mazda Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Hello folks...i will try to keep this short. My ex dumped me in sept 09.Eventually she said that she didnt want to be in a relationship. We work together but since we broke she moved depts. she comes back to my dept in march. we never really had NC but sincemid jan i didnt contact her...i normally started contact. On sunday i broke my hand at work and she heard about it. she text me to see if i was ok. I replied and she replied asking if there was anything she could do. She rang me that night and we had a long chat about random things. I asked how she was and if she had a new bf...she said no. she asked me if i had a gf....i said yes....( I dont just wanted to see her reaction )...she went real quiet. I asked if she is ok and she said " Youve got a new girlfriend?" I then said no, only joking. She said she almost had a heart attack when i said that i did. She then said she doesnt want me to go out with anyone else!!!! I dont know what to make of this. Ive tried so hard since we broke up to get her back but it hasnt worked. She wants to meet for lunch tommorrow. I told her im not sure if we should as after we meet, we go back to being as we were a few weeks back...feeling hurt etc etc. My questions are..... 1 Is she trying to make things easier for when she comes back to my dept in march by doing this? 2 She has never said she wants me back but i have always felt she does. She has not moved on since us....does this mean anything? 3 Shall i meet her? I love her to bits and miss her like mad. 4 any advice??? I know its short noitice but i only just found this site Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 mazda, a strange twist i must say. ok ill keep it brief and answer your questions! these are just my opinions remember! read others to! 1. yes good chance she is. she may be wanting a friendship from you. basically to keep tabs on you and to also make sure your still thinking of her. 2. if she hasnt said she wants you back then that means she doesnt want you back. she finished you. remember that. she finished you. 3. good question. my friend it depends entirely on you. if your holding out for hope that she may want you back then this occasion could either prove you right or wrong. if she wants you..no doubt you be happy. if she doesnt then at least it gets you on the road to recovery! yes youll be hurt but at least you can finally let go 4. yes lots and a few questions. the terms of the brake? good? bad? was it a massive argument or did it just happen. you mentioned you have always been talking. never reallya n/c period. it worries me that shes stringing you along. ie your number 2. she may want to find another guy. if that doesnt work she knows your there. n.c is a must when you brake up. its time and space to focus on yourself. i dont want to get your hopes up but in my eyes. she wants to be friends. however the fact she said about you and a girlfriend. she could of been a bit annoyed at the fact youd moved on then suddenly to get you back on the hook said ooo fank god ure jokin. what do you want to achieve? rekindle what you have? move on and meet the women of your dreams? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 sean1...cheers for the reply... We were together for 2 years. We have our own places. We had the odd argument every now and then but nothing major ( well, not to me ). The night before she broke up we had been out for a super meal, we had a great night. The following day i went out with work and almost got arrested for being a drunk fool...she took real offence to this and said she cant go out with someone who almost gets arrested. A few weeks later i find out shes been seeing another man....who was married....it was only in the early stages...i.e meeting, hugging. When she knew i knew she said she made a mistake with him and fell for the 1st person that showed her attention since we broke...i dont know if i believe that but hey, what can i do! Like i said...she broke with me...i dont fancy getting hurt again as i treated her like a princess....its been tough for me to get to the stage that im at now but my curious side wants to know why she wants to meet. I asked her on the phone why she wanted to meet...she said she was just being nice. In my opinion she is being too nice...i just dont get it? The fact she said she doesnt want me to have another gf makes me think there is still something there? what do i want to acheive??? I want her back...the 2 years we were together was amazing...i miss her and all that she does and says....i think we were real good together! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 I forgot to mention that her and the other man was AFTER she broke with me Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 The fact she said she doesnt want me to have another gf makes me think there is still something there? what do i want to acheive??? I want her back...the 2 years we were together was amazing...i miss her and all that she does and says....i think we were real good together! these two types of things cause only pain and hurt. the fact she said she doesnt want you to have another partner doesnt just mean she wants you back. can just means she still caresand stil wants attetntion to boost her own ego. a good way to relate is the baby toy story. a baby has a red car and a blue car. he only plays with the blue car for 3 days straight and isnt interested in the red car. but when his brother tries to play with the red car all of a sudden the baby wants it. not to play with but just to know its there for when he gets bored of the blue car. which car are you? and you want her back...but does she want you. she finished you because she has lost trust in you. if you get like that when your drunk maybe she thinks you could hurt her. its also embarasing when someone says have a good night? and she has to say my bf nearly got arrested. you have dented her trust completly. an important factor in a relationship. tbh my advice would have been strict n/c and move on. get over her. you can still do that now. by all means go for a meal. but dont have high hopes! at the end of the day the chances of getting hurt are very high. slim chance of you feeling like you have achieved anything. this is because at the meal you want to show her your happy. so youll act like theres nothing wrong. but one word about the breakup and relationship...us guys start to get desperate again and yup shel set off running! your call. you go..get hurt...but cos ure a guy ull also think..dont go...maybe she wanted 2 get bk wif me?... it clear you need space. you need to block her out the best you can for sometime to allow yourelf to heal and understand whats best for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 Why does the truth hurt so much???? She wanted me to text her to let her know if i was going......do you think i should be honest and say thanks for the offer but no thanks as i cant let myself get hurt again? Or should i say something else? Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Why does the truth hurt so much???? hmm think carefully bout it. it depends how you are interpretting what the TRUTH is. your seeing it as maybe ther is hope. maybe she wants o make things work. in that instance the truth hurts because you cant hold on. you have to let go. its not what you want to hear. in reality though...the TRUTH IS that you WILL move on and you WILL find another girl that will love you more than anyone ever could. someone that will respect you and trust you as the man you are! how can that hurt? knowing there is someone just waiting to meet you. and love you. maybe you can send her a nice text. as you mentioned. nice and simple. i dont think we should meet tommorrow. i think we need to give each other time and space. we both need to move on. i cant see you as a friend. its too hard. so i believe we should both move on in our seperate ways. you get the idea? you cant be friends with someone you love. you just cant. it makes things worse. step one to recovering...letting go..then dont be afraid to cry...avoid sad songs...but dont stop yourself crying. it starts the healing process. you need to justlet all that emotion go!!! if its inside of you its building up. just relax on your own and have a realgood sob!!! then you can focus on yourself and make things better Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 (edited) Forget about her. She's selfish. A week after you break up, she's talking to another dude..............fughhheddaaabouutttitt Edited February 11, 2010 by DustySaltus Link to post Share on other sites
rand0m Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 I'll play the other side for a second. Maybe she wants to see you to see what feelings arise within herself when she does. This can be good or bad for you, depending on the outcome. At the same time, maybe when you see her, you'll realize that your feelings have changed, maybe not as strong? Maybe you'll feel sorry for her, maybe you'll get some closure and understand that she might not be as high up on the pedestal that you have her out to be in your head. I wouldn't hold my breath for anything to come out of a meeting with her. It's totally up to you. I don't really know what I would do if I were in your situation, but most likely I'd meet up, put myself through more misery, and realize that I'm an idiot for ever thinking she wants to come back, or that I should LET her come back. Do what feels right. Our opinions are only our opinions.. it's your life. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 1 Is she trying to make things easier for when she comes back to my dept in march by doing this? yes 2 She has never said she wants me back but i have always felt she does. She has not moved on since us....does this mean anything? she doesn't want you back....she wants "friends" 3 Shall i meet her? no Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 (edited) Thanks for the replies.. I just had the following conversation with her on text... Me - Hey been thinking about tomorrow. I really want to see you but probably for the wrong reasons. Its probably best we dont meet.We need to give each other time and space to move on. I cant have you as a friend just yet, its just too hard x Her- Ok...well whatever you think is best x Me- I dont know whats best anymore ( pet name ) Her - Either do i ( pet name ) Me - See you around ( pet name ) :-( Her - Dont be sad xxx Me - sorry x Her - dont appologise. Im sad too Me - im sad about us, the fact we are no more when i think we could be Her - I know, im so sorry Me - What are you sorry for? Her - Dunno, just coz it never worked out Me -Do you still think it cant work out if we got back together? Her - I really dont know! Listen, Im falling asleep textin, we can talk tomorrow if you want? x What do we think of the above? Any clues or ideas? Edited February 11, 2010 by mazda Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Thanks for the replies.. I just had the following conversation with her on text... Me - Hey been thinking about tomorrow. I really want to see you but probably for the wrong reasons. Its probably best we dont meet.We need to give each other time and space to move on. I cant have you as a friend just yet, its just too hard x Her- Ok...well whatever you think is best x Me- I dont know whats best anymore ( pet name ) Her - Either do i ( pet name ) Me - See you around ( pet name ) :-( Her - Dont be sad xxx Me - sorry x Her - dont appologise. Im sad too Me - im sad about us, the fact we are no more when i think we could Her - I know, im so sorry Me - What are you sorry for? Her - Dunno, just coz it never worked out Me -Do you still think it cant work out if we got back together? Her - I really dont know! Listen, Im falling asleep textin, we can talk tomorrow if you want? x What do we think of the above? Any clues or ideas? its a typical conversation when you look at the structure in depth. however you changed it round quite well. the fact she said dont say sorry then apologised to you and you said it straight back! quick thinking. by the sounds of things she downt know what she wants ryt? nope sumtyms this is rong. she wants 2 b frends but may b using u as a safety net. i notice how as soon as u mentioned the fact of getin 2gever she suddenly wanted 2 stopd contact. as far as im aware women h8 clingy needy men. especially men that show they cant look after themselves. because you hav had constant talk with her im pretty sure you can allow one change in the actions this time. talk to her. maybe agree to meet her at ure house her house? just a quiet chat. remember take it on the chin. everyfin she says u listen to and take theblame like a man. normally i wudnt recomend this. but tbh ure not braking n.c cos u havent ever had it. but u must promise ureself after this talk if the outcome is tht ure not going 2 rekindle the love. u have to let go..and not contact ure ex again. a hard bargain im sure u fink Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Thanks for the replies.. I just had the following conversation with her on text... Me - Hey been thinking about tomorrow. I really want to see you but probably for the wrong reasons. Its probably best we dont meet.We need to give each other time and space to move on. I cant have you as a friend just yet, its just too hard x Her- Ok...well whatever you think is best x Should've ended right there..... Anything less than her coming back to you at 150% ON HER OWN means NOTHING! Please just stick to NC for yourself Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 u should put that energy into finding new women. then when/ and if she does come back, you will have a new girl(s) to make her jealous or wont even bother thinking about her. i know its not easy but this is how your energy should be spent and not on someone who wants to be friends. tell her you already have a bunch of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 What do we think of the above? what are the pet names? Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 yeah seriously what are they? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 by the sounds of things she downt know what she wants ryt? sean that is exactly what she says when we try to talk about things. She says she doesnt know what she wants but she is unhappy since we split. As for the pet names...if i tell them they will give people a good chance of guessing who i am....its probably not a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
sunrae Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Mazda, Dont make excuses, that's shes unhappy since the break.. If she was that unhappy that things eneded she would be taking steps to repair it... She ended the conversation the other night, that was falling alseep and bascially didnt want to talk about it.. You expressed how you felt and if she wanted you back, she would have jumped at that oppertunity but she didnt. Sounds like she just wants to keep things on a friendly level.... Link to post Share on other sites
mikeymad Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 (edited) sorry to be harsh dude, but this is the way I see things. Me - Hey been thinking about tomorrow. I really want to see you but probably for the wrong reasons. Its probably best we dont meet.We need to give each other time and space to move on. I cant have you as a friend just yet, its just too hard x PERFECT WAY TO DRAW THE LINE. Her- Ok...well whatever you think is best x Me- I dont know whats best anymore ( pet name ) YOU CAVED RIGHT THERE. ERASED THE LINE BY BEING NICE. IF YOU AREN'T TOGETHER, WHY CALL HER BY PET NAME...PROBLY TO ELICIT GOOD FEELINGS FROM HER CUZ YOU WANT HOPE AND HOPE SHE WILL RECIPROCATE. Her - Either do i ( pet name ) SHE IS NOW IN "THE GAME AGAIN" Me - See you around ( pet name ) :-( YOU DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO GO, YOU WANT SYMPATHY FROM HER Her - Dont be sad xxx AND THERE IT IS. Me - sorry x YOU SHOULDN'T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SAD. Her - dont appologise. Im sad too TOO BAD, SHE BROKE IT OFF AND WENT OFF WITH A MARRIED MAN...WHAT KIND OF A PERSON WOULD WILLINGLY GO INTO THAT KIND OF A SITUATION? Me - im sad about us, the fact we are no more when i think we could be FISHING FOR HER TO SAY YOU CAN WORK IT OUT Her - I know, im so sorry Me - What are you sorry for? YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW Her - Dunno, just coz it never worked out Me -Do you still think it cant work out if we got back together? Her - I really dont know! Listen, Im falling asleep textin, we can talk tomorrow if you want? x KEEPING YOU ON THE HOOK, AN INTERESTED PARTY IS AN INVESTED PARTY What do we think of the above? Any clues or ideas? Edited February 12, 2010 by mikeymad Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS is right one the money mazda. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 Well.....i met up with her!!!!! Bad bad bad move :0( I went to hers for a tea. we started chatting about random stuff. She wanted to give me a hug so i let her. we chatted some more but then things went quiet. I asked her if she was sure this is what she wanted...she said...as she normally does....too much has happened. I asked what this meant but she couldnt answer......i asked her the only question that came to mind...." Have you slept with someone else...is that what too far means?" She looked emotional and wouldnt answer...she kept saying that we are not together anymore and doesnt have to tell me. To me...this means she has.........i feel so so so bad now....ive gone back 5 months and just want to curl up and die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sean1 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Well.....i met up with her!!!!! Bad bad bad move :0( I went to hers for a tea. we started chatting about random stuff. She wanted to give me a hug so i let her. we chatted some more but then things went quiet. I asked her if she was sure this is what she wanted...she said...as she normally does....too much has happened. I asked what this meant but she couldnt answer......i asked her the only question that came to mind...." Have you slept with someone else...is that what too far means?" She looked emotional and wouldnt answer...she kept saying that we are not together anymore and doesnt have to tell me. To me...this means she has.........i feel so so so bad now....ive gone back 5 months and just want to curl up and die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok so now your officially a member of the club! you have had your heart broken and its time to move on!we did warn you this would happen. N.C starts now. you do not text ring speak to her! you must look after yourself let go and move on. you may only reply if she says... im so sorry i made a mistake what was i thinking braking up with you i want you back in my life for good. unless its that then you leave her alone!!! shes moved on and so should you. keep on here and tellyour story to others. trust it helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo21 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I'm sorry man, wish I'd have read this thread before you met! As I was reading, I was screaming to myself "nooooooo, this is 100% over" ... How do I know this? Cos the exact same thing (including your response) happened to me. You now have one long road ahead & everytime you break nc you start back at square one. Your currently collecting ****ty rent on old Kent road & will stay there for some time, unless you cut all contact .... Stay nc & you'll be preping up Mayfair in 6 mnths (my monopoly anology) Please don't make the same mistakes as I did. Cut ALL contact now and never speak to her again, or at least till she re-visits your dept you deserve the best & she is not even close stay nc and don't look back Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazda Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 Thanks for the responses folks! I know that NC is the way forwards but i just want her to know how much she has hurt me...i want her to feel some of the pain im feeling. Im lying here and my heart is racing at 100 mph, im getting hot, frustrated, angry, sad all at the same time. I cant get the thought of her with another man out of my head...i think im going mad! Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo21 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 (edited) I'll leave the hardcore healing advice to those that have the "2nd chance" links on their signature but if you contact her for sweet revenge your making the classic mistake that most of us have in here. I hate to see peeps making the same mistake as everyone else. The most pain you can cause her is to drop of the face of the earth. Calling her & giving her a piece of your mind will only re-enforce her belief that leaving was the right move & you'll look back in mnths/years to come & regret not rising above the silly girls actions. So easy for me to write but I'm taking from experience, be strong & post your heart out on here Edited February 12, 2010 by Limbo21 Link to post Share on other sites
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