How does anyone actually have the courage to get married anymore?

[Sugarkane]

I can't blame people for being commitmentphobic. If you've ever had a ex completely screw you over, you understand what I mean.

I mean everytime you fall in love with someone, they feel like "the one". People very rarely marry the first person they date anymore. Those people are in the minority. My last ex did a complete number on me. Did a 180 and dumped and insulted me by text. Cheated on me and then blamed me and verbally abused me. Didn't have the guts to do it face to face, of coarse. Thank god I didn't marry this coward, or even worse have children with him. I would've lost lots of money in legal fees alone.

[What_Next]

Bloody good question, one that I certainly don't have the answer to. I'll be interested to hear some answers from those who are married (happily...).

[Afishwithabike]

I married him because I couldn't imagine life not being married to him.

 

We dated for over five years so getting married didn't seem like a big step. I knew him well and vice versa. We're on our 11th year of marriage.

 

He was the only guy I dated that I could see myself being married to. I had always been the one to end my previous relationships. I never got that urge with him. Conversation was effortless with him and still is. I didn't want to get married until I met my husband. The decision wasn't about "if we'll get married," it was just a matter of deciding "when we'll get married." We waited until we were both done with our formal education and had jobs.

 

Marriage is not all rainbows, unicorns and flowers. We have had our differences, but I knew we would always figure them out together. At the end of the day, you need a strong platonic friendship with your spouse as the base of your marriage. At some point, the hormone rush fades and your heart isn't going to thump wildly when you see the other person, and if you don't like the person you're with and if you can't enjoy their company without doing anything else, you will have marital problems.

 

People get married for all sorts of other reasons. Shotgun, tired of being alone, convenience, etc. My mother-in-law married my father-in-law to escape from her family and her controlling father. My father-in-law saw a very pretty young woman who was interested in him and so he married her. Their marriage lasted less than four years. They were so wrong for each other. If they had dated for a longer period of time, they both would have realized it.

 

I have a good friend who married a guy she knew for about a month. She's an attorney. He's a professional surfer. They had wildly different aspirations and backgrounds. Their marriage lasted less than five years too.