one goal Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Hey, been awhile since I posted last. Anyways at my job there is this hot chick. I was wondering if I asked her out, if she is offened by it could she possibly have me fired for 'harassment'? I mean these days it seems its so easy for a guy to be fired for the littlest thing. Its a part time job since I go to college, but i need the extra money. Is it worth risking getting fired in this economey? It took me 7 months to find a part time job. Link to post Share on other sites
frenchgirl Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 You wouldn't get in trouble just for asking a girl out. If you decide to do so, don't be weird and don't insist. If she accepts, you're cool. If not, accept her refusal gracefully. Trouble with harassment and stuff can also occur if the two of you date for a while and break up. That's usually when more complex conflicts can arise. Not the ideal situation but lots of people end up dating a co-worker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 You wouldn't get in trouble just for asking a girl out. If you decide to do so, don't be weird and don't insist. If she accepts, you're cool. If not, accept her refusal gracefully. Trouble with harassment and stuff can also occur if the two of you date for a while and break up. That's usually when more complex conflicts can arise. Not the ideal situation but lots of people end up dating a co-worker. Just worried if she was upset by it should could tell the boss. If not that the very least word would spread around quickly and everyone will know and Id embarassed. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Has she given any indication that she likes you? Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Hey, been awhile since I posted last. Anyways at my job there is this hot chick. I was wondering if I asked her out, if she is offened by it could she possibly have me fired for 'harassment'? I mean these days it seems its so easy for a guy to be fired for the littlest thing. Its a part time job since I go to college, but i need the extra money. Is it worth risking getting fired in this economey? It took me 7 months to find a part time job. NO. Asking her out once and being rejecting cannot lead to any disciplinary action. If you try again, then you open up the possibility. It's unwise to date where you work though. Link to post Share on other sites
frenchgirl Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 If you don't know her well enough and if there's no established mutual respect between the two of you, I wouldn't do it unless I don't care for my job. Girls don't get upset by a nice invitation. Girls get upset when guys get creepy or insist too much. Why don't you start by asking her for coffee? Coffee is less likely to upset her and won't cause as much rumours to spread around. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 If you don't know her well enough and if there's no established mutual respect between the two of you, I wouldn't do it unless I don't care for my job. Girls don't get upset by a nice invitation. Girls get upset when guys get creepy or insist too much. Why don't you start by asking her for coffee? Coffee is less likely to upset her and won't cause as much rumours to spread around. If he looks like Milton from office space, then he runs a smaller increased risk, but just asking out once, is not enough to be actionable even in the most liberal jurisdictions. If he repeatedly does it, or if he's in a position of power and says "hey, if you go on a date with me, I'll promote you" then you are committing sexual harassment.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 If he looks like Milton from office space, then he runs a smaller increased risk, but just asking out once, is not enough to be actionable even in the most liberal jurisdictions. If he repeatedly does it, or if he's in a position of power and says "hey, if you go on a date with me, I'll promote you" then you are committing sexual harassment.. No, I look normal lol. Im just worried I'd make her feel uneasy and the word would spread around. Also Ive been late a lot to work, Kinda worried that could combine to get me fired. Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 No, I look normal lol. Im just worried I'd make her feel uneasy and the word would spread around. Also Ive been late a lot to work, Kinda worried that could combine to get me fired. It would be very unprofessional to spread the word around that "one goal is creepy, he asked me out!" Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Has she given any indication that she likes you? Just because this needs to be asked..... And answered Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 Just because this needs to be asked..... And answered Shes always nice to me, never had a problem with her or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Shes always nice to me, never had a problem with her or anything like that. That's not really much to go by. Has she given any indication that she is interested in you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 That's not really much to go by. Has she given any indication that she is interested in you? Like what do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 OK then. Does she like you more than the girls in these threads did? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164405/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180099/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190587/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t193777/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 OK then. Does she like you more than the girls in these threads did? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164405/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180099/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t190587/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t193777/ Dont know. Is it better to ask a co worker if shes single first? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 So what is the worst that can happen? Link to post Share on other sites
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 So what is the worst that can happen? You ask, she takes it the wrong way, you get fired and/or sued. Life is over. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, ask or advance on a co-worker unless you are absolutely sure the feeling is mutual. When in doubt, don't do it. Before anyone asks, a former co-worker from a former employer saw his career go down in flames over a similar situation. He was a good kid who was just way too optimistic about an overly sensitive young woman.... Link to post Share on other sites
betamanlet Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 You ask, she takes it the wrong way, you get fired and/or sued. Life is over. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, ask or advance on a co-worker unless you are absolutely sure the feeling is mutual. When in doubt, don't do it. Before anyone asks, a former co-worker from a former employer saw his career go down in flames over a similar situation. He was a good kid who was just way too optimistic about an overly sensitive young woman.... This is not accurate. It would have to be multiple UNWANTED attempts. One attemp will result in no disciplinary action, and if it did, YOU would be the one who has a legal remedy. You try it again, then you might have problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 You ask, she takes it the wrong way, you get fired and/or sued. Life is over. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, ask or advance on a co-worker unless you are absolutely sure the feeling is mutual. When in doubt, don't do it. Before anyone asks, a former co-worker from a former employer saw his career go down in flames over a similar situation. He was a good kid who was just way too optimistic about an overly sensitive young woman.... So you say they can sue you just over asking them out?? WTF? Society and the courts are so slanted to favor females. Link to post Share on other sites
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 This is not accurate. It would have to be multiple UNWANTED attempts. One attemp will result in no disciplinary action, and if it did, YOU would be the one who has a legal remedy. You try it again, then you might have problems. I was a bit unclear. My former co-worker was not sued, but he was "let go" shortly after this incident. The young woman was very vocal on how this young man asking her out on a date made her very uncomfortable and I sense that the kid was let go just so she would shut up. I don't know anything for sure so take what I say with a grain of salt. I still stand by my statement about not doing anything unless you are absolutely sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 I was a bit unclear. My former co-worker was not sued, but he was "let go" shortly after this incident. The young woman was very vocal on how this young man asking her out on a date made her very uncomfortable and I sense that the kid was let go just so she would shut up. I don't know anything for sure so take what I say with a grain of salt. I still stand by my statement about not doing anything unless you are absolutely sure. You mean by vocal that she like told everyone at work about it? Only thing is this chicks boss in her dept is kinda mean. Wonder if he would rip me a new one. Link to post Share on other sites
MyNameIsJonas Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 You mean by vocal that she like told everyone at work about it? Only thing is this chicks boss in her dept is kinda mean. Wonder if he would rip me a new one. Yeah she didn't exactly keep it a secret. I didn't know about it until she mentioned it to me and a couple other people and I then went straight to the source (my former co-worker) to get the truth. I then responded with something along the lines of "you dumb@$$." Partners found out around the same time as I did; He was let go a few weeks later. This may not be a great representation of what may or may not happen because the girl in question was a bit unstable imo. She also had some hard allies in the office and I knew never to cross her. My former co-worker thought way too much of himself and the situation as it formed in his head to make a sound judgment, and he paid the price. Bottom line is that if you have any doubts and really value your job, I wouldn't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Golfilla Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 Yeah she didn't exactly keep it a secret. I didn't know about it until she mentioned it to me and a couple other people and I then went straight to the source (my former co-worker) to get the truth. I then responded with something along the lines of "you dumb@$$." Partners found out around the same time as I did; He was let go a few weeks later. This may not be a great representation of what may or may not happen because the girl in question was a bit unstable imo. She also had some hard allies in the office and I knew never to cross her. My former co-worker thought way too much of himself and the situation as it formed in his head to make a sound judgment, and he paid the price. Bottom line is that if you have any doubts and really value your job, I wouldn't do it. This is true. I will add some other risks -- what if she accepts and it develops into a relationship, but then you break up a couple of months later? You'll still have to see her everyday and deal with her professionally regardless of the feelings you have for her at that point. What if she accepts, but then flakes out on the date or stands you up? You'll still have to see her on Monday and deal with her professionally. IMO, you should keep your work life and your dating life separate. There are PLENTY of other fish in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 Well thing is I dunno why but the last few weeks Ive kinda got a crush on her. What is the best way to express myself. I mean Im kinda nervous at work, around her a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 So which should I do? Talk directly to her or ask someone else if shes single first? Link to post Share on other sites
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