I'm going to cave and break the 3 month no contact... save me

[bananaboat11]

Original story of my catastrophic relationship and awful breakup here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216034/

 

I thought I'd search her on facebook... and I saw she's unblocked me.

 

I'm trying to be as calm, cool, and collective as possible....

 

Am I reading too much into this?

 

thanks in advance for any and all advice... I want to cry right now. As verbally and mentally abusive as she was... I miss her terribly. She dumped me via facebook 3 months ago... =(

Edited January 5, 2010 by bananaboat11

[prayingshecomesback]

Original story of my catastrophic relationship and awful breakup here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216034/

 

I thought I'd search her on facebook... and I saw she's unblocked me.

 

I'm trying to be as calm, cool, and collective as possible....

 

Am I reading too much into this?

 

thanks in advance for any and all advice... I want to cry right now. As verbally and mentally abusive as she was... I miss her terribly. She dumped me via facebook 3 months ago... =(

 

DONT DO IT. Nothing you can say or do will bring her back to you. It is something she has to initiate. You will just set yourself back. Stay strong NC and act like she is not coming back... Move forward. Let her make the first move!

[madrugada]

Trust me, DO NOT break NC. You've seen all the threads on here by people who did, and invariably they are the same. It won't help; it will only set you back.

 

I got weak. I did it. One night over the holidays I was alone, snowed in and slightly drunk. So I sent her a text. That led to four days of back and forth, her saying things like "I miss what we had," "I miss you," etc., and a week of me analyzing everything she said.

 

But in the end, you have to face facts. It's over, for whatever reason, and you have to move on. I wish I could tell you how to do that, but I don't know myself yet. But NC does help. If you break it, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

As far as facebook, delete her. Block her. Do not put yourself through the pain of keeping up with what's going on in her life by poring over her status updates and posts. Until you get rid of her presence on facebook, you're not truly NC.

 

PLEASE don't make the mistakes I and so many of us did. You're only going to bring more heartbreak to yourself, and at some point there's only so much you can take.

[little_bear]

I want to tell you DON"T DO IT! I want to tell you BE STRONG! But honestly, I am at that caving point myself and its only been 10 days.

Are you prepared for what might happen? If she disses you, ignors you?

[bananaboat11]

Thanks guys - i need these words to help... it's soooo hard

 

 

I just... why now? why did she unblock me on facebook? should I block her?

 

is she expecting to see if I'm still head over heels for her? does she not care anymore and just said f' it and unblocked me...

 

...or is this her trying to take the first steps to contacting me again...

 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

*bangs head on keyboard*

 

thanks again guys

[prayingshecomesback]

Thanks guys - i need these words to help... it's soooo hard

 

 

I just... why now? why did she unblock me on facebook? should I block her?

 

is she expecting to see if I'm still head over heels for her? does she not care anymore and just said f' it and unblocked me...

 

...or is this her trying to take the first steps to contacting me again...

 

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

*bangs head on keyboard*

 

thanks again guys

 

Just hang in there and dont contact her. I know its hard. Ive been almost 6 months NC. LOL there are days I wanted to so bad but I felt so strong when I didnt. The temptation is there. Dont give in. BE STRONG.

[bananaboat11]

I've immersed myself in friends, family, my research and my lifestyle of bodybuilding.. in addition.. I have DJ'd for 9 years now... (I'm only 25) i've been djing more and more recently. ANYTHING to get my mind off her... and now... just when I thought I was getting stronger.. this.

 

[Lishy]

Facebook have just changed their privacy settings so she may not have unblocked you at all ... all privacy settings need to be changed now and she may not have realised this. I have noticed lots of people now have open profiles that were once private so dont read too much into it

 

Unblocking you is not her trying to make contact ... please dont over read this you will make a mistake

 

Her making contact will be evident if she does it, you wont second guess it because your phone will be ringing or she will email you ... she wont send smoke signals or batman signs in the sky

 

You are doing good so dont screw this up now ... you really want a girl who would break up with you through Facebook??????????

[silverplanets]

Guys ... DON'T DO IT !

 

How can I say that any clearer ! You are only going to mess with your head and right now the fact that you are thinking of doing it is a sure sign that your head is not clear enough TO do it.

 

You all seem bright and sometimes that can be the worst in these situations. Your brain will be analysing it in the background trying to work it out and looking for the "aha" answer.

 

It's not there, trust me.

 

Unless you are dealing with a complete loony then of course they will still have feelings for you ... that still doesn't change the fact that they made a descision to put their needs first at some point, and hence your needs second.

 

That's not a bad thing, but it is something you need to accept. What they do, think or say is no longer your responsibility - they have made that clear. If it was then trust me you would know.

 

If they truly love you (and are mature enough to truly understand what that means) then they will work it out quietly by themselves and then you will know it.

 

Most likely though they are balancing out many differnet needs and pressures as they work out what they want in life and any relationship is just one of these.

 

You need to try and get the focus of them and on to you - and No Contact is the ONLY way of doing that. Every day you maintain NC you are one day nearer a clear head and state of mind.

 

And as I said at the top you will know when your head is clear enough that contacting them wouldn't be a problem .. because you will no longer feel that you need to contact them.

[CrestfallenNoMore]

The reality is that you can never know why she unblocked you. Yes, it could be the latest changes to privacy settings. I double checked to make sure my ex-husband and his gf were blocked on mine.

 

My rule on NC is that if you weren't the one who initiated the breakup, then don't break it.

[bananaboat11]

Thanks for all the support. I WON'T break NC.

 

I do believe she DID unblock me and it was not a FB security issue type thing...

 

...we shall see. If she does contact me.. I'll cry and then ignore it.

 

hm

[LovelyDaze]

Thanks for all the support. I WON'T break NC.

 

I do believe she DID unblock me and it was not a FB security issue type thing...

 

...we shall see. If she does contact me.. I'll cry and then ignore it.

 

hm

 

Please do...ignore it. Your ex could be , at worst, setting the stage to play that awful game of brush-my-ego-because-it-is-tangled. Yuck. Don't let her.

 

If she truly cares, like already stated, she will do the hard work on her own to analyze what you mean to her, why she felt she broke up with you and especially why she feels she wants to make amends and work things out.

 

Stay NC until you have concrete proof that it is a reconciliation that she is looking for, even then, BE AWARE!

 

My ex "tried" to reconcile with me only to never change a damn thing about his behavior.

[sean1970]

I do believe she DID unblock me and it was not a FB security issue type thing...

 

Why do you believe that?

[bananaboat11]

Why do you believe that?

 

Because the night she blocked me... she also blocked a very attractive female friend (who is honestly ONLY a friend) of mine... a girl my ex was very jealous of. This girl is still blocked. This friend of mine was told by my ex at both the beginning of my relationship w/ the ex to stay away from me... and again at the end when we got back together (the day before she dumped me via facebook)...

 

My friend told me she thinks my ex is just looking to feed her own ego. I'm not going to break the no contact. If my ex does contact me, there's nothing more I can or want to say to her. I won't reply.

 

thanks for all the support.

[bananaboat11]

Can I block my ex on FB and her best friend?

 

I am going back and forth on being strong.. then weak.. then strong... then weak.

 

or is blocking her a greater sign of weakness????

 

[bananaboat11]

G-d... I'm dying to hear her voice one more time...

[0hpenelope]

Don't do it. I'm remembering how it felt like to regress after looking at an ex's blog/pictures he gave me/etc. It's an ugly feeling that I won't ever wish on my own worst enemies, if I have any.

 

It's not worth having one more thing to feel bad about when you're already feeling as bad as you do.

[bananaboat11]

Don't do it. I'm remembering how it felt like to regress after looking at an ex's blog/pictures he gave me/etc. It's an ugly feeling that I won't ever wish on my own worst enemies, if I have any.

 

It's not worth having one more thing to feel bad about when you're already feeling as bad as you do.

 

I'm dying to know why she unblocked me tho...

 

can she really be that selfish?

[McGrupp]

i could just be the privacy settings thing.

 

my ex blocked me or deactivated her account in August. i searched her recently and i was unblocked/she was back up.

 

i thought i would block her but when i typed her name into my privacy setting to do it, she wouldnt come up. after reading the FBook new guidelines i realized i was still blocked by her yet her privacy setting allowed me to still see her.

 

i blocked her by then going to the page i could see her on, and hitting block this user.

 

so see if u can search her in your privacy settings. if SHE comes up then you are not blocked. whoop de doo!

 

but if you cant then its a facebook blunder

[bananaboat11]

i could just be the privacy settings thing.

 

my ex blocked me or deactivated her account in August. i searched her recently and i was unblocked/she was back up.

 

i thought i would block her but when i typed her name into my privacy setting to do it, she wouldnt come up. after reading the FBook new guidelines i realized i was still blocked by her yet her privacy setting allowed me to still see her.

 

i blocked her by then going to the page i could see her on, and hitting block this user.

 

so see if u can search her in your privacy settings. if SHE comes up then you are not blocked. whoop de doo!

 

but if you cant then its a facebook blunder

 

 

I can see her through both ways.. I'm unblocked. My friend who my ex was jealous of that I spoke to (but we're JUST friends)... is still blocked...

[0hpenelope]

I'm dying to know why she unblocked me tho...

 

can she really be that selfish?

 

I haven't written a long post on LS in a long time, so I might be a little rusty at this. But here goes. Okay, so let's play assumption game. I'll try to cover bases here, but take heed: she's the only person who knows why she unblocked you. Facebook glitches aside...

 

• "Well, I guess I don't have to block him anymore. I'm ok with him seeing my business now & I think he's recovered enough."
  
• "I'm bored (or "I need some attention."). I think I can string him along and see how he'll react to me when I unblock him from my Facebook account. OMG LOLZ." (Yes, this sounds heartless, but either gender has known members to be this callous)
  
• "Whatever, I don't care anymore. He can see my business, but we're over anyway, so I don't care what he thinks."
  
• "My friend says that it's messed up for me to block him & I've already been messed up by breaking up w/ him. So I guess I'll unblock him to be benevolent. I don't want to look like I'm a jerk." (I'm assuming that she broke up with you, in this case.)
  

I know I haven't covered all bases, but my pretend voice has shown me that she's really thinking of herself and not you. It pretty much answers the question that yes, I think she's being that selfish if she fits 3 of the 4.

 

The more objective voices of Loveshack will tell you that it's not worth making assumptions, imagining things, thinking of possibilities as to why she did this. We'd ask instead that you ask yourself "What would help me?" I know that wondering about the Facebook thing isn't helping you at all, but I also know that you know this & you are feeling miserable anyway. Because you miss her. And you're not alone in going through this.

 

Three months? Bah, I triple dare you to add another 3 mos. to that. You managed it already, so you know it's doable. Then when you've done it, add another 3 months on top of that 6. Most of us favor no contact while the dumpee's still recovering. Take your time, it differs for everyone. When you really want to talk to your ex again w/o the motive of getting back together with her & you really just miss her as a friend, contact her again. Some people say goodbye so they can say hello again.

[bananaboat11]

I haven't written a long post on LS in a long time, so I might be a little rusty at this. But here goes. Okay, so let's play assumption game. I'll try to cover bases here, but take heed: she's the only person who knows why she unblocked you. Facebook glitches aside...

 

• "Well, I guess I don't have to block him anymore. I'm ok with him seeing my business now & I think he's recovered enough."
  
• "I'm bored (or "I need some attention."). I think I can string him along and see how he'll react to me when I unblock him from my Facebook account. OMG LOLZ." (Yes, this sounds heartless, but either gender has known members to be this callous)
  
• "Whatever, I don't care anymore. He can see my business, but we're over anyway, so I don't care what he thinks."
  
• "My friend says that it's messed up for me to block him & I've already been messed up by breaking up w/ him. So I guess I'll unblock him to be benevolent. I don't want to look like I'm a jerk." (I'm assuming that she broke up with you, in this case.)
  

I know I haven't covered all bases, but my pretend voice has shown me that she's really thinking of herself and not you. It pretty much answers the question that yes, I think she's being that selfish if she fits 3 of the 4.

 

The more objective voices of Loveshack will tell you that it's not worth making assumptions, imagining things, thinking of possibilities as to why she did this. We'd ask instead that you ask yourself "What would help me?" I know that wondering about the Facebook thing isn't helping you at all, but I also know that you know this & you are feeling miserable anyway. Because you miss her. And you're not alone in going through this.

 

Three months? Bah, I triple dare you to add another 3 mos. to that. You managed it already, so you know it's doable. Then when you've done it, add another 3 months on top of that 6. Most of us favor no contact while the dumpee's still recovering. Take your time, it differs for everyone. When you really want to talk to your ex again w/o the motive of getting back together with her & you really just miss her as a friend, contact her again. Some people say goodbye so they can say hello again.

 

Thanks Penelope.

 

That means a lot. Truly. She dumped me over facebook... 3 months ago. I tried to beg her to stay. We had a dysfunctional relationship (she was verbally and mentally abusive to me). It was a REALLY bad end, too. We got back together and the next day.. she just broke up with me via facebook...

 

She still has a friend of mine on block.. a girl she told at the beginning and end to stay away from me and remain lady like b/c I was her boy. Not this friends. And this friend of mine (is JUST a friend) is REALLY attractive and flirtatious.

 

When she dumped me via FB... she blocked me. She blocked this girl (who is STILL blocked... making me think it's not a FB error)... and she DEFACEBOOKED all my friends. Why go through that trouble and then unblock me 3 months later?

 

I personally feel this girl, who left me for her ex of 4 years, needs to feed her ego. She realizes I AM a great guy... a mutual friend thinks I am and told my ex that (supposedly)...

 

I believe a part of her misses what she had with me... (you can read my crying rant on these forums.. I can link you if you wish).. and a part of her realizes why she left her ex in the first place and that she let THAT get between her and me.

 

she was foolish... and you know what... no matter what I will not break the no contact. even if she does. I think she's being selfish... she wants to string me along... your theories aren't farfetched... but I believe there is more to it...

 

unfortunately, I know her... it sucks =/

 

thanks so much

[silverplanets]

I haven't written a long post on LS in a long time, so I might be a little rusty at this. But here goes. Okay, so let's play assumption game. I'll try to cover bases here, but take heed: she's the only person who knows why she unblocked you. Facebook glitches aside...

 

• "Well, I guess I don't have to block him anymore. I'm ok with him seeing my business now & I think he's recovered enough."
  
• "I'm bored (or "I need some attention."). I think I can string him along and see how he'll react to me when I unblock him from my Facebook account. OMG LOLZ." (Yes, this sounds heartless, but either gender has known members to be this callous)
  
• "Whatever, I don't care anymore. He can see my business, but we're over anyway, so I don't care what he thinks."
  
• "My friend says that it's messed up for me to block him & I've already been messed up by breaking up w/ him. So I guess I'll unblock him to be benevolent. I don't want to look like I'm a jerk." (I'm assuming that she broke up with you, in this case.)
  

I know I haven't covered all bases, but my pretend voice has shown me that she's really thinking of herself and not you. It pretty much answers the question that yes, I think she's being that selfish if she fits 3 of the 4.

 

The more objective voices of Loveshack will tell you that it's not worth making assumptions, imagining things, thinking of possibilities as to why she did this. We'd ask instead that you ask yourself "What would help me?" I know that wondering about the Facebook thing isn't helping you at all, but I also know that you know this & you are feeling miserable anyway. Because you miss her. And you're not alone in going through this.

 

Three months? Bah, I triple dare you to add another 3 mos. to that. You managed it already, so you know it's doable. Then when you've done it, add another 3 months on top of that 6. Most of us favor no contact while the dumpee's still recovering. Take your time, it differs for everyone. When you really want to talk to your ex again w/o the motive of getting back together with her & you really just miss her as a friend, contact her again. Some people say goodbye so they can say hello again.

 

I don't think anyone could say it better than this !

[0hpenelope]

When she dumped me via FB... she blocked me. She blocked this girl (who is STILL blocked... making me think it's not a FB error)... and she DEFACEBOOKED all my friends. Why go through that trouble and then unblock me 3 months later?

 

That's quite an effort. Also, I understand jealousy from both sides of the fence. But I learned that anyone who eventually strays to give in to the temptation of having a fling w/ someone else while being together with me is not worthy of my energy anyway. Your ex shouldn't have worried.

 

she was foolish... and you know what... no matter what I will not break the no contact. even if she does. I think she's being selfish... she wants to string me along... your theories aren't farfetched... but I believe there is more to it...

 

unfortunately, I know her... it sucks =/

 

Yeah, that's always the disclaimer when we give advice here: that there is always more to the situation. I always keep in mind that I'm shooting blanks when I make my posts, but I know I'm not alone. Loveshackers usually have a good grasp of understanding the situation without knowing the individuals. I think that the site is good for that but in the end, it's really how people who are asking for advice deal with their loss in the healthiest way possible that matters. It's really up to you and I hope that you'll make the right choice.

 

OR... if you want something more to the point, just don't contact her right now. Contact her when you're over her but, as Caliguy says in most of his posts, you might find that you won't want to once you're healed.

 

You're welcome. Most of what I give out were dished out to me by a few Loveshackers in the past, refined by my own experiences. No contact is hard, but that absolutely horrible feeling after making contact gives a worse feeling.

 

Because at the end of the day, the one that you want is someone you still don't have. Keep posting & I hope you feel better soon.

[bananaboat11]

Thanks Penelopse...

 

...OOC: what if she's waiting for me to contact her?

 

foolishly I want to give her another chance, but that's such a BAD idea.