sumdude Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 Hey all, haven't started a thread here in ages. Been divorced just over 3 years now after she pulled the surprise move out and I later realized there was an affair. I've been living in the same house we moved into together just before it all went down. Was renting but an opportunity came up and I bought it. So it's time to clean the place up and purge old things from previous owners and get rid of what i don't need to make space. Found myself digging through things I haven't seen for years. Found a box of love letters, birthday cards, anniversary cards and photos I kinda forgot about. Ended up reading all of them. Threw me for a bit of a loop. On the one hand it brought back the hurt. But it also reminded me that I was deeply loved by a beautiful women who I loved back, if only for a while. The other thing I noticed was the progression over time, how things changed. Little things she wrote or the way she wrote them as if trying to tell me something back then but it was so subtle. Some of it is obvious now, but hindsight is 20/20 right? So it was a melancholy thing y'know. I was a little angry and a little sad but one thing that came out of it was how WE screwed it up and what a damn shame it was. What I learned was that when I was weak for a while she simply wasn't strong enough to hold on. I was her anchor and without that she drifted away.... I threw all the stuff out except photos and one particular love letter that just floored me. I keep it to remember how much I was loved and to hold on to the hope that it can happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 More than anything else since my divorce I keep comong back to something you just said: What a shame... Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 While I am not YET divorced, I will be in a year I can empathize with this post. Last Saturday I moved out of our place that we had rented for 9 years. It was one of the single hardest days of my life. Ranks right up there with when my father died and D-day for me. I took almost nothing of historical significance, ZERO pictures of us, letters etc. I left them all for her. She can do with them what she pleases. For all I care they can end up in the lake. Now with that being said it doesn't have to be a love letter to reduce me to an emotional wreck, it can be something simple like a glass that I can remember buying with her or heck even a tool. In one of my final text messages to her today I said "Thanks for memories". I really meant that. I am thankful for the memories but I am also thankful to be moving forward from the hurt and pain. Thinking back on the good times is not a bad thing, but we that have been cheated on etc need to remember to only stop their briefly and then snap right back to reality. Nice post! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 Sumdude, nice to 'see' you again. I remember you from when I was first starting out. That must have been pretty hard to read through those letters and see pictures. I haven't even look at the 'box o' stuff' that I have of ours. It's at my mom's house and I don't think I will ever look at it. I think it will be too hard to relive. Congrats on the house, that is a great investment and now you can make new memories in it. I hope this is the last step for you in moving on and you are able to finally have the peace we are all searching for after a break up. I am also 3 years in to this and it's been h*ll but I've come out of the fog and actually met someone (almost a year ago) and am happily in love! I never, EVER thought I would say this but I am actually happy he left. Not happy with how he conducted himself and cheated and lied and tainted everything for those 7 years together with hatred and saddness after the fact but I am glad that I am who I am now and that I am happy. I still get frustrated that a cheating, lying, person gets to be happy, but life isn't fair, I guess. I hope from here it's only up for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted October 7, 2010 Author Share Posted October 7, 2010 I hope this is the last step for you in moving on and you are able to finally have the peace we are all searching for after a break up. I am also 3 years in to this and it's been h*ll but I've come out of the fog and actually met someone (almost a year ago) and am happily in love! I never, EVER thought I would say this but I am actually happy he left. Not happy with how he conducted himself and cheated and lied and tainted everything for those 7 years together with hatred and saddness after the fact but I am glad that I am who I am now and that I am happy. I still get frustrated that a cheating, lying, person gets to be happy, but life isn't fair, I guess. I hope from here it's only up for you... Hi Confused9! Glad to hear you're doing so well. Guess what? You're happy! For all you know the ex isn't, but that doesn't matter anymore right? I haven't heard a word from or about mine since my dad passed away two years ago. As for me I'm doing OK. Had more life changes and stresses to deal with since the D but I'm hangin' in there. I was pretty surprised how that stuff got to me. Going through a little breakup at the same time so that kinda added to it. But there's lots of women out there so no worries! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 Yes, I remember you telling me she contacted you about your dad, I do think that was nice of her. My step father died in February and that was certainly very hard and brought back a lot with my ex and when I heard the news he was actually the first one I wanted to talk to. It was so so hard and it did revert my progress back a little. I also lost 'our' cat in May and he was like my son, my lifeline, so that was horrible and again, brought back so much with the ex, since he gave him to me. I was and still am beside myslef about each, death is so hard to deal with!!! I didn't hear from him after my step dad passed, so your ex has a bigger heart than mine. My life has thrown me a lot of curve balls and it hasn't been easy, and there are so many days I get so mad that it isn't fair and how come he gets off so easily and I didn't do anything and I get all this bad shat happening blah blah blah, then have a little cry, put my big girl panties on and get on with my life. Dwelling in this is not going to fix anything and will only make my life worse. So, I jsut try to let go of all my resentments and move on. Not sure I will ever reach indifference about my ex. I am still pretty angry at the debt he left me with, but I am 3 quarters done with paying it back, so hollllla! But, considering all the shat I have been through since he left, I am still happy, especially in my relationship and I am so glad that twisted piece of crapola is out of my life. I guess we all get reverted back to them in different ways and who knows if that will ever change? Sorry to hear about your 'little breakup'. Plenty of fish in the sea Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted October 7, 2010 Author Share Posted October 7, 2010 Yes, I remember you telling me she contacted you about your dad, I do think that was nice of her. I didn't hear from him after my step dad passed, so your ex has a bigger heart than mine. Hehe... not exactly. I contacted her in fact. We met up one last time where she proceeded to continue lying to my face. LOL told me she was remarried and tried to tell me it wasn't the affair man when I knew perfectly well it was! She sent a Christmas card with their picture and names on it to a mutual acquaintance! It all seems so laughable now.. Anywayyy.. good riddance. Sorry to hear about the losses in your life. Change comes whether we like it or not and that's about the only sure thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 Oh snap, I don't remember that part. Thx for the Christmas card, biatttttttttch! lol. WOW! Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 3 years and just digging up them bones... I haven't opened the picture box from my first marriage, which was a 21 year relationship. It's been 9 years, so I think I could handle it now. I've never driven past the house, and don't know when or if I will, because I loved living there. But I am going through my 2nd divorce, and I had a setback this week, which sent me back to square one. After 3 years, not so bad, but for all those with fresh scabs and scars, be careful about opening up not so old wounds. Going back to square one, even for a week or less, is no fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted October 7, 2010 Author Share Posted October 7, 2010 3 years and just digging up them bones... I haven't opened the picture box from my first marriage, which was a 21 year relationship. It's been 9 years, so I think I could handle it now. I've never driven past the house, and don't know when or if I will, because I loved living there. But I am going through my 2nd divorce, and I had a setback this week, which sent me back to square one. After 3 years, not so bad, but for all those with fresh scabs and scars, be careful about opening up not so old wounds. Going back to square one, even for a week or less, is no fun. YGG sorry 2 hear you're going through a tough time. No it's not fun but maybe sometimes it's healthy... at least when purging is the goal. No you don't want to go there and live there in the painful past. But you also don't want to lock it all up forever until the pressure grows into a time bomb. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted October 7, 2010 Share Posted October 7, 2010 Hey You Go Girl, Hang on in there- things will change for you for the better I'm sure.Stay strong!:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks worly and sumdude. It's ok...I opened a can of worms and should have known better. I beat a dead horse. Woe is me...but I'll make it. Link to post Share on other sites
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