SadKitty78 Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 So it looks like my original thread got deleted somehow. Such a shame since I really enjoyed reading monkeymaid's responses! Thank you monkeymaid!!! You really got me through this!!! Quick recap - the ex bf broke up with me a month and a week ago! He was always somewhat distant although when he did open up, we had some great times together. However, whenever conflict arose, he would quickly avoid avoid and avoid the situation rather than work it out with me! And in turn, because I got nothing out of him, I would just keep pushing and pushing until he blew up or just ignored me, and then we'd get back together and the cycle would start all over again! Final straw came when he lied to me about an ex that he mentioned was just a friend although I found information that revealed that they were, oh so much more than just friends at some point in the past! I still don't know to this day whether he was with her while we were dating, although we were with each other all the time and he seemed very faithful. So why the lie? Looking back with more insight and clarity, I think he never got over her and was too guilty to tell me so he lied about it. Anyhow, I confronted him about it and he blew up again and didn't address the issue, then ignored me for a couple of days, and broke up with me. And we had some GREAT times together. I don't want to make it seem like it was just pain and anger! A month on, I am learning to move on! I've had relapses though, esp. during the 3 week mark when I drunkenly called him. I knew it was the wrong thing to do because the next day I felt like crap! I felt as though the slowly healing scab was ripped open to reveal the wound underneath! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadKitty78 Posted May 15, 2010 Author Share Posted May 15, 2010 So today he sent me a text about something that came in the mail for me, and he mentioned grabbing food together. I'm about 3/4 way through getting over him, so would this be too soon to accept an invitation? I want to be 100% sure I won't relapse if I do meet up with him, and consciously I don't want to get back with him, but subconsciously it may be a whole other story. But since it's subconscious, I don't know what I subconsciously want! lol Better just to say, "Yo dude, MAIL IT TO ME"? Link to post Share on other sites
Cassablanca Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Definitely get him to mail it to you. You guys just broke up, you are still in the healing process. I don't know what he's doing if he is trying to heal too. If he wants to be friends he would understand that you need time to get over him, first. If he wants to get back together, well he would have to come right out and be explicit about it. But he's not being explicit, so I'd keep the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Yes just better to have him mail it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadKitty78 Posted May 15, 2010 Author Share Posted May 15, 2010 If he wants to be friends he would understand that you need time to get over him, first. If he wants to get back together, well he would have to come right out and be explicit about it. But he's not being explicit, so I'd keep the distance. This line really made the situation clear to me. Thank you so much! At this point in the healing process, uncertainty and ambiguity is NOT good. If friends, distance for now until we are completely over each other. If he wants more, he should be explicit and I decide whether it's worth giving it another go....I know this seems common sense, but sometimes when emotions are still raw, it's hard to think straight so thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SadKitty78 Posted May 17, 2010 Author Share Posted May 17, 2010 Argh I was doing so well! At the 1 month and 1 week mark (today), I find myself struggling with the breakup all over again. Why am I feeling this way when I've been doing so well the last week and a half? Maybe it's bc he contacted me! It's this weird feeling of wanting to be with someone, but knowing they are wrong for you. The part about him being wrong for me is crystal clear now - as least with respect to how he was when we dated, and I do realize people do not change in a month's time. But while I can clearly see that he isn't the right guy for me, I'm really starting to feel the void again even though a week ago I was starting to think that void was gone. This rollercoaster is frustrating! Link to post Share on other sites
Cassablanca Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 Getting over a break up has its ups and downs, some days you want to scream and other days you think 'I'm totally over this' but then your insecurities come back to haunt you, making you feel like you're missing something. I remember feeling like that after a break up. The only thing which is real, inevitable and true is that you will eventually be over it and it is just a matter of time. There really isn't anything you can do to speed up that process. Some people take 3 months, some people take 5 years. However there's a few things you can do to face your feelings when you do feel that void- Crying it all out works. Find a time (or several times) to just vent all your frustrations in private with yourself. The more you come to terms with how you feel about what happened, the more accepting you become of it. Do you ever find yourself going over and over in your head what you would say to your ex if you saw them? Writing/typing a long long letter to the ex describing/explaining everything you can possibly think of and then NOT sending it can really help to organize all those thoughts. And finally, it is time to build your self esteem, even if you reallllly don't feel like it. Get a new haircut, start running/walking every other day to get fit, eat healthily. Start focusing interests on something you were always curious about but never could pursue because of the ex. Expand your circle of friends by finding ways to meet new people. Find time to hang out with your existing friends - maybe spend a night dancing, or stay in and get very drunk and make each other laugh. And whilst you do that you'll still have down days, but at least you will have taken that step further. Link to post Share on other sites
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