moxie60 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I asked this guy that I like if he thought of me as just a friend, because he has been doing nothing but sending me mixed signals for two months now, and he replied (we were a little buzzed) or at least I was. Him: I don't make out with my friends, Brian is my friend and I don't make out with him. We just hang out. I like hanging out with you. Me: I like hanging out with you too, but I don't know what you want. Him: I just got out of a 7 year relationship two years ago. Me: I got out of a 5 year relationship we were engaged. Him: Me too. She cheated on me...I ended it. Me:I ended it too. I just wasn't ready. I just hope you know I am not looking for...you know. I been there done that, and it broke me, I can't do that again. Him: I am not a douchebag, I am not looking for casual sex, I have done the casual sex thing and the whole dating thing, I am not looking for either. I like just hanging out with you. We are just hanging out. I am just being cautious Me: I am not looking for sex either, and I am being cautious too. After that, he kissed me again. I had to leave because I was tired he insisted on walking me to my car, he held my hand tight while we were walking. He hugged me tight and kissed passionately in the street for what seemed to be the longest 10 seconds of my life.A car honked at us to get out the way; we started laughing and parted ways after that. So I am not a friend, and I am not someone he wants to be with. I am stuck in that in between stage. When we met up that day, I had to pick him up from somewhere and when he got in my car, he hugged me tight and said to "hello, don't you look lovely" then proceeded to kiss me on the cheek. We hung out with friend of his played some pool and drank some beer. He was super affectionate like putting his arms around me, touching my leg.Even kissed me in front of his friend. Later when I took him back to his place that night we talked about our hopes and dreams. After I stopped talking he just leaned in and kissed me over and over again. I don't get him. Every time we hang out he is super affectionate and sweet, but then I dont hear from him for days after. I am glad I got some answers, but I am still confused as ever. Again, I haven't heard from him for almost a week. I don't think he is over what happened to him 2 years ago. I like him and would like to try and be with him, but I am not going to force anything on him. I am over what happened between me and my ex, but afraid he isn't. I am not a friend and I am not a lover. I tried just being the friend thing and he keeps pulling me in and pushing me away. Why? I am about to just say to hell with it and give up. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
spackle Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 what do you want to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 Wow, no wonder you're confused, i'm confused too! However, he has kinda said that you're just 'hanging out' and he's not looking for anything, and also not contacted you for a week. I think you're right, and he's not ready to move on from his last relationship. It's up to you to decide if you want to wait for him to be ready (could be a lonnnnggggg time waiting!), or move on to someone who is. Good luck:) Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. He said and did what he was afraid to do sober. Ask him about it in a few weeks, while both of you are sober. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) No wonder you're confused, anyone would be. I think you should take what he says about just hanging out seriously and don't get involved with the guy. The fact that he's making physical approaches and then denying that there's more to it or that he just wants casual sex suggest to me that he doesn't want involvement, he does want casual sex but doesn't want to admit it you or himself. Be very wary here! After past experiences, I won't accept anything but a very clear indication that the guy is interested in me and a proper relationship. If he's not sure that's what he wants then I'd recommend backing off and busying yourself with something/someone else until he comes looking for you with a better offer! I learned the hard way that if a guy is not coming looking for you and interested in making you his official girlfriend, then he's only interested in a physical fling. It may be that because you are keen on him, he knows this and has not yet had the mental and physical space to properly miss you so he ends up not knowing what he wants. The more you try to get him to decide, the more evasive he will be. If you back off and leave him to it, you'll find out where you stand. From reading what you've said, in your position I'd give up on him and avoid him. Coming into contact with him is only going to mess you up emotionally. I'd certainly refuse to get at all physical with him, even hand holding. If he wants to hang out as a friend (as it seems this is what they guy is actually saying), he'd be firmly put in the friend zone by me. I do not hold hands or kiss friends on the lips. Edited January 31, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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