GIGS... And is it too late to start NC???

[shawn923]

I'll keep this short if I can...

 

Basically i shared a 3 month relationship with my ex girlfriend who dumped me. Although the time was short, I honestly felt we were madly in love and we were meant to be together. She said i was the best bf she ever had by far and that we would get married, blah blah... Then one day she flipped out because of my insecurites... However, it was over a SINGLE situation, which was pretty petty and she used it almost as a reason to get out of the relationship. I begin reading GIGS and i think this may have happened to her, even though or relationship was short. She's 20, im 22. She has strict parents and has a curfew still... and shes saving sex for marriage.

 

Moving on, its 2 n half months since the breakup, and ive pretty much made every mistake possible, begging her back, showering her with gifts.... All attempts failed. All she ever says is "i dont give second chances"... Ive went NC on her twice, both for two days, until she cried to have me back... but only as a friend. so i said ok fine, how hard can being her friend be? i'll just keep her around until one day feelings come back... But this is not the case. She tells me shes been dating and could possibly be in a relationship soon. I have not been dating... i am honestly still heartbroken. Although i do workout, play basketball, and go clubbing all the time and i feel great when i do. But at home is when the sadness comes... Also i see her randomly at school at its hard to avoid her.

 

As of right now i guess we're on good terms, but im still concerned about her hopping in a new relationship. If she does, i already now its right to go NC. But is it too late? I mean, ive pretty much been her friend since we broke up. And now shes dating again. I still want to be with her and shes well aware of it... Its just killing me to be her friend because i seriously doubt she puts any effort into get us back. But by going NC its like im throwing in the towel.

 

Now, i dont mind going NC, i know its hard but i know its BEST. Its just that if i do, i want her to know basically, "i cant be friends because i still want to be with you and seeing u date someone else isnt fair to me"... SO do i just straight up tell her that and start FULL NC? which includes erasing her off fb... But i just want to word it right so i can mention giving her her space, so it will make her SEE what she lost... Also, im not even sure if i should just do this out the blue, because me n her are on good terms now... So what should i do??

[Hopeless Girl]

I'll keep this short if I can...

 

Basically i shared a 3 month relationship with my ex girlfriend who dumped me. Although the time was short, I honestly felt we were madly in love and we were meant to be together. She said i was the best bf she ever had by far and that we would get married, blah blah... Then one day she flipped out because of my insecurites... However, it was over a SINGLE situation, which was pretty petty and she used it almost as a reason to get out of the relationship. I begin reading GIGS and i think this may have happened to her, even though or relationship was short. She's 20, im 22. She has strict parents and has a curfew still... and shes saving sex for marriage.

 

Moving on, its 2 n half months since the breakup, and ive pretty much made every mistake possible, begging her back, showering her with gifts.... All attempts failed. All she ever says is "i dont give second chances"... Ive went NC on her twice, both for two days, until she cried to have me back... but only as a friend. so i said ok fine, how hard can being her friend be? i'll just keep her around until one day feelings come back... But this is not the case. She tells me shes been dating and could possibly be in a relationship soon. I have not been dating... i am honestly still heartbroken. Although i do workout, play basketball, and go clubbing all the time and i feel great when i do. But at home is when the sadness comes... Also i see her randomly at school at its hard to avoid her.

 

As of right now i guess we're on good terms, but im still concerned about her hopping in a new relationship. If she does, i already now its right to go NC. But is it too late? I mean, ive pretty much been her friend since we broke up. And now shes dating again. I still want to be with her and shes well aware of it... Its just killing me to be her friend because i seriously doubt she puts any effort into get us back. But by going NC its like im throwing in the towel.

 

Now, i dont mind going NC, i know its hard but i know its BEST. Its just that if i do, i want her to know basically, "i cant be friends because i still want to be with you and seeing u date someone else isnt fair to me"... SO do i just straight up tell her that and start FULL NC? which includes erasing her off fb... But i just want to word it right so i can mention giving her her space, so it will make her SEE what she lost... Also, im not even sure if i should just do this out the blue, because me n her are on good terms now... So what should i do??

 

you should NC! its not too late.. do it!!! even if it hurts

[homebrew]

I agree 100%!

 

It is never to late to go no contact... If you must tell her why you are doing it... but once you throw down the gauntlet, you have to follow through with it no matter what.

 

She will test you and try to move your boundaries... You CANNOT FAIL THIS TEST or else you are TOAST forever!

 

If you must send a no contact letter... search the forums for some. There are some really good ones. Secret.... Less is More! It should be short and to the point. I strongly encourage you to post it in this thread to get feedback on the contents before sending.

 

Going NC is the only chance you have of getting her back!

 

So do you want the best chance possible of getting her back? If so, you now know what you need to do.

[shawn923]

I agree 100%!

 

It is never to late to go no contact... If you must tell her why you are doing it... but once you throw down the gauntlet, you have to follow through with it no matter what.

 

She will test you and try to move your boundaries... You CANNOT FAIL THIS TEST or else you are TOAST forever!

 

If you must send a no contact letter... search the forums for some. There are some really good ones. Secret.... Less is More! It should be short and to the point. I strongly encourage you to post it in this thread to get feedback on the contents before sending.

 

Going NC is the only chance you have of getting her back!

 

So do you want the best chance possible of getting her back? If so, you now know what you need to do.

 

Well i tried NC twice and she came back crying so i decided we could still be friends. and it hurts everyday knowing she could give a "friend" a chance at dating her and not me. I text her today and told her this. Then i told her you can have him since he seems so perfect, u obviously dont need me in ur life... But since ive already broken NC twice, am i toast forever? the nc period was only 2 days each so we never really had a separation of more than 2 days since the break up. I'd hate to know i already blew my chances forever by taking her back as a friend...

 

And yes, i plan on sending her a text tonight, being polite, but asking for space and closure. If NC is the ONLY way to get her back, I WILL do it. If NC is the only way to get over this, I WILL do it. If NC is the only way to get a new girl, I WILL do it. I just have to be sure im doing the right thing, and that by doing it, it will give me the highest chance for her to come back anyway.

 

So does my situation sound at all salvageable? And how exactly should i handle this? I need a step by step plan lol... Keep in mind i see her randomly on campus at my college. So physical NC is hard at times.

[danrs]

Well i tried NC twice and she came back crying so i decided we could still be friends.

 

And you are now officially her emotional tampon.

 

Listen man, I went through exactly the same thing. Very hot 3 month "relationship" where we got along incredibly well. INCREDIBLY WELL! She could have been "the one". PERFECT match for me. But... she had commitment issues. Not that I asked for a "commitment", but did ask for exlusive dating for a while. Come to find out, it was a GIGS thing, and she brought someone new into it. Gave me the "I need some time to see if I can commit" b.s. What she needed time to do was to see if new guy was worth dumping old guy (me) for, but she wanted to keep me on a string until she was sure....so she could come back if it didn't work with the new guy. Bullchit. It hurt, but once she fed me the "I need some time" thing, I walked and as hard as it was then, have not looked back. She even tried to guilt me into staying one time by saying "you're really going to walk away when we get along so well?" Uhm, when you're busy pulling yourself off some other dude's crotch? YEAH!!!!

 

I gave her all the time in the world, and continue to do so. It has been 2 months. The first few weeks was INC on my end, and only responded very casually. Once I had some time to myself to get MY head on straight and realize what this was, I got sick of the breadcrumbs and went complete NC for 5 weeks now. I've ignored her breadcrumbs, and she has stopped sending them now. And I'm moving on. The last few weeks I'm back to my "old self". I'm dating. That hasn't gone great, but I am interested in someone at work, which is going very, very well, and I've got a date set up this week with a hot Science teacher.

 

What I'm saying here is MOVE ON and live your life. She only wants you around to ease her out of the break up, and as an emotional tampon to get the "boyfriend shoulder" to cry on, while you get nothing emotionally fulfilling in return. She calls you up crying?!!!! Tough Chit! It was HER CHOICE to end it! Now she needs to deal with it, without YOUR help. She's using you....USING YOU as a crutch. Until she finds the next guy. She's not calling you up, crying and asking you to be friends because it's easier on you! She's doing it because it's easier on HER. She DOES NOT WANT YOU for a relationship. She wants you for a crutch.

 

I guarantee that once she finds some new guy's lap to jump on, your so called "friendship" with her will go by the wayside so quick it will make your head spin just as fast as the break up did.

 

You're being used. STOP allowing it for christ's sake! Move on and find someone who believes you're the guy.

 

You want to be "friends" with her? Fine. Do it. But NOT until you can really be her friend. When the thought of her telling you about the latest guy she's screwing no longer bothers you, or bothers you considerably less than not being able to go out and do "friends" type activities with her, THEN and only then are you ready to truly have her as a friend in a healthy friendship. Doing so now is lying to yourself, and to her. Not that she deserves the truth NOW, but if you're going to be a true friend to her, well then, true friends deserve the truth. When you don't have to lie to her about wanting her back, then you can be her friend.

 

In my situation, I do intend to have a friendship with this woman someday...possibly. We just got along too damn well, and enjoyed too many of the same activities together. When I can do that and it no longer frustrates me, and her actions while we were together no longer anger me, I will make the move towards doing so. Not a moment sooner. By my guestimate, that means I'll be contacting her in not less than 3 to 6 months from now to start laying the groundwork for that.

 

Until then, tell her to get bent and go cry on someone elses shoulder. She wants a friend? Tell her to buy a freakin' dog. Those tears she's crying are crocodile tears my friend. Stop torturing yourself. TRUST ME, go NC for the next month, accept that she's NEVER coming back to you in "that way", and you will see things MUCH clearer.

[Lilmisus]

She doesn't want to be with you, if she did then she would still be with you and wouldn't have broken up with you over what you described as a pretty "petty" reason. She would also be pushing to be with you now instead of being only her friend.

 

Don't try to do whatever it takes to be with her again. Don't be her friend as a way to scoot back to boyfriend status. And don't keep NC as a way to make her miss you enough to want you back. I'm friends with my ex and I know and accept that we're only going to stay friends even though I want to be more than that still. I'm his friend because I want him there in my life still and he still means a lot to me and I want to see him happy, even if it means without me as his girlfriend and potentially being with someone else instead. I'm not his friend in hopes that he changes his mind one day and realizes that I'm the only girl for him. That's what you call wasting your time.

 

My point is...don't be in or out of her life for her. Do it for you, and only for you. Put yourself first and respect her wishes that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. If it's too much pain to be her friend..don't do it. If you feel you can be her friend and watch her date someone else and you aren't still trying to win her over..be her friend. But do it for you. So no, it's not too late for NC..but please just do it for all the right reasons, and not to just waste your time. And if you decide to do it, keep it. If you have to, block her phone number if you can and tell her to not contact you at all. Tell her that if and when you're ready to be friends with her that you will let her know, but only then.

[Fufu]

Wait a minute, you guys were together for 3 months and she chose the break up path..

 

If (scenario speaking), my ex bf broke up with me just only 3 months of relationship, I will tell myself, "Thank goodness, I see this side of him earlier than later."

 

Don't you think it is possible she will do it to you again?

 

 

Just start NC to heal yourself, not about being with her again. NC is all about getting yourself back, rediscover yourself and be happy for yourself. NC is all about yourself.

 

 

P.S. Saying all the sweet and romantic words are easy (we all know that), however doing it, the actions are the ones that maintain and sustain the relationship.

[shawn923]

Listen man, I went through exactly the same thing. Very hot 3 month "relationship" where we got along incredibly well. INCREDIBLY WELL! She could have been "the one". PERFECT match for me. But... she had commitment issues. Not that I asked for a "commitment", but did ask for exlusive dating for a while. Come to find out, it was a GIGS thing, and she brought someone new into it. Gave me the "I need some time to see if I can commit" b.s. What she needed time to do was to see if new guy was worth dumping old guy (me) for, but she wanted to keep me on a string until she was sure....so she could come back if it didn't work with the new guy. Bullchit. It hurt, but once she fed me the "I need some time" thing, I walked and as hard as it was then, have not looked back. She even tried to guilt me into staying one time by saying "you're really going to walk away when we get along so well?" Uhm, when you're busy pulling yourself off some other dude's crotch? YEAH!!!!

 

I gave her all the time in the world, and continue to do so. It has been 2 months. The first few weeks was INC on my end, and only responded very casually. Once I had some time to myself to get MY head on straight and realize what this was, I got sick of the breadcrumbs and went complete NC for 5 weeks now. I've ignored her breadcrumbs, and she has stopped sending them now. And I'm moving on. The last few weeks I'm back to my "old self". I'm dating. That hasn't gone great, but I am interested in someone at work, which is going very, very well, and I've got a date set up this week with a hot Science teacher.

 

What I'm saying here is MOVE ON and live your life. She only wants you around to ease her out of the break up, and as an emotional tampon to get the "boyfriend shoulder" to cry on, while you get nothing emotionally fulfilling in return. She calls you up crying?!!!! Tough Chit! It was HER CHOICE to end it! Now she needs to deal with it, without YOUR help. She's using you....USING YOU as a crutch. Until she finds the next guy. She's not calling you up, crying and asking you to be friends because it's easier on you! She's doing it because it's easier on HER. She DOES NOT WANT YOU for a relationship. She wants you for a crutch.

 

I guarantee that once she finds some new guy's lap to jump on, your so called "friendship" with her will go by the wayside so quick it will make your head spin just as fast as the break up did.

 

You're being used. STOP allowing it for christ's sake! Move on and find someone who believes you're the guy.

 

In my situation, I do intend to have a friendship with this woman someday...possibly. We just got along too damn well, and enjoyed too many of the same activities together. When I can do that and it no longer frustrates me, and her actions while we were together no longer anger me, I will make the move towards doing so. Not a moment sooner. By my guestimate, that means I'll be contacting her in not less than 3 to 6 months from now to start laying the groundwork for that.

 

Until then, tell her to get bent and go cry on someone elses shoulder. She wants a friend? Tell her to buy a freakin' dog. Those tears she's crying are crocodile tears my friend. Stop torturing yourself. TRUST ME, go NC for the next month, accept that she's NEVER coming back to you in "that way", and you will see things MUCH clearer.

 

I see.. it sounds like we're going thru some similar stuff... I told her we could no longer be friends because it was hurting me seeing her date. And she said fine im sick of this **** anyway...

 

So thats that. I will now try my best to totally ignore her. I go to school with her too and will see her tmr. I guess i will walk past her and try my best not to make eye contact... its hard but i can do it. so is this NC? im going to focus on me now... im tired of being stuck on her to be honest. Im ready for new girl already... Love sucks!!!

 

oh and i also still have her on fb... which doesnt hurt me. but i dont have an exact reason to erase her off fb... so ill see where that goes. but if i ever come across anything hurtful i will immediately erase her...

[loverboy1984]

3 months is the honeymoon period. Dont feel too bad. Mine was 6yrs and Ive been in NC for 1 month so far and already feel better.

[danrs]

oh and i also still have her on fb... which doesnt hurt me. but i dont have an exact reason to erase her off fb... so ill see where that goes. but if i ever come across anything hurtful i will immediately erase her...

 

But it does hurt you. It will slow down your healing process. You'll be looking at her postings, trying to decipher them, and getting ticked off when she references another guy.

 

Maybe you don't want to delete her because it will feel "final" and possibly make her upset. That is exactly the reason you NEED to delete her off facebook! You both need to feel the finality of this in order for you to move on. She needs to see the finality of it and the consequences of her decision. She may act ticked (and may even be ticked) you deleted her. Good! Or she may feel relief you are really moving on. Either way, it is better than her thinking you're not moving on, and waiting for you with apprehension to contact her again.

 

NC means NC in all areas....even viewing facebook pages or "Google stalking" her. It is tough, but when you can resist the urge to facebook stalk them, google them, etc., it is a huge step towards really moving on and getting your head straight. I'm telling you, it is incredibly liberating when you can do it.

[shawn923]

But it does hurt you. It will slow down your healing process. You'll be looking at her postings, trying to decipher them, and getting ticked off when she references another guy.

 

Maybe you don't want to delete her because it will feel "final" and possibly make her upset. That is exactly the reason you NEED to delete her off facebook! You both need to feel the finality of this in order for you to move on. She needs to see the finality of it and the consequences of her decision. She may act ticked (and may even be ticked) you deleted her. Good! Or she may feel relief you are really moving on. Either way, it is better than her thinking you're not moving on, and waiting for you with apprehension to contact her again.

 

NC means NC in all areas....even viewing facebook pages or "Google stalking" her. It is tough, but when you can resist the urge to facebook stalk them, google them, etc., it is a huge step towards really moving on and getting your head straight. I'm telling you, it is incredibly liberating when you can do it.

 

Very well said...

I saw her today at school and she was flirting with some random guy, who doesnt seem like her type at all. She did it because she knew i was at lunch during that time... I paid it no mind and left when i was finished. Inside i was mad as fawk... WHY play a little high school game like that? I mean she is 20 but damn... anyways,im In class and i was getting ready to delete her off facebook because of this.

 

You said it best... If she loves me, nothing can stop her from going thru everything i went thru to get her. If i was willing to look foolish, lose my pride, cry and beg to be with this woman i "loved", then she can show the same thing if she "loves" me. NC IS IN EFFECT!

[shawn923]

I just erased her off facebook late last night... And its hard as fawk not looking at her page. I saw her today at school unexpectedly. She doesn't have class, but knows I do. Anyway she walk past me while on campus and I made eye contact because I didn't know she was coming and it was sudden. My heart dropped right away, and we had a good 3 full secs of eye contact. I just quickly put my head down, and focused back to my laptop. She walked past me with her best friend. She walked past again but this time I saw her coming and I didn't even look up off my laptop. So u guys can see how hard this is to try to avoid her without looking like a little kid that's running from her.

 

So... Am I handling this right? How am I suppose to handle myself while at school, where seeing her is random? I don't wanna have to walk around and take longer routes just because she's there. And also I'm not even sure if putting my head down without even saying hi was the right thing to do... But at this point maybe it doesn't matter. Is this the way NC is done? Any help would be greatly appreciated thanks........

[shawn923]

anything??

[Fufu]

I just erased her off facebook late last night... And its hard as fawk not looking at her page

 

If deleting her is not enough, block her. When I deleted my ex from my facebook, i still find myself typing his name and look at his profile, so I blocked him. When I typed his name, I couldn't see his profile and day by day, I don't find the need to look at his page anymore.

 

=========================================================

 

 

I think it's fine not saying hi. Saying HI is breaking NC because it's initiating contact. You don't have to avoid her intentionally just walk the path you usually walk and in time to come, you will feel comfortable again. Don't worry too much and take things too hard on yourself.

[Rosa Tamora]

Shawn:

Good for you! It takes alot of courage and willpower to do that, let me tell you! I did the same with my ex yesterday, because I kept going back to see his page. And what for? Why do we torture ourselves like that.

There is more to life than this. Things will be easier for you soon enough. Out of sight, and eventually out of mind!

 

Cheers!