Was it just meaningless pillowtalk?

[mishy]

I am still seeing my f--- buddy. Its been 2 years and 4 months

 

We still havent been anywhere, all we do is have sex. I have asked him out a few times over that time, but he has said no, saying he doesnt want a relationship. He has even freaked out and stopped seeing me when i have asked him to the movies. The last time was about october

 

We have never been anywhere together.

 

In a way i dont care because i guess im not sure how much commitment i want to a person anyway

 

yesterday we had a partcularly good time in the sack, and afterwards he was commenting on the music playing and somehow we got into this discussion about restaurants- he went into great detail about all the places he has been and where, and i told him my favourite places. And i thought yeah welll why cant you take me somewhere, but ofcourse i wasnt prepared to get rejected again.

 

he even said that a chinese girl had taken him to this particular chinese place a year ago and that really stung

 

Was he hinting that he wants to do something with me besides sex or was this just meaningless pillowtalk?

 

I guess nothings going to change now 2 years down the track

[alphamale]

Was he hinting that he wants to do something with me besides sex or was this just meaningless pillowtalk?

its just meaningless banter

 

I guess nothings going to change now 2 years down the track

nor will it ever change.

[Fouts]

Over 2 years and you're still wondering if it's pillow talk? I feel sorry for you mishy.

[Mary3]

He is basically getting sex for free. ( He never takes you anywhere just comes and gets his sex and leaves ) ... On his own terms , when he wants it. If you suggest dinner or a movie he freaks.

 

Please decide soon that you are tired of this disrespect.

 

Don't EVER expect he will * suddenly * want a real relationship. If he promises one its because you gave up the free sex train. And it will be a maniplative lie to keep you around for more sex and nothing more...

[mishy]

Over 2 years and you're still wondering if it's pillow talk? I feel sorry for you mishy.

 

 

yep thanks

 

it hasnt been a consistent 2 years. theres months and months throughout that we never saw each other. Its just 2 years 4 months since we met.

[mishy]

He is basically getting sex for free. ( He never takes you anywhere just comes and gets his sex and leaves ) ... On his own terms , when he wants it. If you suggest dinner or a movie he freaks.

 

Please decide soon that you are tired of this disrespect.

 

Don't EVER expect he will * suddenly * want a real relationship. If he promises one its because you gave up the free sex train. And it will be a maniplative lie to keep you around for more sex and nothing more...

 

I keep saying i will give up on him but i always continue

 

I need to decide its not enough. I dont think its enough for any girl. Seriously when i asked him to a movie last october - the amount of freakout that ensued you would honestly think i asked for his hand in marriage. He wouldnt see me for 3 months after that..

[mishy]

I guess i just need to vanish if i am going to have any hope of anything changing

 

But i realise he only sees me as a plaything

[Fouts]

it hasnt been a consistent 2 years. theres months and months throughout that we never saw each other. Its just 2 years 4 months since we met.

 

Seems to warrant at least a Grand Slam at Denny's by now

 

I was in a similar situation a long time ago. A girl liked me as more than a friend but I didn't want to get involved with her. We were very sexually attracted to each other so ended up hooking up quite often, but she knew she wasn't ever going to be my girlfriend.

 

That being said, we went out all the time, shopping at the mall, dinner, lunch, lots of breakfasts. When we got together, we usually had a great time hanging out after. You at least deserve that.

 

If you're giving your pussy for free, find a more appreciative FB imo

[mishy]

Seems to warrant at least a Grand Slam at Denny's by now

 

I was in a similar situation a long time ago. A girl liked me as more than a friend but I didn't want to get involved with her. We were very sexually attracted to each other so ended up hooking up quite often, but she knew she wasn't ever going to be my girlfriend.

 

That being said, we went out all the time, shopping at the mall, dinner, lunch, lots of breakfasts. When we got together, we usually had a great time hanging out after. You at least deserve that.

 

If you're giving your pussy for free, find a more appreciative FB imo

 

LOL@ Dennys

 

its not like i expect outings as 'payment" . I am well off and can afford what i want when i want.

 

Its just the whole thing where he doesn't "want" to do things with me

[Fouts]

LOL@ Dennys

 

its not like i expect outings as 'payment" . I am well off and can afford what i want when i want.

 

Its just the whole thing where he doesn't "want" to do things with me

 

I know, but I'm guessing if you can't be bf/gf you'd at least like to have fun doing things together if you're going to be lovers, it's more fun that way

 

As far as changing his mind, ya that's only in the movies, hopefully you're not laying in waiting for him and are actively meeting other men.

[mishy]

I know, but I'm guessing if you can't be bf/gf you'd at least like to have fun doing things together if you're going to be lovers, it's more fun that way

 

As far as changing his mind, ya that's only in the movies, hopefully you're not laying in waiting for him and are actively meeting other men.

 

i know, i dont understand why he doesnt see we would have more fun as lovers if we did things together because we would know each other better.

 

but he sees it like it will "mean' something if we do.

[Fouts]

Move on and do better for yourself mishy

[Mary3]

Yes they want to hide their ____ buddy. Thats why he won't be seen out with you.

 

You wanting dinner sounds so personal and intimate to him that he runs.

 

This must be embarassing to you for the treatment you received by him.

 

Please, please stop opening your legs to this guy.

 

Stop seeing guys for awhile and maybe get some counseling so you dont get talked into this again.

 

These guys spot lonely women that will settle for crumbs and indecency. He knows you will put up with it.

 

You dont KNOW if he isn't getting sex from someone else. And if he hasn't he will eventually and dump you.

[youaretheone]

I guess i just need to vanish if i am going to have any hope of anything changing

 

But i realise he only sees me as a plaything

 

It takes two to tango. You both have been getting what you want from each other: sex. If you want more, you should find another man who will give it to you. He has nothing to do with your problem.

[whichwayisup]

Things will remain this exact way until YOU end it and walk away for good.

 

GO back and re-read your other threads. Mishy it wasn't long ago you were posting about him. How awful and jerkish he was towards you. WHY would you want to continue to be with him? HE is an ahole!

 

He is who he is, and he has told you this too. He has no plans on dating you, allowing this to get serious. You are there for sex, only sex, nothing more, nothing less. HE knows now you will go back to him whenever he wants you.

 

I Hope you find the strength to walk away and heal. This whole fbuddy situation is so unhealthy for you, and it's doing alot of damage to you on so many levels.

 

Ask yourself if you're truly happy.

[xxoo]

i know, i dont understand why he doesnt see we would have more fun as lovers if we did things together because we would know each other better.

 

but he sees it like it will "mean' something if we do.

 

It sounds to me like he is setting a boundary, possibly to protect you as much as him. He isn't interested in being your partner, and doesn't want to send any mixed messages. At this point (or at any point, really), going out to eat together could be interpreted as interest in a real relationship. When he says he isn't interested in a relationship, does he mean he isn't interested in a relationship with you?

 

I don't know your backstory, but it seems pretty clear that he is only interested in you for sex. At least he is honest about it. If you want more (and it sounds like you do), then this situation is really not good for you

[2sure]

Geez. I have had f-buddy relationships. The idea is FWB. I have no issue at all with an arrangement like that.

Friends. Friends can go to dinner without it being a date. Or to a movie. Its nothing, if you dont have to have a romantic relationship with someone to have sex with them...whats the problem with dinner??? There is no friendship here.

 

So, you are not FWB. That just leaves benefits. But it doesnt sound like you are getting what you want from this. 2 years. Maybe you didnt start out wanting more, or maybe you did but either way...this has run its course.

 

FWB or just sex without benefit....not meant to be a long term thing. Move on.

[mishy]

i am feeling very down tonight, as he treated me very badly this week. he thinks i am nothing and he can do what he likes

[whichwayisup]

Mishy.. Sorry you're hurting, but honestly, you are bringing this on yourself. You've posted about this guy for a while now and KNOW that he isn't inlove with you, he doesn't truly care about you, he isn't a real friend either. He is there for SEX and only SEX. He knows how to push your buttons, manipulate you so you will allow him access to your body.

 

GET MAD! End it once and for all. This whole FWB thing isn't working out and you keep getting hurt. You are trying to put expectations him, and that is why you're hurting.

 

He thinks you're nothing and does what he wants to because you let him.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but please, take a step back and figure out why you are allowing a man who treats you like total crap have this much control over you.

[mishy]

I know i am bringing it on myself. I cant undrestand why he has this hold over me.

 

I really wish i could.

 

He said he was busy for two weeks and couldnt see me, and that "our arrangement was once or twice a month"

 

So cold. He is just so cold. He seems to get colder and colder.

 

I imagine in my head phoning him up and ending it and what i would say. He wouldnt care anyway so i guess theres no point announcing it.

 

After sex he gets up and leaves after 10 minutes. I feel like a prostitute. I guess i really am one. Except a stupid one because i dont get paid.

 

i am dead ashamed of this situation and i guess the only thing that keeps me doing it is that i want to prove to him that i am worth more. But yeah he thinks i am nothing

[ADF]

Welcome to the world of FWB relationships. As often as not, they are cold, heartless affairs. Get out, and don't be lured into another one, ever.

[mishy]

It sounds stupid but i really dont know how to get out.

 

I stupidlly STUPIDLY sent him an email asking him how many other women he has.

 

I am terrified of getting an answer, and that in fact he will use that opportunity as a way of ending it (again) (he has ended it about 8 times over 2 years).

 

Because i would rather be the one that ends it.

 

Is it totally unreasonable that i ask after all this time, how many women he is seeing?

[ADF]

It sounds stupid but i really dont know how to get out.

 

I stupidlly STUPIDLY sent him an email asking him how many other women he has.

 

I am terrified of getting an answer, and that in fact he will use that opportunity as a way of ending it (again) (he has ended it about 8 times over 2 years).

 

Because i would rather be the one that ends it.

 

Is it totally unreasonable that i ask after all this time, how many women he is seeing?

 

Let me explain somthing, mishy. For many men--I want to say most men--being in a committed LTR is NOT the ideal. Having a FWB is the ideal. In a FWB relationship a man gets all the benefits of having a GF, but with no strings. It is the ultimate win/win situation for him. Women who enter into FWB relationships thinking they will grow into something more are seriously mistaken. A man in a FWB doesn't want it to grow into something more. And why should he? He is already getting everything he wants--for free! If the women in a FWB pushes for more, 9 times out of 10 the guy will just end the relationship. You are pushing against a door that will NEVER open. Stop, before you get hurt even more.

[mishy]

Let me explain somthing, mishy. For many men--I want to say most men--being in a committed LTR is NOT the ideal. Having a FWB is the ideal. In a FWB relationship a man gets all the benefits of having a GF, but with no strings. It is the ultimate win/win situation for him. Women who enter into FWB relationships thinking they will grow into something more are seriously mistaken. A man in a FWB doesn't want it to grow into something more. And why should he? He is already getting everything he wants--for free! If the women in a FWB pushes for more, 9 times out of 10 the guy will just end the relationship. You are pushing against a door that will NEVER open. Stop, before you get hurt even more.

 

I seriously don't know HOW to stop.

 

Yes everytime i have pushed for more (and honestly my version of more is just a movie, things that friends do) I ask very little, and as time has gone on he has given me less and less. When i asked him to a movie he freaked and wouldnt see me for 3 months.

 

Can you tell me how to stop this whole thing?

[whichwayisup]

Either continue to get hurt and reach your enough is enough place, (which is going to mess you up more) or just stop. Call a therapist and book an appointment. You need to go talk to a professional so you can get strong. Find out why you allow yourself to be treated this way.. Learn how to break this addiction. He has become that - Obsession, an addiction.

 

You can work through this, with help, if you want it.