The Dreaded "Break"--is it really just over?

[Capricciosa]

On Friday night, my bf of nearly a year announced that our relationship was not working for him right now, that he was not sure what his feelings for me are, and that he needs a month to get his life back together (he has been unemployed and seemingly unable to get himself back on the bandwagon--serious procrastination and psychological obstacles).

 

He arrived at my place with a box filled with my stuff from his apartment, saying he packed it because he didn't want to chicken out. When I tried to get him to take his stuff back, he decided to leave it here, including an old teddy bear that he has much attachment to (we're in our 40s, not kids, but the bear was given to him by a brother). I have since packed that stuff and put it in the basement. I continue to move things he gave me, left here out of sight. I made him take my stuff back when he wouldn't take his, and he did.

 

When I asked repeatedly, is this a break or a break up, he insisted it's the former, and when I asked whether we were permitted to see other people during this month, he said no, and that all he would be doing is trying to get his work life in order--to "recalibrate". He also, in a sense, blamed me for not helping this process because I didn't kick him out of bed in the morning to go to work. When I actually tried to help a few months ago, he kept postponing, then he got defensive and said it would not be good for our dynamic. And I have been working and in school and taking care of two apartments I own in the meantime.

 

I feel there are a number of mixed messages here: not sure how I feel, just need to get my life in order and then we can revisit this relationship, if I don't do it this way, my head will explode, this is how I work, etc. He had gone to his shrink the day before, who came down hard on him, and told him he needed to man up and do what was needed workwise, and if he wasn't "all in" maybe he should get out of our relationship. Genrally, he is a bit of a drama-queen, overly emotional.

 

 

I was expecting a Friday night date, and instead got dumped. Yes, there were some issues and tensions lately: I've been depressed due to other life circumstances, he's been stressed and I guess also depressed by his lack of motivation. This led to communication problems.

 

Then after all that, he calls me last night (he had said he would, but I didn't expect a follow-through). I haven't called back as I'm still quite shattered by all this. Do I email and tell him to call in a month? Do I say nothing and let him stew? He demanded this break, not me, and I agreed. What is he doing? And should I treat this as a break up?

 

Right now I want him back, but not under the current circumstances. I want the month to figure out my feelings. Do I still love him, or am I just attached and afraid to be alone? There were some very good things about us, but some rather difficult ones too. I'm hurt and confused, and want to take care of myself first and foremost.

 

Sorry for the length of this, and I appreciate all responses. But try to be gentle--the wound is really fresh.