anwa Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I dated this guy from Feb to end of November of last year. We have remained friends and talk every day. I'm 33, he's 31. He met a girl in August and didn't tell me about it until mid September. It was a passing comment because he got a phone call from her and I asked who called and what it was about (he acted kind of funny when he practically ran out the door to talk to this person). He told me it was a friend of his who recently broke up with her boyfriend and she keeps calling him for advice. I said "oh, that's weird" and things of that nature. I had never heard him mention her... but I brushed it aside as he made a new friend. During this time we stopped having sex. He barely kissed me and I had to always ask for a hug/kiss. RED FLAG! So I asked him about it.. he said he has been sick (which he was) and "couldn't get it up" anymore so he gave up. I wondered if it had anything to do with me and he said no that it was his problem. As time progressed, we didn't get to see each other as much as we used to (when things were fine, before late August/early September) and things became strange sometimes. For instance, he'd tell me he was going to come over but by the time 6pm came around and I didn't hear from him I called him up and he said he was really tired and not feeling well and he was just going to stay home and sleep. I'd say okay.... Then a couple days later or something I'd find out in conversation that he went to a movie or he hung out with (guess who) and the only time it could have been for him to have done that was the night he told me he was staying home for being too sick/sleepy. So... suspicions...but let them "go". Finally we were down to only seeing each other for once a week (usually Sunday) for a few hours and talking on the phone. We live 8 minutes away by car from each other. His excuse was that he was too sick, too tired, and needed to be home to help his mom. Basically, he was housebound and it wasn't going to change, basically ever. So, I got tired of this **** and broke up with him. I didn't want to do it but couldn't see how a relationship would work at that point. I needed more. But we agreed to remain friends and did... remember.. he couldn't have sex and didn't even think about being physical with anyone according to him. The next time I saw him which was about 2 weeks later he had two hickeys on his neck and outright told me he messed around with two chicks and it "just seemed right at the time". He didn't remember their names. I was hurt but.. we were broken up. But it makes me wonder why he all of a sudden can have a libido again. Before he told me who he got the hickeys from I asked if it was (guess who) and he said "No not at all we are just friends." He continued to maintain that statement with me and that he goes out to the bars and falls into a situation where he's making out with some "chick". That he's "seeing" a couple of girls but they mean nothing to him, etc. That he keeps having to tell people that he's in no shape at all to have a relationship with anyone (very true). No mention of (guess who) being involved in this charade. Then last week I find out he has a facebook account and while on the phone with him I accept his friend request. I immediately find on his profile "In a relationship with (guess who)". It was a bombshell and I asked him about it. He acted completely dumb and ended up having me believe she was literally delusional and has no idea what she's talking about. Yet he refused to remove that bit of information from his site. He also doesn't understand the importance of putting information on facebook. He played it off as a joke. She has 425 friends. She doesn't take facebook as a joke. Anyway... after 5 days of arguing about this bit of information he FINALLY says "Okay, yes, some people would say we are a couple." Oh, forgot to mention that on her (and his) facebook profile info page it says they have been in a relationship since August 8, 2010. Which means he cheated on me. Right? He completely denies that he was "physical" with her when we were together and doesn't understand why I think he's cheating and so upset because "we're broken up!" *sigh* I haven't talked to him since he finally confessed. Did he cheat on me? Even emotionally? Is it possible he doesn't even realize it? Help! I need to get over him. It's become a matter of life or death. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anwa Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 Forgot to mention he has a history of overlapping relationships. He did something similar in his previous 2 relationships... Link to post Share on other sites
DollyGirl12 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Wow, he sounds so very familiar to my ex. Honestly, this guy comes off as a big fat creep. Smooth talking, sick all the time,lives with his mother?, doesn't know what you're talking about, acts stupid, "oh she's just a friend going through a hard time". What about this man still intrigues you as to why you would want to continue communication with him? My ex also had a history, as I found out at the end, of doing this kind of stuff to his previous ex's (he was a big fan of Craigslist personals and had a serious back injury). He has shown you who he is, this is who he is!!! I would let this guy go on his merry way and find someone else to play his games with. He's definitely not worth it!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Loquacious Miss L. Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 He's been lying to you the whole time in my opinion. And yes, I feel he was cheating on you emotionally if not physically. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Just wow..some people would say they were a couple..she is delusional..seriously what a p.o.s this guy is. Good riddance and what a total jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Hey anwa! I think that deep down you know, just like everyone else who's reading this that your ex' is a total piece of **** to say the least and doesn't deserve not only your tears but even the time u spend to think of him. Give your inner self some time, this truth that you know but have yet to believe in will eventually surface up and when it does you will look at this whole matter, bonk yourself in the head and laugh at how silly you were =) Link to post Share on other sites
Author anwa Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 Thanks guys. I agree with you now. I think I've given up on this dude. Haven't talked to him still. Why are guys such a-holes? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Let him go, dude's a jerk and he's not your "friend" because he's lying to you, constantly disrespected you and is still causing you stress. It's clear he cheated on you but you being the good person that you are decided to give him a shot despite the red flags, growing doubt and constant stream of BS excuses. No doubt if he runs into troubled times or when he breaks up with this girl, he'll be straight in to you, acting very nice. It's time to move on, we only have one life to live, wasting valuable seconds on a jerk is a criminal waste of life"time". Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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