newyork82 Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hi, my name is Newyork, and I am codependent. I just broke up with my bf because he claimed he loves me, but is yet to make up his mind whether or not he loves me enough to marry me, even though he wants to get married in two years time! But he wants me to still date him. story posted here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2498289 Anyway I started NC yesterday, in the past we broke up six times but I always went back. I want it to stick this time, because I actually feel I need to move on. Please I need ur help and all the support I can get. I would be posting all my progress here. I just hope I won't contact him. The last time, we tried doing the friends thing but ended up back again. Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Just make sure you do both parts of NC ; the contact part and the focusing on yourself part. By going out and getting exercise, trying new things,eating healthy, connecting with old friends and family, finding out how to enjoy being on your own is so important. Not only does it give you something to do while you heal, it also helps you see your own worth, and allows greater self-sufficiency, less dependency on him. It sounds like you are understanding you deserve better, just remeber that. Your going to do fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Thank you. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Share Posted November 22, 2009 He's been calling. Tempted to pick. Different things going thru my mind at dis moment. As usual the mind is trying to rationalise. I am trying my best!! I won't pick Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I dont think you should ignore him. I think you should pick up and ask him what is his problem. Let him know you are done playing these games. If he wants to be exclusive and do the right thing...give you a call. In the meantime...kick rocks Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 I know if I pick he wld tell me he wanted to check up on me. Remember I have done this six times! He wants us to be friends. That's it. I don't want to be friends because it would eventually lead to sex and back to the relationship. I know if I pick, I would end up asking him what was wrong about me that he dint love me enough to marry me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 I feel like asking him why he didn't ask for more time to think about it. (I am posting here instead of sending him d message). I feel like asking him how he can love me so much yet not mind if another man ends up with me Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 newyork... i advise you to keep up the NC for at least a week. at the end of that time he will still be there if you want to ask him whatever... just take it one step at a time also, if you are planning on being friends, i still advise a few weeks NC. my current BF and i went through a rough patch earlier this year and i broke up with him. we didn't talk AT ALL for 3 WEEKS before we began to talk again and work on a friendship... that time was very important i feel for both of us to sort out our feelings (in the end, we did get back together but regardless of that i felt so much more grounded and sure of what i wanted) just keep posting here honey - you need to follow through with this NC - it will help you feel better about yourself, your will power and your self-esteem chin up! cheers, sgf btw - LS means LoveShack! Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Thanks a lot serialgf. I wish I cld contact u personally. Why doesn't this forum allow pm? Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Thanks a lot serialgf. I wish I cld contact u personally. Why doesn't this forum allow pm? i think maybe its because you aren't an established member... i don't know i've never used PM on this... Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 hey newyork i made a gmail just for you! if you'd like email me at cerealgf at gmail.com otherwise, just post here - i'll respond! Link to post Share on other sites
serialgf Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 how you holding up newyork? Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Am fine. I just sent you an IM! I miss him. Started missing him today. But not tempted to call or break NC. But I just miss him dats all Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 its about 1 am where i am. I woke up from sleep. I am kinda upset. this was someone who said he loved me with all his heart. why isnt he calling and telling me he cant live without me? .....Just ranting..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 why on earth did i break NC? now i am crying. it was terrible. i would write all about it when i am done Link to post Share on other sites
Tizzy Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Hi Newyork. I am in your age range and I too have had problems of codependency in relationships and while I'm still a work-in-progress, I have come a loooooooooooong way from my low point (which was just within the past 2 years). Google ways to overcome codependency. There are a ton of resources out there. I've found that for me, the key has been having a phenomenal support system of love, friends and family who are there for you and will listen to your craziness while you get your mind right and sort through what exactly you think is wrong with you. So important in the healing process. You will one day in your life reach a point where you are tired of dealing with someone's bull and refuse to ever accept less than what you want and need ever again. It's something that will click internally with you and that you will never budge on in the future. Good luck in sorting out things with your relationship and moving on. IMO, the guy is a selfish loser, the story sounds all too familiar and you know how this will probably end. Regardless of any of that, focus on YOU and making YOU a healthier person from the inside and you won't care what this idiot of an ex-bf stringalong thinks or decides to do in terms of marrying you. Based on what you've said here he sounds flaky and totally not worthy of your love and admiration since he doesn't seem to want to give it back in return. Like carhill said in your other thread, it's probably just not a good match. Take it for what it is, learn from it, heal yourself and move on. It'll be hard but you will be such a stronger person in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newyork82 Posted November 28, 2009 Author Share Posted November 28, 2009 hi Tizzy, thanks so much,. i started reading codependency no more and it has been helpful. but i get sooo crazy sometimes. like i just want to CONTROL. wish we could chat. maybe i would send you my google id, so we could mail each other. reply if you are interested Link to post Share on other sites
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