ahoy Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Me and my girlfriend recently had a mutual split, but got back together after she got upset that I had stopped speaking to her. Everything was fine for a couple of weeks, until Sunday she decided she wants to be single. Earlier on, Sunday day, she had been saying she loves me .etc. so this was out of the blue. I didn't get a reason either. She wanted to stay friends so I've agreed to not delete her off social networking sites .etc. but she's gone a bit crazy on me. One day she'll phone me up 'because she misses my voice' and the next she's telling me to '**** off and leave her alone'. I'm trying to have no contact with her at all, but every day she will send me a message or something forcing me to reply since I don't want to stop being civil/argue. Should I take the initiative and delete her, or just stop replying? I've got to meet her tomorrow to pick up my stuff, and I'm thinking I should probably just talk to her as if we were never together (keep it light hearted, but don't mention the relationship/any chance of a future/feelings)? Also, I'm going on a date next week (I'm not totally sure I am doing this because I want to, or to make my ex jealous) but I'm not sure whether I should tell her or not tomorrow. PS. I do actually want her back, but I'm not going to admit it to her as spending your time chasing your ex back drives them even further away - and I'm thinking that the way she's so indecisive could mean that she just needs some space. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Keep your meeting with her tomorrow light and fluffy. Don't talk relationship..if she brings it up, change the subject as fast as possible without being rude. Smile. Her hot and cold behavior should make you want to go NC...you said it yourself, spending time chasing them or in your case entertaining her will only chase her away. It's showing her that she still has you, if ever she decides she wants you back. Stop replying, and delete her from FB. It's not being uncivil...you're doing what you have to do to get better. She obviously doesn't know what she wants so distance yourself for now until she figures it out. Don't tell her about your date, that's none of her business. Let her mind wander... Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahoy Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Thanks for the reply, that's all pretty much what I had been thinking of. No contact seems like it might be the best way forward, do you think it'd be possible to have no contact without deleting her? Or will that just give her some sense of me still being around whenever she needs me? Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Personally i think if you have your ex on fb it's still a form of indirect contact. Especially if your posting statuses related to the breakup or hoping that she'll see them (she'll definitely see them). Even if its not about her or the breakup, she is still seeing whats goijg on in your life which isn't good because she doesn't even have to contact you to know what you've been up to. It takes out the mystery factor that you should be going for right now. Delete and block her so she can't see anything, including posts on friends walls and sich, or just deactivate your fb all together. I did, and it has helped tons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahoy Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Okay seems like some sound advice right there, I never really thought of it that way haha. Yeah, I'll just deactivate my facebook I reckon. An outside perspective is always helpful, thanks very much Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Okay seems like some sound advice right there, I never really thought of it that way haha. Yeah, I'll just deactivate my facebook I reckon. An outside perspective is always helpful, thanks very much No problem man. I know deactivating your FB seems pretty extreme just over a breakup but I speak from experience. It's good to detach yourself from the whole social networking online craze that has swept the world these past few years to be honest...and if you're worried that it may affect your social life outside of your ex/breakup..don't sweat it man it won't. You'll find that the friends that truly care about you will still manage to get in touch with you via call or text or however else we used to contact people before FB lol. Best of luck man, keep us updated with how things are going! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahoy Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 I'm not too fussed about facebook at all to be honest, anyone that matters has my numbers/email address - I suppose I could always revert to using a carrier pigeon haha. I'll keep you posted for sure, and probably be back to ask some more questions I should probably know the answer to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahoy Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Sorry for bumping, but I said I'd keep you updated. I didn't end up meeting her, she text me saying "**** I forgot to bring your stuff work with me, I'll drop it off at yours tomorrow or something". I replied with a simple "ok". Not spoke since, and I think that "ok" wouldn't classify as making contact, would it? Also, she's going around work slagging me off telling people how pissed off she is that I've got back with another ex (who works at the same place has her, which is how I know) - even though I haven't. Should I look at this as actual jealousy, or just some ridiculous form of trying to get a reaction from me? Link to post Share on other sites
robinseggblue Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Sorry for bumping, but I said I'd keep you updated. I didn't end up meeting her, she text me saying "**** I forgot to bring your stuff work with me, I'll drop it off at yours tomorrow or something". I replied with a simple "ok". Not spoke since, and I think that "ok" wouldn't classify as making contact, would it? Also, she's going around work slagging me off telling people how pissed off she is that I've got back with another ex (who works at the same place has her, which is how I know) - even though I haven't. Should I look at this as actual jealousy, or just some ridiculous form of trying to get a reaction from me? Here is my take on your situation (from the limited info provided) Your girlfriend is tired of being in a relationship with you because she feels taken for granted. Her worries and jealousies about you being with another woman are symptoms of this. She doesn't trust that you love her as much as she loves you, and by breaking up with you she: a) Is hoping that it will be enough to convince you to show her how much you love her because you don't want to lose her and, b) She is fed up and being apart from you is less exhausting and frustrating than being with you, because being with you is getting her nowhere, because you aren't making her happy. But then she wants to get back together when you don't call her.....That's because what she was hoping to accomplish (you paying more attention to her) isn't happening and she misses you. This isn't rocket science, but I understand that from a males perspective it might seem like it. Not all relationship problems have a "get back together formula" like everyone here professes. IE. ignore her and she'll come running back. In this case, she may come back, but how many times do you expect her to come back, when you don't ever give her what she's looking for? (REASSURANCE that you love her more than your ex, or anyone else). If you give her the love she wants and are nice to her, trust me when I say that you'll get it all back. Ignore her and you'll be confirming her suspicions that you don't care all that much about her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahoy Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 Actually she knows full well how much I love her and she wasn't ever taken for granted, I always made time for her. I was always committed to her, the jealousy about another woman is two weeks after she split up with me - it's as if she wants to keep me away from other people in case she changes her mind at a later date. At least that's how I see it. I don't really fancy being a safety net, I already told her I would wait for her for a while (in my words) because I don't want to downgrade haha. Link to post Share on other sites
robinseggblue Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Downgrade! That's funny. You sound like a nice person, and if you haven't taken her for granted, then I guess she is just seeing what she can get away with. I hate to say it, but I guess NC is the way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ahoy Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 My guess is she started to think the grass is greener on the other side, but got there and now she's not so sure. When we do speak she says she's been having a good time, but she can't stop missing me/thinking about me. When I think about it logically, I think she misses having somebody that actually cared about her and loved her rather than misses having a relationship with me. Which is fair enough, I suppose, if she didn't keep trying to play with my head in the meanwhile Link to post Share on other sites
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