Long Distance-Bad breakup

[eternal.denied84]

guys please go through my story,its a bit long but i really need your help and guidance to bring back my life.

 

She was my junior in school, we never spoke but I had a crush on her.After 3-4 years I approached her through fb,we started chatting and felt the spark very soon.I asked her out,she agreed.we rushed into things quite early.long phone calls(we were far apart-long distance),telling each other how perfect we are for each other,calling us a couple for forever.The love was blooming she shared her pwd with me and one day after 1 month I found her chat with some guy flirting and spending a night in the hotel.Though that was only a chat it was really a shock for me and i brokeup with her for this-she begged, cried a lot and told me that it was mere stupidity and nothing else,that chat was just a leg pulling and nothing else,since i was really in love with her I trusted her and took her back but after that incident her chat with that guy was always there at the back of my mind and i started having trust issues with her.Whereas after that incident she did everything to gain my trust,she did everything whatever i asked and whatever i didn't ask.She was full blown in love with me but i was not that much due to trust issues i always use to test her and doubt on her so I was not giving my 100%,moreover i was having a very busy and stressed work life as well so sometimes i used to be rude & indifferent to her.well we met after 6 months from the day when we started going out,we made love and had a very gud time for couple of days.

 

Then I came back to my city .Couple of months after I came back she started saying that she doesnt see me as her life partner because she feel insulted with me, my attitude has not been right,and she feel that she is just standing in one queue for me where she stands last.

 

her sudden outburst made me realize that I really love her so much and I have not been giving my 100% i told her she would not feel that in future we got back to love again and everything was going fine untill after 3 months she said that old things keep coming to her mind when I didnt use to care about her and insulted her and so she can not carry out with me.

 

9 months had passed till now.

 

after this the table were turned i started begging her for forgiving me and giving me one chance and i will correct everything.She didnt listen to me

 

this begging cycle went for 1 month or so when she was not at all listening I got pissed off and started maligning her and even blackmailing her.when nothing worked out i went back to her place to meet her tried to convince her we stayed together again had some good time but she didnt come back.

 

so i came back to my city and again tried to convince her,couple of times she used to agree that okay we will continue but i always wanted her like early stages which never happened,finally she got frustated ,i kept on begging and pleading till one day when she said that she never loved me,it was only attraction from her side,i questioned on all the love we made-her answer was that those things doesn't matter to her much-i got furious and frustated on her and called her slut and pros.

 

next moment i realized what did i do.I sent a sorry mail to her and since then I am on NC.this has been 15 days now.

 

My Problem:

 

1.I want her back coz i really feel i love her so much.

2.I am on no contact and i have done so many bad things that I myself feel ashamed of going back to her.since I have asked her so many times and she didnt agree i feel reluctant to ask her once more and hurt me again.

3.I feel like sending her a big mail in which I can tell her how sorry i am feeling and how much i really love her.

4.what troubles me is that its she who broke my trust once..and even then its me who is begging for her to come back which is hurting my ego also.

 

what do you guys suggest me.I am sinking in guilt every day for saying bad words to her and i really want to get back but not at the cost of my dignity coz i have already lost it many times.

 

pls help me with your thoughts/suggestions/comments on who has been wrong here.I have seriously lost my mind and i am not able to figure out anything.

[Boundary Problem]

You cannot provide enough love for the both of you. It simply won't work.

 

Either she has to start loving you back or you find someone else.

 

Those are your two options.

 

A woman has to be in love with her man, attraction is not enough for a sustainable long term relationship.

 

Sorry to tell you this.

[Lost Fish]

You cannot provide enough love for the both of you. It simply won't work.

 

Either she has to start loving you back or you find someone else.

 

Those are your two options.

 

A woman has to be in love with her man, attraction is not enough for a sustainable long term relationship.

 

Sorry to tell you this.

 

Boundary is so dead on.

 

What you don't want to do is force a relationship if it's just not there. You can feel like she is the one and your soulmate and all that good stuff, but if she's not reciprocating 100%, then it will falter - and your constant push to be together will lead to a continual cycle of you feeling disappointed and miserable, and her feeling frustrated, annoyed, and cold.

 

NC is your best friend. I know it hurts, but you are saving your dignity and sanity.

 

If it is meant to be she will come back to you. For now just work on yourself. Focus on non-relationship things that make you happy.

 

Good luck man.

[eternal.denied84]

thanks much for your support and suggestions..I hope this forum would help me to control my emotions and move on..one thing which is troubling me.

 

i am actually double minded..I am not sure as why she broke up with me?

 

she claims that she feels insulted because i did not treat her right..can it be really true?

 

or was it that her attraction faded and finally she called it off..

 

why am i interested in knowing this?

 

if the case is that she left me for all the stupid mistakes and taking her for granted..i have realized how much she mean to me and i really really love her and i can be sure that if she gives me other chance it wont happen again.

 

secondly if its that her attraction is lost..i know that i cant do anything to bring that back and in that case i should leave her alone for her happiness which i am ready to do.

 

is it possible that one can get so much hurt by being neglected that whatever you do get them back won't work?

 

she called me today after 21 days..i was sleeping so i didnt pick and then she messaged me saying that she called to ask me to remove her friends from my friend list on fb? is she justified asking this..

 

should i remove her frnds from my frnd list? her frnds became my frnds too but obviosuly through her.

 

she herself is not anymore in my list..

 

should i wait for her assuming she is a good girl and when she will realize her mistake she would come back or should i move on seeing her past history.

 

PS: she has been in a relation for 3 years before me..she called that off to over a petty thing and after 6-7 months she got involved with me.

 

are there really girls like this who dont feel much going in and out of relations..am i doing some crime wasting my precious time thinking about such a girl.

 

lately i have started hating myself for not being able to move on and wasting my time thinking about someone who doesn't care much about my feelings.

[Boundary Problem]

lately i have started hating myself for not being able to move on and wasting my time thinking about someone who doesn't care much about my feelings.

 

 

You seem to be moving forward a bit. From trying to get her back to trying to figure out why it went wrong. So congrats on that emotional success. You are moving through this.

 

 

Delete all the friends she wants deleted on Facebook.

 

You need to forgive yourself for it not working out. Do you have a bit of a "perfectionist" complex? Relationships are never perfect. So if you are looking to RE-do this relationship , but perfect this time - you will never get off the merry-go-round.

 

She is g-o-n-e and she doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

 

She simply isn't good enough for you.

[eternal.denied84]

Boundary..I think you have hit the correct point which I myself was trying to figure out why the hell i am being so mad about a relation in which other person is really not making any effort to work out..

 

yes i am a perfectionist..i have observed this in many field ..work,studys,career,relations or for that matter in anythinng whatever I deal with..

 

and i truly feel that even if I couldnt shower her with all the attention she wanted..it wa sonly because she broke my trust once and i wa staking my time to regain that trust..and when i really recahed to the position where i can give her everything..she called it off..

 

Isnt it unfair...why would someone make you the most lovable person in this world and then they will call it off for their selfish needs?

[Boundary Problem]

and i truly feel that even if I couldnt shower her with all the attention she wanted..it wa sonly because she broke my trust once and i wa staking my time to regain that trust..and when i really recahed to the position where i can give her everything..she called it off..

 

Isnt it unfair...why would someone make you the most lovable person in this world and then they will call it off for their selfish needs?

 

 

Hanging onto someone who wants independence is selfish.

 

You need to let go.

 

Just because you think you can offer her "everything", doesn't mean she is obligated to "receive" it.

 

Love is not just about letting go. Love is about being happy that they are happy.

[eternal.denied84]

is it not selfish on dumpers part that when they wanted..they were head on heel over us..and now when they do not want..they forget everything and walk away.

 

who is being selfish ..is it us dumpee who go NC and give them their space even though it's them who did wrong in relationship

 

or is it them who don't care about anyone else feelings rather than themselves.

 

I know we are the mater of our fate and no one should control our happiness and i am trying hard to maintain this..but this sucks seeing that some people just don't care about relations..they come and go when they want..

 

the only fault i did was i fell in love..yes i regret that now.