pippa02 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone, am looking for some advice and basically just to get things of my chest. I was with my boyfriend for four years, from age 17 too 21. We were best friends, had so much fun and really loved each other. My ex was always very into me and use to always tell my friends how great I was and how much he loved me. After school we both moved about 8 hours from our home town to go to university, everything was great. We lived there while at uni studying, we did not live together (each with own friends) but saw each other all the time and had heaps of fun because we had all the same friends. Anyway be both went back to our hometown for the Summer (about 3 months) and everything was fine, he was working about 1.5 hours away but would come in everyweekend to stay with me. It was a week untill I was all set to leave to go back down to University, he had been looking for a job down there and told me he had been looking and had a few phone calls of possible jobs. I had no idea about what was about too happen too me! THE WEEK BEFORE THE BREAK UP - We had a lovely weeked, on the Sunday he was leaving to go back home (1.5 hours away) was text messaging me saying I really dont want to leave, i love u so much, ur the best my dear girlfriend. Talked to him Tues on phone, seems normal. Wednesday emails me saying cool this weeks going fast, cant wait to see you, thursday takes the time to drive( doesnt get reception at home for cell phone, on a farm) and text me 5 messages saying how he loves and misses me bla bla and il see you tommorrow, cant wait etc.. Then friday comes along ( a week before im due to go back to university) and i finish work, excited to see him. I go to meet him outside, thinking we will go get dinner. I pull up in my car beside him and look to wave, and he has his head down hidden and is balling his eyes out. i mean balling! i ask him what is wrong and feel sick. He cant talk because he is crying so much, so I say to him what did u cheat on me? he says no of course not i would never do that too you, then i say what then?? he still cant speak crying intensly wont look at me. and i say are u breaking up with me? and he says yes, turns out he just doesnt want too live down south anymore as cant find a good job down there, he also doesnt think that doing long distance would work for us and wouldnt be fair. he doesnt want me to miss out on things while im at Uni becuase of long distance. I am absolutly heart broken! I leave and go back into work and my mum and brother come to pick me up, we see ex's car is still in the carpark (after an hour) so my brother goes to talk to him to check hes ok. He is still balling crying at this time, and tells my brother he still loves me. says he doesnt know what he wants to do for work now or where he wants to live. is very confused, my brother says to him I know what its like when your in a relationship and your a bit over it and hes says no its not like that i still love her. Anyway th ex calls my best friend the next day crying asking how I am. But no contct too me.. We have text a few times, its been 2 months now since the break up. He text me saying that although i was him that broke up with me its still so hard for him, and he heard something of me being with someone else( not true) that he text me a 5 text thing saying " i dont think you understand, i only broke up with you because I was trying to be fair and and i know long distance would be too hard, i dont think u understand that is hurts me so much to hear about u being with other boys. Then said I hope your well and i hope to see you soon. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh hes confussing me! One nights he will message me kinda saying i hope we can catch up and talk, then other times seems quite blunt. I really need to do No Contact I know, but im scared if i do he will never contact me again!! Someone please give me some advice haha! thanks i know this is a novel.. Also he has said to me we never know how things will work out etc. But i dont want him to think im just sitting here waiting for him. we use to always say wed get married. i know were pretty young, but we did love each other a lot. any advice or similar storys be great thanks Edited April 7, 2011 by pippa02 Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Hi pippa02, What I took away from your story is that your ex is totally confused about what he wants. I don't think this has 100% to do with you either. It sounds like his whole job situation, living situation, etc, is really weighing on his mind. Sometimes people just aren't ready to be in a relationship, especially at such a young age. Your early twenties is really a confusing time. For the first time in your life things seem really open and undetermined. If you take this road, this happens. If you take that road, that happens. But you never really can be too sure of anything. It's sort of scary and exciting at the same time. But I digress... It sounds to me like you two have a lot of love. Timing plays a large part in successful relationships, though. I've learned that the hard way throughout my life. Right person, wrong time. Wrong person, right time. You know what I mean? I think you have to let him go. That's not to say that things couldn't work out later but right now doesn't seem like fertile ground for a relationship for you two. What you ideally want is for someone to KNOW they want to be with you. And that's just the starting point. But if he doesn't even know that for sure right now then there really isn't much to discuss. He's not in a place to commit to you. And to be perfectly honest, that's what you deserve and nothing less. So step away, live your life and see what happens. Anything is possible. The key here is letting go. It's the hardest and most essential thing. Good luck. I'm sorry things have been so tough. We're here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pippa02 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 Thanks, good advice! We really did love each other a lot, and i know he did. He always lets me know that if I need anything I can ask him for anything, he said he cares about me a lot. You are right, he did say the break up wasnt to do with me, but because he feels like he just needs to go do his own thing, find a job where a good job is, not just limit himself to jobs which arent so great just because I live there. I do undertsand what he means . but its still hard, i miss him a lot. Do you think if he texts me or anything I should just ignore them? I think I need him to realise I'm gone and moving on. I know that for now theres no chance in getting back together, we both are young and need time to grow up by ourselfs. But hopefully maybe in the future something might happen! Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I'd say for now, for the both of you to heal and move past this, for the both of you to refill your cups, you need to let go and let him know that you aren't going to be there for him. You can't reconcile from where either of you are right now in life. Take some time, perhaps a month or two or three (whatever works) and get back to being you. The you you knew and loved when there was no him. Only from that place can you be happy with yourself and offer yourself to another - whether that be him or some other lucky person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pippa02 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) I know what you mean about finding myself again, throughtout the relationship I gained quite a lot of weight, and i know to him he never really minded (but deep down he would of). But not only did the weight change my looks, it definatly changed my personality. before i was with him I was extremely rowdy, the life of the party etc always had a guy after me.. I think being with him i got too comfortable and let myself go a wee bit. Now that we have broken up I am determind to get back to my old self, that includes hitting the gym and loosing some weight. I really want the first time I see him for him too think wow, but not just for him im definatly doing it for myself. hows things going with u 1748? i have been reading a few of your posts p.s by seeing him i mean, we will prob run into each other somewhere because all of our friends are the same friends, many of them are couples which we did everything with! Edited April 8, 2011 by pippa02 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pippa02 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 would love any thoughts or advice also please people! Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 would love any thoughts or advice also please people! I agree with the other posts... You have to let him figure things out on his own at the moment. Your EX is in a VERY STRESSFUL and SCARY time of his life... Entering the big bad world for the first time so to speak. There is no reason why you two couldn't be together in the future... but right now, your Ex wants to get all his ducks in a row and make a name for himself. Like the other posters have said... The break up is not a reflection of you, him or the relationship. It's more of a timing / stage of life thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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