coltsfan1 Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 the last time my ex and I spoke she said her family doesn't like me, she can do better, that she wants to try with someone else, that she was just hanging out with other guys (not dating/screwing), & that she didn't talk about me, but how all these people have given her advice on our relationship. Well I find out a month or so later that she had been sleeping with a married man that she works with, had been lying to female married friends (the married females married MY male friends) about what she was out doing. She had been with him in july but we didn't officially break up till August. So she was sleeping with both of us at the same time. She would txt me to have fun sleeping with another woman, even asked me at 2:30 in the morning if I had one night. She also asked me to be civil when we saw each other in public, so I tried to avoid her and she would come walking by where she thought I was. She has even txt me that she would like a book I had that belongs to her, but she could get it after my brother left for Afghanastan but he wasn't leaving for another week. I am not looking for opinions on whether we will get back together, each day that passes I realize that we won't work. Just opinions on how/why a person would treat another person they say they care about in such a way. I am not built to purposely hurt another person, especially someone I thought I was going to marry!! Sorry for the long post I just had to get it out!! Link to post Share on other sites
alwayshoping Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 the last time my ex and I spoke she said her family doesn't like me, she can do better, that she wants to try with someone else, that she was just hanging out with other guys (not dating/screwing), & that she didn't talk about me, but how all these people have given her advice on our relationship. Well I find out a month or so later that she had been sleeping with a married man that she works with, had been lying to female married friends (the married females married MY male friends) about what she was out doing. She had been with him in july but we didn't officially break up till August. So she was sleeping with both of us at the same time. She would txt me to have fun sleeping with another woman, even asked me at 2:30 in the morning if I had one night. She also asked me to be civil when we saw each other in public, so I tried to avoid her and she would come walking by where she thought I was. She has even txt me that she would like a book I had that belongs to her, but she could get it after my brother left for Afghanastan but he wasn't leaving for another week. I am not looking for opinions on whether we will get back together, each day that passes I realize that we won't work. Just opinions on how/why a person would treat another person they say they care about in such a way. I am not built to purposely hurt another person, especially someone I thought I was going to marry!! Sorry for the long post I just had to get it out!! Jesus man, Im so sorry! I cant believe someone could do that. Why do people feel the need to cheat? It obviously is a clear representation of the type of person she is (not the person you knew, who is now dead). You can obviously do way better, I know it doesnt help but just try be strong and who knows she may realise she made the biggest mistake of her life letting you go. Would you take her back if she asked? could you forgive her for the cheating???? Im really not sure I could but sometimes love makes us do crazy things. I bet she just said that to you to ease her guilt. I doubt her parents etc hate you, i mean how would they feel about the guy cheating on his wife? are they going to like him more? i seriosly doubt that so shes clearly just being selfish. You can and will do so much better and she will regret letting you go. Link to post Share on other sites
havehope Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) Vent all you want! It sounds like shes hurting and trying to make you hurt too by telling you "her family doesn't like me, she can do better, that she wants to try with someone else." I would give yourselves both a little time of NC to sort through feelings, that way things are said while emotionally stirred up that could be regretted later. Its kinda a shock when you see someone you wanted to marry act in such a way you never thought they would. Can't really say why, but my guess is that shes mad/hurting and is doing those things to make you hurt too. Good thing you found out before you married her. I'm sorry she did that to you, and like alwayshoping said, you deserve better. You will find someone who respects you and what you have to offer and I'm glad you're not putting up with her bull. And you already got over the first hurdle of moving on: realizing you guys shouldn't be together. Edited October 28, 2010 by havehope Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Share Posted October 29, 2010 Sometimes I feel like I am totally over her and that I don't care what she does, other days it makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.. I just hope that she is going to pull through this, sometimes I feel like she just need to sow some oats. that being said I in NO WAY desire to have her back. I don't think that I could ever trust her again. I do wonder if this selfdestructive behaviour is to hurt me, herself or both. Would a person truly go to such extremes to hurt another, even at the expense of hurting herself? She doesn't even care that she has lost awesome girl friends just to behave like this, its just mind blowing!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 well today would have been our fourth anniversary!! This will be the first halloween I spent without her since 2006.. we will never talk again and I have accepted that and I know its for the best, but I still miss her. Today will not be so hard but I will have to fight the urge to contact her!! I do wish she would get her head out of her ass!! Link to post Share on other sites
bl22 Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 I dont get why women who were once always loving affectionate caring and respectful suddenly press self destruct and become vile towards us. I personally believe that vileness and hate aimed towards us after a breakup (even when weve done nothing wrong) is aimed at themselves really, but use the easiest target to aim at. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted October 30, 2010 Author Share Posted October 30, 2010 i just wish she would show up and tell me she made the biggest mistake of her life and wants me back.. That isn't going to happen and probably isn't a good thing if it did. Tomorrow im sure I will feel different but I'm just reliving old memories, last halloween was not really good. we went to another couple in the groups house and she got really upset and wanted to leave so we left and she dropped me off and went to the bar. I am so better off and she could be too. We just weren't good together anymore and I wish I knew where we lost it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 alright im going to beat a dead horse here, but could someone please explain why my ex would want to keep memories and pics of us together on fb up? would have blocked me on fb then today our 4 anniversary i can now see her posts but can't get to her page. (thank god thats for the best) I just need the last strands of hope cut, the more I hear it the more I believe it. I know that when she left me I asked her to take them down and defriend me so she just blocked me, but left me tagged in pics of us together. so i untagged myself and other couples took down the pics of us and her child together. silly I know!! Link to post Share on other sites
Leandro Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Maybe she hasn't had the time yet. We never know what is going through their minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coltsfan1 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Share Posted November 8, 2010 this is true I really need to let it go!! I don't talk about it with friends anymore. I just get on here and post, that is how I move forward.. Link to post Share on other sites
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