america to start another alcohol abolitionist movement. I think the latter is more likely to be succesful than this relationship all because of this crap.

 

Fear is a emotion that drives people to do all sorts of things and make irrational decisions. Sounds like fear is ruling you.

 

I'm not a guy who fears much, but I think certain fears make a lot of sense.

 

The laws of probability are not on your side in any event. Her becoming a bartender will only expedite the inevitable. Your only chance is to get her pregnant ASAP[/Quote]

 

I know this is a joke, but it may be a good idea.

 

I think this sentence is akin to someone saying, "No offence - but you're stupid"

 

Just because you prequalify a sentence, doesn't make it true.

 

IOW - Yes, you're a crazy, jealous, insecure maniac and I feel sorry for her.[/Quote]

 

Speak for yourself, your the one with the obsession with feces

[boogieboy]

I'm not a guy who fears much, but I think certain fears make a lot of sense.

 

It cant possibly make sense to you, because you dont know how you got this girl, and you dont know how to keep her. You have no idea how she would want to stay with you, so your fear is out of ignorance...which many guys have. You need to do some research so you can learn what women want.

[aerogurl87]

You sound really insecure and I think even you know it. If she were a stripper, then I could understand your concern but her job will be to pour drinks for people. How is that threatening?

[Ruby Slippers]

Yep. It is not your perceived inadequacies that are going to ruin you -- it's your fear and desperate behavior. The nasty texts were totally immature and uncalled for -- they made you look like a whiny baby.

[cognac]

First of all Cognac, you blew it with her by handing your insecurity to her on a golden plate. NOW she will bail on you.

 

Not only are you insecure, but you are needy.

 

As soon as you come to terms with your insecurity - because you dont think your personality could keep her - the sooner you will start to learn how to start being secure in yourself, and KNOW what she likes about you, and know why shes with you, then you dont have to worry about herlooking at other guys.

 

She knows nothing of my insecurity. I simply said it was a bad idea and not a job for a decent woman, and that I didn't want to see her in a gangbang video with a bunch of bikers/fratboys/firefighters on xvideos.com (i was half joking with this one). She thought it was amusing but I was being kind of serious.

 

Did not project insecurit at all. And really, the stuff about "confidence" being the be all end all is overrated. I am after all human, and it's not as if my insecurity in this case is irrational (such as the dude on this forum talking about his stubby fingers all day and night).

 

Insecure and yes irrational....I am friends with a lot of ladies who wait tables, tend bars, work in sales, among a few other things...All of which have had fairly successful non jealous long term relationships. A bar tender actually gets a lower amount of attention and really most of the time guys are more worried about getting their beers, acting like dumb drunks, and hitting on the girls at the bar, not the bartender shes kinda off limits..

 

Your gf would have a better chance of meeting a successful businessman if she were starting a professional career in sales or advertising than tending bar. If she meets some drunk guy at a bar chances are he might be a real drunk, so if thats what she leaves you for so be it...

 

Sounds to me like you have a few things in your life you would like to change about yourself....Maybe you should work on those things...Being controlling trying to tell your gf how to pay the bills is fairly ridiculous. Good luck with that, you keep that attitude she'll be tending bar and be sending you packing all in the same breath. Keep in mind strippers can be married and have kids and just want to put food on the table...[/Quote]

 

thanks i'll keep this in mind.

 

I'm looking for people who have met bartender women who do not dump their boyfriends for a customer or hook up randomly with the hot guy who buys them a shot. I have yet to meet one but you apparently have so I have some hope.

[cognac]

It cant possibly make sense to you, because you dont know how you got this girl, and you dont know how to keep her. You have no idea how she would want to stay with you, so your fear is out of ignorance...which many guys have. You need to do some research so you can learn what women want.

 

Honestly, the way I got her was by being a bit of a jerk acting like I didn't care(which I didn't at the beginning) but also being intelligent and cool. However, now I'm starting to care and am really confused as to what to do at this point to keep her around. This situation with the bartending job is just a huge kick in the nads for my already confused self.

 

 

You sound really insecure and I think even you know it. If she were a stripper, then I could understand your concern but her job will be to pour drinks for people. How is that threatening?[/Quote]

 

Come on, you know why it's threatening. Have you ever been to a bar that had a woman bartending? It's actually not that different from stripping, the more attention and time you spend with your customer the more money you get.

[BG1985]

What type of bar is this? More of a crowded college bar or a more laid-back, less crowded bar? If it's a busy bar, she won't even have the time to let guys hit on her, plus they will be a lot more drunk and less worried about hitting on your girlfriend. Honestly, you're making something out of nothing here and you do reek of insecurity. If anything you're pushing her away from you as we speak by openly telling her she better not end up in a gang bang video.

[aerogurl87]

Come on, you know why it's threatening. Have you ever been to a bar that had a woman bartending? It's actually not that different from stripping, the more attention and time you spend with your customer the more money you get.

 

Actually the club I used to go to had a female bartender. I think I saw her get hit on like three times and I'm not even sure if she noticed it any of those times because she was so busy being yelled at to pour drinks for people. When guys go to clubs or bars they aren't focused on the girl pouring the drinks most of the time because they can't get her drunk and take her home that night. Why? Because she's working! But they can get the girls who come to the club or bar drunk and so they put their energy into yelling at the bartender to get those girls drinks. If anything your girlfriend will be drained of energy from working her butt off all night at work.

[cognac]

Actually the club I used to go to had a female bartender. I think I saw her get hit on like three times and I'm not even sure if she noticed it any of those times because she was so busy being yelled at to pour drinks for people. When guys go to clubs or bars they aren't focused on the girl pouring the drinks most of the time because they can't get her drunk and take her home that night. Why? Because she's working! But they can get the girls who come to the club or bar drunk and so they put their energy into yelling at the bartender to get those girls drinks. If anything your girlfriend will be drained of energy from working her butt off all night at work.

 

 

I don't think it's that kind of bar (nightclub bar) I think it's a pub type environment that is rather small. But whatever, I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

[V.Vixen]

You're lucky she didn't break up with you when you were so "pissed" in the first place. Insecurity and jealousy is highly unattractive.

[boldjack]

Dude, you are making a huge deal out of nothing. Do nurses fall for patients, do teachers fall for students, do hookers fall for tricks? In any business environment, there is a small minority where this will happen, but it is very unusual. I've been a Bartender and had a whole lot of drunk, needy, hungry women proposition me, but to me they were just customers, nothing more.

[aerogurl87]

I don't think it's that kind of bar (nightclub bar) I think it's a pub type environment that is rather small. But whatever, I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

 

Oh well that's even better, she'll get to be a pseudo therapist. I'm telling you, if she cheats on you with a guy at a pub then she's not worth it to begin with. Most guys only go to pubs to either 1) get drunk or 2) hang out with their friends to watch a game on TV AND get drunk.

[BG1985]

Most female bartenders I talk to either have boyfriends or are lying about having boyfriends. They'll flirt with customers hoping to get more tips, but that's about it.

[boogieboy]

She knows nothing of my insecurity. I simply said it was a bad idea and not a job for a decent woman, and that I didn't want to see her in a gangbang video with a bunch of bikers/fratboys/firefighters on xvideos.com (i was half joking with this one). She thought it was amusing but I was being kind of serious.

 

Did not project insecurit at all. And really, the stuff about "confidence" being the be all end all is overrated. I am after all human, and it's not as if my insecurity in this case is irrational (such as the dude on this forum talking about his stubby fingers all day and night).

 

Your insecurity isnt irrational, but it is dopey.

 

Women like men who dont NEED them, if you show you need her now that youre starting to care, youre gonna blow it.

 

You think she doesnt know about your insecurity, but like I said, as soon as you tell her not do be a bartender, youre basically telling her that youre afraid you will lose her. You dont even realize how much you dont know...and how shes a woman who can read in between the lines. You think she hasnt dealt with a jealous bf before?

 

You obviously dont think confidence is overrated, because thats what you projected to get her in the first place, you said it yourself. "Honestly, the way I got her was by being a bit of a jerk acting like I didn't care(which I didn't at the beginning) but also being intelligent and cool"

 

You keep that attitude, you keep the girl, and your confidence. If you KNOW you got her that way, all you have to do is stay that way, you wont be worried about who she talks to because you know you can keep her, how can you lose? You cant switch your attitude to needy guy once you get the girl.

[Vertex]

Don't get stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy here. Insecurity will push someone away REALLY quickly compared to most things. If you say you trust her, then you should trust her. If you aren't insecure, then don't be insecure. You need to evaluate your honest actions, here.

 

Jealousy is unattractive because it usually means a lack of trust or a desire to limit freedom. If a girl gets randomly pissed off at me for even TALKING to a girl, I lose all interest. Having people get upset at me for innocuous actions is really unattractive. Likewise with insecurity -- if you start berating her for choosing bartending as a profession, she'll get distressed at your lack of trust in her because all she probably wants to do is make money doing something she may like/enjoy. If there's no evidence that she's the type to flirt heavily/cross any boundaries, then you have nothing to worry about. Just be a good boyfriend.

 

I somehow doubt you only made one comment to her about her choice to bartend -- you said you were pissed, which leads me to believe there was more to the conversation that likely painted you as insecure. If not, then take this thread at face value.

 

You have nothing to worry about. If she wanted to go out with a rich guy, she'd go out with a rich guy. Instead, she chose you because she likes you. You should feel proud that, at the very least, she is not a golddigger Seriously though, learn to trust others and be secure in yourself, because being needlessly distrusting and insecure will make matters worse for you.